april's affirmations

the blessings that come when life is poopy

2012-02-15T22:13:00.000-07:00

The car we bought to replace the one I wrecked broke down a week after we bought it.

Being without a car for awhile, Chay was lucky enough to find a man to carpool with to work. Chay mentioned to me that he feels that his car was supposed to break down so he could have certain conversations with this man he carpooled with. It made me smile to hear that, I just really hope these conversations he was having with Mr. Carpool man were worth $1500 and then some.

My vacuum broke and so did my camera. How do I live without a vacuum and a camera????

The Suburban decided to join in the fun and it broke down on a cold slushy morning. Thankfully the car broke down in walking distance of good neighbors. Of course 2 out of 3 children weren't wearing coats or shoes because I was in such a hurry to get out the door and get Kenzie to school. Worried about Kenzie missing school, I attempted to carry the 2 shoeless and coatless kids and walk to the closest neighbor (Maria, the kindest most loving person I know) and see if she could take Kenzie to school for me. En route to her house I lose my footing and all 4 of us plummet into a big slush puddle. Everyone is crying and wet. I show up to Maria's with wet pants while holding wet, messy, shoeless, coatless and hungry children. I was ready to cry at any moment.

Of course angel Maria came to the rescue again.

The next day I was driving home from Kenzie's school after picking her up and right when I was feeling a little overwhelmed at how much the suburban cost to be fixed the day before, the car starts to jerk and clank...I barely make it to the Pep Boys parking lot. Pep Boys told me the car wouldn't be done for another 5-6 hours. So we decided to walk home.

Tender mercy: My kids were excited to walk home & the sun decided to shine for the hour it took us to get home. Of course when we were almost home, behind me pulls up Maria. She looking for me and hoping to drive us home from Pep Boys. It was then I realized my house key was on the key ring that was left at Pep Boys. Lovely. My words to Maria, "Do you know that I hate needing people like this? It is so hard for me to be in such a bind and to depend on everyone just to make it through a simple day."

She just smiled and said, "I know how it is, we've been there before...anything I can do to help."

Did you know her middle name is Mi Amor? Duh. It is only obvious. Maria Mi Amor. She is a red head by the way.

Cynthia. She lives across the street. She is another angel I have to mention. She is obsessed with the color pink. I knock on her door at least once a day asking for help on something. Watches and entertains the girls for me, lends me almond extract all the time, picks up Kenzie from school when I'm stuck with a broken car, let's us borrow every movie she owns. What an answer to prayer her little family moved in across the street from us. My girls LOVE you Cynthia.

The day after we broke down at PepBoys, I decided to cash a check and drop junk off at the D.I (goodwill). My Suburban suddenly won't start at the bank drive-thru. I almost swore and screamed nasty things at the world but I just turned up my radio really loud. The kids eyes were huge- they knew Mom was UPSET. I got out of the car and pushed that huge beast out of the drive-thru. It started to rain hard- yes, just like the movies. I sat in my car listening to Rhianna's "Found Love in a Hopeless Place" really loud in the pouring rain and cried like a baby until Chaylove arrived to save us all.

Yesterday on Valentines Day our Suburban broke down again- first it was the fuel pump, then the distributor cap, 4 flat tires, and yesterday it was the steering pump. We had a babysitter lined up for V-day but Chay came home to screaming sick kids and a car that barely drove. We went to the doctors instead of going out- Ju Ju and Xander both had double ear infections? What in the heck??? Chay stayed up until 3 am trying to fix the suburban so I can take Kenzie to school the next day. I stayed up until 3 am holding a screaming toddler. Chay comes into the house at 3 am and tells me to go to sleep. He figures out real quick that Xander's pain isn't as bad if he sits up to sleep. Chay holds Xander in the chair until 6:30 this morning. On my way to the bedroom to sleep, I notice on the kitchen table 3 beautiful white Callas flowers in a homemade Arrowhead water bottle vase, 2 mini sparkling cider bottles, and a box of chocolates. What is Chay smoking? Him letting me sleep for 3 hours and sacrificing his whole night for me and the family- and the Valentines Day gift??? Wow. He really taught me a lot about LOVE last night. He really is quite amazing. Chay has this HUGE heart thing going on. Lucky me to have him..

(for the record, we are a normal couple with normal problems and I hope no illusion was created by sharing this story about Chay- because I swear the blog world really can do that sometimes, for history's sake I really wanted to share it- and as sweet as it may sound, Chay's words pretty much sum up the night "this has got to be the worst Valentines Day of my life"...and that it was.)

anyway so TRIALS. Not fun. But Thank you Heavenly Father for this opportunity because I have learned so much...still learning...I am not doing well right now in so many areas of my life... but I am learning incredibly fast in a humbling way that much of what I think is important, really isn't...most especially in God's eyes.

I have also learned what true service is- because of our out-of-control life we have been reminded of the gift of true friendship. So many friends and neighbors have offered to help in someway... and now I ask myself when I go to sleep at night and while my mind is wrapped around how life can totally blow at times..."How can I be more of service? Is this why I am going through all this?" So interesting how trials can create better friendships, more reflection of God's plan, purpose of life, what is truly important, faith-

but trials still suck and I anxiously await for this weird season of life to pass.

Bright side: My dear friend Emily had a baby boy!!! AND Chay FINISHED HIS MBA this month!!!!! (more on that later)

sugar, budgeting, meal planning, organizing

2012-01-18T00:55:00.002-07:00

Today I had a pile of things to put away. My arms were full of random stuff and....guess what? I knew exactly where to put every single thing I was carrying. This has NEVER happened to me before. oh it's a New Year miracle.

Another gift to the Savior this year: get it together April. Get rid of it. Get with it. Get on it. Get organized. The last 2 weeks I have been slowly going through all of my stuff and de-junking and finding a place for everything else left.

Wow things really function better when everything has a place. who knew?

It's a fascination of mine to be organized- I have never been able to figure it out- but that can't be my lame excuse.

LAME.

I hate it when people already make up their minds about themselves. "Oh, I'm not a runner" "I can't cook" or "I can't stand on my head".

what a way to rob an opportunity- just say "yes" ( I love that song by Snow Patrol)

I am not giving up...and to those of who have seen my house, know I always have a pile of something... somewhere- NO MORE PILES.

Another resolution this year: Budget and meal planning.

oh this picture makes me laugh...love the satire. Do you ever feel like this sometimes??? AHHHHH

One thing I learned this month: Just because I don't like to do it, doesn't mean I shouldn't.

It is more important that I budget so we can get out of debt quicker and teach my kids about money than to choose not to do it. Even though I'm not the best at it and it kind of gets me in a bad mood sometimes, I will do it. It's that important. Even though I am not a huge fan of cooking dinner every night, it is more important that my children help me and learn to cook in the kitchen and that we gather around the table as a family. So yes, even though I feel strongly that some homemaker duties drive me insane at times, I do them anyway. For the greater good...for my family. But "be patient" oh family of mine- remember your Mom is trying her best and she will lose her cool from time to time, alright?

The so-far outcome? AMAZING.

I have disciplined myself to make a meal plan to last a whole pay period. We have a new rule: NO EATING OUT!!! We have saved a lot of money. I use my food storage more and we are eating very well! Extremely well. The only downside is how messy my kitchen gets now...oh how I hate doing the dishes.

Budgeting: Right now in my life I have the little goal to NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE on crazy impulses. I live in a perfect little area...quiet and residential yet 5 minutes away is Costco and a huge thrift store...oh and TJ Maxx and Ross. Oh dear me. I am interesting- to where I will literally talk myself into getting something I don't need. My mind will flirt with the idea of how I need something right away at that very moment and then I will get in the car and go shopping for that one thing I really don't need. Then I end up buying things I don't need. Sound familiar anyone? Plus, my house is usually overwhelming to me so escaping and leaving the house is usually fun and a breath of fresh air....

Well, I am starting to like my house... since I've been organizing and it's funny- with a house of order and peace, I feel less inclined to leave the house and get something I really don't need. (because I probably found 5 of that one thing when I started cleaning and organizing :)

look what I just designed. I am so proud of myself. Hmmm. I should put this in my KITCHEN.

Sugar:

Have you ever had the chocolate dipped roasted almond ice cream bars at Costco? I had one tonight.

That's alright. I'm still special.

The goal was to just keep trying and not get discouraged and go crazy wild with poop food.

Back on tomorrow. I decided to be gentle with myself and have one serving of dinner each night chucked with huge vegetables on the side- but to continue to eat alkalined throughout the day until dinner.

I have a hard time slaving over a meal and not being able to eat it. Someday I may get that strength...someday.

I am truly blessed. I am surrounded by the good life.

temple

2012-01-06T00:59:00.003-07:00

The sugar thing is going just as planned. I feel alive. Still have a headache but I feel clear in the head and I like to play with my kids again...a huge indicator the yucky stuff is leaving my system.

The weather has been like May around here. What the heck??? BEAUTIFUL. Thank you Thank you Thank you!!! I will take this sunshine on any WINTER day. Riding bikes and going to the park in January?? Um, yes. Lovely in every way. I love SUN.

I love Chay too.

The Temple. I also love the Temple. I can't explain it. I walk in the doors and I feel instantly at peace. Heaven and earth are joined together and it is truly an escape from the world. I can not deny the blessings that come from doing temple work and...everything makes sense in the temple.- oh and those sweet old men and lady workers who greet you at the door? LOVE THEM. They are half the reason why I want to go.

Another one of my Gifts to the Savior this year: Attend the temple monthly! Sounds so easy but it's actually not. We seem to have a really hard time finding time to go. We always came up with excuses for not having babysitters or being too busy doing other non-important things.

Yesterday I set up a plan. Figured out a way to share babysitting with other couples who want to go...and just like that- it's on the calendar. Now why that took me 5 years to figure out don't ask me-

I've decided that nothing will get in the way of this monthly goal. NOTHING. Well, ok, maybe some things... like a child losing a leg the day we're supposed to go, that would be a somewhat acceptable excuse I suppose :)

Ju Ju wearing the Clark wig.

Day 3

2012-01-03T19:43:00.002-07:00

Much much better.

Went to bed around 7:30-8 last night. I was miserable.

Today I woke up with more energy and motivated.

I want to wear a shirt that says "I don't eat sugar so I can be a better mom."

Now that I am on the upswing (hopefully) I will start to concentrate on my other gifts to the Savior.

"I can do all things through Christ which strengthened me." Philippians 4:13

Isn't it interesting that God is all-giving...and when we try to serve Him he turns around and gives us strength to serve Him better. He fortifies our efforts to be more like Him. Amazing.

"And now, in the first place, he hath created you, and granted unto you your lives, for which ye are indebted unto him. And secondly, he doth require that you should do as he hath commanded you; for which if ye do, he doth immediately bless you; and therefore he hath paid you. And ye are still indebted unto him, and are, and will be, forever and ever." Mosiah 2:23.24

withdrawal

2012-01-02T14:38:00.001-07:00

Day 2: massive headache, nauseous, extreme fatigue, a little moody, achy, strong hunger even though I've been eating all day- this is called "Sugar Withdrawal". I crave bread and anything sweet. I think I will be kind to myself today and take an Ibuprofen.

upside: feel like yeast infection is clearing up already.

Focus on the positive...this should only last a couple days if that...

this is hard...really hard.

Celery, sprouted tortilla shells, almond butter, sunflower seeds, green drink, kale, onions, olive oil, sprouts

No dairy, meat, sugar, wheat (flour), white rice, fruit...on we go.

The road less traveled

2012-01-01T23:59:00.001-07:00

Saturday morning I could hardly get out of bed. Once I finally did every joint in my body was on fire. My eyes were swollen and I couldn't get my wedding ring on my finger. I was slow moving. I was experiencing my 5th yeast infection in the last 4 months. My head pounded. I knew I had to get out of bed and get on with the day. Luckily we were visiting Chay's mom's house and I could relax a little with being a Mom. I didn't get out of bed until 10:30. I could have slept another 4 hours easily.

About 2 months ago my joint pain returned with a vengeance. My left and right jugular veins have started to hurt and I can feel blood pumping through them. I have also had quite a few dizzy spells.

I do all I can to just ignore it. I think my veins might be closing up again??? I don't know. I still feel stronger and more energetic than I used to feel...and like always, I go forward with HOPE.

Funny thing, about 2 months ago before MS symptoms started sneaking back into my life, I wrote a big blog post titled "I'm a walking miracle". In this post I went off about how great I feel and how I feel "healed" from MS and feel like a whole new person. I am glad I didn't click "publish".

Well what do you know...

Day one: Today I ate broccoli, some almonds, red bell peppers, celery and my green drink and some supplements...and I have sworn off sugar. Sugar, man what a swear word. Get the "sugar" out of here.

As hard as it is and I'm sure I will fail at some point, but I will just try again...I have to take the road less traveled when it comes to what I put in my body and in the end, it will have made all the difference. :)

just listen April! Keep listening. Listen to what the Spirit has told you. Don't get upset if you fail but just keep trying April!!!

It is late, but just one day and I feel already optimistic about my health...and yes I still hurt, but it's all uphill from here on out and...that's a good thing. Nothing in life worth having comes easy.

But trust me, I do feel like this quite often:

**write tomorrow about other gifts to the Savior.

thoughts on New Year's Eve.

2011-12-31T23:32:00.000-07:00

2012 is in 2 hours. I am going to bed in 20 minutes. New Year resolutions rarely have a positive start when I'm up all hours of the night...and eating poop food.

The kids have been asleep since 7:30. They have no clue what they're missing. Someday they will. Someday they will or can stay up for the new year. But tonight they sleep like angels.

Chay, on the other hand, is at a New Year's Party. I told him to go. Chay loves people and people love Chay. I love Chay and people. Tonight however, I wanted to stay home and be with me.

I love being by myself right now.

New Year Resolutions kind of get a bad rap. People get discouraged far too often and find failing their goals to be inevitable. So now goals at New Year's seem to be more the brunt of jokes than a time to admire what a person longs to achieve in their life.

What do I say to that? Who cares. Keep trying. Never give up. Set a freakin goal. Learn to set goals better, learn to meet them better. Just keep stretching yourself.

I have met a few people who have kept and accomplished their New Year Resolutions...and I feel like I am in the same room as a celebrity or something. "WOW, you really did it?"

I carry on the Christmas Tradition of my Mother. "The Gift to The Savior" Each family member reflects on their life and decides on one thing they can work on or improve on the following year that they can give to the Savior. They write down this goal on a piece of paper and it goes into a pretty wrapped box. The present stays on the piano all year. We then write the same goal in our journals. We open the gift the following Christmas and then talk about our gift to Christ that year.

To be honest, I sometimes forget what I wrote down the year before. Each year I learn more more about this tradition and its significance.

I don't want to forget what I wrote this year. I want to take the symbolic gift and make it literal. I don't want it to be just a tradition that we do on Christmas Eve. I want to make it apart of my every day. Not really sure how yet...but I'm going to try anyway. Writing it down on my blog has got to help a little anyway.

Although I have a million gajillion things to improve upon in my life...I have chosen 2-3 things that I have felt through the power of the Holy Ghost that I need to focus on and with that focus other parts of my life will come together as well. Ha Ha. Yeah right. But, you know, at least slightly improve we hope.

You see, personal revelation is apart of the higher law. Because it fortifies the PERSONAL relationship with God and seeking out what He wants April to do...and will make all the difference in this life journey. Listening to the promptings of the Holy Ghost will usually lead us down a tougher road and therefore strengthening our faith even more. The routine of going to church, reading scriptures, attending the temple, paying tithing, serving others and all that- has a bigger impact on me when I'm on a personal mission to follow the Lord's will. "if ye shall knock, ye shall find"

sometimes I feel like I'm kind of just floating around in life without a whole lot of knocking going on- just going through the motions...

He wants us to knock. He wants us to pray. Searching, trying, trying again, going through certain trials, obeying the commandments, setting spiritual goals, listening to the Spirit, seeking out His help- all ways we are knocking to find Christ.

Oh how often I forget. "Not my will but Thine"

Our Savior Jesus Christ, the ultimate example of doing what God the Father wanted before himself.

Isn't that really what the focus should be with our goals? His will? Makes me question my motivations now.

Ok, well this post did not go as planned or did it? I don't know.

I am going to bed.

*Talk more about my gifts to the Savior tomorrow. I will think about them more tomorrow at church.

being grateful in November

2011-11-27T22:18:00.001-07:00

I'm not kidding.

Starting November 1st our life was seriously um..."blessed"...for the entire month. I was all in the "gratitude" mood for Thanksgiving and all-- and then the real test began...and to be honest I wasn't always a 100% grateful like I wish I could have been...I've cried many tears... feeling pretty sorry for myself. But I decided to see the lemonade, silver lining, or whatever and do all I can to be grateful for this month...so here is my attempt:

I am thankful for the flat tire on the way to school. We walked home just Kenzie and I. Despite the fact of a flat tire, I got to spend some one on one time with Kenzie. We walked passed the Bishop's house and he said we could pick all the tomatoes we could hold. Chay was home that day sick but it still made the day run more smooth.

I am grateful I got a ticket for having the wrong plates on my car. I was dropping off Kenzie at school and I hurried out the door without my license and proof of insurance. The cop was considerate at least and only got me for the plates. Luckily we found the lost title that night and were able to finally get the car registered. Silly mistake.

I am thankful I backed up into a 2011 Hummer at Kenzie's school. I crunched the driver's door. The lady of the Hummer was one the nicest people I have ever met. She quickly apologized for being parked illegally. She gave me a hug and said "the next time we see each let's wave at each other, we are now friends." She taught me so much about love and forgiveness...and I was the one who smashed in her car???

I am grateful the library called me and told me a book I returned was "colored" on and that I now have to buy the book for $17.99! It happened to be the stupidest book ever. I am grateful Xander loves books and loves to color. (I had a hard time being grateful for this one)

I am grateful Xander puked and pooped all over his crib and face. Yes his face. At least I know his body fights hard to get rid of ickies. At least there wasn't diarrhea on the walls. I think I cried when I walked into his room to find the mess. I kind of just froze for a second.

I am grateful Kenzie puked into the toilet. Yes, I am really grateful for that. She was my number #1 puker! She insisted she sleep in the bathroom so she could be close to the toilet.

I am grateful Chay didn't actually die from an entire night of throwing up and diarrhea. He sounded absolutely horrible. Second time this month being sick.

I am grateful Chay lost his voice for 3 or so days. Wow what a difference whispering can make in a home. Disciplining with a whisper proves to be so much more effective :) It was hard to be grateful for his horrific cough. But we did happen to find the best cough drops ever. Fisherman's Friend extra strength cough drops.

I am grateful I lost a huge sale with Shelf Reliance. My heart kind of sunk at the time and it was just "one more thing" to deal with but I realized quickly that "life can blow" and I should just get on with living. There's a reason for everything I suppose.

I am grateful Julia puked all over our car. She could have puked somewhere worse like on my breakfast. She remembered the next car ride to grab a towel. I was so proud that her second round of puking went right into the towel. Way to go champ! I am so grateful my car smelled like throw up. It gave me a chance to disinfect the car and find lost toys under the seat.

I am grateful my nephew Taylor made it to State Championships in Boise. I really hoped he would make it just so I could go to his game and SUPPORT him...because I love him so so so much. We went to Boise and he won. It was the best game ever. I was starting to feel a little sick at the game but I told the sickies to "get lost" and they listened.

I am grateful the next day in Boise I totaled Chay's car because it taught me to be more careful. I rear ended my BROTHER of all people going sort of fast. I am grateful I hit Keith and not someone malicious. I am grateful I was wearing a seat belt. Joette wasn't. She got hurt. But I am grateful she wasn't hurt horribly. I am grateful for car seats. Xander was fine. I am grateful for airbags, for a calm brother, kind cops, Calie's hugs, and strangers who care for others.

I am grateful for my big hefty misdemeanor ticket. Um...let's see. This could be a hard one...well it could be worse- like negligent...

I am grateful for Chad and Marne (Chay's brother and wife) for teaching me how to be the most kind most comfortable most loving hosts in the world. It was home away from home.

I am grateful we had to rent a one way rental that cost an arm and a leg to get back home. The car ride was quiet and comfortable and had a great sound system. I found Solveig's "The Ultimate Break-up" CD she made for me after my heart was broken a long long time ago. It was so fun to listen to. It was a good way to shut out reality and completely ignore all our problems for 5 hours.

(I am kind of stretching this one) I am grateful we have to buy a new car now....hmmmm....ok no, this really sucks...weren't planning for this one at all. Ummmm. maybe there is a reason- that we will find out later in life...or something.

I am grateful my insurance premiums will go through the roof. I will now be the best driver in the world for the next 3-5 years.

I am grateful that we woke up to a dead battery and flat tire again on our Suburban. At least it happened at home and not somewhere far away.

I am grateful that Kenzie failed her eye exam at school. At least we can catch something early.

I am grateful that Chay is driving 100 miles a day to work and back in our Suburban until we find a new car for him. Grateful he is driving a safe car. Not grateful so much for how much it costs to drive that beast but at least we have an extra car to rely on during this whole fiasco.

I am grateful for kind friends who have been willing to take and pick up Kenzie from school until we find a car. I am surrounded by angels. I have the best friends near me. They would do anything for me and I them. I am so lucky.

My trials show me how blessed I truly am. Isn't that weird? I am so lucky to be going through them with a husband by my side. I am grateful that my trials make me appreciate service and charity towards others. I love how my trials teach me to work harder, be more responsible, to buck-up and to find a path of solutions. I love how my trials make me adore people more. I am also grateful to know that I will be able to help and address other people's needs who go through similar poopy things like we have gone through.

Wow. I can do hard things. With God, I can do hard things.

But um, hey December. Don't even think about it ok? Give me a break will ya?

anniversary dinner

2011-11-22T22:37:00.001-07:00

Tonight at the restaurant I began to tell Chay about my day. We were alone for once. The food was good.

I started to tell Chay about how I was helping Maria make pumpkin pies today and how she didn't have any ground cloves and that I was supposed to use pumpkin pie spice instead but the ginger and cinnamon were already added by mistake so I had to walk over to Cami's house and borrow some ground cloves...

and then I stopped in the middle of my story and looked at Chay...he was sort of just staring at me...kind of lost in my story but really trying to listen and I just started to laugh so hard...I was wheezing I was laughing so hard. I could hardly speak but I managed to get the words out in my uncontrollable laughter "I'm telling you the most boring story in the world and you're trying so hard to listen."

Chay started to laugh with me. He admitted my story was pretty lame.

We then ate some pie. He got Lemon, I got Coconut Cream. He let me have a bite of his, I forgot to share any of mine with him.

We then started to giggle about the man in the booth kitty-corner to us who was trying to clear his throat or politely hock up stuff. The man's efforts weren't successful. The embarrassing sounds were every 5-10 seconds. We were timing them.

I was then so excited to tell Chay that I read the other day on UrbanDictionary.com that the word "loogie" is actually slang for slang- originating from the slang saying "lung cookie" I knew that would make Chay laugh...and it did.

But then I started to get kind of grossed out.

We of course talked about the storm of trials that have come upon us this last month...and we sort of chuckled about our life.

I told Chay: "Faith precedes the miracle and Heavenly Father will help us get through this."

Chay told me: "I think the waitress just winked at me"

I told Chay: "She didn't wink at you, she has fake eyelashes and they're starting to droop"

We talked about pie, cars, and getting older. I jokingly talked about selling cheese balls for money.

We left the restaurant not saying much more. The car ride was mostly quiet until we got home.

Safe. Content. Peace. Comfortable. Interesting. Fun. Love. Commitment. Forever.

I love you Chay. Happy 8 years.

still so much good

2011-11-05T16:24:00.001-06:00

I get super anxious reading the headlines...so much crap going on everywhere. BUT THERE IS STILL SO MUCH GOOD everywhere as well...

oh my...LOVE THIS!!! This is just great. You have to watch the whole thing. Flash mob singing at its best. I started crying too when the guy proposed.

paint me please

2011-10-17T23:18:00.000-06:00

This cute little thing of a table was practically talking to me when I stumbled upon it at a yard sale. It said kindly, "Please take me home and paint me, please?"

The table was $10. All wood, heavy, and wobbly.

hmmmmm

I decided to respond, "ok, ok little table...I mean at one time you were pretty awesome with your cool circle design thingy on top, but time and probably children have really taken a toll on you. Your legs are a little wobbly and trust me, I know how it feels to want nice legs again...but then again, those casters are pretty hot...don't see those every day...alright, I'll take you home."

so with a little love...I tightened some screws, sanded, primed, sanded, primed, sanded again (especially the top) and then painted that little table with several light coats of bright white. Then funny enough, I distressed it. That table must have been so confused. "What on earth is she doing to me?" After a perfect paint job I then rough it up with sandpaper??? Oh the things we do sometimes.

Then my friend POLY came into the final scene. Several light coats of polyurethane with of course more sanding here and there...and finally the little table is happy and complete...

with nice legs and all.

I loved how this table turned out.

32 things of April

2011-10-15T00:33:00.002-06:00

Yesterday I turned 32. So, why not update the personal life history...let the posterity know a little more of what that great great great grandma April was all about anyway- mostly irrelevant facts about me but was sort of fun for me to write...

32 things of April

1. If I could live life over I would be a dancer. A Contemporary Dance Theatre dancer is probably the direction I would go because any type of music goes and FEELING is involved. Only Chay and my close friends know how much I love to dance. I go crazy with a good beat. But I can't live life over again so Kenzie, Ju-Ju, and I will just have to continue our mid-day kitchen dance parties for now.

2. I love to improve things. Anything- I like to take something and see how it could be better- this could be a gift or a vice.

3. Too much planning of anything stresses me out. Not a fan of being busy. I am the most happy when I'm surrounded by people I know and love in a place that I know and love. Sitting on a dock with my feet in the water and laughing and telling stories with a bunch of friends or family for a couple hours sounds 100 times better than some exotic trip to a foreign country.

4. I hate being misunderstood. I don't take certain criticism very well. You tell me to "work harder" I feel not good enough. You tell me "You are doing great" I accomplish more than I originally imagined and feel on top of the world.

5. I can't fake "having a good time" any longer than 30 minutes. Past that, I get a headache.

6. Mom never let me grow my hair out as a little girl. So basically I looked like a little boy. I was mistaken for a boy several times when I was little. I would come home every day and put a t-shirt on my head and pretend I had long beautiful hair. So childhood scars??? I think so, because I have no intention of EVER cutting my hair super short until it is gray, straggly, and falling out of my head.

7. I am passionate about health and proper nutrition. I have learned a lot about my body and the personal journey has been rewarding.

8. On that note, my favorite candy is Almond Joy and Louck's Sesame Snaps.

9. Best decision ever: GIVING UP COUPONING. I ended up spending money on things my family DOES NOT need. An occasional coupon for something necessary like soap, yes,....but I hated the time it took and how I could never catch on to a system without getting stressed out. Scratch. NO GUILT. FREEDOM!

10. I lied in an eye exam in the 6th grade so I could get glasses. That didn't work out too well. 32 years old and still 20/20. What a blessing.

11. I am so so so grateful I was raised in a home with a Mom who believed and taught me all about Jesus Christ. Who knows where I'd be without that knowledge in my life.

12. Least favorite Holiday: HALLOWEEN. I'm sure I just lost more than half of my friends. I still love you.

13. I love passionate people. They are by far the easiest to become best friends with. It's a breath of fresh air when I hear someone say "oh I just love...." Or "I am so happy because...." or "I just feel that..." or "man, that makes me so mad" or jumps up and down with excitement or belts out a big hearty laugh...love the passion- ok maybe not all the time 24/7 but you know what I mean.

14. scored 22 points in a HS basketball game and the coach still didn't set up the last play for me to score- she picked someone else with 30 seconds left in the game. She doubted me. The girl she picked missed the shot. We lost by one point. I would have won that game. I still have dreams about that game 12 years ago.

15. Super Pheromones. Every guy I have dated says I have a distinct smell-- a smell I guess that is irresistible. I was a wallflower at dances and didn't have guys falling at my feet, but once the few I dated got a whiff, they were hooked :)

16. I love color...but green will always be my favorite.

17. I think I have a lot of really good ideas.

18. I go into a deep depression before I start my period. I've noticed that diet helps a ton.

19. The books piled up by my bedside: Total Money Makeover, the Scriptures, The Parenting Breakthrough, Have A New Kid by Friday, pH miracle Food for Health, Teach Ye Diligently, Mere Christianity and Eliminate Chaos In Your Home. You can learn a lot about a person by the stacks of books on their nightstand. As you can see, I've got to improve in almost every area of my life :)

20. I have been without a cell phone for about a year and a half. I love it and hate it. I love it because I am present in my kids lives. The park, the store, driving to school-- my kids have all of me. I watched a huge eye opener experience at the park one day involving a little girl, a mother, and a cell phone and I vowed to stay off the phone as much as possible when I'm with my kids after seeing what I saw. But again, I miss having a phone terribly...we will see how long this lasts.

21. We do not have TV either. BLESSING! Our nights are not spent watching TV but spent doing other useless things :) No, we have found other things to do as a family and it has been wonderful not to feel glued to a favorite show- but again, there is always late night Hulu.

22. I always always wear a bra. I hate going bra-less. Even at night, I can't fall asleep until my girls are tucked in and protected :)

23. I love the elderly. They inspire me. Well the nice cute ones that is-

24. I have several songs I have composed on the piano and guitar but can never come up with any words...well some words but I can never finish a whole song. I have a silly wish to publish songs I have written. I love to sing. I really do. Just a weird part of my life that I don't know what to do with.

25. Late at night while trying to fall asleep I lay in bed and almost always think of my children.

26. I have about 5 unfinished children's books I have started to write...

27. Growing up I had a horse named Charlie, a lamb named Dr. Pepper, and another horse named Sharm. We had pigs, cows, and chickens also. I remember learning to change irrigation pipes at a very young age. Butcher day would scare me to death. I would hear the gunshot and I would run and hide in my bedroom. 1 hour later there was a 5 gallon bucket sitting next to the back door with a huge cow tongue and liver buried in ice. I would look out toward the barn and there was one of the heifers I had just fed the night before, hanging upside down and gutted.

28. I need 100% organization and function or I'm completely lost and I don't even know where to start. If I walk into the laundry room and it looks like a tornado went through there, I will walk out, shut the door, and try again another day.

29. I paint furniture. I have painted almost a dozen pieces so I can officially say "I paint furniture".

30. Chay says he sort of likes it when I get mad or excited because my eyes get huge.

31. Growing up I had a wild imagination. Mom said I was the easiest child because I could entertain myself for hours. I was a lost indian living off the land, I won the Olympics on my trampoline, I had 20 sisters and we all had to share a room, I was an Eskimo who was crossing the great Antarctica in my saucer sled--at least I had that team of dogs to help. I also crossed the ocean on my brother's waterbed. I remember the day I stopped pretending. I was 13. Yes, 13. I was home sick and Mom was gone. I pretended to be a nurse who was helping a wounded soldier during WW2...and suddenly I felt really really stupid and embarrassed and I started to laugh and I stopped. Just like that. Stopped. Never went back. Kind of sad I'd say...especially now that I have children.

32. and one of my favorite quotes by Elder James. E. Faust:

"Each of us needs to reach down into the innermost recesses of our souls to find the divinity that is deep within us and to earnestly petition the Lord for an endowment of special wisdom and inspiration. Only when we so profoundly reach the depths of our beings we can discover our true identity, our self worth, and our purpose in life...Only as we seek to be purged of selfishness and of concern for recognition and wealth can we find some sweet relief from anxieties, hurts, pains, miseries, and concerns of this world...God can not only help us find a sublime and everlasting joy and contentment, but he will change us so that we can become heirs of the kingdom of God. This is really the recovery of the sacred within us." April 1995

and well, there you go.

a boy

2011-10-12T18:23:00.001-06:00

Having a boy is an entirely new experience.
I Love it.
I think it's funny.
I hate going to the store now.

Xander's heightened sense of curiosity makes for "a bad mommy" scene at places that require children to stay still for long periods of time. He either screams his head off or he is knocking 20 bottles of ketchup off the shelf.

My girls would never leave my side no matter how mobile they had become.

I love the "warned about" energy that comes with the boy package...
But the messes in the house have escalated to a whole new level.

This boy is into EVERYTHING!

He is fascinated with large quantaties of small items hidden in secret places--like feminine products for instance. I'm still finding random tampons in the weirdest places all over the house...lovely.

However, Xander is by far my easiest baby when it comes to understanding his specific needs. He knows what he wants and does whatever it takes to get it--like his Daddy!...or is that a male specie generality? If so? Love it.

But I wouldn't be quick to say boys are less emotional than girls...not at this age anyway. That boy stereotype does NOT align well with Xander. He loves to express every emotion besides happiness with screaming and tears...and sometimes it drives me up the wall. But then he looks at me and my heart melts..."why are you so out-of-control adorable?"

As soon as he started to recognize other objects in the world besides my face and boobs, Xander was instantly drawn to cars, balls, trucks, guns and motorcycles. Really? I thought on some level that maybe all that boy stuff was a learned behavior. It IS NOT. He is already humming and shifting gears when he pushes his toy truck around the floor. Fascinating.

So what about in the olden days? Before cars and anything motorized? Did little boys make gun shot and horse whinny sounds? Cowboys and Indians? Well it sure isn't PC to play that anymore :)

Although Daddy might be really cool...

Mommy is the most sought after special thing in the world to Xander. It's like he can't get enough of me. I'm his number one girl--what can I say? I've had mommies with little boys inform me of this obsession...

and I'm more than willing to deal with it.
Love my boy.

spinach for the soul

2011-10-04T16:13:00.000-06:00

ok, some of you have read my blog for awhile and have heard me talk about or write about eating alkaline.

What is eating alkaline you might ask? I really don't want to explain it all. But there is a link at the bottom of this post if you're interested. But basically it's a really weird way of eating...especially in our American culture. You know, like eating kale and collard greens for breakfast. Really weird.

But what I do know is that eating this way works wonders on this precious body of mine. It is a theory that I feel is the correct way for me to eat. Whenever I eat this way I feel on top of the world. I have tons of energy, bounce in my step, clear mind, lose weight, and I'm less irritable. :)

Ok, so yesterday I decided to do something really weird. My b-day is in 9 days. 100% alkaline foods besides oily fish (neutral) and cut out all acidic foods until I am the lovely age of 32.

Can I do it??? Yes I can. Yesterday I woke up with this new crazy idea.

It will be my gift to myself. It will be hard.

Yesterday I was craving sugar and bread all day. I ate mostly almonds, cucumbers, peas, green beans, salmon (neutral), tomatoes, celery, almond butter. I even felt a little sick from changing my diet suddenly. I peed a lot from the green drink.

But this morning I woke up feeling great. I still want to eat those yummy granola bars in the pantry...but day 2 is almost gone. I even made homemade rolls and didn't eat one! I love the challenge. In about a week the cravings should be gone.

HERE is an awesome reference of what and what NOT to eat while following an alkaline regimen.

and HERE is a great explanation of what this whole shin dig crazy diet is all about.

spiritually fed

2011-10-03T21:42:00.001-06:00

This weekend I was spiritually fed. I was reminded of God's love for me and for my dear almost always sweet family. We watched General Conference as a family.

I feel peaceful. Calm. Comfort. Assurance. Loved. Safe.

We were directed to keep believing, keep trusting, and keep relying on God despite the trials, the heartaches, the evil in the world, and the loneliness that find us too often in this life journey.

The great feelings I felt during the conference were that of truth.

I belong to something great.
I know God will take care of His people.
The Savior LIVES. He is present in our lives.
God the Father lives.
Satan wants to destroy families
The heavens are not CLOSED.
God talks to man. Just like he talked to Moses, Noah, Samuel, Peter, Paul. He still calls prophets to lead and direct his people. Why wouldn't he in these last days before Christ's second coming? Why would he close the heavens and let us feign for ourselves? He never did in biblical times. He wouldn't today. He wouldn't. He doesn't.

This I know.

Mom always loved conference. She loved the choir. When the choir sang this song at conference I couldn't help but tear up knowing Mom would have teared up if she were still here and knowing Joette, 800 miles away, probably was tearing up at the same time. Families are FOREVER.

So besides the challenge of watching 8 hours of conference with a 5, 4, and 1 year old, we still did pretty awesome as a family. My girls could sense the importance of the weekend and they listened better than I thought. Xander? Thank goodness for NAP TIME.

I really like Mrs. Freeman

2011-09-26T18:52:00.004-06:00

just minding my own business and "BAAAAM!!!"

2011-09-16T08:26:00.009-06:00

I needed to watch this clip this morning...now I will be giggling all day thinking about this man. Enjoy:

He is describing a car wreck he was in that involved a telephone pole and some down electrical wire.

" Whether it is the best of times or the worst, He is with us."

2011-09-13T22:11:00.000-06:00

Our Prophet Thomas S. Monson wrote the following article in the Washington Post regarding 9-11. I love this simple article. May we remember God always and not only during the trials and tragedies of our lives.

Posted at 11:38 AM ET, 09/08/2011
9/11 destruction allowed us to spiritually rebuild
By Thomas S. Monson

The calamity of September 11th, 2001 has cast a long shadow. Ten years later, many of us are still haunted by its terrible tragedy of lost lives and broken hearts. It is an episode of anguish that has become a defining moment in the history of the American nation and the world. This week, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, along with Tom Brokaw, will pay its own homage to the unforgettable events of September 11, 2001.

There was, as many have noted, a remarkable surge of faith following the tragedy. People across the United States rediscovered the need for God and turned to Him for solace and understanding. Comfortable times were shattered. We felt the great unsteadiness of life and reached for the great steadiness of our Father in Heaven. And, as ever, we found it. Americans of all faiths came together in a remarkable way.

Sadly, it seems that much of that renewal of faith has waned in the years that have followed. Healing has come with time, but so has indifference. We forget how vulnerable and sorrowful we felt. Our sorrow moved us to remember the deep purposes of our lives. The darkness of our despair brought us a moment of enlightenment. But we are forgetful. When the depth of grief has passed, its lessons often pass from our minds and hearts as well.

Our Father’s commitment to us, His children, is unwavering. Indeed He softens the winters of our lives, but He also brightens our summers. Whether it is the best of times or the worst, He is with us. He has promised us that this will never change.

But we are less faithful than He is. By nature we are vain, frail, and foolish. We sometimes neglect God. Sometimes we fail to keep the commandments that He gives us to make us happy. Sometimes we fail to commune with Him in prayer. Sometimes we forget to succor the poor and the downtrodden who are also His children. And our forgetfulness is very much to our detriment.

If there is a spiritual lesson to be learned from our experience of that fateful day, it may be that we owe to God the same faithfulness that He gives to us. We should strive for steadiness, and for a commitment to God that does not ebb and flow with the years or the crises of our lives. It should not require tragedy for us to remember Him, and we should not be compelled to humility before giving Him our faith and trust. We too should be with Him in every season.

The way to be with God in every season is to strive to be near Him every week and each day. We truly “need Him every hour,” not just in hours of devastation. We must speak to Him, listen to Him, and serve Him. If we wish to serve Him, we should serve our fellow men. We will mourn the lives we lose, but we should also fix the lives that can be mended and heal the hearts that may yet be healed.

It is constancy that God would have from us. Tragedies are not merely opportunities to give Him a fleeting thought, or for momentary insight to His plan for our happiness. Destruction allows us to rebuild our lives in the way He teaches us, and to become something different than we were. We can make Him the center of our thoughts and His Son, Jesus Christ, the pattern for our behavior. We may not only find faith in God in our sorrow. We may also become faithful to Him in times of calm.

Thomas S. Monson is president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

"safeties"

2011-09-05T22:15:00.009-06:00

I kind of embarrassed myself...multiple times...in front of a bunch of people and it's seriously consuming my thoughts...nothing major- but I'm sure there are people in my life who had a late Sunday conversation where my name popped up "April's kind of weird isn't she?"

Yes, I am.

In embarrassing moments like these I find myself "again" praying that I will let go of replaying the silly moments in my head and just forget about it.

anyone relate?

Even though I am surrounded by people who are amazing and full of love...there are only a few that I feel 100% safe with.

You know those people, who no matter what, love you regardless. They hear you say something kind of weird and awkward and they just laugh because it was weird and awkward and not suddenly categorize me as a weird and awkward person forever.

Sometimes I will ramble on to Joette about the stupidest things...things that are seriously not that important but my sub conscience must need to fill space and time with verbal nothingness to give me a sense of security or something...example: I will talk to Joette about different types of wood...yes, wood and neither Joette and I really honestly care about the different types of wood but maybe I just want to feel smart for a second or something. Joette will just listen. She will just listen and yet love me the same...because pine is softer than oak...and even though that is weird, I can always feel safe with Joette.

I can call Emily and tell her how awkward I was that day and how I didn't feel like I was April that day. She will always shoot back some comforting words "Don't you just hate when that happens?" Yes, yes I do.

I always felt safe with Mom. Why are you dead Mom? I mean seriously. Talk about BAD TIMING. When all my friends are calling their mom's to ask them that daily question "How long do I bake the bread for?" "Did you cry for a week when you sent me off to Kindergarten?""How do you get hard water stains off the toilet?" "Did your periods get worse after each child?"....when everyone seems to be going to Mom for help....

I have Google. I went from having a Mother to relying on Google. PATHETIC.

The other day Kenzie and I were searching for her lost shoe. Logically she attempted to solve the problem: "I bet the computer knows where my shoe is" So we Googled, "Where is Kenzie's shoe?" No answer. I had to teach her a vital lesson. Google doesn't have all the answers. There isn't a little man living inside the computer who cares and knows about every little move we make. Although I think a lot of us like to pretend there is or at least act like there is.

So we prayed to Heavenly Father to help us find the lost shoe. 5 minutes later we felt impressed to lift up the couch. There it was...along with $3 in change. Double blessing.

I feel safe with Heavenly Father. I know He loves me regardless of my weird and awkward moments...and for my really bad moments as well. I didn't always feel that way. It wasn't until I started to understand the atonement of His Son, Jesus Christ that God's love was always available and never had to be earned. It was a liberating moment for me.

No matter what I do, I will always be hot and juicy to Chay. I could pick my nose and I'm still forever his girl. I am safe with Chay. Phew. Life would be a royal mess not feeling safe with him.

I have others "safeties" too. Close friends and even friends I have recently met that I just feel safe with. You know, the kind you can easily share the details of how you tried to cure a yeast infection with a garlic clove. (it works by the way)

Connection. I love connection. I can't wait to ask God or the angels about instant connection with certain people. Were we buddies in the life before earth? Or what?

And then the question arises "Do people feel safe with me?"

How can I be completely embarrassing one day and then turn around and judge someone else "they are so weird" or "they aren't very kind" or "they hoard money" or "she smells like cheese" Usually someone will have one cheese smelling moment and they smell like cheese forever. Judgments can be so cruel and they stick around for a long time it seems...probably because they turn into fun stories to tell others I suppose...and then the vicious cycle continues.

*side note: I just asked Julia if I smell like cheese...just so I can hear what funnies will come out of her mouth. She said, "nope, well yeah, but you smell more like Jesus than cheese." Oh how priceless she is... my little Ju Ju bean.

I pray she will always feel safe with her mommy.

Who do you feel safe with when life is bumpy?
You should tell them thank you.

big day

2011-08-17T08:17:00.012-06:00

holding back the tears and being the "strong one" I reasurred Kenzie that everything was going to be ok...

she held my hand so tight I thought I was going to lose the circulation in my hand- together we stood and watched the kids on the playground waiting for the bell to ring...

Kenzie's first day of kindergarten was 10 days ago...the longest 10 days of my life.

Once the kindergarten teacher had all the little ones line up by the door on the first day, I desperately asked the teacher, "Is this where we say goodbye or can we come inside?" Mrs. Bever just smiled and nodded and kindly suggested that we say goodbye at the door. I gave Kenzie the biggest hug and told her how excited I was for her. I told her happily "I will be right back...in a few hours" and I walked away...she seemed ok but me? Tears oh the tears. "is that why all the kindergarten mom's are wearing sunglasses? Where are my sunglasses dang it?"

I cried all the way home.

Oh the growing pains. So hard...so weird. Thank GOODNESS it's only 3 hours.

Julia was sort of lost all morning but together we prayed over breakfast and instantly bitter went to sweet as I realized how much I will get to know Julia better this school year...just me and her...along with all her questions. Love the questions. "why does Xander like to eat?" "Where in my belly are my pancakes?" "Can I eat my pancakes with a spoon?" "Does Jesus like syrup on his pancakes?"

(Thanks Kenzie for the great photo shoot!)

I will post later about why I chose traditional school over homeschooling. It has been a process, trust me. All I can say is that I know God is aware of me and my children and I know He answers prayers. God also knows I can be a complete basketcase at times...and through prayer He has ever so gently reminded me of this. I love homeschooling...but I think I love more the idea of it than actually doing it- day in and day out. I would go nuts.

oh and me crying on the first day of school and on the second and the third....I am who I am...and what else can I say? Although I know a lot of moms are right there with me...some others kind of made me feel like weak sauce...for being sad to send my kid off to school...well I am super emotional about my first baby going to school. I am the type of person that feels every emotion I guess. Every new experience is a big deal- and personally I have learned to love that part of me...I don't feel silly or embarrassed anymore. I actually feel quite alive.

When I picked up Kenzie from school on her first day (I was there 20 minutes early) I anxiously awaited for my big girl to come out the big doors. There she was all aglow. She smiled from ear to ear and screamed my name "MOMMY!!!!" I picked her up and she just said so proudly "I love it Mom, I love kindergarten, I really do" from her words I could sense her worries about school were going sayonara real fast.
When she got home she put her backpack away and gave out this huge sigh of relief and said,

"I feel really good inside, I need to help you do chores Mom." so funny to hear

Julia was so happy to have her best friend back.

Xander pooped like 5 times that day.

It was a big day for all of us.

say cheese

2011-07-18T14:46:00.010-06:00

Many of my blog readers are from the Spokane/Northern Idaho area...and don't even get me started on how jealous I am of you and where you reside ...oh how I long for HOME.

ok, so anyway this post is for YOU.

Lorena.

She is the greatest thing to ever happen to Bryon.

Bryon is my brother.

Lorena is my sister in law and is also a photographer. She is having a giveaway for all you Spokanites and Northern Idahoers. A free photo session! So click on the link below and read all about it.

Check out her work. AMAZING!

Click here and see how you can win!

Love you Lorena! I'm so so so happy you're apart of the family.

write it

2011-06-27T07:45:00.008-06:00

You know, the legacy of a person's life is told by the written words of others.

When I sit down to write in my journal...I usually don't take the time to write about how great I am. :)

and either did my Mom...in fact her journal entries barely reveal the dynamic person she was while here on earth. Mom sometimes used the journal to sort out feelings and to vent...I'm sure like some, when writing in her journal, she had like this therapeutic process thing going on...

Letters. Thank you Letters.

The legacy of Mom is carried on to the generations because the people in her life were touched by her in some way and decided to write her and tell her.

As I gather photos and memorabilia for Mom's book (this is taking forever to do by the way) I MOST treasure the dear sweet letters my mom received over the years from friends and family. These letters seriously capture the real EDK.

Examples:

Thank you Edie Kaye for all your hard work on the back drops for the road show.

Thank you for your lesson in church on Sunday. You are an amazing teacher.

Thank you for listening to me talk about my life. You are a good listener.

Thank you for making rolls for the funeral.

You are my best friend.

Thank you for teaching me how to make bread.

Thank you for always laughing.

I always know when you are in the room. I love your laugh.

You are so creative and always willing to serve.

You are the best seminary teacher.

Thank you for your testimony of the Savior.

You make me want to be a better person.

I feel like I can tell you anything.

You have been the best visiting teaching partner.

You are my example.

See what I mean??

Mom has hundreds of letters she has kept over the years from friends, family, students, youth- and they are a GOLD MINE, especially as I attempt to glorify and honor her by making a book of her life...

How are you helping to carry out the legacy of others?

If someone in your life does something that touches you in some way- tell them. Write it. Give it. Do it. That person will probably be some child's grandma or grandpa someday and your kind words of gratitude to that person may be one of the few evidences of that person's good life. You are writing and contributing to that person's life history.

I decided to write a letter to a certain person and tell him thank you for all his love and service. I was so deeply impressed to write this letter. The Spirit kept pushing me to do it all day. As I was writing it, I started to cry a little. Chay thought I was losing it again. I then explained that I knew Heavenly Father wanted me to write this letter for this person's family history. It was clear as day why I felt so impressed to write the letter. Later that week, this person called me and told me the letter went directly in his journal. Now his posterity may know a little bit more about what kind of man he was.

I think I will contribute to my Mom's life history right now: Mom told me after I had my bridal shower and reception to make sure not to rush the Thank You cards to those who gave gifts. She challenged me to think about each person that gave me gifts and write something meaningful to them- it took FOREVER but it was an awesome experience- besides to those people I didn't know at all...that sucked. But I felt so BLESSED to have so many wonderful friends- good friends.

So next time you write a Thank You card- make it count. For the generations that follow- for that much needed smile on someone's face when they read it- make it count.

One of my most favorite hymns- click to read the lyrics

Each Life That Touches Ours For Good

Daddy

2011-06-20T14:39:00.019-06:00

Dad, I'm thinking about you. Called you yesterday but no answer. I love you. As the years pass I become more and more amazed at how powerful of a man you are...especially in your simpleness and that BIG heart of yours.

Chay- The big Daddy in our house. I like it when you call me big papa

Chay is a great Daddy. He is an entirely different parent than me...and with much thought I have come to the conclusion that my children couldn't be more lucky. My kids will have a beautiful interesting life with a wide variety of love showed to them daily.

Here he is...in his own little world. I sneaked this picture...it really shows the real Chay. Sometimes I like to pretend I am meeting Chay for the first time...like the day I snapped this photo- oh yes, I would fall in love with him so fast...who wouldn't?

Chay- soft voice, loves the Lord, Mr. Fix-it, everyone's friend, breathtaking smile, has passion for his loves and hobbies, slightly sensitive, CRAVES the woman he loves, and wants the best for his children...Did I score or what?

ok so this post isn't about how much I love Chay...but how much we the family love him as the Daddy...

Chay is PRESENT. He is around, he cares, he likes to be involved. He is a family man.

He looks forward to being home...until he hears the girl's fighting or whining of course...but his girls are HIS GIRLS. So protective...so cautious about their well being.

Play.

Some facebook friend wrote some quote about how she was proud not to be her child's friend but to be her child's parent instead...and then all these other people "liked" her quote. So weird.

That is just weird.

Heavenly Father is the perfect parent and He is my friend. I am pretty sure He will allow and teach us how to be both to our children.

If at the end of the day the house is clean, dinner was made, and all the "to-do's" are all checked off (which is rare), I don't feel all that accomplished if I didn't take time to just play with the kids.

Chay plays with his children.

...warm afternoons with a bucket of sidewalk chalk.

building a feeder to their newly painted birdhouses...he put the girl's bird house experiment excitement to the next level.

I swear Chay owns more shirts than this green Brazil shirt

The lawn maze...see it in the background. The pathway to the Hidden treasure!

he worked on Mr. Snowman's hair for 10 minutes...

I might just be in trouble for posting these pictures. Cute hat Chay :) But seriously, Chay DOES not care what he looks like when it comes to play-

Thanks Chaylove for all you do for the family. Happy Father's Day.

320 sq. ft. home

2011-06-01T15:31:00.002-06:00

Could you do it???

Talk about simplifying your life...

beatboxing cellist?

2011-04-25T16:02:00.002-06:00

ok, this was pure entertainment- loved it. You have to watch the whole thing...

Joette, you will love this- a little inspiration for you to start playing the cello again. Maybe you could play the cello and beatbox to Eminem's "two trailer park girls go round the outside" when we go camping this summer.

inside joke.

How could anyone deny there is a God?

2011-04-20T11:31:00.007-06:00

Yesterday I was weeding the flowerbed...AGAIN. I was loving my almost-ready-to-bloom tulips. I thought to myself, "these tulips were created just for us to enjoy, to make the world beautiful, to welcome in Spring. I don't think they would taste good and you can't really use their petals to make clothing. They are for us to enjoy. Thank you Heavenly Father for tulips."

The scripture came to mind, "Consider the lilies how they grow: they toil not, they spin not; and yet I say unto you, that Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these." Luke 12:27

Then I remembered the words Chay said to me once when we were looking up at the stars one night, "How can anyone see this and deny there is a God?"

Chay and I met in Rexburg, Idaho.

A small-small-in-the-middle-of-nowhere town in Southern Idaho that so happens to have the best University in the world. I love BYU-Idaho! I treasure my experience and education from BYU-Idaho.

Anyway, so since most Mormon college students don't drink alcohol, they must be super creative in Rexburg and find ways to entertain themselves instead of being a lush for 4 years. Hence, a large percentage graduate from the university learning to play the guitar, taking the "Social Dance" class, become temporary spelunkers, loving the Sand Dunes and married.

While still dating, Chay and I went with another couple to the St. Anthony Sand Dunes to build a fire and roast marshmallows. My shoe also happened to catch fire that night.

But besides burning a hole in my favorite pair of shoes...

Since we were in the middle of nowhere the night's sky was breathtaking. Chay and I laid on the soft sand and looked up at stars, the millions of stars, everywhere- so bright. Then Chay said something that I will never forget.

"How could anyone see this and deny there is a God?"

Now, I know at the time he was trying to win me over...but...still...

it must have worked...and after 7 almost 8 years of marriage I love to look at the stars with Chay. Chay really loves the stars...not as much as motorcycles, but still, he loves a great night sky. So when I found this video, I couldn't wait to show him.

My thoughts when I watched it for the first time "How could anyone watch this and deny there is a God?"

This is real footage by the way. It's a time-lapse video with hours of footage sped up to display this gorgeous earth's movements. So AWESOME!...and I don't mind the piano music one bit.

The Mountain from Terje Sorgjerd on Vimeo.

homeschool preschool

2011-04-14T21:30:00.022-06:00

Kenzie is 5.

Here is her 5th birthday cake I frosted for her.

Yes, a pink princess cake.
Any 5 year old girl's dream cake, right?
Her words upon seeing it for the first time, "oh Mom, it's just perfect!"
I was suddenly not so worried the cake wasn't all flawless and fondant frilly. Children invite simpleness back to life...if we let them.

At least the cake tasted good, right? Oh blessed buttercream frosting, I promise to never replace you.

ok, Kenzie luckily "oh phew" luckily turned 5 in December- so I was the luckiest Mom in the world to be able to keep her home another year since she missed or made (however you look at it) the cut off date for Kindergarten...August 31st or whatever. She made the cut off in my book. She got to stay home one more year with me and most especially, she got to stay home with Julia.

So I know most mothers out there love the preschool thing...and I learned real fast its becoming the norm. Where have I been? I think preschool is exciting, cute, great and fun and whatever. But unless I change my mind down the road, preschool is at home- with me. Because that's the way we do it around these Clark parts.

Plus, who's to say being home with Mommy isn't as fun as preschool anyway? My Kenzie isn't missing out on ANYTHING if you want my opinion...not even on those darn "social skills"...

What, talking to Mom and sister all day doesn't cut it anymore for a 4 or 5 year old's social skills to develop?

So since preschool is suppose to prepare a child for Kindergarten...I have made it pretty challenging for Kenzie at home...

Maybe I'm being too demanding with my children's education. Here are some skills Kenzie has acquired since we started her on her extensive preschool regimen:

Placing carrot nose on face of a snowman...with precision. Art Skills

carefully inserting raisin in baby's mouth- eye-hand coordination

make believing with best friend for hours on end- creative thinking

licking sunbeams- who knew, right? The 5 senses

supervising Jasmine's treacherous climb up the cliffs of Shadow Mountain... with dental floss- recreational education

Mothering skills-

Resolving conflicts and communication skills with this Chica

Oh and let's see...what else are we learning at home for preschool

ABC's: "Girls, I need to pay the bills- go watch Leap Frog will ya?"

Fractions: Mom: "um...I can't seem to find my 1/2 cup measuring cup AGAIN...but guess what? 1/4 c. + 1/4 c. works too- so on we go to making cookies." (cooking & baking teaches children a lot of things)

Foreign Language: Dora the Explorer. Abra Abra la porta. and some gibberish in Portuguese from mommy and daddy

Social Studies "I pledge Allegiance to the Flag of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day America, to one republic, under God, Amen." I kid you not, came directly out of Kenzie's mouth. A little confused...but we're working on that. Laughed all day about that one.

Physical Education: The ever so often "Duck Duck Goose" and Ballet performances in the front room in hand-me-down tutus that are dreadfully too small...

Zoology Field Trip: watching the river flow and talking about fish and why people kayak

Botany: collecting dandelions and putting them in mommy's hair, planting snap peas together, weeding the flowerbed (my girls think weeding is fun- we'll see how long that lasts)

You see, little kids are happy in the moment. They don't know what they're missing until they know what they're missing. The magical thing about little kids is their life is lived in the NOW. So reading a book together or making jello, or folding laundry- it doesn't matter, because it's fun and the child isn't dwelling on the fact "oh I wish I was singing the ABC's at some preschool right now." They just like life... for the most part. I learned real quick that it wasn't necessary for me to put the girls in dance class yet when I knew they were having just as much fun dancing around in the living room, in the backyard, at the park...for free!

They are still so young...what's the rush April?

The girls are learning what they're supposed to be learning, right? How to be a kid!

Now the usual preschool stuff like numbers, counting, seasons, shapes, ABC's, writing, reading...we do that fun stuff too obviously. But most of that kind of learning comes naturally from just living life and spending time together...

And I'm sure as the girls get older they will be more involved in extra thingys that require me to drive them around to places- but for now...for this little short time in their lives- they are hanging out with Mommy- ALL DAY LONG.

"Skip the drama Stay with mama" ~Thank you Mother Gothel (anyone else Tangled out?)

One of my favorite quotes from my IDOL forever: Marjorie Hinckley

"Find joy in your children. Don't overschedule them or yourself. You may not be able to take them on exotic vacations. It doesn't matter. When the day dawns bright and sunny, take an excursion to the canyon or the park. When it's cloudy and wet, read a book together or make something good to eat. Give them time to explore and learn about the feel of grass and the wiggliness of worms." -Marjorie Hinckley

See why she's my idol?

Oh to be more like Marjorie...

So, anyone else out there do "preschool" at home? Why?

a must read

2011-03-16T15:21:00.005-06:00

Acte Gratuit, is a blog about an American family living in Japan. I got teary eyed reading about their experiences...especially when the earth started to shake and she ran and pulled her baby out of the crib and ran to the stairwell...all too real for me. TEARS.

It is a powerful lesson about being prepared and what we can do to help those around us. Very touching. Read every post. HERE is the link to her blog.

Thank you to the Mothership for sharing this with me.

thank you

2011-03-13T21:37:00.002-06:00

ok, I am so blessed.

I am surrounded by the most beautiful people.

I treasure my dear friends.

Thank you for all the advice on Xander and his sleeping issues. I loved ALL of it. I love that as mothers we are trying the best we can.

Marne sent me the book "The Baby Whisperer" AMAZING! I just love that lady. I read most of the book in a couple hours. And I love that she writes "poppycock" whenever she disagrees with something. I felt really good inside when reading that book- I think she speaks truth when it comes to taking care of babies.

Well...for 3 nights now Xander is SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT!!!!!! My dear friend Cami told me to stop feeding Xander at night. Her words, "You can comfort them and reassure them all you want, but let them know 'the cafeteria is closed for the night". Great advice.

I let him cry for maybe 45 minutes one night and once he figured out he wasn't going to be fed, he fell asleep. He hasn't woken up since???? What on earth? Crazy how fast and quick that was.

I will tell you, the first couple nights of not feeding him, I woke up with a power boob wonder. (I only produce milk on one side) and holy smokes- ENGORGED. I ran into Xander's room at 7 am and practically demanded him to SUCK. Plus he was so happy to see me...and I him.

Breastfeeding- so weird, so great.

Ok, one hump in the road taken care of...now on to 50 other parts of my life that need improvement.

parenting advice please

2011-03-09T23:12:00.006-07:00

my last post was evidence that my Xander is purely adorable in every way...

except for night time. Night time...the part I fear most of the day. I think about those night time hours and I start to get anxious...because I know I won't sleep.

Xander initially falls asleep on his own...well he's awake when I put him down- with a binky.

We usually put him to sleep for the night around 8. His wonderfully exhausting night schedule causes me to roll out of bed at 11, 3, and 5 am. For the first 4 months he slept with us- I loved it. He is warm and cuddly and would just nurse whenever he wanted to. Although I loved it and respected that much needed 4th trimester of love and cuddles, it was time to put him in his own crib and time for Mom to sleep better.

Not happening.

And I just don't have the strength to do it anymore. I'm a walking zombie all day with a short fuse. Chay waits for me to return to the paper route but I just can't hack it when I've been up 2-3 times a night feeding a baby. I really want to sign up for a class at the health club at 6am. That isn't going to happen until Xander is sleeping through the night.

I made up my mind and decided tonight was the night Xander would learn to sleep through the night. He cried bursts of tears for an hour and half. I went in every 10 minutes and rubbed his head...didn't matter. His sheets were wet from tears.

I caved after an hour and half. My heart was broken. I was so excited to pick him up, nurse him and cuddle. But then started to cry myself because I knew the situation was never going to improve. What am I supposed to do? I am so torn. I want to do what is right...And I want to take care of myself too...

Are moms supposed to not sleep? I mean, is it all apart of what we signed up for? Is this just a time in life to lose sleep and to just buck up and serve our kiddos the best we can? My mom always reminded me of the scripture Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go" and kept insisting that I need to train my children how to sleep and nursing them all night is not "training" them how to sleep. I would always argue with her how it seems so wrong to just let a sweet-learning-to-trust baby cry it out. And then of course Mom would shoot right back "well you turned out alright and I let you cry" of course, they always use that one. Plus, did I really turn out alright? That can be debatable.

But I'm at a breaking point in my life where letting Xander cry might be the only thing I can do to stay sane. I need advice!!! Help!!! Encouragement. anything.

I'm tired. I've never been able to figure it out with any of my babies. Julia was my best sleeping baby and she still woke up at night until she was 15 months old.

advice? I know a ton of mothers read this blog. Please help me...I'm looking for an answer to prayer here.

How do you or how did you get your babies to sleep through the night??? I want opinions too. I love opinions...I like to know the "why's" to people's choices. Please share.

7 months almost 8

2011-03-04T10:59:00.002-07:00

let's try again

Can you see why I have reason to smile (most) of the day? I feel so dang lucky.

Hope you enjoy family- my family so far far away. We miss you.

Cordelia

2011-02-24T14:56:00.004-07:00

Cordelia Silva Alton Kimes.

Born December 22, 1846. She is my great great grandmother. She named her daughter Sadie Mae. Sadie Mae was my Dad's grandma. Dad would stop by her house after school and she would feed him homemade bread with homemade jam.

We went searching for Cordelia's grave...Joette, Emily, Chay and I.

In a small cemetery in a small town- in the trees, Spirit Lake, Idaho.

We looked and looked for her grave. We were on a mission to find her. When we arrived to the cemetery it had suddenly stopped raining and the sun was peaking through the clouds.

Joette wanted a picture of her grave for family records.

"I FOUND CORDELIA!!!!!" I screamed when I found her grave. And suddenly a burst of sunbeams came through the clouds and trees and landed right on her grave. "Oh my gosh, quick take a picture, Cordelia knows we're here!" We were laughing and also were astounded by the obvious sunbeams of her grave.

I do not believe in coincidences.

I can't wait to someday meet my ancestors. Those who have come before us and have carried on the legacy of my family. I feel they are so much apart of my life...cheering me on from the other side of the veil. I know there is life after death. We are all connected.

God's plan is perfect. He has carefully designed it so that we can always continue to learn to be like Him through serving others and strengthening family relationships. Our ancestors help us as we help them.

I LOVE THE TEMPLE!!!!! That is what the temple is all about: FAMILY

CCSVI jugular veins Multiple Sclerosis angioplasty angiogram

2011-02-23T13:15:00.004-07:00

CCSVI jugular veins Multiple sclerosis angioplasty angiogram CCSVI jugular veins Multiple sclerosis angioplasty angiogram CCSVI jugular veins Multiple sclerosis angioplasty angiogram CCSVI jugular veins Multiple sclerosis angioplasty angiogram

Ok so how's that for a little Search Engine Optimization???

I've had many phone calls and inquiries through the blog, email, and facebook about my angioplasty procedure that was done on my jugular veins in December to help alleviate some symptoms with Multiple Sclerosis. Wow that was a long sentence-

I'm also receiving a huge traffic load on the blog when I write about CCSVI and unblocking my veins...from people all over the world.

anyway so I thought maybe I should update and tell all how I'm feeling. This blog is not solely a MS recovery/healing blog. No way. I actually like to pretend that I don't even have MS...and there are so many more interesting things to talk about or worry about in my opinion...plus, I am blessed to not be completely debilitated by the disease.

But I do update and talk about MS every now and then. I also have a link on my sidebar titled "healing" that will direct you to all my posts about my health and MS.

I'm already bored.

Ok on December 21 I had an angiogram type procedure done on both of my jugular veins. According to a ultra sound to the neck, it was obvious that my veins were blocked and that my body had compensated the lack of blood flow by producing little capillaries that were somewhat efficient...I mean I'm alive and breathing right? But according to Dr. Lamboni, the founding expert on blocked jugular veins contributing to MS, blocked jugular veins explains the extra iron deposits in MS patients' brains and the hardening of the mylen sheath in brain cells.

ok so after the procedure was done I felt normal...that first week I really couldn't tell anything was different. I WAS not looking for a cure-all. I was just curious and thought I should just do all I can to improve my health. I didn't want to get overly excited. Well 2 weeks after the procedure I decided to hit the gym and see how I would perform. My left side, which gets super weak when I exercise, felt a little stronger than normal. After working out I didn't feel I would collapse like I usually do but actually felt those natural endorphins kicking in. I felt great. By the third day of working out, I felt my left side start to get weak again during the work out- but then it went away. It was kind of like when you first turn on the outside faucet in the spring after a long winter- you know, where the pressure is working its way through the pipes and water will randomly shoot out and air pockets will burst???? It felt sort of like that when exercising. My left side would go weak and then it would feel strong again. It was so exciting for me- almost emotional.

I started to run again! I even sprinted around the health club's track and I couldn't believe that I wasn't dizzy. The next morning, I was just sore...not horrifically sore and immensely painful like usual.

By the 2nd week, I also noticed that I could get up off the floor with ease and my joints weren't on fire! I wasn't nearly as stiff. I had an overall feeling of aliveness. Is that a word? I just felt a little more present. Subtle subtle but an obvious uplifting feeling of some kind. More energy...more strength...more of something...I just can't explain it.

Well it has now been 2 months since the procedure and I'm starting to wish the Dr. would have implanted a stent instead of just ballooning the vein, because I feel some of the symptoms are coming back. My dizzy spells, which are minor, are coming back and happen a lot through out the day. My joints are starting to get stiff again...just slightly. But I'm optimistic and I will just keep telling myself that I am strong, I am better...and just saying that alone seems to help.

I do have on the agenda to return to the Doctor who performed the procedure and have my veins looked at and see if they are actually blocked again or returning to their previous state.

Well that's about it for now.

I do feel better. I am also more hopeful. I just keep looking forward-

I hope this was hopeful and helpful to some. Questions??? ask away.

what a dream

2011-02-15T14:39:00.006-07:00

um I seriously can't stop looking at this nursery.

A dream nursery...for a girl of course.

oh my gosh! I can't even imagine. Look at those colors. Perfect.

But seriously we all know this nursery is for the Mom. We all know what makes a baby happy. Boobs and snuggles. and that's about it...for the first 6 months anyway.

regardless...I'm in love.

...the nursery was designed by this talented lady...http://laybabylay.com/

v day

2011-02-15T13:14:00.009-07:00

I think Valentine's day is fun.

I'm a new mommy. Still figuring out the holiday-celebrating-with-children-thing...I think there were improvements from last year. Kids really do make things come alive. Everything is so much more fun with a child around.

Kenzie's abstract art. This thing is going in a frame. Sorry the flash stole from the piece...but that is a popsicle stick, paint and heart sponge. I love it. Prodigy???

my $1 thrift store find

all you need is love

learned to blanket stitch out of boredom one day

and of course the best gift ever: a classic letter from Chay

and it must be shared with all

It reads:

I love you more than

a fat kid loves easy cheese.
Chuck Norris loves to round house kick to the face.
Homer Simpson loves Duff Beer.
A squeem can hug.
Trailer Trash loves monster truck racing or Destruction Derby.
A nasty hangover loves the toilet.
Gollum loves the ring. (my precious)
Kenzie and Ju Ju love Sleeping Beauty.
I love foot and back massages.
Ever.

You're the

pepper jack cheese to my $5 Spicy Italian sub
laughter to my cheesy jokes
butterflies to my tabletops
charm to my sideburns
milk to my oreos

Happy Valentine's Day April. I love you.

Chay

ok well...besides making cookies and eating too much almond butter cream frosting-yumminess- that's about it for our v day experience at our house...well I mean for what can be shared on a blog anyway :)

on top of the world

2011-02-10T16:30:00.005-07:00

oh I love this picture. I love this picture. That boy seriously likes that girl.

And the hand holding...it looks like a first "holding hands" to me...which is always a big deal. HUGE deal. The butterflies go crazy inside.

I remember the first time I held hands with Chay.

This painting is called "On Top of the World" painted in 1933 by Norman Rockwell of course. I found a big book of all his prints at a thrift store for $4.00!!! for reals.

It feels like Christmas...like I'm on top of the world! Time to get some frames I'd say. Does that mean I have to go to Ikea again?

how about this one? "Fortune Teller"

and this one? "After the Prom"

Norman I love you.

like 'em close

2011-02-06T00:12:00.005-07:00

It's late. But I can't seem to go upstairs. You see, my baby girls have moved into the basement. Tonight is the first night in their new bedroom...and I can barely stand it. They feel so far away. I keep telling myself over and over," they're only in the basement" oh my gosh, I love my 1850 sq foot home now. Anything bigger and my children sleeping in the basement would feel like they were in another state.

Can you see why I can't even fathom the thought of Kenzie going to Kindergarten this year? Oh my, why did I even bring it up? April!! oh great. Tears. Tears.

I told Julia and Kenzie if they still need that middle of the night snuggle, they BETTER come upstairs and get in bed with Daddy and I or they will be sent to time-out otherwise.

What can I say, I love to have my babies close.

6 months

2011-01-21T22:23:00.009-07:00

Xander at 6 months- oh please don't mind the poor lighting, crappy camera, un-skilled photographer, super grainy blur problems...

Xander is still so ADORABLE!

I'm so in love with my little boy.

photoshoot after church...

silhouette? That's a pretty word.

2011-01-18T12:57:00.004-07:00

ok, so I have NEVER EVER advertised a giveaway on this blog.

I kind of just don't want to do that, you know?

But today I am. Just for that extra silly entry. Because I really want this Cricut wannabe thingy. I think I would like it...Or maybe it would just sit in a corner in my basement and gather dust for years- still, regardless, I want to win it.

So the giveaway is found here: http://www.allthingsthrifty.com/2011/01/giveaway-silhouette-sd-machine.html I'm too lazy to link it- plus I don't want you to enter the giveaway because it lessens my chances- duh!

I never win at these blog giveaway things...but I have won things before...so maybe...

my green drink

2011-01-06T15:48:00.003-07:00

ok, most of you know I drink the "green drink"

It's official name is Supergreens.

I drink 1-4 of these a day.

I found the following video today on YouTube and it pretty much sums up how I feel about my green drink.

Supergreens is very international- I have the same supergreens water bottle as this happy man.

Please don't listen to the whole thing unless you are super bored. But the first 30 seconds or so is good enough to get the picture. All I can say to this man: "I agree, I completely agree"

weigh in wednesday and vein update

2011-01-05T09:44:00.006-07:00

We've been sort of "fluey" lately. So we've been doing a lot of this lately:

Well it's been about 15 days since I had the angioplasty done on my jugular veins. How do I feel? Well so far I can now do a back flip off my bed...so I'm definitely improving.

ok for reals: I feel generally good. subtle changes. My joints are not nearly as stiff as they were before...I feel a little stronger. I've been working out at the gym and I'm pretty sure my left side feels stronger too. I feel more confident about working out. Usually when I try to do any form of strenuous exercise I'm extremely sore for weeks afterwards. I'm not sore or stiff. Amazing. That part is amazing. Could I actually be athletic again? Like play a game of pick-up basketball without killing me over?

I don't know...but I'm hopeful.

I still 100% believe diet has a lot to do with ultimate health- even with my veins partially blocked, diet still helped tremendously. I know that eliminating dairy, wheat (not sprouted), and sugar have helped me feel more energy and feel ALIVE. I know, sounds funky and weird. What? No milk, no wheat? yes, that is right.

Chay knows when I'm eating and treating my body well...because I'm more fun to be around and I giggle. At night. A lot. In bed. Over stupid things.

ok weigh in wednesday- remember that???? Trust me I didn't forget.

Well today I weighed in at 165. So that is about 23 lbs so far since Xander was born- which is so weird because I can't really tell I've lost any weight. I still look in the mirror with an "oh dear" every time. But according to Chay I've always been perfect...I just think it's the bigger than normal boobs he's a fan of- like any man. But for the record, I'm still super fun to hug. I'm the 'go-to' for that perfect snuggle. Squishy and delightful.

So what am I doing to lose weight? I eat lots and lots of coconut toasted marshmallows. All day. Have you ever had those things??? so good.

ok seriously...Well Joette got me on the "www.myfitnesspal.com" kick and I love it.

I normally can't stand counting calories- and the whole point thing from Weight Watchers drives me up the wall. - but what is different about My Fitness pal is that I'm connected to family and friends who are trying to get in shape as well- it's like facebook but for weight loss and exercising. It helps me stay motivated- and it requires me to log in every day. It seems to be working I suppose. So there's my plug for www.myfitnesspal.com.

Now where's my leg warmers?

Christmas with the Clarks part 1

2010-12-30T20:59:00.018-07:00

yes, Xander's shirt says "my aunt rocks"

well the best part of Christmas was having Joette around, especially for the girls. Kenzie and Julia are still in denial that Joette has returned home. Kenzie cried for about 20 minutes on the car ride home from the airport.

"I didn't want Joette to leave. We need to sing more songs on the piano. I am so sad." She went on and on and on.

anyway, I will talk about all that great fun stuff in part 2.

Christmas was wonderful but a little stressful at first. Only because it was Dec 13th and we were still renovating the living room. We finally just stopped in our tracks and went and got our tree. I LOVE LOVE LOVE decorating the house for Christmas.- and I was so anxious to get done with the room- so before we could finish the top shelf of the board and batten and put the crown up- we just said, "happy holidays" and quit working on the room- but oh how much I love the room- even unfinished. I just LOVE IT. It finally feels like coming home when I walk through the front door.

Before:

After:

we still need to do touch-ups- tape and re-paint
get curtains- although the white sheets from Savers are actually kind of cute
crown moulding
top shelf part of board and batten
and finish decorating

but I love it already- once we are 100% complete I will post more about all the details and how to's of this big project- we ran into a few big messes along the way (of course)

the reindeer that was given to Mom by her first boyfriend

Emily's famous advent calendar which happens to also be the cause of many fights with the girls :)

Emily's nativity- Emily is the main supplier to the Christmas decor around here

'tis the season to be jolly

I just love this Santa

The mistletoe that would hit Chay's head every time he walked under it- let's just say it didn't put him in the kissing mood...

ok well that about wraps up Christmas with the Clarks part 1. "Wraps up" get it??? Ok I'm tired. Good night.

tree stand

2010-12-24T00:00:00.011-07:00

the tree stand

I found this tree stand at a thrift store. It had never been used and still had the original packaging- but it was obvious the tree stand was sold and manufactured probably 30+ years ago.

Don't you just love the detail?...however I wasn't a fan of the green puke color. I wondered, why so much detail if the tree stand will be covered by a tree skirt anyway?

where's my white spray paint???

I really liked how the tree stand turned out.
It sits on top of the tree skirt.

update

2010-12-21T21:27:00.004-07:00

'Tis the season to unblock veins fa la la la la la la la la

Well the venous angioplasty went ok I believe.

I'm fine by the way. I'm not bedridden or in immense pain. In fact my biggest trial right now is Xander.

Because of the procedure I have to pump and dump my milk for 48 hours. The sedatives used and the dye they insert into my veins isn't exactly the best for a baby.

It's breaking my heart. He just wants his mother's snuggle and all I have for him is smelly formula...in a bottle. Not fun. I have never done the bottle thing. Wow- how inconvenient.

Xander won't take a bottle for longer than 3 minutes- so I defrosted some frozen breast milk- He still isn't taking it very well. This is so sad.

For those who are curious and want to know how the day went:

I get to the hospital and go to the Radiology department. I then get undressed and put scrubs bottoms and a gown top on. I get hooked up to an IV with saline (to help my kidneys push through the dye they insert into veins) they asked if I was pregnant. NO. Then I asked Dr. Black a million questions.

Dr. Black was honest and smart. He doesn't think YET that CCSVI (narrowing of jugular veins) is the WHOLE causing problem to MS but could be a factor. He thinks it plays a significant role and when it comes down to it, no matter what, my veins are abnormal and should be fixed.

ok so then they sedate me and make me jolly. They inserted a catheter in my iliac vein which is down by your pelvis low waste area. And then he fished the catheter through my veins until he reached my brain- I'm not joking. I jumped a little and said, "are you inside my head?" He was. He then releases the dye into my veins and asks me to hold my breath and such so the dye can make its way through my veins- so he can see how blood is flowing through my veins.

He discovered that my right jugular vein was 60% blocked. He even said that my body had compensated with a new sort of vein- something he has never seen before. See? We are all unique in our own different ways.

He also discovered my left jugular was 50% blocked.

Ok when he was messing around in my head and ballooning open my veins I about lost it. Pretty painful- like an instant horrific earache and migraine headache. But within 5 minutes it was gone. I could hear this little metal clicking inside my head too. So weird. There was a lot of pressure. Just a weird-finger-nails-on-a-chalk-board-type-feeling. The nurses and doctor were surprised by my pain saying most patients don't feel too much discomfort. Well the pain all went away as soon as he was done ballooning.

He later told me that he might want to re-do my right side down the road...he said he unblocked most of it but not completely- he stretched the vein a lot and wanted to be careful.

Afterwards I was given the prescription of Lovenox and Plavix. I have to give myself blood thinner shots for only a week. We picked up the medicine at Costco and all I have to say is "thank goodness for Chay's health care insurance" We only had to pay less than 10% of what the original costs were. phew!

How do I feel? Drum roll please!!!!! The same. :) A little loopy from the sedation. My veins in my neck are a little sore (oh really?) and also where the catheter entered into my iliac vein is a little sore. I also have a little bit of a headache. I'll just have to wait.

I'm drinking the green drink like crazy so I can flush out the dye and sedatives- I just really want to nurse Xander. I'm sure it will be a long night tonight.

So I will update again soon. Probably not tomorrow. I just want to focus on Christmas.

Fa la la la la la la la la

my sexy veins part II

2010-12-20T11:48:00.005-07:00

Tomorrow is the day I go in to have my veins fixed.

I have had so many people ask me questions and I wish I could be more elaborate and explanatory...but really I am sort of full of questions myself.

All I know is that some interventional "I fix veins" Doctor told me that my blood is not draining properly in my right jugular vein from the results of an ultrasound and that he can perform a type of Angioplasty on my vein to improve blood flow. He was clear to let me know that this procedure is VERY NEW and is still being researched. He did not promise me amazing results from my MS although many MS patients have seen huge improvements in their condition...tricky. I hate it when Doctors are tricky. JUST HEAL ME DANG IT!!!

But honestly the Doctor was so incredibly nice and sincere. But at the same time I left the Dr.'s office feeling that I was involved in something very new. The Dr. did tell me there would be a trial in February of this year but nothing was set in stone as of yet. I would wait until February to be involved with the trial but it is unclear if the trial would be paid for and we have already met our deductible this year on health insurance so...AND I have a feeling that if I don't ACT now there could be a huge waiting list in the upcoming year. As of right now, there are only 2 Doctors in Utah that are performing the angioplasty on veins for MS. My Doctor told me there are 4 more Doctors in Utah being trained and certified who will start taking MS patients very soon. I do not know their names.

Dr. Hatch and Dr. Black are the team doctors that are working with me- I can't remember who will be doing the actual procedure tomorrow- one of them. They work together.

Dr. Hatch
Dr. Black
Phone# (801)701-5681

Utah Valley Interventional Associates
1055 North 300 West Ste 308
Provo, Utah 84604

For records: How is my health TODAY: December 20th

TIRED!!!Is it because I stayed up until 1 this morning sewing Christmas stockings and watching Inception? That movie is a TRIP.

Ok for reals, I am generally always always tired. Weak...low energy and such. Mornings are a major struggle. On certain days the stairs are a struggle. By nature I am very energetic so this has been devastating the last 6 years.

Pain: stiff- out of control stiffness. My joints are on FIRE when I first get up from sitting or sleeping. After walking around for a couple minutes I feel fine-I have headaches often too- ironically my headaches start where my jugular veins are supposedly blocked. Coincidence? Who knows.

Foggy brain. I have a hard time figuring out how to control thinking patterns- priorities get jumbled- like I forget what to do first- so sometimes I will find myself making breakfast in my bra. I kid you not. But it's not like I don't know that I am in my bra- I just sort of giggle and I am completely aware I just get jumbled- that doesn't happen very often...but it sort of scares me when it does. FORGETFUL. SHORT TERM IS HORRIBLE.

Other foggy brain symptoms are feeling the emotion without figuring out the problem. I will feel really sad, anxious, mad or worried about something and I will have to literally file through the vaults in my brain until I find the problem that is causing the emotion. Again, only once in a while. Don't worry, If I tell you, "I love you" I usually mean it :) Luckily the emotion of loving someone is one I haven't had to search for the reason in my head. Wow- I think the movie Inception is influencing my writing today. I feel like I could write a catchy novel about my brain problems.

Twitches flutters in my left side when I run or do any type of hard cardio. By the third day of trying to exercise I get all funky on my left side and I experience weird pain in my left arm and leg. At night my left leg will keep me awake and then I cry- feel sorry for myself- a normal routine. I just want to RUN for crying out loud.

Dizziness- no equilibrium- I couldn't walk for about 10 minutes after Space Mountain. But it was sure worth it.

um I haven't had any major exacerbations lately- but I've had a few where I have lost function of my left side out of acute weakness- and I have been super numb in crazy places- close friends know about those crazy places :)

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

here's hoping for some help! I will keep y'all updated!

five

2010-12-16T23:46:00.009-07:00

hold your breath April...it's going to be ok.

It is late. I'm wrapping presents, finishing home-made presents, finishing up my 4th load of laundry for the day and staring at an un-frosted cake. Mckenzie's 5th birthday cake. Tomorrow my big girl will be 5. NOOOOOO!

What is happening to life? Slow down will ya?

One question that pops into my head often: Am I making good use of my life? Am I stuck in a whirlwind tunnel of culture, fear, bad habits, procrastination? Or am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing?

The scale goes back and forth (kind of like my weight) but...seriously, TIME is slipping away. Am I living in the moment? Am I loving and listening? Does Kenzie know how much I adore her? Have I been present in her life? Or am I too busy doing non essential things all day and never just STOPPING and soaking her in. Soak that little special light girl in.

I soak her in. I do. More than I thought I would to be honest. But there is still so much of me to give to her. And at night time on the days when I am short with her and a not so good mommy- oh the crushing guilt. I feel so silly. She is a precious 4 year old for crying out loud. GET IT TOGETHER APRIL!

Kenzie is awesome. A drama queen, but awesome.

porcelain face
sincere eyes
motherly kindness
ability to imagine and pretend
The feelings she expresses when dancing, singing...oh to be 5 again.

5 year olds are the best. I love their words, thoughts and sentences. I love their curiosity. I love how doing the dishes is fun. I love a 5 year old.

Happy Birthday Kenzie. Amongst all the chaos and joy of the season, you are my brightest star.

The other day I asked the girls what gift they wanted to give Jesus for Christmas.

Kenzie's reply "I want to give Him all my glory"

of course we giggled at that, but isn't she right on?

Light. Light. Light. What would I do without all this light? My children and husband are my greatest treasures. Love them.

even on days when I feel like throwing dishes against the wall...

mom and Christmas

2010-12-12T21:35:00.004-07:00

I only have 20% battery left in my laptop.

So I can't be long winded today...

I miss Mom.

Christmas is all about the Mom. We decorate, sing, tradition, cook, serve, gather, teach...

Oh how I would do anything for just a quick 20 minute talk with you Mom. You have been gone for over 2 years. Just 20 minutes? Come on...you can come in my dreams if you want. That would be such a fun night's sleep.

Or you could just visit me- you know, like the ghost angel thing. I will be up late tonight editing Chay's paper for school. Come visit me in my new living room- it's so darling. You probably wouldn't like it- too funky for your taste. But you would be proud of all the hard work we put into the room. You were always so proud of your children. We KNEW we were special in your eyes. We ALWAYS felt special when you were around.

Ask Heavenly Father for permission to visit me will ya? Just tell him "my daughter needs me really bad this Christmas". He will understand. He always does.

I forgot to ask you when you were dying if you would come visit me from time to time once you got to the other side.

I also forgot to get your cheese ball recipe. That would come in handy right about now...

15% battery left. And our basement doesn't have any 3 prong outlets yet...

Mom, I want to tell you about how cute my Christmas decorations are this year. The tree is perfect. I have the stuffed reindeer that your first boyfriend gave you 50 years ago sitting on my desk. It is perfect.

Dad finally said I could have your Mr. and Mrs. Santa Clause you painted so many years ago. I had to give him the big guilt trip: "Share Mom with us please. You and Kay can start collecting your own Christmas decorations now...Mr. and Mrs. Santa Clause belong to me...they just do."

11% battery oh dear

Christmas is so hard without you. Thank you for making Christmas so dang special. I'm having a hard time filling your Christmas season shoes.

I cried when I was playing and singing "I'll be home for Christmas" on the piano today. I imagined you singing it and oh man... I just really really MISSED you.

For future generations and for family history's sake:

Edie Kaye Tomblin always made Christmas SPECIAL...For her family and for all her many friends. During Christmas time there was always music playing. We would gather around the lit Christmas tree and listen to music and cry from feeling the spirit. We always did the 12 days of Christmas for a family- EVERY YEAR. Mom was always baking and giving away pies to ward members. She had big dinners...and Christmas Family Home evenings always planned. She was always involved in church activities- writing scrips for plays, planning special dinners, painting back-drops, directing a choir-always DOING. She never worked. Her job was FAMILY. She was never busy trying to earn money- she was too busy being Mom- and busy serving others. I'm sure her little talents could of brought in extra money. But FAMILY was her priority...

Mom loved to sing Christmas songs around the piano with Joette playing. She loved to GATHER. She was a GATHERER. She always bore her testimony of the Savior. She loved to give home-made gifts. She was always sewing during Christmas. Pajamas, stockings, crafty things. One year she wanted to make fleece coats for everyone- I told her it wasn't a good idea. I told her I was too vain to wear a home-made coat. She only finished one and quit. My heart breaks when I think of that story. I have her one and only fleece home-made coat and I finally treasure it with everything I have.

Ok my battery will die any minute.

Oh how blessed we are to be in contact with so many wonderful people. I am truly blessed. How lucky I was to have you Mom as my mommy for 28 years.

However, as much as I would love to emulate you, I still wish I didn't have messy drawers like you...and I also somehow grabbed your problem of getting overly excited about 10 things and trying to do them all at once until I go crazy...and unfortunately my life is full of unfinished projects because of it-

but that is ok- because as a mother you accomplished and finished what God wanted you to do on this earth- the most important things were taken care of...and that's all that really matters...and so I keep trying to do the same, despite my messy drawers, I try to gather the family together and teach them about love and Christ...

TRUE HAPPINESS I tell you.

ok 3-2-1 my battery is at 1%.

my sexy veins and MS

2010-12-07T21:54:00.005-07:00

first of all, Thank you Cami for coming with me today. I was so touched that she wanted to come...ok ok ok- she also wanted to go to IKEA with me afterwards- who wouldn't? Who can pass up Sweetish meatballs anyway? But still, it was nice to go to the appointment with someone. Cami is a SUPERFRIEND. The kind of friend you don't luck out and meet every day. She is GOLD. She has taught me more about LOVE and SERVICE than anyone I have ever met. She watched Xander for me in the waiting room today- Love you Cami. Thank you for enduring such a long day.

Chay stayed home from work and played with the girls all day.

Well how did my appointment go today? Well, I have CCSVI. So stay far away...CCSVI- sounds like I have some funky growth in my armpit or something-

For reals, my right Jugular vein, way up close to my ear and jaw line does not drain properly. Blood gets to the brain just fine, it just doesn't drain the way it's supposed to. In fact, instead of draining the way it should, the vein has a reflux of blood caused from narrowing of the vein and so my body has developed a lot of little capillaries near where the narrowing of the vein is to create a secondary route for my blood to drain- INTERESTING.

This is all so new to me. I really don't know what to think. At moments I feel like crying and at other moments I just want to ask a million questions.

so off I go to Provo again to have the jugular vein fixed on December 21st. Unfortunately I might be too sedated to go to Ikea afterwards. That's ok, I'm a little Ikea'd out...

and plus Chay's Hell is walking around IKEA for a couple hours- pure torture...for the both of us :)

anyway, Merry Christmas! Is it really already the 7th?

appointment

2010-11-23T09:48:00.002-07:00

My appointment today in Provo to see if I have CCSVI was moved to December 7th. So, I must wait a couple more weeks. Thank you to all those who are excited and took the time to watch those videos. I am the luckiest person ever. I am surrounded by such wonderful supportive friends and family.

It's a big trip to Provo... so dang it, I will have to go to IKEA now on the drive back home. I hate when that happens. Oh IKEA- you can be so demanding sometimes.

7 years

2010-11-22T14:55:00.003-07:00

7 years of good luck...

Chay and I were married 7 years ago. Holy smokes! Life is passing so quickly.

I really like hearing Chay's voice when he calls me from work. It is deep but kind...and soft. You know, reassuring.

Some lines from Sarah's song "Push" that remind me of Chay and I.

You've seen me at my weakest but you take me as I am
And when I fall you offer me a softer place to land

I get mad so easy but you give me room to breathe
No matter what I say or do 'cause you're too good to fight about it
Even when I have to push just to see how far you'll go
You wont stoop down to battle but you never turn to go

There are times I can't decide when I can't tell up from down
You make me feel less crazy when otherwise Id drown
But you pick me up & brush me off and tell me I'm OK
sometimes that's just what we need to get us through the day

But you know what my favorite part of our marriage is?...-is bedtime. Bedtime...the house is finally quiet and we can lay in bed together with my head resting right below his shoulder and his arm around me- oh I just love it!

Snuggle up and get warm
fight over who has most of the blanket
talk about funny things the girls said that day
talk about really fat cats
quote The office
go over our to-do lists
watch YouTube on the Droid
talk about politics together- ok it's just me talking but Chay listens
talk about goals, school, callings, paper route, health, work, stories from childhood
prayer
footsies
covered wagons- not funny

Sometimes we don't talk at all. Sometimes there just isn't anything to say.
Comfortable safe silence.

unless I'm mad of course...now that isn't comfortable silence obviously. Whoever said it was wise to never go to bed angry was dumb. Usually by morning I'm so out of it, I don't even recall what I was upset about.

Anyway- happy 7. Happy seven I'm in heaven.

Check out those chops.

love you Chay.

what's on my mind

2010-11-15T21:56:00.004-07:00

Christmas...I want to make it meaningful and traditional...and exciting for my girls.

How big my kitchen feels now that we knocked down a wall- so to all homeowners, when it doubt, knock it out.

My wood floors Chay sanded and refinished last weekend- beautiful. Loud and echos horribly. But beautiful.

I cried watching Sound of Music the other night. What a good wholesome movie. I can't stop singing the music from the movie.

I love Maria. Don't we all?

my health- seems to be getting worse. I try to ignore it as much as I can. MS is lonely and misunderstood by everyone who doesn't have it. It plays a mind game on me constantly as I try to talk myself out of fatigue, weakness, and pain. Every small thing is a big chore and I try to keep a smile on my face. I just treasure the moments when I feel on top of my game. I have days when I can go go go and not stop and I get giddy inside with my youthful abundance of energy. I am reminded of my old self- back in the days when I was constantly going and playing- working. It really is wonderful. I really try to thank Heavenly Father for each moment of strength and capability my body performs.

Ok so...what is majorly consuming my mind is found in the following 3 videos. I am completely fascinated by this...and I go in on November 23 to see if I can be "liberated". This is very new and still being researched...and the doctor's office told me insurance will pay for this for now until they find out it is being done to help MS patients.

But basically Dr. Zamboni is trying to prove that MS is a vascular problem and not an autoimmune disease.

But I am very careful and so I wanted to feel good about this- and you know, I do. I really do feel good about it. I am hopeful and prayerful...and my heart pounds so hard just thinking about how this might help me. So please watch...and tell me what you think.

You can learn a lot about MS from these videos. So if you're bored and wonder what the heck I'm attempting to do to help myself...have at it.

Joette and Dad- these videos explain it better than I can...

my kind of news

2010-11-04T16:51:00.004-06:00

ok I am so sick of hearing about mid-term elections...so I was so thrilled to read this story today. WOW. All I can say is WOW. There are people out there who are just amazing. We're all here on earth to teach each other something wonderful- But this couple- wow. Talk about having it all together. Love their perspective on life. Great examples.

Canadian couple who won $11.2m in the lottery give it ALL away to charity

This article is from here

A Canadian couple who won $11.2million (£7million) on the lottery have given it all away to friends, charities and hospitals.

Allen and Violet Large, both in their 70s, said their good fortune earlier this year had been a 'big headache' and they had decided against going on a spending spree.

'What you’ve never had, you never miss,' Violet, 78, told the Toronto Star.
She and Allen, 75, eventually decided it was better to give than receive and were totally at ease with handing over the money.

Married for 36 years, the pair retired in 1983 and moved from Ontario to Lower Truro, Nova Scotia, for a quieter life. Allen had worked as a welder for 30 years and Violet had been employed by a number of confectionery and cosmetic firms.

'We were pretty well set, not millionaires, but comfortable,' said Allen of the couple's financial set-up before their lottery win in July.

'That money that we won was nothing,' Allen told the Toronto Star. 'We have each other.'

Violet has since had surgery to tackle her condition and received her last chemotherapy treatment a week ago.

Hospitals in Truro and Halifax, Nova Scotia, were among the main beneficiaries of the Larges' generosity after they decided on giving away every cent of their $11,255,272 win.

After taking care of their families, the couple then gave donations to a long list of groups they had decided to help, including their local fire department, churches and cemeteries, the Red Cross, the Salvation Army.

The hospitals where Violet underwent her treatment and organisations that fight cancer, Alzheimer’s and diabetes, also benefited from the couple's largesse.

The Larges have not disclosed how much they gave to each organisation but said they are humbled and thankful for the phone calls and letters of gratitude they have received.'

'It made us feel good,' said Violet. 'And there's so much good being done with that money.

'We're the lucky ones,' she added

go out and vote will ya?

2010-11-02T11:39:00.002-06:00

Don't forget to vote today...because it's a really cool thing to do... and also because we should...and because it's a right we shouldn't take for granted.

Go vote dang it.

operation home- the desk

2010-10-27T14:46:00.009-06:00

Just breathe Dad...just be prepared that's all I'm saying.

Do you see this desk? This is our computer desk. Our million pound roll top desk... that was designed for paper and not computers. But luckily the laptop fits and it's great for hiding messes when the Mother in Law decides to make a drop-in visit. "Quick! Roll the desk down!!!"

Yes, this classic oak desk from the lovely 80's belonged to my mom and dad. Mom gave it to me when Chay and I moved into our home. I remember pretending to play "office" and "bank" on it when I was little girl. I even pretended there was a drive-up window in the wall next to where the desk stood.

My mom would pay her bills on this desk and she had one of those big calculators with a receipt paper roll attached to the top. The calculator would turn and print out your itemized numbers and calculations. I can still hear the sound of the paper rolling and the numbers printing. ch ch ch ch ch ch

oh my gosh, I just found the exact calculator on google images!!! Oh the memories.

So anyway- back to the desk. The big desk.

thank you Dad. It's serving its purpose perfectly-

but um well...as much as you and I like the desk, the color had to go. Dad, just breathe. I know I am blatantly disobeying you. You clearly told me NOT to paint over the beautiful oak...but if I may add, you can't really give something to someone and then tell them what they can and can't do with it, right? The desk is technically mine. In facts it's all mine- no need for "technically".

I don't think I have changed much Dad.

Oh dear. I feel so rebellious. But for the record, I know Mom would absolutely LOVE the desk transformation. She has already given me the heavenly thumbs up.

Sorry about the angle- my kitchen counter is in the way.

I love it!!!! It's a little more turquoise than the picture- so fun. Love it.

I love the new hardware but I'm having knob issues and have made several trips to Hobby Lobby- too big, too small- but for now I'm just going to surrender to that problem and just love the desk until I find the perfect knobs.

So Dad, do you approve? Or am I grounded?

joy in this journey

2010-10-24T15:43:00.006-06:00

So I am 31 now. Pretty exciting I tell you. It kind of feels like 30 and probably a lot like 32 I'm guessing.

Getting older is kind of lame-o. Not quite the thrill that came with turning 16. But it's interesting how little milestones in life make cause for personal reflection.

My six day birthday journey was a week of reflection. I observed myself and my actions. This is what I discovered: I have weaknesses. I am a child of God. I am nothing without God. I need to make life changing decisions that will face nothing but opposition for the first little while. I also learned that all my choices each day need to be prioritized into three categories 1. The Essentials 2. The Necessaries 3. The Funs (thank you Sister Beck) and obviously making sure "The Essentials" are always first so The Necessaries and The Funs find their place beautifully in life without a lot of stress.

Essentials: prayer, scripture study, Family Home Evenings on Monday, family prayer, church on Sunday, Keeping the Sabbath day Holy, going to the Temple as often as life and babysitting permits, family scriptures at night, visiting teaching, calling- you know, the essentials- the choices in life that build our foundation and our relationship with God. I am a covenanted person therefore I try try try to do The Essentials dang it!

Necessaries: A house of order- (oh sigh, I suck at this), exercise, eating healthy, story time with my children, dinner with the family, education, date night with Chay, one on one time with my kids

The Funs: everything else fun that we all enjoy- which is great and important- but should never come before The Essentials that's for sure. And we all know The Funs come before The Necessaries often...which is ok I think from time to time- But when nutrition is out the door, the house is messy and cluttered, too much money being spent... because of too much play- well even The Essentials get easily jeopardized when The Necessaries are out of whack. The Funs in my life are redecorating and renovating something in the house, blogging, reading blogs, internet, reading books, thrift store shopping, watching movies, talking with my dear friends and Joette on the phone-

This is my personal categorization of priorities that I feel inspired to follow. I will obviously get my priorities messed up every now and then...but I just want to try and at least remind myself every day what is the most important in my life...

Like take this little guy for example...

joy in the journey

I want this bike

2010-10-15T12:30:00.003-06:00

Don't you want it too??? This picture is actually a link to the place that sells these lovelies. Not exactly in the budget. I better buy a couch before a bike...I could probably buy two couches for the price of this bike and maybe even a nice lamp too. But it's always nice and fun to dream, right?

post-it love

2010-10-13T09:06:00.003-06:00

How about a little post-it love for my birthday.

isn't that great?

6 day birthday journey

2010-10-07T20:28:00.004-06:00

I love babies. Xander is by far my favorite newborn. With Kenzie I was in denial of motherhood. Then came Julia- still in denial and she also cried and cried and cried for 3 months- and then of course I couldn't handle it very well...so I would then cry and cry and cry with her. I was a mess.

Xander however calms me. He is a good baby. He is a piece of heaven in our home...and he is so dang cute- oh my.

I am trying to deal with life the best I can.

This is a hard time for me. I feel I am at a crossroad in my life. You know, like decisions made right now will determine the greater portion of the rest of my life. Ever get those life crossroad feelings?

My brain is so mushy right now. I have a hard time concentrating. Tired mostly. Anyone else get mushy brain?

other thoughts:

I think I use MS as an excuse. I feel sometimes it has already defeated me, falling back on it when I attempt and fail at a goal because my body isn't responding the way it used to. I wish I was never diagnosed. I am strong you know. I really am. I used to be a good basketball player back in the day. I loved to run. Cross country and track were my thing- Mountain biking and snowboarding found me in college...a triathlon after the mission. I was competitive and I loved pushing my body to its limits. I use to live for being active and working hard. Now I have this weird fear thing going on. I feel trapped. Lost.

I hate it when people see me lifting something heavy or doing something strenuous and they run over to me like I'm 90 years old and insist they help me because you know, I have MS, I must be completely incapable. That is the worse thing you could do to me. Mom always told me that once she was diagnosed with cancer, people suddenly stopped needing her. It broke her spirit. Mom loved to be needed. She had so many talents to still share.

So how long am I going to let MS defeat me? When will I let it stop labeling and defining who I am? How long am I going to have lame excuses? When will I stop feeling sorry for myself and get on with life? When will I stop surviving each day and start living? When will I start treasuring this body like it needs to be treasured? One of God's greatest gifts to man is the body- which houses our precious spirit. When will I take that truth and make it apart of who I am? Why do I ignore the promptings?

Fear is interesting. Fear mixed with brownies and ice cream?...a destructive combination I'm telling you.

Fear is selfish.

That over sung over used song by Michael Mclean pops into my head "I've got to find out who I am."

Just for 6 days. Experiment upon the word, upon my impressions, upon the Still Small Voice, upon answers to prayer. Experiment. Trust in the Lord. Give it all to Him. Trust.

6 days.

Day one starts tomorrow. Time for bed.

big sister

2010-10-06T13:12:00.007-06:00

ok, so sometimes she kisses him a little too much. And she tries to carry him a little too often...sadly he is getting heavier quicker than she is getting stronger- each day he seems to get harder to hold- but she still tries. Only dropped him once...and accidentally landed on him today- ouch!

and sometimes she wakes him up from sleeping so she can talk and sing to him, and sometimes she tries to feed him things he isn't supposed to eat...

the other day she whacked him in the head with the book she was "reading" to him

and sometimes I get really annoyed with her over abundance of love for him...only because it usually causes tears and an overwhelmed baby...

But when it comes right down to it, how can I ever really discourage that "in training" divine mommy-ness gift she naturally possesses.

ediekaye@theheavenlyplace.com

2010-09-29T14:40:00.004-06:00

Happy birthday Mom. Let's see, 61. You would be 61 years old today.

Well on a lighter note, at least I don't have to worry about getting you a present.

I miss you.

You would just LOVE LOVE LOVE Xander. Oh my gosh. He is just so adorable Mom. He is starting to get super squishy. He has this "take-my-breath-away" smile. He coos and watches everything so intently. I know you wouldn't be able to get enough of him. He is so perfect. It makes me sad that I can't share him with you. You always seemed to love my babies as much as I do.

Kenzie still remembers your bald head and all your cute hats. She thinks you live inside the Temple. After teaching her one day about Christ being resurrected, she hopefully acknowledged that we will see you again 3 days after you died just like Jesus. It appears she has yet to understand the concept of time :)

Julia hasn't a clue who you are...but cherishes the pictures of you two together.

Xander...oh the feelings are so strong. I have the strongest feeling that he knows you quite well. A very strong impression comes to my heart that you two were side by side up there in heaven until his arrival here on earth. Xander is my little warrior. He will stand for truth and righteousness. Thank you Mom for preparing him...and warning him about how crazy I can be- Xander seems to be very tolerant to all the loud noises and chaos in our home.

The pain of missing you Mom has turned into gratitude more than anything. I just feel so grateful to have had you as a Mom. I completely trust God. I do not doubt that it was your time to go. I have faith. I feel grateful that I can take your death and see purpose and feel strength. I miss you, oh how I miss you...but it's ok, I truly see the bigger picture. Families are forever.

I'm thankful for the memories...sweet...wonderful memories. Well almost all sweet and wonderful- not so sweet when I got caught sneaking out of the house at 1 in the morning... and not so wonderful the time Joette and I walked in the house 8 hours pass curfew (the next morning)...but who needs to dwell on those moments?

Can't wait to see you again Mom...

happy birthday

faces of Christ

2010-09-24T11:17:00.000-06:00

priorities

2010-09-20T17:00:00.005-06:00

"When your priorities are out of order, you lose power."
~Sister Julie Beck

2 months

2010-09-17T17:29:00.006-06:00

ok let me try to post this again...accidentally clicked "publish post" a little too soon.

Xander is now 2 months and some.

He is this little bundle of babyness...perfect in every way.

I am really enjoying this "4th trimester" with him.

I call the first 3 months with my babies the 4th trimester.

So Janna did it again. Here are some amazing photos of Xander when he was about 3 weeks old. Thanks Janna for coming to visit me...and for making me dinner and for always wanting to go to thrift stores with me.

death

2010-09-10T13:56:00.005-06:00

Each day the girls and I have a "calendar" moment. Quickly we determine what day of the week it is, the date, month, season, and current weather. Today we went outside to see what the weather was like and it was sun shining, beautiful and chilly. The driveway was still damp from the early early morning thunderstorm.

The girls started to talk about how scared they were when they heard the thunder and when they saw the lightening flash in their room. And then suddenly I got a flashback from childhood- I remember being a little apprehensive about thunderstorms too when I was little, but my mom loved to hear the rain and watch the lightening from our big bay windows in the house I grew up in. We would snuggle up to Mom and watch the lightening and she would always always always sing, "Rhythm of the Rain" by the Cascades. I was never afraid once she started to sing.

I told the girls that story and Kenzie wanted to hear the song. I started to sing the song and tears welled up in my eyes. I was instantly so grateful for those special moments with my mom.

Last night I attended a funeral. Despite the sad circumstances, it was a beautiful funeral. The young man that died was glorified by all his friends and family. Amazing memories were shared and there were countless stories about how remarkable of a person this young man was. Everyone left that funeral wanting to be a better person.

I love how funerals spotlight a person's wonderful qualities. Although we are flawed by nature and we tend to make silly mistakes, we are still God's children and we all have the light of Christ in us.

It's hard to say but it was easy for me to see my mom's flaws when she was living but now that she is gone, it's hard for me to even remember her flaws and so easy to remember everything wonderful about her. I think death of a loved one helps us see a person as God sees the person.

Side thought that came to me on my drive home last night: Have you ever wondered what people will say about you when you die? What will you be remembered for?

armoire

2010-09-08T16:34:00.007-06:00

I love saying the word armoire. armoire. My spell checker is saying armoire isn't a word or that I'm misspelling it, but I'm not. Wiktionary agrees with me also.

The day I went into labor I wasn't planning on going into labor. I usually go the full 40 weeks with my babies. So on July 7th I hauled the two girls and my big belly to Home Depot to get another paint roller brush for the armoire I was currently painting. The girls insisted I push them around in the "car" cart-

well the wheel was broken on the cart- and so it felt like I was pushing 2 tons of bricks instead of 2 little girls who together barely weigh 70 lbs. By the time I came home from my trip to the home depot, I was contracting.

So the Armoire. Armoire. Armoire. The armoire's drawers and doors were all over the living room.- Despite my uncomfortableness of being in LABOR, I quickly finished painting the armoire before going to the hospital. Well before the hospital we also went to Texas Road House for a good meal- because I wasn't sure when I'd get real food again.

After Xander was nicely established into our lives, we finished the armoire's last touches a couple weeks after he was born. I love how it turned out.

Here is the before: The oak finish was already sanded in this picture. But for those who want to know, it was just that dated 80's oak color that anyone over age 50 just LOVES. I know it's practically a sin to paint oak...especially for my Dad...and again to anyone over 50- but what can I say- it's got to be white!!!!

Before:

Here is Chay (with his socks on) cutting out the middle section of the armoire's doors with the hand saw.

and here is the after:

we cut out the middle of the doors and put glass in- and then I looked forever and a day for the perfect fabric or paper to put in the glass- and then I just gave up and used wrapping paper I had in my basement- but we designed it so it's easy to replace. We put mirrors on the other side of the glass so I can do make-up and hair in the bedroom instead of doing it in the 2x4 bathroom we all happen to share at the moment. Ok our bathroom is probably bigger than 2X4- but you get my point. SMALL SPACE.

anyway- I love the armoire. Fun project...what next can I paint????

life today is good

2010-09-03T15:03:00.012-06:00

The Pumpkin Smash is back at Jamba.

I'm sipping on one right now. And I am so happy. Chay came home long enough to surprise me with one...and off he goes to ride his dirt bike.

weigh in wednesday 173 lbs??? Well probably because I was blasted with another episode of MS and mastitis and then strep throat welcomed itself earlier this week- so eating was hardly on the agenda. My health has been troublesome lately...but today I feel good. So I will focus on today.

Today is good. Life is good.

Especially good since I am ever so often graced by my little happy fairies that remind me life's happiness is found in the little things...

not that all my troubles go away if I sit on the tire swing...but almost, almost....until I try to get off the dang swing and my butt gets stuck.

Julia was afraid to go outside today with her fairy wings...she was certain the wind would carry her away. I had to remind her that if she did get carried away she would at least have wings that would help her fly back home. That didn't help- made it worse. But eventually she found herself outside...like most kids do when Daddy is willing to push them on the tire swing.

Xander.

Here are some pictures of my boy. I have a boy! I have such a little crush on Xander.

so handsome my little man

this is for Grandpa...both Grandpas because my Dad and Chay's Dad both bought Xander the same shirt...I hear red necks think alike....

see? Life is good.

my planner

2010-08-18T14:19:00.008-06:00

This is the longest time in the history of April that I have kept a planner. We are going on 3 months now...I found my planner at Savers for $1 and I love it. Luckily when the year is up I can buy another one HERE - won't get it for a dollar...but still.

This planner almost looks like mine- love the set up. Love the style. Love that it's big. Big is always better.

I have planner issues. I've never been able to keep one longer than 2 weeks- and funny enough, I usually end up misplacing my planners and finding them when the year has expired. Aren't they supposed to keep me organized?

But for some mystical reason, this time around, I am loving my planner and using it, and relying on it. I even cross off and put check marks on things I have done. I circle what needs to be done. I even have phone numbers and grocery lists in my planner. It is great.

but the favorite part of my planner? the quotes on the bottom of each page.

Like this one:

"I have learned that to be with those I like is enough." ~ Walt Whitman

and

"There shall be an eternal summer in a grateful heart." ~ Celia Thaxter

and

"Whatever you are, be a good one." ~ Abraham Lincoln.

anyway- so how's your planner?

Weigh in Wednesday: Last Wednesday 180-. Today- 177. I'm just sort of bouncing around the same weight by 3 pounds or so- time to kick things up a notch I suppose. I have to get out of maternity clothes eventually right?

ju ju kaye

2010-08-10T15:31:00.007-06:00

happy birthday Julia.

Ok so your birthday was really on Sunday. But you're only 3. And three year olds luckily don't have a clue about how dates and calendars really work. The first 3 or 4 years of a child's life gives parents time to learn and make mistakes- and not be condemned for doing so. Because when they're 5 or 6, it's all over. "My birthday is in exactly 2 weeks, 3 days, 15 hours and 25 minutes." There's no way of forgetting birthdays then.

I didn't space Ju-Ju's birthday- well not entirely. I just didn't have the energy to celebrate it on her birthday- and either did she. She wasn't feeling too hot. Well actually she was feeling hot- a fever.

But today we celebrate. Just us...and Joette. A cake we all decorate together- a couple presents- Duck Duck Goose and Hide-and-Go-Seek with Daddy. (he makes it scary!)

Love you Julia. You are so interesting to me. I can't think of anyone more unpredictable than you. I so wish you came with an instruction book. I know the front page would read, "handle with care" and "warning: explosive"

but I love you...so so so much. You make me smile. I love your little words and the way you pronounce your "S's". I love how you ask me to scratch your back before bed. What 3 year old wants their back scratched? I love how you are concerned about everyone's happiness.

Stop growing please. Oh just stay little forever.

liquidificador

2010-08-06T14:13:00.013-06:00

liquidificador- that is the word "blender" in Portuguese. Isn't that the longest word ever for something so simple like "blender"?

It's so hard to worry, or have a bad bad, or be angry if the song "Sweet Disposition" by the Temper Traps is playing...try it. The song just makes you feel like everything is going to be ok. It's like driving in the canyons with the windows down in perfect weather...beautiful scenery- it's like children laughing and running through the sprinklers. Just a feel good song.

I believe in music therapy.

Listen to the song- it's the first song on my playlist. I am listening to it right now and suddenly now I just want to hug someone...run and jump off a dock into a lake at midnight. (with a swimsuit on this time- for those few who are wondering)

Isn't it funny what music can do?

weigh in wednesday- 177 lbs...2 lbs up 2 lbs down- whatever.

Joette is in town and so we are going to the gym, drinking almond milk and chopping vegetables daily. We decided to make August our makeover month.

I love little Xander. He was starting to cry and grunt all day so I took him to the chiropractor. Worked wonders. I am sold.

I am thankful for air conditioning. Not thankful for my power bill. HOLY SMOKES.

I love how the health club has huge sunflowers planted in their flowerbeds. Someone happy planted those flowers. Totally unexpected- love it.

I saw a bumper sticker that said, "I love jet noise." I love jet noise too! I love living close to an air force base. Every now and then the big booming jets flying by will get my heart all pumping and I just want to start singing "Oh say can you see!!!"

two spouts of mastitis- I felt like I was poisoned or something. It actually reminded me of when I got Dengue on my mission. I couldn't even get out of bed without Chay's help. But I just drank a gallon plus of water each time and nursed and pumped like crazy and I beat it!- symptoms gone in 12 hours. Phew.

Is there anything more sweet and precious than a newborn?

My sister is amazing. She has such a HUGE purpose in this life. My girls love her more than me right now. She truly is a Mother in Zion.

Pictures of the little guy:

weigh in wednesdays

2010-07-29T12:14:00.002-06:00

Yesterday (wednesday) was busy and full...

so..um 179 lbs???

Well that sucks.

off to a better week.

I'm actually not really trying to lose weight- more just trying to survive each day with a newborn.

But I am so happy with my little baby boy. I will post pictures soon. I have a crazy weekend. Janna is visiting, Joette, Dad and Kay are coming to town- Chay's family reunion...baby blessing this weekend- lesson to teach...tired. But all exiting events that bring much happiness- I just need to take a deep breath and get on with it.

service

2010-07-22T08:03:00.003-06:00

I have been so touched lately by all the wonderful people in my life who have been willing to help me.

I have great friends.

Thank you for the fun stuff that has arrived in the mail from far away best friends and family, phone calls that have meant the world to me, visits here and there that have helped big time with the long exhausting days.

Thank you for the AMAZING dinners. We are talking GOOD food. Stuff I love to eat.

Thank you for the quick runs to the store- Hollie and Cami. I knew I could ask you and not feel dumb for doing so.

Thank you to those who have taken or who have offered to watch the girls.

I am so touched. Now I want to be better at serving...I don't think I'm that good at it yet- but I've had great teachers these past two weeks.

I am surrounded by beautiful people. The beautiful people in my life. (I swear Marilyn Manson's song did not come into my mind at first when I wrote that)

I love where I live. I am so grateful to have so many close friends from church live in my neighborhood. What a blessing.

I love how the elderly women from church have stopped by to give gifts and share with me endless stories from their child-bearing years...oh how I love these ladies. Mckenzie and Julia have like 5 grandma's who love them- right here on our street alone. oh these precious old ladies- talk about lives well lived...beautiful souls- their eyes sparkle- prepared and ready to meet their Maker.

It is so easy to be grateful when I'm surrounded by gracious people.

Gratitude- more effective and attainable as a group effort...kind of rubs off on everyone...addictive, contagious

weigh-in wednesday week 2

2010-07-21T09:49:00.005-06:00

um...no I don't intend on this being a weight loss blog- BORING.

but it is "weigh-in Wednesday"...

ok so last week's weight: 188.5 (digital scale)
Today's weight: 177.5 -11 lbs exactly...even down to the ounce- weird.

The only explanation I have for this 11 lb drop- is well...I have ankles now and my wedding ring fits again. I was pretty swollen for awhile- my puffy feet were really starting to bug me.

But I woke up in the middle of the night several times this week dripping in sweat...and yes it was disturbing...

I'm just dripping from everywhere it seems...oh the wonderful post-partum days.

So the 11 lbs??? Water. Just water. I'm still really fun to hug and cuddle with. Squishy and soft. Anybody need a hug?

Here's to another week...

oh and I'm just enjoying little Xander so much...oh my. I'm whipped.

weigh-in wednesdays

2010-07-14T16:35:00.004-06:00

I can hear Rafiki on The Lion King....(this is for you Joette)

"It is time."

I tipped the scale going into labor weighing 201 lbs.

Granted I am 5'9...and my baby was a good size...

Ok, ok, ok, there is no "GRANTED" allowed here- that's a lot of weight to gain. A lot of love...a lot of squishy comfy hugs...a lot of "I love those big brown eyes...and the way you shake those thighs"- anyone remember that song? A lot of "Baby Got Back" from Sir Mix-A-lot comes to mind also...is there anyone who DOESN'T know all the lyrics to that song??? I mean honestly, it's just an early 90's classic. What is middle school without "I like big butts and I cannot lie, you other rappers can't deny..."?

anyway

Current weight: 188.5. I somehow lost 13 and half pounds- 8 lbs was Xander...and 5 lbs must have been the placenta and my amniotic fluid...my midwife couldn't believe how much water I was carrying. When my water broke it made the biggest popping splash sound ever- like a huge water balloon popping on concrete. Chay was actually video taping me as I lay on the bed when all of the sudden "SPLASH"- so the sound of the "SPLASH" is recorded for family history sake. Then when Xander was coming out, he moved a little bit and amniotic fluid seriously went flying in the air and squirted the nurse in the face and chest (I know, disgusting). Chay later thanked the nurse for being in the perfect spot when I squirted everywhere, she supposedly saved the laptop from getting wet...

anyway- so Weigh-in Wednesdays. I have never in my life weighed this much- I am just big and beautiful, what can I say? I look at myself and I am reminded of the pictures of the women, the great great aunts and great great grandmas on my Dad's side of the family...they were mostly tall thick overweight hard-working big-boned women. So it looks like I have some good and not so good genes working against me.

Anyway- I just want to feel good...and fit back into my pre-pregnancy clothes- because I'm about to break the bank at TJ Maxx if I don't.

I have no clue why I am blogging about this. I seriously think it's some made up psychological motivation that inspires me more to accomplish a goal. And no, I'm not embarrassed about posting my weight...my step mother in law already posted a horrific picture of me on facebook for all to see- even those gorgeous past boyfriends got a glimpse of my reality at the moment- oh well...big and beautiful, what can I say?

Current weight: July 14, 2010 188.5 lbs.

I want 'em real thick and juicy so find that juicy double
Mix-a-Lot's in trouble
Beggin' for a piece of that bubble.

5 days

2010-07-13T18:24:00.007-06:00

My little Xander is 5 days old.

Wow only 5 days? well, 5 very long days then.

Breastfeeding is absolutely controlling the greater portion of my life right now. It scares me to death. It hurts. I cringe. I bleed. I crack. Engorgement is finally on the downswing and just the little bit of relief convinces me I can run a marathon now...or accomplish some impossible feat. (not really on the marathon thing)

But nursing with 2 little excited girls is sort of a challenge...Julia super glued her fingers together tonight while I was nursing Xander. Her fingers were seriously "super glued" -it was pretty traumatic for her. Luckily Dad had some special spray of the sorts to help her get un-super glued.

Jaundice. Jaundice. Jaundice. 3 for 3. All three of my babies have pictures of them "all aglow" with the bilirubin lights.

I feel so many emotions lately. One thing hit me for sure- I am all mommy. I have three little people to take care of. My heart is so full of love for my little ones. Tonight Julia and Kenzie left for Grandma's house for 3 1/2 days. They have been gone maybe an hour and I already miss them. They drive me up the wall most days- but they are my girls...they give me so much joy. I feel bad the baby is taking so much of their mommy time away from them. Hopefully everything will re-adjust soon. I am so so so grateful Kenzie has another year until Kindergarten...oh I can't even face that right now. ok let's not think about that April.

Anyway I didn't mean to write so much... I really just wanted to post pictures for family and friends who live far far away. Xander is seriously so adorable to me. My crappy camera just doesn't do him any justice- he is just so fun to hold and look at.

So what do you think? Does Xander look like Chay? Me? I see a little Mckenzie in him, but I can't really tell...

Xander

2010-07-09T18:27:00.010-06:00

His name is Xander. Xander Chay Clark.

But he still just looks like "my little guy" to me.

Here is the view from my room. I can't really complain.

Watching Peter Pan...they love my hospital room as much as I do...

The cheeks...

oh blessed sleep

update

2010-07-09T13:13:00.003-06:00

I am sitting here at the hospital...looking at my new little baby boy. So peaceful.

But I am getting really sick of this small room...

and why does my bed digitally reveal to me how much I weigh when I lay down in it? Is that really necessary? Especially with the beds in the post partum wing...

on the upside or the downside (however you look at it) the food here is surprisingly good.

Kenzie loves her new little brother- wants to hold him ALL THE TIME.

Ju Ju...not so much. Her words last night as I was feeding him, "I don't like baby, let's throw him in the garbage"

She needs a lot of extra love and attention right now. Oh my Ju Ju.

Still no name for the baby...getting there...

I just witnessed a circumcision. That was so interesting. Rubbed his head and gave him sugar water- Poor little guy. He did so well...considering the circumstances...circumcision circumstances...hmmm...now I am wondering what the root meaning of "circum" means...google?

I feel very blessed.

My boobs hurt.

I'm tired.

But this little baby boy is something else I tell you. So beautiful. I can't believe he is ours. What a gift. What is he dreaming and thinking about all the time? He has already gained 2 oz.

I will post pictures when I get home.

Everything is going well...but I'm at the hospital still...and the baby goes to the nursery when I want to sleep...and I get room service with good meals- my sheets are changed daily...so I think life will really hit when I get home.

I can do this...I can do this.

he is finally here

2010-07-08T20:53:00.003-06:00

So I gave birth to a baby boy this morning. 2:56 a.m.

He is beautiful.

Went into labor unexpectedly...3 weeks too early. Good thing- because my nameless perfect little baby was 8 lbs 4 oz 20 inches long...imagine his size full term...

we are still deciding what to call him...

I felt Mom near during the birth...even imagined her standing in a certain spot in the delivery room...I could hear her voice telling me everything was going to be ok...and to get a grip and get an epidural.

I am really tired. I can hardly keep my eyes open.

Post pictures soon.

My little baby is so flawless to me.

Good night.

9 months

2010-07-01T14:39:00.003-06:00

So it is July...

I can actually say that I will probably be having a baby this month.

Have I ever mentioned that I hate being pregnant?

But you know, the summer weather has been nice. The girls are so fun...and Chay is the love of my life...

Ok I can hardly type that without giggling. We aren't a "you are the love of my life" type couple. We aren't a "terms of endearment" type couple either. He's not "baby" or "honey" or "sugar". He is "Chay". And I for one don't prefer to be called a food product by any means. "honey buns, sweet cheeks, honey, sweet cakes, muffin, or sugar" are a no go- especially now when "honey buns" would probably seem most appropriate with my nice back cushion I have acquired these past 9 months.

I actually really like to hear my name. "April". "April" just sounds nice.

One time Chay and I were joking around how couples seem to have these "nick names" for each other and the fact that we don't might be a bad sign. I told him we should do a test run on some terms of endearment for each other. So I looked at Chay and all I could call him was "Chay". Chay looked at me and called me his "cougar".

I couldn't stop laughing. um...no, too sexual. We both agreed everyone will get the wrong idea...or the right idea...

So we call each other by our first names. Chay is such a nice unique name- why hide it and ruin it with "honey bunny". Ok writing this is reminding me of the movie "How to lose a guy in 10 days" anyone seen this?...oh what a funny movie.

But I do love Chay the same regardless of our lack of nick names for each other. He is becoming my greatest friend. I can tell him really boring things and he listens. He will tell me what is wrong with his motorcycle engine...the timing, the carburetor, the valves...and I will listen. I love having him around.

Being too big to take care of my feet like I should, Chay scrubbed and "sanded down" my callused summer dry heels on Sunday. He wiped up the kitchen floor for me. He helps me get up off the floor after family prayer. He rubs my back and tells me I smell good in the middle of the night.

I don't think I could be 9 months pregnant with anyone else.

So despite the sciatic nerve in my butt, the achy hips, stiff joints, the sleepless nights of rolling from side to side, the mysterious varicose veins in my vulva that can't be seen but feel like knives cutting into me (yes, I said vulva- get over it) and despite the swelling calves, feet and ankles merging into one body part a.k.a. "cankles", and despite only having 3 shirts now that sort of hide my butt crack, cleavage and belly completely, and despite the ligament pains on the sides of my stomach that I swear are worse than labor, and despite feeling overwhelmed, hot, sweaty, puffy, massive...despite all this, I feel blessed...blessed to be a mommy of three soon, blessed to have a safe loving home for my children to be raised in, blessed to have good friends, and most especially to have Chay...I have really witnessed the hand of God and His mercy in my life lately...and so I keep trucking along. My mom used to always say that- "keep trucking along"

The weather has kept me trucking along.

Went camping. All 4 1/2 of us slept squished in a supposedly 3 man tent. Which we all know the tent is lying when it says how many "men" it can sleep. The girls slept fine. Chay, being 6'3 (which equals 2 men in "tent size") and beefy me (3 men)- did not sleep...at all. Our air mattress was flat to the ground by 2 am. My body was on fire by the time it was morning. New pains I have never experienced before...and as I lay there focused on how in the world am I going to put on my shorts with this huge achy body in such limited space, Kenzie wakes up with her huge positive smile and says, "This is so fun! I love sleeping in a tent! Can we go see the swing at the water?" What? Are you for real? You can't be this happy...not now anyway. So...yes, she changed my mood real fast. She is such a light. I want to be more like Kenzie in so many ways.

We have been swimming almost daily...and doing all we can to get out and enjoy the sun with the girls. Zoo, splash pad, health club, parks, school lunch...sprinklers...

I can really testify to the idea of "just keep going" and don't let circumstances stop you- life is better when you're busy working, being with people, enjoying simple things. It has helped me cope with these last couple months. I remember my mom, who was a lot more sick than I have ever been, saying that every day she had a choice- a choice to either stay in bed all day or to get up and "just keep going". Those words ring super loud to me every morning...

now how in the heck am I going to give birth???? I know I have done it twice before...but honestly what a phenomenon. The pain scares me...women are amazing.

mowing the lawn

2010-06-22T08:20:00.006-06:00

ok, here are some of the random thoughts I had while mowing the lawn tonight:

I know a lot of really good people.

I am so fortunate to say I have been blessed with wonderful friends.

I need friends. I grow and learn so much from my relationships with others.

I want to be a better friend. I think often how I can be more uplifting and more edifying to those around me.

I taught sunday school on Sunday and we learned about Jonathan and David's sincere friendship. They were so loyal to each other because God was first in their lives. Jonathan's words to David:

"behold, the Lord be between thee and me for ever." Samuel 20:23

Isn't that a beautiful friendship scripture?

I am so grateful for the people in my life who put God first and show it through their graciousness and service.

Our relationships, I feel, are the most important most tangible thing we've got here on earth to understand God's love better. People. All God's children. Touching each other in different ways...bringing light, helping, serving, acting as earthly angels. Even the relationships that suck...where there is unforgiveness, cruelty, awkwardness, hurt feelings- still an invite to become more Christ-like and to forgive and change- all ways to help us learn more about Christ.

marriage, families, raising children, friends- major growth happens- at least that is what I'm experiencing.

Learning to love others is the second most important commandment- first is to love God...and yet we struggle so much in this world with forgiving and loving people as we should. We can be so dang difficult to live with- so critical of others, so hard on each other, so hard on ourselves...relationships really are the refiner's fire...

so there you go...my random lawn mowing thoughts...

I asked Chay tonight, "What do you think about when you mow the lawn?"

he looked at me puzzled, "nothing...I think about mowing the lawn."

grateful

2010-06-20T15:06:00.004-06:00

grateful to have a great daddy.

Sure he's got his quirks- as do I. But my dad is loyal, honest, and loving. I love my Dad. He is easy to love and forgive...he is humble and protects his family like a dad should. I am so grateful I don't have bitter feelings toward him. I can't imagine life living each day not liking him and being upset with him. My Dad, along with my Mom, really created an atmosphere of trust, love, and forgiveness in our home. They must have- because despite our many problems, our family is full of trust, love, and forgiveness. So thank you Dad.

Grateful for my children's Dad- Chay. Sometimes I have to pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming when I see Chay with our girls. He can be the best Daddy. Oh my- like yesterday at the Zoo- so patient and so willing to help the girls have the best experience. I love his little talks with each one at bed time. Washing their hair and giving them a bath. Pushing them on the tire swing. Scratching Ju Ju's back. Making them laugh hysterical with his funny sense of humor and magic tricks.

It brings tears of gratitude to my eyes to know that my girls are going to grow up with a Dad that loves them AND shows it. My children will have a Dad that wants to be with them, wants to play, wants to take time out to be with them- oh that makes me so happy. So many children do not have that opportunity. Some dads don't know how to show love, some dads take off and never return home, some dads work too much- but my girls will have a daddy- a real daddy. One that will do anything for them.

Obviously Chay can't nurture like a mom can- and he is rough around the edges and can be quite the different disciplinarian than me, but it is ok. Because he is also loving and...he is present. He cares. He is there. He hits the 3 P's pretty well on most days. Preside, protect, and provide- in all ways those words can be interpreted.

I feel very grateful today. Happy Father's day.

his hand

2010-06-13T09:08:00.001-06:00

I love this video.

Have you seen God's hand in your life today?

healing segment- today

2010-06-12T06:14:00.006-06:00

"Don’t let the voice of critics paralyze you—whether that voice comes from the outside or the inside." ~Elder Uchtdorf

It is June 12th today.

I can officially say that I will be having a baby soon. No more months and months to wait for this pregnancy to be over...now just weeks.

I can't believe I will have a new baby to hold...a brand new little baby. Oh who are you little boy?

I feel so out of touch with my body when I'm pregnant- most especially this time around. I feel like my spirit is somewhere foreign. I think it's because I'm not used to the size of my butt...and the whole "thighs touching when I walk" thing- all foreign. I don't feel like I belong in this body. My spirit just wants to run- and get out of bed normally without having to roll out of bed. I want to pick up a toy off the floor without it being an Olympic event bending over to get it.

I've been loving the comments I've been receiving lately: "wow you are holding that baby so low" "have you gained a lot of weight this pregnancy?" "Oh my, you have gotten bigger since I last saw you." "Your feet and ankles are so swollen."

Today is a great day. I find myself thinking often about how I will get back into the pre-pregnancy body I once had after the baby is born...and having that energy I crave come back...and that vitality of over all good health.

why not start today instead of waiting 6 more weeks? Can't run a marathon or anything...and I doubt I will shed any major pounds...but today I can make some changes...why wait?

today is the day. I've had enough. I can't wait to feel great again. No more feeling sorry for myself. No more excuses. The benefits of good health outweigh silly non healthy instant gratification food. I know that...I always have.

Went to the gym today and waddled on the treadmill...ate mostly vegetables today...green drink...all things that bring "light" to the body.

here I go.

More to come- I like to blog about stuff like this- keeps me motivated during the first hard weeks.

excitements of lately

2010-06-09T09:45:00.018-06:00

It's almost 10 o'clock in the morning and the girls are still asleep! I think I wore them out yesterday. I took them to "free lunch" at the school and they wanted to walk to the school- midway to the school they were huffing and puffing...complaining.- and then without a nap we went swimming. They played hard with their cousin Gage. They wouldn't leave the poor boy alone.

Kenzie likes boys. All her friends are boys. All I hear her talk about is Michael, Hyrum, Gage, Clayton...

Random excitements:

Went away for a couple days...feel rejuvinated...ready to be a mom and wife again...I'm sure only time will tell when it will be time to leave again :)

Hit the 50% off Savers sale on Memorial Day. I loaded up on some great newer clothes all for $.50-$3 dollars each for the girls. I love finding a good deal. Here Kenzie is supposed to be modeling some of the clothes for me but is picking at my plant instead.

I found this brand new bumper at the Savers sale too for $3! I love how it is white! I was wondering how I was going to find, pull off, or make some sort of boy bumper for the baby with my style...this was a pleasant surprise to find.

Chay built a tire swing over the weekend. We got the idea and instructions from instructables.com I love that website. You can learn how to do anything on that website. Oh the blessed internet. I can't believe how much my mom figured out without the internet while we were growing up. The tire was free from Pep Boys. Never pay money for a used tire. The chain however NOT free.

I found this cool table and chairs for $30 at a yard sale...it is ornate and beat up. But I just loved it. So I bought it. Thank you Cami for helping me bring home my junky treasure. I know I will be able to sell it for more...but for now I just stare at it and store junk on it...obviously.

Got my garden in and planted flowers. I am so excited about planting asparagus this year. I love asparagus and its a perennial vegetable that will harvest for up to 25 years! It takes 2-3 years before you can harvest but I figure by the time Chay is done with school we will be enjoying sweet asparagus...time passes quickly- it really does.

asparagus looks kind of freaky coming out of the ground like that...

We trimmed the front bushes...and Chay put in a new back door- being that our original back door was the original back door...from the 50's...and served no purpose other than being a door- a piece of hollow wood separating the outside from the inside. Let's just say we feel a lot more insulated now.

swimming lessons...for Kenzie. I fought swimming lessons...thought it was super silly for a 4 year old being that I started swimming lessons when I was 8 or so...but then I realized that I grew up around lakes and rivers and swam all summer long and sort of taught myself the basics- and Kenzie doesn't have that opportunity. Plus Kenzie likes it of course. But the pool water is always freezing...her teeth chatter/bottom lip quiver the whole time.

Look at this tall lonesome beautiful tulip. I love looking at it.

This picture is special to me. "The Promise" by Morgan Weistling. A very special family who I love so dearly placed this picture of Christ in my bedroom- it was the first thing I saw when I walked in my bedroom for the first time after serving my mission. The little girl looks like me when I was little. I love how she is clinging to the Savior.

Well I spray painted the picture frame white to match the girl's room decor better...

And camping...in the backyard. We actually never slept in the tent...but just played in it all day. I'm not about to sleep on the ground with a huge belly when I have a comfy bed 20 feet away.

Kenzie and Daddy

Minivan debate

2010-06-05T12:16:00.007-06:00

We have been needing a new car for awhile. You know, the ones that actually fit more than 2 car seats comfortably? Our jeep will fit 2 boosters and baby seat but that is after giving yourself carpal tunnel trying to buckle the boosters in which are CRAMPED up next to the baby seat. It's like a 10 minute process...and sometimes even bloody. It's a no-go with someone with little patience like myself.

So the minivan question arose???? Oh the look on Chay's face. Classic.

You see, I'm married to a motor sports kind of guy. He hauls dirt bikes and 4 wheelers on a weekly basis. Either to sell, fix up, buy, or ride. Fox bumper stickers and minivans don't mix. I don't think minivans mix well with any man really. I'm now convinced they somehow mess with manhood.- Along the same line as chick flicks and listening to Celine Dion.

I'm not a minivan fan either...but I would drive one if I had to. But THIS commercial has definitely changed my mind. You have to watch this...

every minivan family out there (who is basically everyone I associate with) this is for you...take pride in your swagger wagon.

and this one is for Chay...because a family man really can drive a minivan...

oh these commercials made me laugh the hearty laugh. The big chuckle and jerk motion that the Tomblin ladies are known for. Joette has the worse laugh and jerk out of all of us. She can become dangerous when she laughs. Don't make her laugh while she is driving.

Minivans are cool.

light

2010-06-04T19:47:00.011-06:00

I've been thinking a lot about "light" lately.

I know, a little random.

but the word "light" and what it offers in all its dimensions and interpretations really intrigues me. Spiritually, literally, figuratively, scientifically...

driving on the way here..."here" is my in-law's house- they are gone for the weekend and so in desperation to escape from who knows what- just escape to a place where I can think and act in complete silence...I asked if I could stay at their house. Surprisingly my wonderful mother in law agreed that it was a great idea for me to come and get away for a few days. So here I am. Very weird, I know- but I will tell you one thing- it is VERY quiet here. Just me. Just me. Wow. Just me. I only have to take care of me for the next couple days. This is a first in a very long time...and probably the last in a very long time. Wish Chay were here...but I think this time alone might do some good.

anyway on the drive here my mind was full of thoughts...and I contemplated my life...and my priorities...and this weird trip I was taking to my in-laws house to be alone. And my thoughts led to a prayer and then to more thinking...and then "light" came to mind.

I like light. In fact I am worried about being in this big house in a couple hours. Alone, dark house, dark night...oh dear April- just don't read into any noises you hear.

light.

"Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life." John 8:1

Christ is the light of the world. All things testify of him. Without him we would only have darkness. Christ is truth and truth is light. The magnitude of Christ's light/love is incomprehensible...but we can catch glimpses of it every day and testify of its realness...and continue to learn and grow because of it. There is a lot of light out there...Christ is everywhere if we train our eyes to see Him manifested in all things.

So the whole "light" thing all started when I popped in a health CD I have been wanting to listen to for like a year but never got around to it. I noticed the CD in a pile of stuff right before I was leaving and I had a tiny feeling that maybe I was supposed to listen to it on my drive here. It was interesting to say the least. The bio-chemist microbiologist guy who was talking explained in depth how certain foods we eat produce "light" or energy in the body and how other foods can actually destroy or rob "light" or energy in the body. He went on to say that our bodies do not run on calories, fat, or protein but actually run on light and electricity. He even said that our words, thoughts, and deeds can affect the light in our body. Wow I really liked what I was hearing. He obviously explained it in bigger scientific explanations that went over my head, but I got the jest of it. He then went on to talk about alkalinity acidity pH stuff...blah blah blah...but it made sense nonetheless and I couldn't really disagree with him because he basically pushed the simple knowledge that vegetables are full of proton energy producing minerals and nutrients that can supply healing essential alkaline electricity to the body.

So eat a cucumber already.

(Wow. I'm having color problems with the print)

Then I put in another CD (this time it was music) and one of the first songs I heard was this one:

Hold on the Light Will Come by Michael McLean

The message of this moment is so clear
And as certain as the rising of the sun
If your world is filled with darkness, doubt and fear
Just hold on, hold on, the light will come

Everyone who's ever tried and failed
Stands much taller when the victory's won
And those who've been in darkness for a while
Kneel much longer when the light has come.

It's a message every one of us must learn
That the answers never come without a fight
And when it seems you've struggled far too long
Just hold on, hold on, there will be light

Hold on. Hold on. the light will come.
If you feel trapped inside a never-ending night
If you've forgotten how it feels to feel the light
If you're half-crazy thinking you're the only one
who's afraid the light will never really come -
Just hold on. Hold on. The light will come!

The message of this moment is so clear
And as certain as the rising of the sun
If your world is filled with darkness, doubt and fear
Just hold on, hold on, the light will come.

This song kind of spoke to the heart as it seemed to relate to some of my feelings I've had lately. It made me teary eyed and I felt it was one of those "tender mercies" Heavenly Father gives so freely to his children. It was hopeful. My mom used to love this song...it would give her hope during those long cancer journey days. Joette would play and sing it for her on the piano.

Most of my drive to my in-law's was dark, rainy, and dreary but the last 20 minutes or so the sun broke through the clouds in streams of light. The bright sun hit my face and I felt for a moment the sunshine was just for me...Heavenly Father's way of letting me know he cares and loves me. It was beautiful.

Thank you.

I love this scripture "That which is of God is light; and he that receiveth light, and continueth in God, receiveth more light; and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day." D&C 50:24

the Ross breakdown

2010-06-02T12:45:00.003-06:00

I am seriously going through the hardest time right now. oh and please don't bring me cookies to make feel better- that will only make it worse.

I think I'm going to have an emotional breakdown...oh wait already had 4 in the last month.

everything is starting to pile up...I'm sick with a nasty cold, so is Julia- pregnancy, health, endless tasks, MS crap, kids, no energy, unfinished goals, sciatic nerve pain, relationships, expectations, stress, life- I have never felt this way for so long. It is so foreign to me. Everything seems to be taking a toll on me.

I have cried alligator tears for a week straight. We are talking the BIG tears...

Today Julia threw her 6th tantrum in 6 days ...at the store Ross. Her tantrums have become increasingly worse lately and usually last up to 55 minutes or so (I have timed them). I try to figure out why- probably some psychological disorder due to an insane mom. I took a toy away from her at the store as we were entering the dressing rooms... and she went absolutely ballistic. I have outgrown all my maternity clothes- gaining already 55 lbs and depressed as ever with my appearance, I attempt with a screaming toddler and a 4 year old to try on some shirts that will actually cover my belly and my boobs. I look in the mirror and I don't even recognize myself. I'm a big white puffy marshmallow! Julia won't stop screaming and snot from her nose is going everywhere. She is kicking and rolling around on the floor. I'm trying to take deep breaths when all of the sudden I hear this lady scream, "Shut that kid up!"

I was taken off guard and so I responded, "excuse me?"

"You heard me, shut that kid up or take her home!"

"um...I'm trying...I can't really help it..."

I have no idea what this lady looks like because she is yelling at me from her dressing room and I'm in my dressing room obviously. I start to get pretty shaken up.

she screams "You need to learn how to control your kids"

I responded, "Ever had a toddler before?"

"Yes I did and they never acted like that- you need to learn to control them or don't bring them shopping!" and she walked out of the dressing room and out into the store.

It was seriously a tipping point for me. My eyes filled up with tears and I started to blubber like a baby- Poor Kenzie just sat and stared at her emotional sister and mother go to town with the tears. She then asked, "why was that lady mean to you Mommy?"

A worker must have heard the whole ordeal and she went and found the toy I took away from Julia and slipped it under the dressing room door. Julia of course stopped crying when she saw it but I sure didn't. Then a few moments later the same worker slid a box of tissue under the door for me. I seriously had no control over my emotions. I was spent.

I was then determined not to ever leave that dressing room out of pure embarrassment. I eventually got myself together enough to leave. The nice worker apologized for the rude customer.

Not a good day in April's life. Hopefully I will someday laugh about it all. Right now I am barely holding it together.

I think about God's plan for me often and I seek the Lord through prayer that I may learn and grow from this time in my life...but it can really suck sometimes regardless.

Please tell me I am somewhat normal??? anybody lose it in a dressing room before???

operation home cont.

2010-06-01T20:56:00.007-06:00

bunk beds.

With baby #3 coming...and with a little house, it was bunk bed time. Changing the bed situation around here was inevitable.

When the bedrooms in your home are relatively SMALL- your kid's beds have to go up. Chay and I even entertained with the idea of having bunk beds. "Think of all the extra space we would have in our room without this queen bed..."

It was a short-lived idea.

anyway so I found this bunk bed at a yard sale for $15.

old and very used...but with potential

sanded a little, primed, and painted...

I really love how the beds turned out. Perfect for the girls.

We also painted the room, hung new chair rail and crown molding- I'll post pictures of the room later...

The excitement of bunk beds has been interesting. My girls for the first 3 weeks of "bunk bedding" acted like they were on cocaine at bedtime. They laughed and giggled for hours. I mean hours. They wouldn't fall asleep until 11 o'clock some nights. They would see each other through the cracks and start laughing uncontrollably. Kenzie would peek down at Julia and again...out of control excitement. Who needs theme parks or McDonald's playland??? They are finally calming down...but wow- childhood. Great isn't it?

Ju Ju is a bunk bed pro. No problems whatsoever with the change from crib to bed. She did however sneak out of her bedroom once to get a toy out of the living room. Chay and I were watching a moving in the basement and we thought someone was breaking into our house...but no it was just Julia getting her butterfly wings by the piano...it was pitch black upstairs and all we could hear were little feet on the wood floors running as fast as they could go back to the bedroom and jumping in bed. So cute.

memorial day

2010-05-31T20:10:00.003-06:00

the scouts put a flag in our front yard today...

In 2003 I went to Arlington Cemetery.

Alone.

Mom was in the hospital...of course.

There is a very special feeling at that place. So quiet and reverent. I understood more clearly what freedom meant as I walked passed all those hundreds of hundreds of graves. I remember my heart feeling very full and feeling grateful for all those who believed in this great country ...enough to die for it.

It was a very spiritual experience for me.

If you ever go to Washington D.C.- you have to make it to Arlington- far better than the lame White House.

operation home

2010-05-26T09:02:00.010-06:00

This dresser was free.

It was on the lawn across the street with a "free" sign.

I love "free" signs.

When Chay and I moved into our home we were without a dresser- so the free dresser, ugly, but free dresser came in handy for the first 3 years we have lived here. It was beaten up pretty bad...

but friends like Tiffani and Janna seemed to like the dresser when they saw it- that confused me because it was so "motel" to me.- you know modern 70's.

But straight lines have grown on me. Tiffani suggested I paint the dresser. I just wanted to get rid of it. But Since I already had all the primer and paint to paint it- I kept it. The hardware was about $16 dollars. Turned out lovely I think. Obviously not a perfect paint job- but we are learning. It's at least nice to practice on free furniture, right?.

We put it downstairs in the guest/baby room...which is still in the works...

I got the mirror at a thrift store for $10. It was hanging in our bathroom downstairs for a year or so. It's a rather large mirror and I hung it over the toilet...the wrong way- vertically not horizontal...um...let's just say Chay didn't like using that bathroom very much- he wasn't used to watching himself pee...I personally thought it was hilarious. Chay gladly took the mirror down from above the toilet and spray painted it white for me- and hung it up over the dresser...on Mother's day in fact. That was thoughtful of him.

baby blanket

2010-05-25T13:16:00.007-06:00

I finally finished sewing a baby blanket I started like 6 months ago.

A while back I came to the realization that I really didn't have anything for a baby "boy". So I ventured off to make a warm flannel batted blanket- thinking I could just throw it together. Well since I don't have any natural sewing skills, a loving grandma around, or a mommy for that matter, I resorted to YouTube to teach me. Bad idea.

I am convinced that learning to quilt and sew needs to be a woman to woman "time-together" event- YouTube wasn't all that satisfying or memorable.

The blanket I made almost brought tears during the process because I was messing up so bad on it- but by the end I was laughing so hard at all the mistakes and so I eventually surrendered to the flaws and simply said, "this stupid blanket is at least made with love, not perfection, but with love...and some freezing child in Russia would love this thing because it is heavy and warm." Plus Chay said it was an "awesome" blanket.

I'll take awesome.

binky

2010-05-21T19:38:00.004-06:00

Julia has been binky-free for 24 hours now. holy smokes is this really happening????

Ju-ju is addicted to the binky like I am addicted to sugar. Both have to go.

You see, the binky fairy was supposed to come and take it away like 2 months ago but I didn't have the stamina, heart, will-power, the courage to take it away. It was on my "to-do" list but I just sort of freaked out just thinking about not sleeping through the night again before the baby even comes...and I wasn't sure how my little Ju-ju would do without her number one source of security. But together Julia and I have had several conversations about "saying goodbye" to the binky. She knew it was coming. I even made up a song about a binky that went bye bye...

it goes like this:

"there once was a binky that said bye bye
it made ju ju sad, it made her cry
but Mommy gave lots of love
and the binki fairy left a surprise
and everything's alright...everything's alright"

I know pathetic, but in the eyes of a 2 year old- it helped a lot.

Well Julia chewed a huge hole in her last binky yesterday. It was julia who said it was "broken" and that she didn't need a Binky anymore.

"What?"

She didn't nap yesterday but fell right to sleep at bedtime at 6:45.
She didn't nap again today crying "I can't sleep...I want my binky" but at 7 tonight she was fast asleep- without one whimper of needing her binky.

I have noticed she is a lot more cuddly now and wants to be held...which is fine with me. It is hard to pass up a snuggle from a 2 year old anyway.

Oh isn't it crazy that something so silly like a pacifier can result in being a life crisis to a toddler...and to a mother???

becoming what you believe

2010-05-21T07:56:00.002-06:00

Here is a nice quote of hope:

"Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I shall have the belief that I can do it. I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it, even if I may not have it at the beginning." ~Mahatma Gandhi

healing segment- sugar

2010-05-20T20:46:00.005-06:00

Please read:

Researchers at Princeton University report that sugar-loving mice demonstrate all three criteria of addiction: increased intake, withdrawal, and cravings that lead to relapse. Previous work has shown that mice deprived of food for several hours and then allowed to binge on sugar water (with concentrations similar to that of soft drinks) soon developed addictive behaviors. Sugar intake causes the release of dopamine in the brain, a reward chemical. After a month of sugar binging and increased dopamine levels, the rats' brains developed fewer dopamine receptors and more opioid receptors--changes similar to those observed in mice on cocaine and heroine. When their sugar supply was suddenly cut off, the mice exhibited signs of withdrawal, including teeth-chattering, anxiety, and refusing to leaving their tunnels. The latest research showed that when these mice were offered sugar once again, they worked harder to attain it and consumed more than ever. (Discover magazine, December 2008)

wow isn't that interesting?

oh my, am I like these mice???, except I refuse to leave my tunnel when I eat sugar more so than when I go without for awhile...not so much teeth chattering, but I do feel anxious. I feel the most depressed and irritable when I am consuming sugar. I hurt the worse the next morning after having too much sugar the night before.- and yet I keep returning to sugar for that little "lift me up" to get through the day- Like one vicious cycle.

sugar sugar sugar...just you wait- you are going DOWN!

sleeping children

2010-05-19T19:24:00.007-06:00

What is it with children when they sleep? They suddenly turn into these magical perfect little angels sent from heaven who could do no wrong.

I mean let's be honest all parents love it when their child is asleep for the night. I don't know what it is- instant relief? peace, quiet...all of the above?

I know that at least with me when the kids are asleep I am rest assured that I can't do anything wrong for the next 10 hours or so that will catch me in a bad mommy moment- they are ASLEEP, they are in a different world, they are doing exactly what they should be doing- I have no reason to yell, ignore, complain, or gripe at them.

But funny enough- when they ARE finally sound asleep, I can't seem to leave them alone. One of my favorite things to do is to go into the girl's room every hour or so and watch them and rub their soft cheeks. I usually pray for them during this time.

My girls look so dang innocent when they're asleep. Their skin is flushed- long eyelashes- perfect lips. Heaven feels so close. I swear every mom and dad recommits to being a better parent when they watch their children sleep. It's like something slaps you over the head "Look how incredibly special they are!"

ursula

2010-05-14T15:36:00.004-06:00

As I was getting out of the shower I noticed Kenzie and Julia were waiting by the bathroom door, wanting to take a bath. They beg to take baths every day. I hope that lasts into the adolescent years. Well the bathing part...not necessarily bathing together...that would be weird.

Anyway, I noticed Kenzie staring at my big pregnant body. She then kindly said to me, "Mom, you look like Ursula...on the the Little Mermaid."

oh could I hear anything more uplifting...at such a big and awkward time in my life?

It gets worse...

Kenzie then continued to say, "like when Ursula shakes her boobs and says "body language!!!!"

"what on earth?"

The clip from the movie instantly came to my mind. Obese Ursula singing "Poor Unfortunate Souls" Her words, "You'll have your looks, your pretty face, and never underestimate the power of BODY LANGUAGE!" And then Ursula goes about to turn around and shake her overly enormous booty for us all to enjoy. Earlier in the song she flatters us with jiggling her breasts center screen until all we see is her cleavage.

ok Disney, seriously?

I will admit that Ursula is one of my most favorite Disney characters. She is so fun to quote on a normal basis- but not so fun when I actually look like her- in the eyes of a 4 year old anyway.

For those who don't see me often and wonder how "cute" I look at almost 8 months pregnant- here is a video to give you a heads up of what you're not missing.

april unplugged- beware

2010-05-13T17:16:00.006-06:00

I wish I had more of a back bone...Although I tend to have a strong opinion about things- I'm really a softy when it comes right down to it. I might harp and complain about being mistreated- but those who know me well enough- know to read right through it and rarely take my feelings all too seriously.

I'm more mad at myself than anyone for being this way.

I have a hard time deciding what's most important in my life. Well obviously God is...but I guess trying to figure out what He knows is best for me is where I struggle.

I am learning that I can focus really well on one thing at a time...but 3 or 4 things? I'm a complete mess. I was a really good student at the end of my college career, because I only worried about myself and all other areas of my life beside school were always falling apart it seemed. But my last semester in college I landed a 4.0, aced my finals despite early labor pains, and welcomed Kenzie into the world the very next day.

I think the most sane part of my life was during my stay at the Missionary Training Center in Sao Paulo, Brazil. For the first time in my life, every minute of my day was planned for me. I knew when I was going to study, go to class, eat, sleep, even write in my journal-. Food was provided by the cafeteria so eating seconds was out of the question. Gym time was 3-4 times a week. I went to bed at 9:30 every night, I was studying the scriptures and having many spiritual experiences, I was with lovely people all day...I remember just feeling so whole and complete. I was doing what I was supposed to be doing, I was on a rigid schedule, and I was so so very content.

Sometimes I wish an angel would appear every morning and tell me exactly what to do each day.

I don't know how to budget very well and getting out of debt seems like the impossible dream. Eating healthy and getting my family on board...again the impossible feat. Being a proactive parent, finishing projects- each one of these things take ALL of me. I don't know how to divide up the day. I am a complete mess. And honestly, I am alone in all these efforts. So another thing on my to-do list: get family members to somehow feel the same way as I do about certain family goals.

If I just concentrate on one goal- the rest of my life would go to shambles. Yet when I concentrate on more than one goal...my life goes to shambles. And I get frustrated with myself and I just want a spoonful of marshmallow cream and hide under the covers all day.

I try to figure out what is most important....most days I swear it is health...but then when it's time to buy groceries or pay for my gym membership I start to think that getting out of debt is more important...or when I drop my girls off at the gym daycare and they scream bloody murder I start to think that I need to spend more quality time with my kids. I hear those words of guilt, "They are only young once" I walk into the house and see it's a mess and how it needs new carpet and then I start to say that the home is the most important and that I need to focus on saving money to fix it up and follow a cleaning schedule...I can not function if there isn't any function. I go crazy. If the house is out of order, I am out of order- checked out in a flurry. I need a place for everything- and yet I am always dealing with piles and backed-up "to-do" lists and too much clutter.

going to the gym, eating healthy, budgeting, order in the home, being a good mom and wife- these things do not come easy for me- they're all so life consuming. I so wish that I was normally healthy and strong, mothering came easy with all the perfect words of kindness, that money wasn't always such an issue, organization was second nature- I wish I had these things already in tack so I could enjoy the better part of life- to just sit down and make something, go on a hike, call up a friend and hang out- without feeling overwhelmed about how I can't find anything, how tired I am, how slow I am at learning new things.

Every day I wake up feeling overly stressed about the day because every little task is so hard. Even getting out of bed puts me in a bad mood. I hurt everywhere in the morning.

Sometimes these frustrations get me really moody and I feel like I'm ready to explode. I feel I just give give give and fulfil everyone's needs but mine- and then I feel selfish for thinking so.

Sometimes I am sick of being the supportive one, the one willing to change, the patient one, the strong example, the motivator, the bill payer, the budgeter, the cook, the advisor, the house cleaner, the teacher...sometimes I just want to do things for just me...but I feel the load is too essential to give up and all will crumble if I become too lenient. But if I was to do something just for me, I already know I wouldn't be able to figure out what it is I need to do for myself! I know serving others is supposed to make me happy???? AHHHHH I feel like I do that all day! I know its a privilege to be a mother and wife, but I can't figure out the balance.

I think throwing off the guilt plague might help a lot. Anyone have a vaccine/remedy?

Growing up I didn't dream of that perfect wedding or holding children. I didn't care about making bread from scratch or sewing curtains. Now I think about these things...and unfortunately I'm a little behind. The desire is there but the skills are lacking.

It makes me sad. I feel trapped with my feelings. I am so tired. I know I'm not right physically. How can I handle everyday life if it's painful to walk and I'm exhausted.

I really wish I could go to a 2 week recapture health place...a place to detox, sleep, exercise...a place where kids aren't begging for toast and butter and peanut butter jelly sandwiches. A place where husbands don't eat pizza and oreos for dinner. A place of solitude and escape from every day life. I don't even want people I know to be at this place. A place where I wake up and no one needs me- no meals to cook, no groceries to buy, no books to check out or return, no story time, no night's sleep interupted, no paper route, no bills to pay, no lesson to teach, no laundry to fold, no time-outs or sending girls to the corner, no arguments, no whining, no tight uncomfortable clothes, no butts to wipe, no house to fix up, no calendar, no motorcycles, no sugar, no matching socks or missing shoes to find, no counters to wipe, no feelings of being used or taken advantage of, no worrying ...just for 2 weeks...maybe 3 weeks.

I think I need a break.

I think I just need to go to bed.

trusting trials

2010-05-04T09:54:00.004-06:00

Many of you are inspired by Nie Nie's story. For those of you who aren't aware- Stephanie Nielson, a mother of 4, was in a plane wreck with her husband about 2 years ago. They both survived but most of Stephanie's body was burned in the wreck. Stephanie blogs about her experience.

I love this video. Heavenly Father really knows what he is doing with us...despite the trials that come our way, we are loved and watched over by Him. Some of our greatest trials will bring us closer to Him, if we but choose to allow Him to work miracles in our lives.

enjoy

happiness

2010-05-03T19:43:00.003-06:00

Today 3 special people in my life are celebrating their birthdays- May 2nd- what a big day! Jaynee, Pat, and Stan. We are talking about 3 top of the list forever treasured friends. Happy Birthday you guys. I love you so much.

30 things that make me happy

1. My relationship with God
2. the smell of mod podge
3. touching my babies' skin
4. marmalade- my grandma loved marmalade jam also
5. zip lock bags and storage containers
6. my girls snacking on avocados and cucumbers
7. music
8. 70 degree sunshine weather
9. doing what I know I should be doing
10. Taking naps with Kenzie- I love to snuggle with that girl.
11. butter mints at weddings
12. finding a good deal
13. funniest home videos
14. when Chay gets home
15. feeling healthy, having energy
16. driving alone in Chay's car with music really loud
17. helping when I am really needed
18. nature, scenery, mountains, trails, trees, peace
19. putting on brand new socks
20. being with people I love and trust and knowing they feel the same about me
21. Malcolm in the Middle and Scrubs
22. older folks who are pure, wise, and make evident they have lived a good life
23. going to the temple
24. swinging
25. looking at house plans
26. Mormon Tabernacle Choir
27. garage sales and thrift stores
28. a clean functional house
29. remembering Mom's laugh...she had this contagious wheeze thing when she laughed.
30. reminiscing and re-telling college stories with Emily

joy

2010-04-28T07:51:00.005-06:00

I met Joy today.

She was sitting at a table in Costco in the book section.

My reaction, "Oh my gosh are you really Joy?"
Her reaction, "yes I am sweetie."

I then went about to ask her about trimming my bushes, my apple trees, organic fertilizer, tulips...

I listen to "Joy in the Garden" whenever I can on Saturday mornings on talk radio. She has this perfect grandma voice and whatever she says about plants and gardens I unquestionably believe her. It's the grandma voice that is the most convincing.

Grandmas know flowers.

Anyway so I bought her book. It is a lovely book. I bought it because it's a Utah gardening book- which is a bonus because most places don't deal with our soil.

I read a lot of it last night and just dreamed of having that beautiful yard...but then quickly realized how much work a beautiful yard is...so dreaming about one is far easier and cheaper. I think I will just stick to dreaming about one for right now. I'm lucky enough to get the weeding done. Plus my girls picked half of my tulips before they even bloomed this spring.

But we have plenty of dandelions...the wonder of dandelions to little girls is always so fun...

I have little bouquets of dead dandelions all over my house "just for you Mom"

I wake up to dead dandelions. They were delicately placed on my nightstand by 4 year old hands. I can't seem to throw them away. Ironically the pile of weeds bring me much joy when I first wake up in the morning.

busy

2010-04-26T23:05:00.003-06:00

We have been super busy. I am actually quite amazed at how much we are getting accomplished. I will have to tell all later.

I guess I will have to post pictures or something- I have never painted so much in so little time. I remember when I used to get nervous when it was time to paint something. I think those feelings are gone now. My sewing machine still makes me nervous and so does the miter saw- but I'm getting there slowly.