operation home- the desk

Just breathe Dad...just be prepared that's all I'm saying.

Do you see this desk? This is our computer desk. Our million pound roll top desk... that was designed for paper and not computers. But luckily the laptop fits and it's great for hiding messes when the Mother in Law decides to make a drop-in visit. "Quick! Roll the desk down!!!"



Yes, this classic oak desk from the lovely 80's belonged to my mom and dad. Mom gave it to me when Chay and I moved into our home. I remember pretending to play "office" and "bank" on it when I was little girl. I even pretended there was a drive-up window in the wall next to where the desk stood.

My mom would pay her bills on this desk and she had one of those big calculators with a receipt paper roll attached to the top. The calculator would turn and print out your itemized numbers and calculations. I can still hear the sound of the paper rolling and the numbers printing. ch ch ch ch ch ch

oh my gosh, I just found the exact calculator on google images!!! Oh the memories.



So anyway- back to the desk. The big desk.

thank you Dad. It's serving its purpose perfectly-

but um well...as much as you and I like the desk, the color had to go. Dad, just breathe. I know I am blatantly disobeying you. You clearly told me NOT to paint over the beautiful oak...but if I may add, you can't really give something to someone and then tell them what they can and can't do with it, right? The desk is technically mine. In facts it's all mine- no need for "technically".

I don't think I have changed much Dad.

Oh dear. I feel so rebellious. But for the record, I know Mom would absolutely LOVE the desk transformation. She has already given me the heavenly thumbs up.







Sorry about the angle- my kitchen counter is in the way.

I love it!!!! It's a little more turquoise than the picture- so fun. Love it.



I love the new hardware but I'm having knob issues and have made several trips to Hobby Lobby- too big, too small- but for now I'm just going to surrender to that problem and just love the desk until I find the perfect knobs.

So Dad, do you approve? Or am I grounded?

joy in this journey

So I am 31 now. Pretty exciting I tell you. It kind of feels like 30 and probably a lot like 32 I'm guessing.

Getting older is kind of lame-o. Not quite the thrill that came with turning 16. But it's interesting how little milestones in life make cause for personal reflection.

My six day birthday journey was a week of reflection. I observed myself and my actions. This is what I discovered: I have weaknesses. I am a child of God. I am nothing without God. I need to make life changing decisions that will face nothing but opposition for the first little while. I also learned that all my choices each day need to be prioritized into three categories 1. The Essentials 2. The Necessaries 3. The Funs (thank you Sister Beck) and obviously making sure "The Essentials" are always first so The Necessaries and The Funs find their place beautifully in life without a lot of stress.

Essentials: prayer, scripture study, Family Home Evenings on Monday, family prayer, church on Sunday, Keeping the Sabbath day Holy, going to the Temple as often as life and babysitting permits, family scriptures at night, visiting teaching, calling- you know, the essentials- the choices in life that build our foundation and our relationship with God. I am a covenanted person therefore I try try try to do The Essentials dang it!

Necessaries: A house of order- (oh sigh, I suck at this), exercise, eating healthy, story time with my children, dinner with the family, education, date night with Chay, one on one time with my kids

The Funs: everything else fun that we all enjoy- which is great and important- but should never come before The Essentials that's for sure. And we all know The Funs come before The Necessaries often...which is ok I think from time to time- But when nutrition is out the door, the house is messy and cluttered, too much money being spent... because of too much play- well even The Essentials get easily jeopardized when The Necessaries are out of whack. The Funs in my life are redecorating and renovating something in the house, blogging, reading blogs, internet, reading books, thrift store shopping, watching movies, talking with my dear friends and Joette on the phone-

This is my personal categorization of priorities that I feel inspired to follow. I will obviously get my priorities messed up every now and then...but I just want to try and at least remind myself every day what is the most important in my life...

Like take this little guy for example...




joy in the journey

I want this bike

Don't you want it too??? This picture is actually a link to the place that sells these lovelies. Not exactly in the budget. I better buy a couch before a bike...I could probably buy two couches for the price of this bike and maybe even a nice lamp too. But it's always nice and fun to dream, right?

post-it love

How about a little post-it love for my birthday.



isn't that great?

6 day birthday journey

I love babies. Xander is by far my favorite newborn. With Kenzie I was in denial of motherhood. Then came Julia- still in denial and she also cried and cried and cried for 3 months- and then of course I couldn't handle it very well...so I would then cry and cry and cry with her. I was a mess.

Xander however calms me. He is a good baby. He is a piece of heaven in our home...and he is so dang cute- oh my.

I am trying to deal with life the best I can.

This is a hard time for me. I feel I am at a crossroad in my life. You know, like decisions made right now will determine the greater portion of the rest of my life. Ever get those life crossroad feelings?

My brain is so mushy right now. I have a hard time concentrating. Tired mostly. Anyone else get mushy brain?

other thoughts:

I think I use MS as an excuse. I feel sometimes it has already defeated me, falling back on it when I attempt and fail at a goal because my body isn't responding the way it used to. I wish I was never diagnosed. I am strong you know. I really am. I used to be a good basketball player back in the day. I loved to run. Cross country and track were my thing- Mountain biking and snowboarding found me in college...a triathlon after the mission. I was competitive and I loved pushing my body to its limits. I use to live for being active and working hard. Now I have this weird fear thing going on. I feel trapped. Lost.

I hate it when people see me lifting something heavy or doing something strenuous and they run over to me like I'm 90 years old and insist they help me because you know, I have MS, I must be completely incapable. That is the worse thing you could do to me. Mom always told me that once she was diagnosed with cancer, people suddenly stopped needing her. It broke her spirit. Mom loved to be needed. She had so many talents to still share.

So how long am I going to let MS defeat me? When will I let it stop labeling and defining who I am? How long am I going to have lame excuses? When will I stop feeling sorry for myself and get on with life? When will I stop surviving each day and start living? When will I start treasuring this body like it needs to be treasured? One of God's greatest gifts to man is the body- which houses our precious spirit. When will I take that truth and make it apart of who I am? Why do I ignore the promptings?

Fear is interesting. Fear mixed with brownies and ice cream?...a destructive combination I'm telling you.

Fear is selfish.

That over sung over used song by Michael Mclean pops into my head "I've got to find out who I am."

Just for 6 days. Experiment upon the word, upon my impressions, upon the Still Small Voice, upon answers to prayer. Experiment. Trust in the Lord. Give it all to Him. Trust.

6 days.

Day one starts tomorrow. Time for bed.

big sister

ok, so sometimes she kisses him a little too much. And she tries to carry him a little too often...sadly he is getting heavier quicker than she is getting stronger- each day he seems to get harder to hold- but she still tries. Only dropped him once...and accidentally landed on him today- ouch!

and sometimes she wakes him up from sleeping so she can talk and sing to him, and sometimes she tries to feed him things he isn't supposed to eat...

the other day she whacked him in the head with the book she was "reading" to him

and sometimes I get really annoyed with her over abundance of love for him...only because it usually causes tears and an overwhelmed baby...




But when it comes right down to it, how can I ever really discourage that "in training" divine mommy-ness gift she naturally possesses.