lost at lowes

I noticed I also have a blog entry titled "humbled at hardware store". I guess some of my life's greatest lessons are supposed to be learned where paint, sandpaper, and screwdrivers are sold. Who knew?

So the day was long...too long- my ankles were swollen along with my feet that seemed to be bursting the seams of my sandals. Chay and I had been walking up and down the aisles of Lowe's for about 2 hours filling our cart with the essentials of fixing a bathroom floor that was ruined from a leak...that in itself is worthy of a blog entry of its own...maybe later.

Nearing the end of our visit to Lowe's, we stopped in front of the cashiers and went over our list to make sure we didn't forget anything. At this time a man who kind of gave me the hiby jibbies stopped in front of our cart and laughed at Kenzie who was sitting on top of the toilet we were about to purchase. He then made this comment, "How much is the little girl? I would like to buy her if I could" Chay and I just pulled the courtesy laugh and didn't say much. Chay then remembered he needed something in plumbing. He took off towards the back of the store while we waited for him near the front. Kenzie became impatient and insisted she get down from the toilet. I let her down and she wondered behind a stack of boxes about 3 feet away from where I was standing. I couldn't see her but I figured she was playing with the plastic surrounding the boxes. After about a minute and half of not being able to see her and somewhat surprised she didn't come around the other side to check up on me like she usually does, I go and look behind the stack of boxes. I was about to say, "Come on Kenzie, let's go" but she wasn't there. I looked everywhere and she was no where to be found.

My heart started to pound as I searched up and down the aisles. I then began to scream Mckenzie's name. Each second that passed seemed like an hour. Chay heard me scream her name and he ran to the front of the store and told the employees. They locked the doors and within seconds there were about 6 employees looking for little Kenzie. There were about 10 customers who joined in for the search also.

Everyone kept asking me what she looks like. I just blurted out, "She is so cute...she has curly hair...light brown...very little...only 19 months old." Describing her made me so sad and frantic. I don't know if my brain is conditioned to handle trauma due to what I process from watching TV and movies, but I felt like I was in a movie almost- I just prayed to Heavenly Father "please help us find her, please don't give me this trial, oh protect her" I instantly thought of the creepy old man that wanted to buy her and my thoughts led me to be convinced that he had taken her. Five minutes had passed and she was still gone. I began to just crave her. The shock of it all was overbearing...I went into survival mode and began to think about her laugh, her smile, her kisses...her soft skin. I began to cry harder and more intense- tears started to make their way down my cheeks. I felt so empty and helpless. One employee kept reassuring me we would find her. I wanted to believe her but the tone of her voice reminded me too much of what you would hear in a movie...like she was saying to me what she was supposed to say to me in that kind of a situation...the whole experience was so surreal. Finally after 5-7 minutes of hell, we hear a voice several aisles down "we found her" oh those wonderful words- the best thing I have ever heard in my entire life. Again someone said, "here she is...we found her" I felt bursts of happiness surge through my whole body. I ran towards the voice and there she was, my little Kenzie playing with some wrenches she pulled off the shelf. I picked her up and just cherished the feel of her little body. I softly whispered over and over, "Thank you Heavenly Father, thank you" She understood something or she knew she was lost because she immediately hugged me back for a long time.

That was so horrible of an experience. Everything in my world flipped for 5 minutes. I was truly reminded of my dear love for my daughter.

Can you believe Heavenly Father loves us more than we love our children? I wonder what He must feel when we go astray and become lost. Does He ache like I did when I lost Mckenzie? When God revealed to Enoch how many of His children, the very "workmanship of His own hands" would disobey Him, God wept...

Imagine what Heavenly Father feels when we return to Him?

A really weird twist...but loosing Kenzie at Lowe's helped me realize my worth, my true divinity. I am a child of God.