month 9

sacrament meeting:

quiet toys, 4 ward bulletins and crayons, water cup and fishy's (GoldFish Crackers, Original Flavor) always seem to help keep little Mckenzie busy enough to not want to run up and down the aisles in the chapel. This last Sunday however it was Mom who made the embarrassing scene during Sacrament Meeting. It confirmed my overly passionate disliking of being 9 months pregnant.

Kenzie dropped a goldfish under the pew and instead of crawling under to get it, she did her little whine she often does when she wants something. Of course my goal is to keep her quiet and reverent so I quickly look for the runaway fishy. It was in a really awkward spot to reach for someone with the belly the size of mine. I stretched and reached but to no avail the fishy rescue was unsuccessful. My concluding thoughts were to just leave the dang cracker in its new place but the little whines kept getting louder as Kenzie persistently pointed to the fishy. I finally got on my hands and knees between the two pews and picked up the GoldFish. Mckenzie instantly resumed back to "happy content child" as she gulped down the cracker. I however found myself in quite the situation. Every time I attempted to get up off my knees and sit down on the bench...I would fail miserably. I was stuck.

Ok so of course I am kind enough to myself or prideful enough whichever of the two who knows- to immediately complain about the year the church was built and how the stupid pews were installed so close together...but the complaining didn't help me get unstuck and only caught Chay's attention. He looks down at me with this look of bewilderment, "What are you doing?" He asks me. "I was trying to get a fishy!" which made me look even stupider. "Get up" Chay insisted. "I can't," I was getting hot and embarrassed, "My butt is too big...I'm stuck" I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. Mckenzie started to giggle thinking mom was trying to be funny. Chay gave me his hand and told me to move away from the hymn book holder which was sticking out from the front pew. It was out far enough to keep me from getting up. What seemed like forever but was probably only 45 seconds or so, I was freed from the tight space between the pews...it was just plain awkward. Why we decided to sit 2 rows from the front row that day I don't know...but I can just imagine who all saw the new fat pregnant girl get stuck between the pews.

I hate being 9 months pregnant. It is official. I only have 25 days left until due date arrives. Women are amazing for bearing children...

I am so tired, so worn out and exhausted...I just want to sleep and sleep but of course my bladder only let's me sleep for maybe 3 hours at a time. I can't even begin to explain how wiped out I feel. They say I'm a little anemic...but iron pills aren't really helping. Oh how I just want to drift away on a cloud with no aches or pains or Mckenzie to wake me up.

I just want to jump out of this huge tired body and run as fast as can and jump into a lake. I just want to feel youthful and light.

Our hardwood floors don't help on the whole self esteem issue...I feel like an elephant when I walk anywhere in our house...boom, boom, boom...oh it is lovely...a great reminder.

I don't know what I would do without Chay's basketball shorts. They have a big elastic waist. The minute I come home from anything the first thing I do is put on his shorts. Chay's not allowed to wear them...I tell him to take them off politely if he has them on. Oh he is so understanding.

The skin on my belly was pretty tolerable with Kenzie but round 2 has been different. I always want to sing the Caramello candy bar commercial tune when I look at my new little depressing stretch marks "stretch it out out out....caramello" I will optimistically say for the rest of my life, "These stretch marks are my battle wounds from a great victory" and "I am so grateful bikini's and modesty don't mix" but still I will hate them forever...month 9- the last stretch...so we hope... literally.

I have been teary eyed lately. Hormones, long lonely days, tired, sick of cleaning the same pan every single night after dinner...you know the silly things that get pregnant girls going on a blubber fest for 20 minutes. I was thinking about how my life is going to change drastically here in a few weeks. I was feeling doubt about being a mother of two. How am I going to do it and still keep my sanity? How am I going to reassure Kenzie my love for her is the same even though I can't be there for her all the time? When will I sleep? When will I get to write on my blog? When will I be able to exercise? How am I going to fly home to see my mom? How will I afford diapers for two? When will I get to use my talents and do things just for me? Ahhhh I was starting to open up to Chay and I looked over at him in bed and he was fast asleep...poor thing- he is gone 12-13 hours a day and I know he has his own set of worries and concerns- oh it is all interesting this ride called life...ups and downs...all make us who we are and who we are to become...regardless I hate being 9 months pregnant.