Did you know my mom's favorite flower is the syringa?
ok so how do you handle bad news...over and over again? Would you kind of get a little numb to it all? Like a little annoyed maybe?
So my mom's cancer is back...again. She found out this week that she has 30+ cancer lesions in her brain. It is affecting her eyesight and so who knows what's in store for her. The doctor told her...again... that she only has 3 months or so left. Sometimes I just want to tell her doctor to "shove it". If I was ever an oncologist I would never give a number of months left to live- it is just so negative and so specific. There's got to be a better way of telling a patient that time looks short.
Mom's health is really confusing to me. I believe we have witnessed miracles in the past but they all seem so short lived. Praying for her and believing with her through all this has seriously been one long roller coaster of faith...and it's making me nauseous...can I get off this thing please? When is this ride going to end?
I have decided to not process anything at the moment. I don't even want to get sad. I have cried about this so much for the past 4 years that I just don't have it in me right now. I just keep focusing on the positive which is easy to do when I live so far away...but still- I just don't want to dwell on death or the fact that I might not have my mother around someday soon... anybody out there lose a mother before? How did you handle it? I'm just like...whatever.
We have been told now for 2 years that my mom only has 3-6 months to live and then she somehow gets over the hump and things actually look uphill for awhile. It is so exhausting.
Ok so there are several wards and tons of family who will be fasting for my mom this Sunday. So you can mention her in your prayers and fast this Sunday if you'd like. I sometimes feel that my mother's life is so much in the Lord's hands that I don't really fast for a healing necessary although I know a healing can happen...but I now just fast for peace and acceptance to whatever happens to her... a miraculous healing would be nice of course but I don't know how much of it is up to us anymore...
oh and don't call me...I am seriously so sick of talking about this to people.
9 comments:
So sorry April. I just got off the phone with a good friend of mine here in Meridian. Her mom has cancer and it has progressed pretty quickly in the past few months. She only has about 3 weeks left. My friend is feeling just like you posted. Her mom lives in the Tri-Cities area. I will for sure put you guys into my fast and prayers. We love you all!
I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. Jeff and I think she is such a neat lady and always so happy even in the worst moment of her trials. I have so much to learn from her example!
Hugs April! I'll be keeping your family in my thoughts and prayers!!!
I lot my father to a heart attack when I was a senior in high school and my mother was killed in a car accident when I was expecting my second child. It is never easy but you have the added blessing of the knowledge of the gospel and the concept of eternal families. Be thankful that you have some time even if it is short to share your family and love with your mom. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. JoAnne Maughan
I lot my father to a heart attack when I was a senior in high school and my mother was killed in a car accident when I was expecting my second child. It is never easy but you have the added blessing of the knowledge of the gospel and the concept of eternal families. Be thankful that you have some time even if it is short to share your family and love with your mom. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. JoAnne Maughan
April, I am exhausted for you. I can't imagine how apathetic you must feel sometimes when you hear this news over and over again. Your faith motivates me and impresses me. What a great thing that you have learned to fast for peace and acceptance to whatever the Lord's will is. I am sure he has blessed you for that. This rollercoaster your family has been on has got to be extremely frustrating--but if it helps at all--we have all been SO inspired and strengthened through the experiences your family has shared with so many. We have all come to appreciate our families and lives a little more and gained more faith in the Lord because of your family.
I LOVE YOU!
My fast was also for peace this time. I think we are all feeling it somewhat the same right now. I love you April.
So, last night hospice told our family that my dad has 1 week to a couple of months left. This morning I thought of this blog. There has got to be a different way to put the "timeframe". He has been on hospice for 2 years now (to be on hospice you have to have less than 6 months to live) so obviously time frames are incorrect. Why can't they just say the end is near, but we just are GOD so us giving you a time frame would be grossly inaccurate.
My other thought is that it does help some people come to terms with the end. It gives concrete information so they can prepare themselves. Some of my sisters are having a hard time with this and now just asking themselves questions like "should I have spent more time with him? or what could I have done better."
In any case, thank you for always being open with your feelings. You never know who needs to hear what you have to say in heart. Many times your thoughts have resonated truth in my soul. I already told Chay, but I am keeping your family in my prayers.
So that should have been:
Why can't they just say the end is near, but we just are not GOD so us giving you a time frame would be grossly inaccurate.
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