goodbye Mom

Mom died around 2 o'clock today.

I saw her last night and held her hand for a long time. I whispered to her last night "I don't know if you have a choice or not but if you do, you need to go home" Mom looked very close to dying and I knew the time was close.

I have prayed for a couple weeks now that if possible I could be with Mom when she took her last breath. My plans today were to go see her tonight. I got up this morning and decided to clean up Mom's green house. She has always wanted a green house and she finally got one this spring. It was full of dead tomato plants and I thought it would be a nice way to honor Mom- to get her green house ready for winter- I know she wanted to grow her own petunia plants in the early spring. I thought about Mom all morning. The girls were asleep for their naps for maybe 25 minutes when I got a call from Linda (a dear friend of the family's) she was with Mom and noticed Mom's breathing was staggering. Linda was crying when she said, "April I think your Mom is taking her last breaths" I hung up, grabbed my kids, dropped them off at our neighbor's house (love you Chapmans!) and off Dad and I went to say goodbye to Mom.

I called Linda back while we were driving. Linda told me she was already gone.

My mom is gone. The tears came. I wasn't there with her. I was lost. I just kept crying, "I lost my mommy...I lost my mommy" I knew she was going to die but it still shocked me and I so badly wanted to be with her one last time while she was alive. I felt this overwhelmingly ache in my chest and I just missed her...I just lost my Mom.

We walked into her room. Mom was pale and...her chest was no longer moving. She was gone. I bawled like a baby when I saw her. I held her lifeless hand- it was still warm and soft. Her face was motionless. She was peaceful. She was no longer agitated or shaking. The Mormon Tabernacle choir was still playing in the CD player. I asked Linda what song was playing when she died and she said, "I'm trying to be like Jesus"
Linda said she was asleep and very peaceful when she died.

My thoughts were a little all over the place. I was feeling peace yet I was upset I wasn't with her when her spirit left her body. I was crying a lot. I kept touching Mom's body- her feet, her head, her arms, her face, her hands- I missed my Mom a lot and wanted to be with her so badly. I can't believe she is gone. She has been so much apart of my life- she was my anchor- my stability when I needed a friend the most. She always listened to me, always taught me something...I loved her so much. I love her so much.

I was able to hold her hand until the rest of my family arrived.

We all hugged and cried together as we stood close to Mom.

Then the miracle happened.

Joette, Calie and I were standing together while we watched Keith stroke Mom's head.

Then I felt the embrace...from Mom. It was the most real experience- most real physical experience I can describe. It was warm and I could feel her. Joette could feel her too. Through my tears I said, "Mom is hugging me...I can feel her" Joette said the same thing. We then both said "thank you Mom" as tears of love rolled down our cheeks. I know my mom was there in that room today. She was smiling...she was sincere...and she wanted to hold her family close. We could all feel her...I will never doubt it. Thank you Mom.

I then knew why I wasn't able to be with Mom when she died. When she passed on through the veil she was greeted by all her friends and family who had died before her and then she was greeted by the hundreds upon hundreds who thanked her for doing their temple work for them- and then after her big welcoming party she must have said, "I have to go be with my kids and my husband" and so it was perfect timing and we were able to feel her. Mom was hugging each one of us today. It is a moment I will never forget.

We then knelt around her bed and said our last family prayer together. We knew that would be Mom's request. Keith offered the prayer.

We stayed with Mom's body for awhile and then the nurses covered her in a beautiful quilt. The funeral home people then came and took her away. I didn't want to say goodbye yet. I still don't.

But it is ok. Tonight we know Mom is free from her sick body- she is laughing and probably running around without any pain. I know Heavenly Father is going to put that talented elect lady to work real fast. I look forward to feeling her righteous influence in my life from here on out. I love you Mom.

Welcome home.