the surge...the rally

ok so Mom woke up yesterday morning with many words...?????? We couldn't get her to say much of anything the last couple days.

she talked all day yesterday...a little crazy stuff here and there but her eyes were open a lot and she had so much to say...it was really weird yet wonderful. She would say "I love you" and "I know your tricks...you guys have me locked up in this place" all in the same sentence. Her dear friend Jim Gilson came to visit and when she saw him she said, "Jim, you're the only one who can help me get out of this place...I don't trust anyone but you Jim, please help me" It is kind of sad yet a little humorous- only because we know her mind is half gone- but we are still so impressed at how good she is with names and long term memory.

Mom kept telling us yesterday how she is sick of laying on her bed and she wants to get up. Then out of no where, she all of the sudden got this surge of energy and pulled herself off the bed. Her legs buckled underneath her and she slid off right on top of me- luckily I was close enough to the nurse's call button so I could push it in time.

She also drank a ton of water, ate some jello, mash potatoes and stuffing. She also enjoyed her pineapple juice until she said, "I can't drink this anymore, you guys are trying to poison me." But she was also very sweet and kind and even laughed a little and we knew little pieces of Mom were breaking through despite how much of her mind isn't there.

They call it the last rally. The nurses explained it is very common for the dying to have a day or so before death when they have an unexplainable surge of energy.

I didn't want to leave last night. It was getting late and my kids were once again at some loving yet unknown home. The Lord is really taking care of my girls...thank you to all of you who have offered to watch my girls. They have seriously been watched by so many people these last 2 weeks and they are doing ok! Kenzie did tell me yesterday "Mommy I miss you" and it about broke my heart.

But I didn't want to leave Mom last night. She was so wonderful and alive. I wonder if she is still the same this morning. This whole experience has been so draining. This waiting time is so hard. I feel every emotion. I start to think about life without Mom and I bawl like a baby and yet I want to her to go soon so she can escape this sick body of hers and return home to her Father in Heaven. It is hard for me to stretch my kids out like this. I miss Chay. I miss his stableness and...hugging him.

I am still however holding on to the moment of "Mom"...and her little life left. I treasure each touch. Her skin is so soft- her hands so perfect. I know in the long run I will never regret all this time I have devoted to her last days on earth.