makeover may

body beautiful

so I've decided it was time to take care of myself dang it!

no more self loathing...it is time to do what I've been afraid of doing for a long time:

CHANGE.

Don't ask me why I fear change- I have convinced myself that I am the most familiar with the world around me when I am feeling sorry for myself... but like I said earlier, sometimes we don't want to give up our weaknesses because without them we aren't exactly sure who we would be without them.

So kind of like a run down house needing renovation: Here I go.

First thing: the headaches and back aches- CHIROPRACTOR I love you. I have decided to solve my problems instead of just dealing with my problems. I have already gone twice to Mr. Strange Chiropractic Man Who Talks Too Much, and I already feel so much better. I even got myself a water pillow. I filled it up wrong and water was going everywhere last night- but after I figured it out...wow...what a good night's sleep.

Next week: Mr. Dentist.
Week after that: Mrs. OBGYN and Mrs. Mammogram Machine

I went to the store yesterday and I bought a pair of these:



Chay pulled the girls in the bike trailer with his bike while I attempted my first big run since who knows when. (I ended up running about a mile LOL) I am a runner I'd say. I did cross country back in the day. I remember the 8 mile runs on Thursday afternoons. I even ran a triathlon the summer before I was married. The swimming part about killed me. Anyway, I don't hate running. I actually think it is very empowering...I am just afraid of it at the moment...because my lungs feel like they are ready to explode...and I just feel awkward.

*note to self: never go running on Monday nights after family home evening in your neighborhood: we stopped 4 times to talk to friends and families in the ward (it was actually kind of fun. I LOVE MY WARD!)

Tonight I start Yoga. I have never done yoga. Only once with Joette- a DVD, and the instructor looked liked Jackie Chan, so we quoted Shanghai Noon the whole time--wasn't a successful yoga effort but seriously funny-

I have been living off Costco and their wonderful supply of big veggie packs, their brown rice crackers, almonds, soy milk, hummus, organic brown rice, red potatoes, cheap salsa...I don't know what I would do without Costco. Heaven Bless that place...



and of course about 2 of these a day:



When I pray at night, I beg for the Lord's strength. I pray for a peaceful mind, faith to become stronger from Mom's death, to become more aware of those around me, to let go and let God take over.... to keep me motivated to take better care of my body, to remind me how important it is to my well being, but keep it in check and not get addicted or compulsive about exercising, but to surrender to it.

I will have to tell you about the summer I became addicted to running- well I will just say real quick: one summer I ran about 5-6 miles every morning before work. If I wasn't able to go running, I was so mean and rude. I was addicted. I would have withdrawals and nothing was more important to me than my morning run. I remember one time my mom needed me to help her do something at 6 in the morning and I was just livid. She reminded me nicely that my running is defeating its purpose and that it was turning me into a selfish brat. (my mom was VERY honest and blunt) I didn't learn until after some time that she was exactly right. She maybe could have used a different approach but still...

Anyway...

so here I go...