reasons

One of the many reasons why I love Chay:

So Chay is putting on an Elder's quorum Pinewood Derby. His call to be president must have been inspired...because...I'm sure these grown men need to unite and support one another more in their brotherhood by building and racing pinewood derby cars.

I am actually really excited about it...I think it is an awesome idea! The elders of course are excited...trading tools...getting ideas...I already have all these ideas how to make the event super fun! We are going to go Nascar crazy...Someday I hope to be the activities coordinator...that would be the funnest calling in the world...but now my nose is deep into the scriptures every night as I stress over how to teach Gospel Doctrine. Can I please stop being nervous to go to church?

ok Pinewood Derby:

Here is what the handout said that Chay gave to the Elders at church a couple weeks ago. It was taped to a pinewood derby car kit. This is so funny to me:

1st Annual Pinewood Derby Race

It is time to bring your mad Cub Scout Pinewood Derby skills back to life...

What is going on? Pinewood Derby Race

When and Where? To be announced

Are there rules? There will be two classes of cars: Open class mods and the other class will be limited to only 5 oz. weight limit per car without mods such as rocket engines, co2, etc (get it?)

So what do I do? Simply turn this chunk of wood into a fire breathing tire shredding, track burning speed demon.

And...will there be food? Yes. There will be food, awards, and a very small portion of bragging rights distributed.

shall guard his children well

Today I called my parents house knowing no one would answer. I do this from time to time so I can hear the message on the answering machine- it's Mom's voice. She sounds happy and bubbly.- she had a very distinct voice- a caring voice.

Today I did something really scary and daring...and I just wish I could call Mom up and tell her about my day, my life. No one listens like a mom.

Remember this painting Joette painted for me?

One day not too long ago Joette went downstairs into Mom's paint/craft room and sat down with Mom's paints and painted a picture. This picture. Nothing like Mom's style of painting of course- but it was Joette's little moment to connect with Mom and the gifts she had while on earth. At the end of painting this picture she felt inspired to paint the words, "cast your burdens"

Joette then felt she should give the painting to me. She also told me that when she was finished with the picture she cried and cried.

Joette wrapped the painting in a towel to protect it and drove down to my house and gave it to me. She handed it to me with such reverence. The painting is priceless to me. Whenever I look at it I think of the creative miraculous ways Mom is still uniting her family together.

Mom's paints, Joette's hand, words of a hymn, my wall.

When I first got the painting I said, "Cast your burdens...is that a scripture?? (I have hymn lyric problems...can't remember the words ever!)

Joette, "Those are words from the song 'How Gentle God's Commands' I really feel like you need that song in your life right now."

About a month later I opened the hymn book and played and sang the song. I had been going through a really hard time with Mom being gone and dealing with health stuff...I felt alone and inadequate to deal with life. Playing this song was one of the most spiritual moments of my life. That is why I need to write it down. I felt the spirit fill my body. I felt connected to the heavens. I knew God loved me and His children. I cried through each verse. It was direct communication from my Father in Heaven. I felt Mom's love for me...and her presence. She is still being Mom. Taking care of us. Listening to us and doing all she can to help fulfil our needs. I really feel like she is doing all she can in her afterlife state to keep reminding us of Heavenly Father's love for us. I am just bawling like a baby while I write this- because I know it is true...I know it is true.

I would play this song 2-3 times a day for a 'pick a me up'. I would always lose it on the 3rd verse and 4th.

I sang and played this song in church today. I changed it up just enough to make it my own. This song is a personal gift from God to me. I was so nervous. I felt like I was going to puke. I am not a performer. Music is to be felt more than heard...and so I always end up having an emotional performance instead of a good performance. But my prayer today was to maybe touch a heart, give someone strength, inspire others to believe how gentle and kind God really is.

How gentle God's commands.
How kind His precepts are.
Come cast your burdens on the Lord.
And trust His constant care.

Beneath His watchful eye,
His Saints securely dwell;
That hand which bears all nature up
Shall guard his children well .

Why should this anxious load
Press down your weary mind?
Haste to your Heavenly Father's throne
And sweet refreshment find.

His goodness stands approved
Unchanged from day to day;
I'll drop my burden at his feet
And bear a song away.

I am now glad the day is over. The 'queasy'ness in my stomach is gone now.

my kind

however they weren't my kind of beautiful when they picked all the petunias in my planters...

life2

I feel so blessed. Blessed to be surrounded by 2 little girls who always make me laugh...almost always...



and a husband...who builds a "temple" fort to have Family Home Evening in. The topic tonight was temples in case you're wondering.



Blessed to have the chance to serve in the primary. I was released yesterday as the primary secretary. I was a little teary eyed...didn't really want to be released and was surprised my time was up already...little children just do something to me...and I love the basic principles that are taught in primary-



...all you ever really need to know in life- you learn in primary...ironically I was sustained as a gospel doctrine teacher yesterday...

This weekend we went to Boise. I am so glad we went to Boise. It felt good to leave and go somewhere. I love Chay's family. The sisters (Marne included) I have inherited by marrying Chay are becoming my best friends. We are all so very different and yet so much alike. I stayed at Tiffani's new house. That house is FUN...resort hotel FUN! I became a little disoriented and forgot where our bedroom was at first...and couldn't find my children at times but it was a very exciting house to stay in.



Kenzie and Julia loved playing with their cousins. It was so good to see Marne and Chad and their adorable little family. Abigail is so tiny and precious. Perfect! Marne never ceases to amaze me...when my babies are three weeks old, I look like death, my house is a dump, I don't like seeing people, and I am still running around topless trying to figure out how to feed a baby...Marne was everything opposite- just amazing to me.



I loved talking to Tiffani late into the night and...shopping with her- thanks for taking me to Cost Plus World Market...love that store. Tiffani is really fun to shop with- you know the type of people who actually enjoy meandering around a store with no agenda besides to just look at stuff...that is Tiffani.

...and of course the Boise garage sales were out of control...so many in such a little area...I just love that I got brand new sheets for a quarter...Marne and Tiff are so daring to always talk down the prices...I was so scared to do it...but I did finally...but the Lord of the Rings DVDs rejection was harsh...

I loved seeing Tisha's blue kitchen. Her apartment was so cozy.

Ok for those of you who haven't caught on yet...Chay has 5 sisters. Tiffani, Tami, Tonya, Tara and Tisha...yes you read that right. And Chay also has 2 brothers- Chad and Chase. Marne is Chad's wife. Just in case you are trying to connect the dots. I do that when I read people's blog "Who is that? Where did they come from? How does she know him?"

I am so grateful to have such wonderful friends and family and to have such wonderful knowledge of my purpose and everyone's purpose for that matter here on this big earth...

Chay didn't get the job he interviewed for on Wednesday...and yet we feel peace that things will unfold the way they are supposed to. He starts his masters program July 1st.

I have felt the windows of heaven near and have felt Mom's strength as I have gone in and out of health problems. She knows exactly what I am going through. I feel somewhat better...what is it going to take April? What is it going to take? I am determined to figure out a new thinking pattern and a new healing pattern...it is like Heavenly Father is just waiting for me to take the reins of faith and make real the promptings I have been receiving from the Holy Ghost. Change is so hard.

Today I was talking to myself...and thinking...and I heard myself finalize my thoughts with these words spoken out loud, "Do I have the faith to change?" Change what- I'm not sure- my relationships, health, pride, spiritual growth, new heart...all of the above I suppose. faith to keep changing... I feel blessed today.

talk about faith...check out this rainbow- Chay and I were taken away by the size and perfectness of this huge rainbow. It seemed like we were driving right under it...right through it...it was huge and bright. It was breathtaking.

chaco dilema solved

Look what showed up in the mail a couple weeks ago????

When my other chaco shoe also finally broke...I decided it was time. And since I only wear one pair of shoes every day of my life besides on Sunday- I felt the purchase was very much justified...I think even Dave Ramsey would agree...maybe.

I got a smoking deal on the shoes on Moosejaw.com

If I was to ever run a retail business, I would run it just like Moosejaw. These people who run this place are so crazy and funny. I go to their website from time to time mainly for entertainment purposes.




without meaning to- both of these photos are reflection pictures...how funny is that? Can you see the reflections???

you are going DOWN

I have yet to talk about our big day with Dave Ramsey...we have been super focused lately on budgeting and snowballing that debt...we are kind of nerdy about it...

but I will probably write about that later when I have more time...

but I just have to share one thing...

At the money makeover seminar there was a raffle held by Zion's bank for 2 Baby Step One $1,000 Dollar Emergency Funds for only 2 people out of everyone present- There were probably 5-7 thousand people there (half of the E-center) well they drew one name on that day and it was obviously not Chay or me (what are the odds?)...and then they said they would be drawing another name in a month...and what do you know? April Clark was the other person. AHHHHHH!!!!!!I just got a phone call today from Zion's bank!!!

They want to take a picture of me holding my check so they can hang it up in the bank!!! LOL

We already have baby step 1 so...this will go right into the snowballing...

BLESSING!

Student Loans you are going DOWN!

life

well my whole May makeover goal turned into a messy MS takeover...

The dentist experience flipped my world upside down...6 cavities filled...then 2 days later an emergency root canal, novocaine, PAIN PAIN worse than labor PAIN, medications...sent my body into an overdrive kill. I have never experienced such constant hurtful pain. I would lay on my bed all day with my head sandwiched between two pillows with tears streaming down my cheeks as my whole brain and mouth throbbed. The Vicadin didn't even do much but make me throw-up and be drowsy...the anti-biotics (I am for the most part anti anti-biotics) gave me the onset of a yeast infection..oh lovely...and so...well- all my goals sort of collapsed and I became very discouraged.

Once the pain killers started to actually work I was able to feed my children something else besides saltine crackers and milk...they upgraded to bread and peanut butter...and promised marshmallows if they watched cartoons for more than an hour without complaining. You will watch cartoons all day, you will rot your brain, fry your eyes, numb out all creativity, and zone out of reality...all day...or you will go to time-out...understand? Now be good girls and go downstairs and turn on the television.

But now that I can sort of control the pain...I am now dealing with immense fatigue, numb feet, pains and weakness in my left side and all the other weird MS crappy stuff- my body is very sensitive and fragile...and so running and exercising is OUT of the question...everything is out of the question besides surviving...it is so discouraging...

one thing I am learning:

The header banner on my blog has a quote I no longer like. "This is your world. Shape it. Or someone else will."

This quote was once liked because I tend to "let the voices of critics paralyze me" and sometimes people's opinions have too much influence on my ideas and goals...but why I don't like the quote anymore is because one thing I have learned these past 2-3 weeks is that my life is really in God's hands not mine. He shapes it. He teaches me, He guides me, He blesses me, He patiently waits for me to break through discouragement with strength that He gives me. Like the song I quoted a while ago, "my life's not really mine...It's all about His design" (beautiful to him)

What I have in mind for me is not always what God has in mind for me. I have to learn to trust this ounce of profound truth.

I get so sad that I can't accomplish the goals I have the way I want to. What is accomplishment anyway? And success? Most of the time it's a cultural definition of what accomplishment and success should be...and rarely God's.

We measure our worth on the weirdest things. I used to complain to my mom that I couldn't get anything done around the house because I was holding Julia all day and she would gently remind me that I was getting everything done that I was supposed to get done...It took me awhile to believe that...but I am starting to have so much joy "wasting time" with my girls. Come snuggle with me, come cook with me, come read with me, let's be together! Let's "waste time" being together. I love being with my girls. Little guilt on those playful days...love it.

anyway. so. back to complaining. I wish my body was healthy. I wish I could bounce back like I could just 4 years earlier. oh well. What am I supposed to be learning here??? Teach me.

And then there is Chay. He is trying to understand me...I don't have a tumor growing out of my face and my arms aren't cut off...so it is hard to explain what it is I'm going through when I am dealing with MS, discouragement, aching teeth...but Chay is an amazing person. I cherish him. I want to kill him sometimes...But I love him so much. He is full of so much love...so much love...he insists on fixing me...But I tell him to just hear me out- it will do more good...He has taken over so many responsibilities- paper route included and hasn't complained about the tornado of a house...or the saltine cracker dinners. Chay has given me beautiful priesthood blessings and has rubbed my back until I fall asleep. I love my Chay. I love being with him and talking to him. I love reading to him. He let's me read him to sleep.



Together we are taking on some major changes in our life and the ONLY way we will make it through is by leaning on each other. No outside influences will work this time. This is a me and Chay thing. I believe in us.

Now I have to find strength again. I will. I just have to be continually grateful for my blessings and have faith that Heavenly Father knows what's up.

I need to be around friends who keep my mind on funny and meaningful things...and with time this too shall all pass. It has to. It is too "all consuming" for it to stick around much longer. I demand this part of my life to be over thank you. I don't like it. This body is something else I tell you. So precious. Don't take it for granted. I will not be lying on a hospice bed at 59. I will be healthy. Maybe this is all a gift in disguise.

Well that is that. faith be with me.

oh and P.S.

Joette is in love. That alone makes me so happy. The Lord really is mindful of us isn't He? She found the man of her dreams. It has finally happened.

smoker

ok...this is for jaynee...

every time I order at Taco Bell's drive-thru I think of you Jaynee...memories memories....I am dying to hear the smoker's voice again.

for joette

This video is solely dedicated to Joette. Even though I am going through a horrific health ordeal at the moment and can barely stand life, I mustered up the strength to post this...I had to, it is too good to be true...and plus it is very funny...and I need funny right now...

no one will get this video besides Joette and I...and of course Emily- because she knows the story and is also the one who found the video and shared it with me...

enjoy jo jo