You came into the world screaming. It's always a nice sound to hear a hearty cry coming from your seconds old newborn. The midwife immediately handed me to you and you were covered in blood and vernix- All wrinkly and perfect. I put you next to my chest skin to skin and held you for the longest time. You finally stopped crying. Meanwhile, your big sister Kenzie was given the opportunity to cut the umbilical cord. Mckenzie wanted to be with me for the birth. She was so excited to come to the hospital with me. Julia who is afraid of seeing pain, blood, or anything she can't control, decided to stay home. The kids all went to Cynthia's house. Luckily I went into labor in the morning time.
Mckenzie walked the halls with me at the hospital as I labored. We would count how many minutes between each contraction. We held hands the entire time. Mckenzie was so patient and also such a strength. There were a lot of empty rooms in the wing where we were walking. Every time we would pass an empty room, Kenzie and I would walk in and I would do 30 squats to speed up labor. You see, Dear Alice, you were swimming in a huge amniotic sac full of too much fluid and because of this, you never stayed put and refused to get into the correct birthing position. A couple days before your birth, you were breech and then you were sideways. The doctors discussed having a C-Section if you weren't in the right position. For some reason I was so against the idea of cutting my stomach open. I was afraid of the healing process afterwards mostly. So I didn't lay down once during my labor until the midwife, Kathy Mark, broke my water. She felt your head downwards and she broke my water so your head would engage in the right position and you wouldn't move. It worked. I did squats to keep your head down and to speed up labor.
I went from a 2 to a 9 centimeters in about 4 hours.
I prayed so hard that you would flip into the right position. Many prayed and fasted as well. I put your name into the temple. It really was a miracle and answer to prayer to discover that you were flipped head down on the day I went into labor.
It was a great labor and birth. I should have refused the epidural at the end because I was a 9 when I got it. I was just being weak and afraid of pain and I figured why not? But it was still very painful and I could feel most of it.
I was so relieved to know that this awful pregnancy was over. I was so happy to hold you, Alice. Newborns are so precious. So tiny for such a small period of time. You made the cutest noises and grunts. You were seriously the cutest little newborn. perfectly shaped head. I was kind of in denial about the rest of my life. I just pretended everything paused and I could focus on you. You were a great nurser at the hospital. You opened your eyes right after you were born. Very alert. Your Dad was so proud. He recorded a lot of your birth on my phone. I was so happy to have your Dad and Mckenzie with me. I couldn't wait for Julia, Xander and Sam to meet you.
Sam was a little unsure. He thought you were a doll the first time he saw you- and when you moved your hands and legs a little, he screamed out of fear. He actually adjusted pretty well to not being the baby anymore. He loved you very early on. He was always gentle and sweet with you. So was Xander. Xander is very kind and soft with you. He sings to you often. He calls you "Baby Alice" all the time. He often says how much he loves you and then kisses your feet. Julia and Mckenzie can't get enough of you. A constant wanting to hold you and touch you. They are your little second mommies. They will always take care of you, I just know it. You are so so loved my little girl. You came into a family that will always cherish you.
The outpouring realization of how fortunate you are just came to me. Born into the world during the very last days before Christ comes again. You were born into a home with a mother and father who are married and who love each other. You were also born into a home where the gospel is taught and where Heavenly Father and Jesus is at the center of the home. You were born into the United States of America where despite how much it has disappointedly changed since it's foundation, it is still for the time being, the greatest country on earth, watched over by God himself. You were born into a home with a father who can provide for you and make sure all your temporal needs are met. You have me, your mother, who fails often but continues to give it my all to make sure you feel loved, learn to work, learn to love the Lord, and to discover your strengths and talents. You have a big family of siblings who care about you and always will. You have been handed a treasure trove of blessings. Remember to always be grateful my new daughter.
You were blessed on September 5th, 2015. The same day your sister Julia was baptised. It was a very special day for you two. Your dad was especially tender that day. In your baby blessing your father said you were born on earth and came into our family for a divine purpose. Remember that. Your father also said in your blessing that your two sisters will be your example. No pressure Kenzie and Julia.
Deciding to get pregnant with you was as a difficult choice. I could easily be done with Sam and I could continue to focus on my health and family. I was 35 and knew I was getting older but I felt really strongly that we needed to have another child because it really isn't about me, it's about doing what's right. Logic and many opinions would speak to me saying: "stop having children, start living your life, your house is too small, you're going to be 40 when your youngest is in kindergarten, it's going to be hard on your health, it's too expensive to raise children, it's too stressful and hard to have more." But really in the end, it's not about what I think is best, but what the Lord sees is best. I want to do His will not mine. I am so happy I obeyed the small promptings. Now I have you. Alice. A blessing in our lives with a "divine purpose". Couldn't be happier. Now if you would just stop crying and get over this colic thing you got going on. We want our sleep and our sanity back please.
1 comment:
No picture? This is beautiful! She will treasure this someday!
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