Just do it anyway

Early October 2020 

 Last night was family home evening. It was chaotic and everyone was in a bad mood. It was a day of making sure everyone was happy or taken care of at least. Laundry, car rides, dinner. My whole life is devoted to someone else- everyone else. And it is hurtful when the kids are mouthy and disobedient and it make me sad inside- and feel fully under appreciated. But regardless of feeling helpless at times not really knowing if I am making any kind of impact on the family, I keep trying. I just do. Kenzie was supposed to teach the lesson but she decided to not be very kind to others which lead her not wanting to do the lesson. So I did it, again. But Julia volunteered to do the activity. She had us do all an origami cube and it turned out to be so good! Kenzie didn't leave and she stayed even though she was in a bad mood and at the end she was smiling. It all came together. So moral of the story, do what is right even if it's hard, and it will somehow work out. Just do it anyway. 

October 7, 2020 General conference was so powerful. By the end of 5 sessions I was bawling because I knew in my heart I was hearing truth and I felt so honored to the life I have been given. 

I love homeschooling Sam and Alice. It has been exactly as I hoped. TIME. A lot of TIME together. I just want to spend time with them and it's been exactly that. And Alice and Sam have been growing closer. I won't lie, not every day is perfect and they would probably be learning more at school but Sam is becoming a good reader and he knows I love him. He is not ignored or forgotten by the one (me) who loves him most which I'm sure he would feel at times when everyone is home- and when I have to run the older girls to their activities. 

Xander blew me kisses when he said goodbye to me the other day. And I melted. He is 10. Please don't grow up son. You are such a loving fun playful person. I don't want the world to taint you. You love to play games and make believe still. I love you Xander. Our neighbors have grandkids who like to come over and play. One of the boys is Xander's age but he's such a sporty tough boy and always wants Xander to throw a football with him. Alice likes to play with the young girl- her name is Areya. Xander wanted to play with Alice and Areya because they were playing some make-believe game and that is more like Xander. Xander suggested to Titan (his name is Titan) that they play with the girls and Titan was so confused and not having it- so he left and Xander got to have "real" fun. I love that story. Xander gives me a hard time about working and doing chores but he is really good at doing his afternoon chores besides dishes. He puts up quite the fuss with dishes. He acts like mold and the most contagious deathly disease is on the dishes and he just hates it so much. Sometimes I get weak as a mom and I don't have the strength to put up with his complaining. But Xander is such a wonderful person. Loves his family and loves his mom. For some reason Chay and him can argue a lot which proves how stubborn they both are and they play each other's game. I hope Chay and him grow a stronger relationship- I think they will.