first week

I sat in the rocking chair this morning, dazed, numb, in denial. I did not want to get up from that chair. I just wanted to sit there the entire day. I was holding Julia in one arm. I had just finished feeding her and I was letting my cracked, blistered nipple get some air- Kenzie was in my bedroom scattering clean clothes my mom just folded the night before all over the room.

I'm on day 12 with Julia. Even though things are tough they don't even compare to the first week home.

Postpartum. We really don't think much about it or even talk a whole lot about it. We all just get happy and smiley when we know someone had a brand new baby. Trust me-the week to serve is the first week after someone has a baby.

Exhausted, Dermaplast, lansinoh cream, Tucks, super maxi pads, engorgement, bleeding nipples, tired, ice packs, painful urination, tired, exhausted, emotions, sore muscles, achy hips, feedings every 2-3 hours, a toddler running around, hormones,...tired

The nurses at the hospital told me I was a nursing pro. They reassured me Julia was latched on perfectly. 3 days later Julia pukes up her feeding all over the floor and there was more blood than milk. I try pumping- the bottle filled up with blood. My nipples were coming off of my breast! At least it looked that way and felt that way.

I get very envious of those who don't have problems nursing. I had the same problem with Kenzie. Plus to complain even more- I have a broken breast due to surgery that Julia won't take because milk doesn't come out fast enough...talk about lopsided...oh brother

But I won't give up.

This too shall pass- it has to.

I guess these trials all bring us closer to Heavenly Father. Right when I want to go off about how unfair I have it- I am reminded of all the opportunities I have to call upon the Lord for help. When I was dilated to a 10 and going through severe contractions the midwife told me the combination of my swollen cervix and the position of the baby is preventing the birth to progress like it should. I immediately said with deep breaths, "Let's pray, Heavenly Father will help" My mom said a prayer and with the very next contraction the baby passed the cervix. The midwife smiled and said, "your baby just dropped a good 4 inches" Pain, trials, humility invites the needing of Heavenly Father. I say a prayer every time I breastfeed. I pray 20 times a night to get through the pain and discomfort.
I know Heavenly Father will help me. He already has a million times.

I can sense my faith is stronger than it used to be. I can feel myself wanting to get discouraged and feel depressed with all the changes- but there is that tiny ounce of strength, that little testimony deep down inside that tells me I can do this, the Lord will help me, my calling as mother is the highest calling I can obtain in the kingdom of God...these little reminders help keep me going, and get me off the rocking chair.