flowrider

...a slight difference in Elders Quoram activities verses Relief Society's-
but then again Chay is the president so maybe that's why-

...I landed a whole set of cabinets and counter tops for free today on KSL! The counter tops are brand new and the cabinets are a little dated but not bad- maybe I will paint them -but now I can have a nifty laundry/storage room someday-

One good thing about living in a place infested with millions of people- there are great deals on craigslist and KSL. My whole basement is furnished with free furniture and we bought 1 year old whirlpool washer and dryer for $250 for the set! ok so I love a good deal- never buy anything for full price....never

oh and I burnt popcorn tonight...really bad- the bag was almost on fire and the whole downstairs smells horrible. I can never pop microwavable popcorn just right- but tonight I really blew it- I forgot I was even popping popcorn until I smelled the smoke...so ok...

free rice

If you want to do a little service to those in need and to yourself click on this website: www.freerice.com

Test your vocab skills and every word you get right they donate 20 grains of rice to the hungry. It is so addicting.

www.snopes.com verifies that it's true! Click here and read for yourself.

So if you love a word challenge and if you love rice and you love service...here you go-

thanks joell

some days are long-

This whole blog thing is great- but it takes time away from journal writing- and in a sense I really don't want the whole world to read about my sob stories and the irrational thinking I get every now and then-

Sometimes when I read through my blog entries I pretend I am someone who just came across my blog for the first time and has no clue who I am- and the impression I get is "fairytale life" which isn't always the case- not at all- but it isn't like I want people to know I had a melt down one day and was ready to drive away and never come back home- see? That is irrational thinking and it goes away in 10 minutes or so- so yeah- something I would write in a journal to release some energy- not something to post online for in-laws to read- they think I am pretty normal I think. If I threw a cup at the window today because I was so mad and wrote about it on my blog, Chay's family would be lovingly concerned and probably stunned and probably never forget it. Every time they'd see me they would picture a cup flying through the air- My family on the other hand would just say, "one of those days hunh" So did I really throw a cup at the window or am I just speaking hypothetically to prove a point???? hmmmmmm

Writing has always been therapeutic for me- it is very easy for me to express feelings through writing. Sometimes when I talk to certain people I get nervous, intimidated, afraid I am boring them, and I stumble over my words- I sometimes can't even articulate what I am trying to say- but writing has been my friend. My mom has always been an avid journal writer. I remember every Sunday we would eat homemade donuts or scones and write in our journal around the table. Thanks Mom

There is really no plot or reason for this entry- I am just kind of enjoying the quiet house. I had a rough day today and so I have been doing some major reflecting lately. I was going to write about it but then thought I would probably feel better in the morning and then there would be a whole slew of people who would either disagree with my upsets or feel they need to give me advice- or whatever-

Do you guys ever have bad days? Do you get irritated easily? Do you have a hard time getting things done? Do you play around on the computer or watch TV instead of doing work? Do you put off doing things because getting them started would be a chore with kids around? Do you worry that you are parenting all wrong? Do any of you cringe at hearing your kids cry? From what I hear and read I just don't think you guys deal with the same things I do- ok I am tired- I am rambling and I just need to go to bed- last night Julia got up every 2 hours with poo streaks and gas again...she is so unpredictable. Having Julia cry so much has been one of the most emotionally draining things I have ever dealt with besides my mom being sick- she is a lot better and I can't believe she is almost 4 months- it has been the longest 4 months...she is so hard to figure out. She is a doll- and I am loving her coos and her precious smile- but I feel helpless, out of control, tired, unprepared, fear

If I was rich I would seriously pay someone to come and stay for a couple weeks and help me get everything on track- but then again I would be prideful and fight against a good thing so it probably wouldn't work-

ok good night for reals

i need a break

ok to all you parents who have toddlers sleeping 2-3 hours for their naps- not fair- I can't remember Mckenzie taking a nap longer than an hour and half- and most days they are 45 minutes to an hour tops- is it because she is sleeping too long at night? Why?

4 years

so I'm sure most of you will be too busy awing over perfect pie and that heap of mash potatoes on your plate...but today is a great day to be extra thankful...today Chay and I have been married for 4 years.

4 years- 4 wonderful years- we are basically still newly weds. I really don't have any profound extra wisdom...or remarkable advice to share- all I know is that Chay still takes my breath away and I am so grateful I have him by my side to venture with through this life.

Why I love Chay:

He is simple, funny, caring, protective, handy, loving. He has a smile to die for and he is Mckenzie's bestest friend. Whenever I open the back door to throw out a stinky diaper in the garbage she runs as fast as she can thinking her Dad has just walked through the door, "Daddy!!!!" I have to politely remind her "Your daddy is still at work"

Chay loves me. He is committed to us.

Chay is humble. He is easily taught. He is always taking notes at church, firesides when reading the Ensign- I find little pieces of paper all over the house with his writing- notes of how to become a better person. He listens to my opinion.

Chay loves simple things. He laughs easily- He is entertained by cartoons, animals, anything with wheels, tools... sometimes I watch him and just smile because he just glows...He is who he is...nothing made up or fake about him. He is the first to talk to a new neighbor. He says I look hot when I'm angry. He rewired the cable lines outside our house in bare feet and all can I say to myself is, "dang I got lucky"

Usually when someone gets woken up at night true colors emerge but this is one thing that truly convinces me how good of a person Chay really is- he is so nice in the middle of the night! He is soft, sweet, patient regardless of how tired he is. I am ready to blow up at any moment and here is Chay as sweet as can be- even rubs my back when I get back into bed for the 5th time-

Chay isn't my other half nor I his- We are just trying each day to help one another see and reach our wholeness.

Together we go through joy, spiritual experiences, pain, upsets, raising children, trials, long days, adventures, hopes, heartaches, life...all which molds us, forms us, strengthens us for our posterity, for our eternities-

Happy Anniverary to us!

BubbleShare: Share photos - Print Christmas Coloring Pages.

I feel like I should write a new post but I really don't have anything to say. I mean I always have something to say...just ask Chay. I don't have conversations too often so if you get me talking...oh my- not good- and I know half the things I am saying is just random and so not interesting but that is what happens when you don't talk to anyone but babies all day.

I just want to sleep. It is 9 o'clock and I think I am going to bed. Doesn't that sound nice? Going to bed actually scares me a little because the nights are so hard- Julia has been waking up every hour -she is still in pain and she has been passing a ton of gas- Kenzie has these night terror things where she screams bloody murder. We go into her bedroom to comfort her or whatever and she will swing at us and scream in our face. I guess from what I read on night terrors- just ignore her because she will think we are attacking her if we touch her...crazy....whatever Mckenzie

so the nights are long-
I am looking forward for Thanksgiving- pumpkin!!!! I love anything with pumpkin- I think I will make something with pumpkin (not pie) tomorrow for the heck of it- Kenzie loves to sit on the counter and cook with me- alright good night.

night night

Kenzie loves to write what she is grateful for...her little markings and delicate care when she writes is pretty impressive...however Chay and I aren't too sure how grateful we are for the gratitude jar- once we take the pen away from mckenzie she goes ballistic- so all in all we look forward to the tradition when she gets a little older- we forget to do it sometimes- and sometimes it's a hassle with grouchy kids- but I'm sure it is worth it- of course it is

hold them close

last night Chay and I stayed up late to finish a movie on TV- it was probably rated R but was somewhat edited for television. It was Tears of the Sun- about the civil genocides/ethnic cleansing that is happening in Africa and how a few US soldiers decided to go against orders to save refugees. Half of the soldiers died. It was very emotional for me to witness how barbaric people can be and to see innocent beautiful families murdered or torn apart from each other- children...oh the children. Nothing puts a tear in my eye quicker than anything that has to do with mothers loosing their children or being separated from them in a brutal way- oh I just can't take it! Only moms can truly understand the feeling.

At the end of the movie a quote presented itself across the screen "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." Edmund Burke

pretty amazing-

Some people think it is wrong to watch movies like this- I watched Saving Private Ryan on TV once and my shirt was wet from my tears. My heart was full of remorse, love, sadness, gratitude for my life- grateful to live in the United States. That movie made a huge impact on my life- I will always hold the US army at the highest regards- the personal lives of the soldiers are easily overlooked until you watch a movie that takes you right into the battle scenes- right into the lives of each boy fighting- it was powerful.

Last night after the movie, Chay and I talked a little about how incredibly horrible it would be to lose Mckenzie or Julia. I was very emotional- the movie made me reflect on other people's suffering- I finally said to Chay- the only way I could mentally handle such suffering is to completely trust Heavenly Father's plan- I would wither up without that knowledge...

We walked upstairs and all I wanted to do was hold Kenzie tight in my arms...so I did. I took her out of her bed and snuggled with her in our bed until I fell asleep. All four of us close together...it felt good.

temple

I must be pretty toxic because this whole detox thing has been harder than I ever imagined. Chay and I eat so different that it becomes inconvenient and tempting to push aside his fluffy white bread. Plus Tami brought over 3 loaves of the most delicious homemade bread- ahhhh. These past 2 weeks were more of an awareness time for me- to kind of sit back and scope out my habits- plus I feel so dragged down from the lack of exercise and sugar- it is hard to get motivated. I need a plan.

I look forward to feeling good more than loosing weight. Gaining health is much more appealing to me than loosing weight. So I have MS...supposedly it can develop into a debilitating disease. I basically just pretend I don't have it but every now and then I will have little reminders- Little jolts of shocks down my legs, vibrations in my lower back and butt, sudden pains in weird places, intense stiffness in my joints- sometimes I wish I could spray some WD-40 on my joints- it feels like I am going to snap! They say forgetfulness and fatigue are symptoms...yes! I have an excuse for my spaciness!

I am really just fine. I feel blessed I don't have major exacerbations all the time and that I can live each day normally. I really had no intention whatsoever to write about MS- but I think angels are taking over my thoughts which sometimes happens when I write...Heavenly Father wants me to take better care of my body and he is telling me why right now.

body beautiful
housing for the soul
good night

smile

My choice of food is broccoli and Chay's is either Dots candy or Swedish Fish(gummy candy for those who aren't familiar)

We both go to the dentist. Chay has 0 cavities....I have 9.

So I went today without a smile. poke, drill, numb

not really that fair- not really fair at all...

and why do dentists talk to you and ask questions when they have 20 tools in your mouth?

Michael Scott "What's your dentist's name?"
Dwight: "Crentist"
Michael: "Your dentist's name is Crentist? - sounds an awful lot like dentist."

Dwight: "Maybe that's why he became a dentist"

cousins

So Friday night I watched 4 kids age 2 and under...oh imagine that? It was actually quite ok despite the 1 wet and 3 poopy diapers, Casen falling off Kenzie's bed, a couple fights over Clayton's trains, and puzzle pieces being scattered all over the house-

By the time Jeff and Tami showed up I was sweating from running around so much. Sometimes it can be so refreshing to the soul to spend time with little ones. They are so full of life and interested in everything. My favorite part was entertaining them at the counter- I was making them laugh with my sillyness- and feeding them cheese at the same time-




It was a fun night with the cousins. Come again!

gratitude

Family home evening was pretty typical...Kenzie was tired and cried through most of it. But I was excited regardless- I made a special little gratitude box out of our honey roasted peanuts can-

Kenzie was grateful for puppies. I was grateful for Chay's sense of humor and Chay was grateful for my yummy breaded parmesan chicken I made tonight...of course he would say that. What do you know...I feel kind of grateful! I am going to appreciate this new little tradition. good night.

my anti-depressant

what a great month- November. A time to think about gratitude and all our many many blessings.

My sister has a blessing book- or at least I know she used to- where before sleeping she would write down her blessings. It always sounded like a cute and sweet idea. I personally like the idea of writing anything down in a really unique cool journal only found at Barnes and Nobel or such a place- but I never thought writing down my daily blessings to be important enough to do it for myself.

try it- it works miracles.

Mckenzie is almost 2 and yes I still hold her in the glider until she falls asleep. Just something mostly wonderful we share together. I am sure it is inconvenient but I choose to look at it as my little one on one moments with her. I treasure it to be honest- I love touching her soft skin and hugging her- it also gives me time to breathe deep, pray, meditate, and count my blessings...and before I know it Mckenzie is fast asleep.

Sometimes I have to force myself to be grateful- and that is usually when I am in a bad mood. But isn't it crazy how therapeutic it really can be? My mood literally changes and there seems to be a hundred things to smile and laugh about.

Gratitude is my anti-depressant.


**this calendar is from Pottery Barn- I love everything from this store- anyway I have heard of this tradition before and I want to start it tonight at Family Home Evening. Of course I don't have this adorable pocket calendar- maybe I could make it one day or buy it- ok...probably not- but the tradition goes like this: each day of the month each family member writes down what they are thankful for and put it in a jar or a cute calendar or something- then on Thanksgiving get them out and read them. Keep the pieces of paper and use them in your scrapbook with your thanksgiving pictures- or put them in your journal.

Here is a quote from President Hinckley I will start Family Home Evening off with tonight:


"Be grateful. There are two little words in the English language that perhaps mean more than all others. They are “thank you.” Comparable words are found in every other language, such as gracias, merci, danke, obrigado, domo.

"The habit of saying thank you is the mark of an educated man or woman. With whom is the Lord displeased? He names “those who confess not his hand in all things” (D&C 59:21). That is, those who walk without grateful expression. Walk with gratitude in your hearts, my dear friends. Be thankful for the wonderful blessings which are yours. Be grateful for the tremendous opportunities that you have. Be thankful to your parents, who care so very much about you and who have worked so very hard to provide for you. Let them know that you are grateful. Say thank you to your mother and your father. Say thank you to your friends. Say thank you to your teachers. Express appreciation to everyone who does you a favor or assists you in any way.

Thank the Lord for His goodness to you. Thank the Almighty for His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ, who has done for you what none other in all this world could do. Thank Him for His great example, for His tremendous teachings, for His outreaching hand to lift and help. Think about the meaning of His Atonement. Read about Him and read His words in the New Testament and in 3 Nephi in the Book of Mormon. Read them quietly to yourself and then ponder them. Pour out your heart to your Father in Heaven in gratitude for the gift of His Beloved Son.

Thank the Lord for His marvelous Church restored in this great season of history. Thank Him for all that it offers you. Thank Him for friends and loved ones, for parents and brothers and sisters, for family. Let a spirit of thanksgiving guide and bless your days and nights. Work at it. You will find it will yield wonderful results." Gordon B. Hinckley, “A Prophet’s Counsel and Prayer for Youth,” Ensign, Jan 2001,

joette little unknown

a must read- joette took my tag challenge and then made me cry because of it. I love my sister. I miss her. Sometimes I swear she is the only person who gets me. Click on the link below- "joette's blog" and enjoy getting to know joette a'gene a little better.

joette's blog

detox

ok well I have had enough-

I have a sensitive body and I have been treating it poorly. I feel cloudy, weak, drained and so not together.

Lately bad food has been my friend. Whenever I am bored or anxious or the kids are crying and I can't seem to take it I go straight to the fridge or cupboards for some emotional support. Oh tortilla chip please take me away to a different place...

anyone relate? well the whisperings get louder and it is time to not ignore it anymore...I need to get back on track with my health. I have had too many priesthood blessings warning me about this that I just can't ignore it anymore. Oh it is so hard.

I have a baby blues butt...you know what I mean- dealing with the big change of motherhood can play a number on the body and emotionally it always leads me to numb it all out with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches- (an all time favorite)

so today is November 1. What a great day to start it all- For me it isn't a lifestyle change as much as it is an emotional change which means to dig down to the core of my overeating stay at home mommy syndrome-... - so it is more of figuring out why I eat when I am not particularly hungry and then filling up my day with goals, work around the house, projects, scripture reading- instead of filling up my mouth with granola bars and cereal.

Heavenly Father will help...eating throughout the day is kind of a state of numbing for me-I just kind of want to ignore real life sometimes and not deal with it- also I kind of get lost to what I should do each day- bored because I am not prepared. Do you ever get the itching for something to eat when you aren't hungry and just feel like munching? Well I do and basically it's a hole we're trying to fill- either chemically, hormonally, emotionally, spiritually,- the same goes with other things...spending money/shopping for no reason etc...it is interesting to explore...our holes...and how we attempt to fill them...and we all know only Christ can make us truly whole. Take away hole for whole...ok back to my original point- sorry it is late and so I tend to ramble when I am tired.

ok so here I go. First step to detox is getting rid of all sugar besides fruit and cutting out wheat. Sorry any hardcore traditionalists out there- I know "wheat is for man" but wheat and mostly white flour can be a drug to me- very addicting and so heavy. I always feel gross after I eat it but yet I always want more...

I weigh let's see 167 and my goal is to get down to my old pre-julia weight 140 or at least fit into my old jeans the way I used to. Yes you all know my weight- but you are half the motivation. I tell you then suddenly I have a crowd and I always played the best basketball games when the crowd was excited and supportive. I will check in daily. The first 2 weeks are always the hardest- my body will crave ickies for awhile- but it is kind of like labor- hard yet you know it will all be worth it.

I will however have pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving- that is an obvious.