thoughts

still alive...still pregnant...still sick...

I go in sick spurts. Being around adults seem to help me. Usually I try to fake that I'm not sick. Doesn't work all the time. If I have food in my stomach at all times it seems to help settle things- hence the butt is growing faster than the belly.- if I go too long without food or if I eat the wrong food, I get off track and I will throw up all day.

I am so entirely wasted. So tired. Like "I can't do anything" tired. I need the sun. I really miss sunshine. When I am sick like this I always think of the Indians and the Pioneers who had no choice but to keep working, keep moving, keep surviving despite horrid morning sickness...oh I would be the worst pioneer. Don't you love the pity party??? Don't worry, I am fully aware of it.

I need a trip to Hawaii. I need a maid too...oh that would be nice.

other thoughts:

Haiti is on my mind a lot these days. I really get sucked into stuff like this. CNN has the best coverage. I watch it whenever I can- I can't even imagine going through what these people are experiencing. I sit on my couch watching the news and when stories air where Haitian mother's are searching for their children in the rubble- I lose it every time. Tears of sadness.

If you want to donate money but are a little worried how much of your money will actually go to Haiti- donate here http://give.lds.org/emergencyresponse all your money will go directly towards helping Haiti. You can read what the church has done HERE for Haiti.

Christmas thoughts:



Joette knocked on my door a couple days before Christmas. She drove down to surprise me. I cried like a baby when I saw her. I needed family so bad. I actually felt more alive with her here. Being sick is so emotionally draining. It was a tender mercy to have my sister with the family this year. Christmas was magical. My girls loved having Joette around. The house was always clean when she was here.






Her Christmas gifts to me were my favorite gifts. She played my piano every day for a week straight and she bought me wash rags. I LOVE the wash rags Joette. I love the endless supply in my bottom drawer. Rags just keep coming and coming.

One of the songs Joette played for me on the piano is Comptine d´un autre été l´après midi. Joette played it so beautifully. I fell in love with the song. Oh how I wish I could play it. Music really draws out many feelings in me- it kind of takes me to another place if you know what I mean. Joette and I both agreed if we were professional musicians (which we are far from), our goal would not to only entertain our listeners but to allow our listeners to take the music and go to their own place with it, to make it a personal experience. That would be the goal. meaningful- we would shoot for meaningful.

Do you want to hear the song? oh and the video- I don't really think of trees when I hear this song but this is the best video I could find. Enjoy. oh the piano. Blessed piano.



since I haven't blogged for a month or so...a lot of things have happened. My dad got married a couple weeks ago. Kind of a bittersweet moment. I am just so grateful for my siblings. I feel like my brothers and sister are my stability right now in my immediate family. We are all kind of in this together. Although it seems I'm the only one who isn't handling all the changes that well...maybe it's because I'm the baby of the family...I might just still be in denial.- ...having a hard time letting go of the family structure I grew up with.

But I am happy for my Dad. I really love his new wife Kay. I just miss Mom. What can I say? I miss having a mother who always cared, always called, always listened, always gave me support, always reminded me how much I am loved. I miss that. I miss her.

All I know is our parents must have done something right, because us siblings are very close friends and would do anything for each other. We understand each other's quirks...and somehow the relationship foundation we have is more important than petty miscommunication silly stuff that some families deal with. Although I do remember when we were little Bryon locking me in dark rooms, giving me dead legs until my legs were blue, and pinning me down to either halk loogies or fart in my face. Joette and I had our fair share of fist fights and Keith was always beating up Bryon for beating up on his sisters...let's just say we have come a long way.

I looked this afternoon for a picture of us kids when we were younger to scan...no luck- got too tired. We were a cute bunch us Tomblin kids.