reasons

One of the many reasons why I love Chay:

So Chay is putting on an Elder's quorum Pinewood Derby. His call to be president must have been inspired...because...I'm sure these grown men need to unite and support one another more in their brotherhood by building and racing pinewood derby cars.

I am actually really excited about it...I think it is an awesome idea! The elders of course are excited...trading tools...getting ideas...I already have all these ideas how to make the event super fun! We are going to go Nascar crazy...Someday I hope to be the activities coordinator...that would be the funnest calling in the world...but now my nose is deep into the scriptures every night as I stress over how to teach Gospel Doctrine. Can I please stop being nervous to go to church?

ok Pinewood Derby:

Here is what the handout said that Chay gave to the Elders at church a couple weeks ago. It was taped to a pinewood derby car kit. This is so funny to me:

1st Annual Pinewood Derby Race

It is time to bring your mad Cub Scout Pinewood Derby skills back to life...

What is going on? Pinewood Derby Race

When and Where? To be announced

Are there rules? There will be two classes of cars: Open class mods and the other class will be limited to only 5 oz. weight limit per car without mods such as rocket engines, co2, etc (get it?)

So what do I do? Simply turn this chunk of wood into a fire breathing tire shredding, track burning speed demon.

And...will there be food? Yes. There will be food, awards, and a very small portion of bragging rights distributed.

shall guard his children well

Today I called my parents house knowing no one would answer. I do this from time to time so I can hear the message on the answering machine- it's Mom's voice. She sounds happy and bubbly.- she had a very distinct voice- a caring voice.

Today I did something really scary and daring...and I just wish I could call Mom up and tell her about my day, my life. No one listens like a mom.

Remember this painting Joette painted for me?

One day not too long ago Joette went downstairs into Mom's paint/craft room and sat down with Mom's paints and painted a picture. This picture. Nothing like Mom's style of painting of course- but it was Joette's little moment to connect with Mom and the gifts she had while on earth. At the end of painting this picture she felt inspired to paint the words, "cast your burdens"

Joette then felt she should give the painting to me. She also told me that when she was finished with the picture she cried and cried.

Joette wrapped the painting in a towel to protect it and drove down to my house and gave it to me. She handed it to me with such reverence. The painting is priceless to me. Whenever I look at it I think of the creative miraculous ways Mom is still uniting her family together.

Mom's paints, Joette's hand, words of a hymn, my wall.

When I first got the painting I said, "Cast your burdens...is that a scripture?? (I have hymn lyric problems...can't remember the words ever!)

Joette, "Those are words from the song 'How Gentle God's Commands' I really feel like you need that song in your life right now."

About a month later I opened the hymn book and played and sang the song. I had been going through a really hard time with Mom being gone and dealing with health stuff...I felt alone and inadequate to deal with life. Playing this song was one of the most spiritual moments of my life. That is why I need to write it down. I felt the spirit fill my body. I felt connected to the heavens. I knew God loved me and His children. I cried through each verse. It was direct communication from my Father in Heaven. I felt Mom's love for me...and her presence. She is still being Mom. Taking care of us. Listening to us and doing all she can to help fulfil our needs. I really feel like she is doing all she can in her afterlife state to keep reminding us of Heavenly Father's love for us. I am just bawling like a baby while I write this- because I know it is true...I know it is true.

I would play this song 2-3 times a day for a 'pick a me up'. I would always lose it on the 3rd verse and 4th.

I sang and played this song in church today. I changed it up just enough to make it my own. This song is a personal gift from God to me. I was so nervous. I felt like I was going to puke. I am not a performer. Music is to be felt more than heard...and so I always end up having an emotional performance instead of a good performance. But my prayer today was to maybe touch a heart, give someone strength, inspire others to believe how gentle and kind God really is.

How gentle God's commands.
How kind His precepts are.
Come cast your burdens on the Lord.
And trust His constant care.

Beneath His watchful eye,
His Saints securely dwell;
That hand which bears all nature up
Shall guard his children well .

Why should this anxious load
Press down your weary mind?
Haste to your Heavenly Father's throne
And sweet refreshment find.

His goodness stands approved
Unchanged from day to day;
I'll drop my burden at his feet
And bear a song away.

I am now glad the day is over. The 'queasy'ness in my stomach is gone now.

my kind

however they weren't my kind of beautiful when they picked all the petunias in my planters...

life2

I feel so blessed. Blessed to be surrounded by 2 little girls who always make me laugh...almost always...



and a husband...who builds a "temple" fort to have Family Home Evening in. The topic tonight was temples in case you're wondering.



Blessed to have the chance to serve in the primary. I was released yesterday as the primary secretary. I was a little teary eyed...didn't really want to be released and was surprised my time was up already...little children just do something to me...and I love the basic principles that are taught in primary-



...all you ever really need to know in life- you learn in primary...ironically I was sustained as a gospel doctrine teacher yesterday...

This weekend we went to Boise. I am so glad we went to Boise. It felt good to leave and go somewhere. I love Chay's family. The sisters (Marne included) I have inherited by marrying Chay are becoming my best friends. We are all so very different and yet so much alike. I stayed at Tiffani's new house. That house is FUN...resort hotel FUN! I became a little disoriented and forgot where our bedroom was at first...and couldn't find my children at times but it was a very exciting house to stay in.



Kenzie and Julia loved playing with their cousins. It was so good to see Marne and Chad and their adorable little family. Abigail is so tiny and precious. Perfect! Marne never ceases to amaze me...when my babies are three weeks old, I look like death, my house is a dump, I don't like seeing people, and I am still running around topless trying to figure out how to feed a baby...Marne was everything opposite- just amazing to me.



I loved talking to Tiffani late into the night and...shopping with her- thanks for taking me to Cost Plus World Market...love that store. Tiffani is really fun to shop with- you know the type of people who actually enjoy meandering around a store with no agenda besides to just look at stuff...that is Tiffani.

...and of course the Boise garage sales were out of control...so many in such a little area...I just love that I got brand new sheets for a quarter...Marne and Tiff are so daring to always talk down the prices...I was so scared to do it...but I did finally...but the Lord of the Rings DVDs rejection was harsh...

I loved seeing Tisha's blue kitchen. Her apartment was so cozy.

Ok for those of you who haven't caught on yet...Chay has 5 sisters. Tiffani, Tami, Tonya, Tara and Tisha...yes you read that right. And Chay also has 2 brothers- Chad and Chase. Marne is Chad's wife. Just in case you are trying to connect the dots. I do that when I read people's blog "Who is that? Where did they come from? How does she know him?"

I am so grateful to have such wonderful friends and family and to have such wonderful knowledge of my purpose and everyone's purpose for that matter here on this big earth...

Chay didn't get the job he interviewed for on Wednesday...and yet we feel peace that things will unfold the way they are supposed to. He starts his masters program July 1st.

I have felt the windows of heaven near and have felt Mom's strength as I have gone in and out of health problems. She knows exactly what I am going through. I feel somewhat better...what is it going to take April? What is it going to take? I am determined to figure out a new thinking pattern and a new healing pattern...it is like Heavenly Father is just waiting for me to take the reins of faith and make real the promptings I have been receiving from the Holy Ghost. Change is so hard.

Today I was talking to myself...and thinking...and I heard myself finalize my thoughts with these words spoken out loud, "Do I have the faith to change?" Change what- I'm not sure- my relationships, health, pride, spiritual growth, new heart...all of the above I suppose. faith to keep changing... I feel blessed today.

talk about faith...check out this rainbow- Chay and I were taken away by the size and perfectness of this huge rainbow. It seemed like we were driving right under it...right through it...it was huge and bright. It was breathtaking.

chaco dilema solved

Look what showed up in the mail a couple weeks ago????

When my other chaco shoe also finally broke...I decided it was time. And since I only wear one pair of shoes every day of my life besides on Sunday- I felt the purchase was very much justified...I think even Dave Ramsey would agree...maybe.

I got a smoking deal on the shoes on Moosejaw.com

If I was to ever run a retail business, I would run it just like Moosejaw. These people who run this place are so crazy and funny. I go to their website from time to time mainly for entertainment purposes.




without meaning to- both of these photos are reflection pictures...how funny is that? Can you see the reflections???

you are going DOWN

I have yet to talk about our big day with Dave Ramsey...we have been super focused lately on budgeting and snowballing that debt...we are kind of nerdy about it...

but I will probably write about that later when I have more time...

but I just have to share one thing...

At the money makeover seminar there was a raffle held by Zion's bank for 2 Baby Step One $1,000 Dollar Emergency Funds for only 2 people out of everyone present- There were probably 5-7 thousand people there (half of the E-center) well they drew one name on that day and it was obviously not Chay or me (what are the odds?)...and then they said they would be drawing another name in a month...and what do you know? April Clark was the other person. AHHHHHH!!!!!!I just got a phone call today from Zion's bank!!!

They want to take a picture of me holding my check so they can hang it up in the bank!!! LOL

We already have baby step 1 so...this will go right into the snowballing...

BLESSING!

Student Loans you are going DOWN!

life

well my whole May makeover goal turned into a messy MS takeover...

The dentist experience flipped my world upside down...6 cavities filled...then 2 days later an emergency root canal, novocaine, PAIN PAIN worse than labor PAIN, medications...sent my body into an overdrive kill. I have never experienced such constant hurtful pain. I would lay on my bed all day with my head sandwiched between two pillows with tears streaming down my cheeks as my whole brain and mouth throbbed. The Vicadin didn't even do much but make me throw-up and be drowsy...the anti-biotics (I am for the most part anti anti-biotics) gave me the onset of a yeast infection..oh lovely...and so...well- all my goals sort of collapsed and I became very discouraged.

Once the pain killers started to actually work I was able to feed my children something else besides saltine crackers and milk...they upgraded to bread and peanut butter...and promised marshmallows if they watched cartoons for more than an hour without complaining. You will watch cartoons all day, you will rot your brain, fry your eyes, numb out all creativity, and zone out of reality...all day...or you will go to time-out...understand? Now be good girls and go downstairs and turn on the television.

But now that I can sort of control the pain...I am now dealing with immense fatigue, numb feet, pains and weakness in my left side and all the other weird MS crappy stuff- my body is very sensitive and fragile...and so running and exercising is OUT of the question...everything is out of the question besides surviving...it is so discouraging...

one thing I am learning:

The header banner on my blog has a quote I no longer like. "This is your world. Shape it. Or someone else will."

This quote was once liked because I tend to "let the voices of critics paralyze me" and sometimes people's opinions have too much influence on my ideas and goals...but why I don't like the quote anymore is because one thing I have learned these past 2-3 weeks is that my life is really in God's hands not mine. He shapes it. He teaches me, He guides me, He blesses me, He patiently waits for me to break through discouragement with strength that He gives me. Like the song I quoted a while ago, "my life's not really mine...It's all about His design" (beautiful to him)

What I have in mind for me is not always what God has in mind for me. I have to learn to trust this ounce of profound truth.

I get so sad that I can't accomplish the goals I have the way I want to. What is accomplishment anyway? And success? Most of the time it's a cultural definition of what accomplishment and success should be...and rarely God's.

We measure our worth on the weirdest things. I used to complain to my mom that I couldn't get anything done around the house because I was holding Julia all day and she would gently remind me that I was getting everything done that I was supposed to get done...It took me awhile to believe that...but I am starting to have so much joy "wasting time" with my girls. Come snuggle with me, come cook with me, come read with me, let's be together! Let's "waste time" being together. I love being with my girls. Little guilt on those playful days...love it.

anyway. so. back to complaining. I wish my body was healthy. I wish I could bounce back like I could just 4 years earlier. oh well. What am I supposed to be learning here??? Teach me.

And then there is Chay. He is trying to understand me...I don't have a tumor growing out of my face and my arms aren't cut off...so it is hard to explain what it is I'm going through when I am dealing with MS, discouragement, aching teeth...but Chay is an amazing person. I cherish him. I want to kill him sometimes...But I love him so much. He is full of so much love...so much love...he insists on fixing me...But I tell him to just hear me out- it will do more good...He has taken over so many responsibilities- paper route included and hasn't complained about the tornado of a house...or the saltine cracker dinners. Chay has given me beautiful priesthood blessings and has rubbed my back until I fall asleep. I love my Chay. I love being with him and talking to him. I love reading to him. He let's me read him to sleep.



Together we are taking on some major changes in our life and the ONLY way we will make it through is by leaning on each other. No outside influences will work this time. This is a me and Chay thing. I believe in us.

Now I have to find strength again. I will. I just have to be continually grateful for my blessings and have faith that Heavenly Father knows what's up.

I need to be around friends who keep my mind on funny and meaningful things...and with time this too shall all pass. It has to. It is too "all consuming" for it to stick around much longer. I demand this part of my life to be over thank you. I don't like it. This body is something else I tell you. So precious. Don't take it for granted. I will not be lying on a hospice bed at 59. I will be healthy. Maybe this is all a gift in disguise.

Well that is that. faith be with me.

oh and P.S.

Joette is in love. That alone makes me so happy. The Lord really is mindful of us isn't He? She found the man of her dreams. It has finally happened.

smoker

ok...this is for jaynee...

every time I order at Taco Bell's drive-thru I think of you Jaynee...memories memories....I am dying to hear the smoker's voice again.

for joette

This video is solely dedicated to Joette. Even though I am going through a horrific health ordeal at the moment and can barely stand life, I mustered up the strength to post this...I had to, it is too good to be true...and plus it is very funny...and I need funny right now...

no one will get this video besides Joette and I...and of course Emily- because she knows the story and is also the one who found the video and shared it with me...

enjoy jo jo

just so weird to me...

twitterpated... and in your facebook

ok something is seriously weird lately.

Does anyone else think this whole techy social networking boom is just weird?

So after many friends and family members prodded me to join facebook, I finally did.

I wasn't really sure what I was getting myself into. I thought to myself, "well this will be neat to see what old friends from the past are doing and such-"

so I joined, posted some family pictures, and surfed around on people's profiles for a couple weeks and found myself thinking, "oh wow, she has 4 kids now? Oh she actually graduated from college? That is his wife now? They live in Kansas of all places?" Basically I became like this private investigator as I read about everyone's lives...it was kind of fun- although nothing was private about it...

and then Joette showed me one day how I can click on a link on facebook and it will show you what everyone is doing everyday.

our conversation:

April "Everyday? What do you mean everyday?"
Joette: "well some people comment what they are doing during the day...some comment every hour of the day...or minute for that matter."
April: "What do you mean?"
Joette: "Here, I will show you (click click)... So in So ("So in So" to protect names) is playing ping pong and wants to beat her brother at ping pong...and So in So is hanging out with her boyfriend...and So in So is tackling new vocab words for self improvement...and So in So is getting ready to go to work..."
April: "Stop...I don't get it, if they are playing ping pong then how could they be writing on facebook?...Do they play a game of ping pong and then pause for a moment and go type something on the computer??? They take time away from their game to write on the computer???"
Joette: "I guess"
April: "Why?"
Joette: "I don't know, they just do"
April: "Who really cares if someone is playing ping pong?"
Joette: "Someone must care...it is interesting to see what your friends are doing."
April: "I think the person playing ping pong is hoping someone really cares"
Joette: "No, I am sure others care"
April: "Well I could see myself caring if I was stalking the person or had a major crush on the person."
Joette: "See, you would care"
April: "I have like 100+ friends on facebook, a majority of them I don't even know that well...they don't care if I am playing ping pong or not...this is so weird, I don't want to tell people what I am doing everyday."
Joette: "You don't have to"

A couple weeks later and some 100 new people have found me and added me as their friend...I too found some friends I wanted to add...and hey even an old boyfriend from college and I are friends now -never corresponded once...but we are friends on facebook...I guess it is only worth it so I can call Emily and tell her that I am friends with my old boyfriend...this is so weird.

conversation with Joette continued:

April: "I keep getting invited to do all these quizzes on facebook from friends I haven't spoken to in years...like 'What celebrity are you most like?' or 'Do you parent like Angelina Jolie or Madonna?' and I get "winked" or "snowballed" or "hugged" by friends...what does that mean? Do I wink them back? and why would I do that?"
Joette: "April, you're not supposed to think so much about it...I don't think facebook is for you...it is just a way to talk to your friends"
April: "Well I would rather talk to them in person...than just send a "wink" or a picture icon of flowers for Mother's day...this is so weird...so if I don't send a Mother's day flower icon back to my friends....is that like poor facebook etiquette?"

Joette: "Oh, I hope not...by the way, have you joined So in So's "Live off the Land for a Year" group on facebook?"
April: "AHHHHHH!"
Joette: "I don't think you get facebook April."

And then there is Twitter. When I found out about this I thought, "You have got to be kidding me" I can see its importance for some things...but why do people have to take the time to text or write: "I am going to bed." for 300 people to read. This is so weird to me.

Are we all in a some state of needing validation?...Like Emily once said, "Everyone wants their celebrity moment in a sense" Trust me, I blog, I understand- but I try to blog mostly for me and maybe posterity (making a blog book)...so what do you think about all this? Why do people feel the need to tell the world they are hungry or going to bed? Or shopping for ice cream or going to the library?? Isn't this all kind of bizarre?...how bizarre how bizarre....I think the world must be really really lonely...really busy yet really lonely to feel connected somehow with people inside a computer screen...

whatever happen to the good old fashion phone call or talking to the neighbor over the fence type stuff???

ok, I am totally cool with twitter if you are really funny...because then it is like watching Seinfeld all day long...only if you are funny...I would follow Chay on twitter...nothing would be more entertaining.



oh but I just found out an old high school crush just added me as a friend on facebook...oh I can't wait to see his profile....LOL- it's all got to be good for something right? A little afternoon entertainment?

none more inspiring

"Of all the creations of the Almighty, there is none more beautiful, none more inspiring than a lovely daughter of God who walks in virtue with an understanding of why she should do so, who honors and respects her body as a thing sacred and divine, who cultivates her mind and constantly enlarges the horizon of her understanding, who nurtures her spirit with everlasting truth." (Gordon B. Hinckley, "Our Responsibility to Our Young Women," Ensign, Sept. 1988, 11)

ffff

fight for freedom friday....

maybe you can see why I am a strong supporter of the 2nd amendment:



Don't you just love this photo of my family????

knowing my family, my dad was probably complaining and tired from a long vacation with the rowdy kids and Mom was probably all excited to get this picture taken...how did they get us to be so serious??? I was probably what? 5? Man, we are gooood. Trust me, my family is really good at being dramatic. We look so sad! This picture makes me giggle.

I love how Joette and I are holding books and dolls...



and Mom is holding a 12 inch barrel revolver...



And if I'm not mistaken, isn't that style of wallpaper kind of the "in" thing again?

and of course- beverage of choice: Jack Daniels



Happy Birthday Daddy! 66 years old today! I thought you would enjoy the picture!

makeover may

Someone asked me why I'm not blogging more about my Makeover May. Well you see, that is all apart of the makeover- 'Stay off the computer as much as possible!' I sat down one day and thought about all the time I waste sitting in front of my laptop surfing the internet, reading every news article, online deal shopping, youtube, blogs, blogging, social networks, emails...and it is all good and neat stuff- but just too much. Plus I just want to be outside! Holy smokes the weather is BEAUTIFUL.

Makeover May.


The other day Kenzie drew me a picture of a cow with a million dots all over it. She came up to me with the picture and said, "Look Mom, it's you...I make a picture of you...a cow with lots of moles." oh lovely...

so with that self esteem booster, I still carry on.

I went to the temple last week and felt my divinity.

I've been a really patient mom lately, thanks to prayer.

I've been running and I feel like I'm going to puke every time I do. I am running my first 5K since who knows how long ago on June 6th. I am more excited that the run follows the river the whole race...oh and I better get a t-shirt...

I have done some yoga- I will never underestimate that form of exercise ever again- it was so hard and every muscle in my body ached for 5 days.

My MS symptoms have resurfaced. No it's not from eating junk food, stress from Mom dying, or lack of sleep from paper route- it is exercise that put my body into overload acute weakness and tingles- this is what makes me mad. I hate you MS. It makes me cry because I don't want to accept that my strong endurance body from the past has been replaced with this sensitive fragile don't work too hard body. I slowed down for a bit and took it easy and I feel somewhat strong again...

I am not going to let this get me down. I will live a long and healthy life. Yes I will. You're going down multiple sclerosis.

I have cavities again. But at least I get a free teeth whitening kit from it all.

I visit the stirrup lady tomorrow. "spread 'em" (OBGYN)

I can't get a mammogram for at least another 4 months...I guess milk sticks around for a good 6 months after you quit breastfeeding....who knew?

Funny enough, Saturday Chay and I went to the "Money Makeover" seminar with Dave Ramsey. It was FANTASTIC! Money "makeover" in May? Perfect. It was so inspiring. More to come on that soon.

so I continue to fight the good fight...with a Wendy's frosty every now and then to keep me sane.

can't believe it update

it was Scott, my neighbor, who played the prank on me...and yes I have had at least 4 people ask me if I just got my GED.

It all started when Chay decided to let off a round of fire crackers on our neighbors front porch late at night. Chay lit the match and then jumped a fence and hid beneath their camper...it was pretty funny I will admit, but I am not sure how I got involved with this. I am just the wife watching through the blinds laughing uncontrollably...I have never seen people come to the door so quickly.

Our neighbors, a single Dad and 2 boys (one being Scott, Chay's secretary in Elder's Quorum)...the funnest people alive...They did mention there was a comeback coming...and guess what, now it is war.

Any ideas?

I think I will put an add for Scott in the singles classifieds in the local newspaper...the men seeking men section...oh that is bad...that would be so funny...hmmmmmmm

can't believe it

I'm sure there are a lot of April Clarks out there who are finally getting their GED...but this sign belongs to a convenient store that so happens to be about a quarter mile or less from my house- and is at the central of our ward boundaries. The store is basically at the crossroads, the point of reference, mile marker, landmark whatever of the little city/town I live in. You have to pass the Terrace Depot at least twice a day if you live here...

I think they rent out the sign or let people put random messages up there- because I have seen a bunch of "Welcome Home Elder so in so" or "So in So is the best visiting teacher" (Definitely a 'You know you're in Utah when...' moment)- I have seen "congrats to graduates" or "welcome the new baby"- the Terrace Depot sign usually always says something kind of off beat, nothing related to the store, but mostly community announcement type stuff. Today however I wished the sign would say "Bean Burritos $.49 each"

-and for the record Scott, I have my bachelors. almost 30 years old and just getting my GED...this is funny...too funny. If you did this...oh just wait...

i have a dream

Nothing could make Martin Luther King more happy...than the Red House Furniture store...Thanks Chay for finding this for me.

I will give a prize away to anyone who can watch this without laughing...(I don't really have a prize, but you get my point.)



"Can't we all just get along?"

"I like pumping iron and pumping furniture into people's homes."

maybe she's right

quotes from the mommies in my life: Some of these quotes are not specifically "their" quotes, but they can definitely claim them as part of their legacy...

These quotes I seem to always remember...and seem to be right at the tip of my tongue when certain life's situations find me:

"Never expect anything and you'll always be pleasantly surprised." ~Mom

"The best way is right away" Bev, mother in law

"The only way a girl can get clean in the shower is to have her stand on her head." ~ Grandma Tomblin

"If you are prepared, ye shall not fear." Bev, mother in law

"You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink." ~Mom

"The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh." Marjorie Hinckley (a huge mother figure in my mind)

"If a woman would only learn to give her husband 5 minutes every night, she would find herself very happily married." Grandma Clark (Chay's Grandma)

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take...but by the moments that take our breath away." ~other Mother in Law (Chay's step mom) Luanne

"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much." Mother Theresa

"The squeaky wheel gets the grease." Bev, mother in law

"I choose to live. Life is short...fill your days with family and service." ~Mom's words from blog- 8 months before she passed away.


Happy Mother's Day yesterday.

ffff

policies vs. principles

doesn't make sense to me...how people don't know the difference anymore

the whole "save the polar bears" yet killing babies is a choice- this type of stuff is just really confusing to me...

Someone just told me last weekend that I should never vote morally. "Never vote morally? What in the heck does that mean? Do you mean emotionally? Who I am is who I am, what I believe is what I believe, who I choose to represent me better represent what I believe."

Priorities= I will vote against any candidate that is pro-choice. No matter what. It is that important. Before any research program, global warming blah, economic philosophy, "Change"...or whatever is the newest thing

morals, principles, commandments, God- first- first in my life.

If you believe the Constitution to be inspired from God, than this country was founded by the hand of God, which means this is His country. His plan, His purpose is far greater than any idea of man...and I truly believe the promise if we "keep the commandments, we shall prosper in the land."

I have heard someone say: "(So in So) candidate is pro-choice, which I don't really agree with, but he promises to provide funding for Art programs to inner city schools- which is very important to me." Are you being serious?

ok so are you ready for this???? Guess what???? I like Sarah Palin. Oh my gosh I am CRAZY. Sarah Palin? She's a nut job inexperienced politician from a town of 5 people that doesn't read magazines. The media treated her so wonderful didn't they?

I really like Sarah Palin. I like her because she understands true government. The true government that was designed by the forefathers so many years ago. Argue if you want. That is ok. She spoke at a pro-life banquet last month and I decided to share some quotes from that speech. I am not a republican and I did not like John McCain, but I really like how this woman is not afraid to speak with her moral belief system as her guide:

"Let me in invite you to Alaska, God’s country, because this is what inspires me. And I want to tell you a little bit about Alaska, because if you go there you cannot deny the hand of the Creator in that state…and it seems that God just dumped his stores of oil and gas up there, billions and billions of barrels of oil and trillions of trillions cubic feet of natural gas, that I believe He intended for us to develop and use to better our world…"

"I truly believe that our families and our small businesses can spend the money they earn better than the government will ever be able to spend it."

(Talking about her baby Trigg, who has Down syndrome) "He turns one on Saturday and He is our gift from God. He’s proven to me beyond a shadow of doubt that every innocent life does have purpose and there is no accident. And I am going to choose the Creator’s idea of perfection over our society’s definition of perfection any day."

"Oh my goodness, it has been an interesting year and one day I may sit down and write all about it…I have learned some things, things now I know for sure, not the least of which is the need to identify who we are, why we are so confident that America can embrace a culture of life- knowing there is purpose and good destiny for EVERY child. No matter your party, your background, your race or religion; protecting and promoting the sanctity of life trumps all of that."

"Some things we can all know for sure, America’s forefathers, founded this great nation with powerful words in America’s Declaration of Independence- they read in part like a Holy Text, “We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
Providentially and with so much wisdom our founding fathers wrote that life is valuable because it is ordained and not because it is utilitarian- that life is precious whether in the form of a helpless baby or dependent senior citizen, or a special special needs kid, I know for sure, that my son is perfect just as he is, and I do believe he is made in the image of God…life is valuable because it is ordained."

"A baby is God’s opinion that the world should go on and I know for sure what you are doing here tonight (at the banquet) is powerful. You are a testament to the force and will of people who believe in truth- and truth has a way of barging through the doors of our lives whether we are prepared for it or not." ~Sarah Palin, Alaska Governor

so no matter how much you don't like her- you have to admit Sarah Palin is a very moral and faithful person...who puts her trust in a higher source...who defends life- but who wants a moral and faithful person in office anyway?

fight for freedom friday

proud of my poopy odd children

Ju Ju, can you please stop pooping in the bathtub?

This is the 5th time we have had to get out the bleach, disinfect all the toys, and give a little no no pat on the bottom. It is like she waits all day to get into the warm friendly water to release her stinky chunks.






And Kenzie is suddenly in this, "I am going to hide half or all my face when Mom takes pictures of me" phase...oh well, it still beats the "cheesy fake grin for the camera" smile she usually pulls.


Love love love my girls.

makeover may

body beautiful

so I've decided it was time to take care of myself dang it!

no more self loathing...it is time to do what I've been afraid of doing for a long time:

CHANGE.

Don't ask me why I fear change- I have convinced myself that I am the most familiar with the world around me when I am feeling sorry for myself... but like I said earlier, sometimes we don't want to give up our weaknesses because without them we aren't exactly sure who we would be without them.

So kind of like a run down house needing renovation: Here I go.

First thing: the headaches and back aches- CHIROPRACTOR I love you. I have decided to solve my problems instead of just dealing with my problems. I have already gone twice to Mr. Strange Chiropractic Man Who Talks Too Much, and I already feel so much better. I even got myself a water pillow. I filled it up wrong and water was going everywhere last night- but after I figured it out...wow...what a good night's sleep.

Next week: Mr. Dentist.
Week after that: Mrs. OBGYN and Mrs. Mammogram Machine

I went to the store yesterday and I bought a pair of these:



Chay pulled the girls in the bike trailer with his bike while I attempted my first big run since who knows when. (I ended up running about a mile LOL) I am a runner I'd say. I did cross country back in the day. I remember the 8 mile runs on Thursday afternoons. I even ran a triathlon the summer before I was married. The swimming part about killed me. Anyway, I don't hate running. I actually think it is very empowering...I am just afraid of it at the moment...because my lungs feel like they are ready to explode...and I just feel awkward.

*note to self: never go running on Monday nights after family home evening in your neighborhood: we stopped 4 times to talk to friends and families in the ward (it was actually kind of fun. I LOVE MY WARD!)

Tonight I start Yoga. I have never done yoga. Only once with Joette- a DVD, and the instructor looked liked Jackie Chan, so we quoted Shanghai Noon the whole time--wasn't a successful yoga effort but seriously funny-

I have been living off Costco and their wonderful supply of big veggie packs, their brown rice crackers, almonds, soy milk, hummus, organic brown rice, red potatoes, cheap salsa...I don't know what I would do without Costco. Heaven Bless that place...



and of course about 2 of these a day:



When I pray at night, I beg for the Lord's strength. I pray for a peaceful mind, faith to become stronger from Mom's death, to become more aware of those around me, to let go and let God take over.... to keep me motivated to take better care of my body, to remind me how important it is to my well being, but keep it in check and not get addicted or compulsive about exercising, but to surrender to it.

I will have to tell you about the summer I became addicted to running- well I will just say real quick: one summer I ran about 5-6 miles every morning before work. If I wasn't able to go running, I was so mean and rude. I was addicted. I would have withdrawals and nothing was more important to me than my morning run. I remember one time my mom needed me to help her do something at 6 in the morning and I was just livid. She reminded me nicely that my running is defeating its purpose and that it was turning me into a selfish brat. (my mom was VERY honest and blunt) I didn't learn until after some time that she was exactly right. She maybe could have used a different approach but still...

Anyway...

so here I go...

the chaco update

My Chacos broke. I kid you not. It appears that the blog post about my love affair with these shoes jinxed me...I swear only 2 days after posting that post, Kenzie stepped down on the back of the shoe while I was lifting up and "rip".

Chay didn't seem to be too disappointed for some reason...until I insisted I get a new pair.

so now what?...what on earth am I going to do? They are still wearable...I think I am going to write to Chacos Incorporated and tell them how loyal I am to their shoes and how I voluntarily advertise for them all the time- which has lead quite a few folks to the purchasing of their shoes...hmmm....maybe I could get a free pair??? Their soles have a lifetime warranty but the straps don't...

so while I was mourning the breakage of my beloved shoe...Kenzie cheered me up when she noticed this picture and said, "Look Mommy, Jesus has Chacos too!"



"yes, Kenzie, Jesus has Chacos too." It was the greatest thing I had heard all day.

where are you going April?

(I am in the process of making my blog into a book...a book just for me, so I don't expect you to delve into the long posts...this is a journal entry more than anything.)

Where is the month of April going? Come back! I'm not done reclaiming April in April.

May....hmmm...I can always continue....Makeover May...yes Makeover May

ok so the rundown on the reclaiming April in April ordeal

I have been a complete mess since Mom died.

I am very good at hiding it, unless you're Chay, unless you're around at 2 in the morning and my pillow is wet from 3 hours of crying...

Can I blame it all from Mom being gone? Not really. My tears and discouragement aren't always motivated by Mom's death- I mostly just feel out of touch with reality, anxious, overwhelmed, inadequate, disappointing...but it all seemed to boil over into a heap of yuck right around the time I said my last goodbyes to Mom. Something literally changed inside me when I saw Mom lifeless and mom-less on her hospice bed. It wasn't like this big snap...but more like a dull wearing away at my soul, my love for life, my happiness. Don't get all freaked out, I still come across as the usual "April" and I don't slit my wrists..for attention lol... It's all good. I'm still cool and fun. LOL. Just writing out how I feel sometimes.

We all have bad moments. Behind closed doors and the walls of our home, I believe many, if not most of us have the breakdowns, the give-ups, the lazy unmotivated days where we can't seem to grasp any more concept of life here on earth- but those feelings usually only last a couple days and on we go...fighting and enjoying life. I, however, have had those bad moment feelings for awhile, and I haven't been able to kick it very well. It is more of a battle inside and only evident to those very very close to me...and I usually cope well with... bread and long afternoon naps- which in the end only makes me more discouraged because now I have gained weight, my body aches, and I have wasted hours that could have been spent doing a lot more productive things...

I'm not really sure what is going on. But whatever it is, deep down I believe I still have a choice.

Even though the choice is the hardest thing I have ever done. I also believe deep down that the Atonement can work a miracle in my life. I just somehow do.

Even though I feel so incredibly sorry for myself, and can't seem to make more than the slightest effort to change, and even getting angry with Heavenly Father for taking Mom, and for not always enjoying the challenge of being a mother and wife while being stuck inside a house all day- even with all these feelings, I believe somehow (with the angels' help) that I am deeply loved by my Creator and that the Savior cares about me. Me. April. Me.

It is like I have a concourse of unseen support surrounding me, just waiting, just hoping, for me to get up and get on with this beautiful life. Every time I get angry at how far away Mom feels, I instantly feel her near. She won't even let me doubt for longer than a minute. And then in my prideful thoughts I think, "get away Mom, I'm trying to make a point and feel sorry for myself here"...lol.

and maybe just maybe...all this I am experiencing is life at it's fullest.

I have tried since October to get a grip on life. The long winter was just annoying. Wasn't it?

So I started the whole reclaiming April in April thing- which was more of an open ended prayer...hoping with my little attempts, God would take over. I was inviting change...and I am starting to feel a little better...ever since I told Heavenly Father, "I can't do this anymore, I am disrupting my own life, my husband's, my children's- I am losing opportunities to serve others while I drown in self pity...I am having a hard time even liking myself because everything discourages me...I can't do it...take over please."

Life isn't suddenly bubble gum and Lolly pops, but I am starting to feel somewhat alive again...something is sort of stirring together...hope...nothing noticeable on the outside...but inside mostly...plus there is finally sunshine outside...which really helps.

listen, I truly believe in miracles- I believe that our very own thoughts can change. The atonement can take our most precious prideful possessions and throw them away. It seems impossible because we have certain weaknesses about us that seem to make up who we are- it's like we can't live without some of our sins because we wouldn't know what to do next in life without them. We use them as a tool of survival.

Eating too much, not being able to forgive ourselves and others, talking bad about people, feeling sorry for ourselves, judging others, watching too much TV, spending too much time on the Internet, wasting time in general, being too busy and overloading life with "to-do" lists, criticizing others, putting down others, complaining, being negative, disrespecting the body...all these are manifestations of people just trying to survive...and when anyone is just trying to survive, we should have compassion for them, regardless, because we are all trying to fill that hole...which only the Savior can fill. It is the "whole vs. hole" that we are all trying to figure out on some level...because we are mortal...but I believe that we can overcome our trials feeling "whole" through the Christ.

anyway, so that is a little explaining on why I wanted to do some reclaiming...and that maybe I could possibly turn the vicious cycle I'm treading into something beautiful and plentiful...finding that which was once lost. I remember my basketball coach saying once, "turn your anger into performance"...

I remember right after Mom died I wanted nothing more than to be strong and pure so I could honor her...but then everything kind of fizzled out as reality set in. "I can't talk to my mom. she is gone. I want to talk to her so bad." And then every part of my life started to hurt, not just her being gone- it was like it affected the whole life package...anyone out there relate? Isn't it amazing what effect one person and their death can do to someone? This has been so huge to me...nothing has been this hard in my life- and I have been through a lot of poopy stuff...I really really miss Mom.

so since the month of April is over...May is always nice. I have hopes to have more meaningful prayers and scripture study. A temple visit or two and to start revitalizing this body of mine...get it strong again.

Makeover May here I come...

favorite sport: make the girls laugh

I'm not sure if I should even post this. Everything in this video is out of control. I am out of control, the girl's room is out of control, my girls are out of control, Chay is out of control for filming it...I'm out of control for posting it.

Sometimes it is so addicting to make the girlies laugh. I love it. I am always doing whatever it takes to get them to giggle -(obvious proof from the video). Chay must have been particularly interested in Ju Ju's reaction to her mom's silliness...he kept the camera on her the whole time...cute little ju ju.

after the play time we then of course did our duties and cleaned the room for 2 hours...lol...I'm kidding... Mom would have loved to see this video. My girls have the hardiest laughs....love it.

sugar and glue

To those who were wondering about the "I love Chay" art from the previous blog...um it's not paint or sidewalk chalk...and no Elissa it wasn't found drawn on my front porch although I would rather see that first thing in the morning drawn in sidewalk chalk than...well...you all know the story....

sugar and glue and black construction paper- a very difficult process to manipulate just right...

It was the best I could do to entertain a 3 year old on a cold Saturday afternoon...it was actually kind of fun...try it sometime...it is a great way to rotate your food storage...

The other night Chay and I got in an argument. What? You guys actually argue? Oh please.

Anyway, during the argument Chay jokingly took the "I love Chay" art off the refrigerator and threw it in the garbage as a way of making his point, whatever his point was I can't remember. I took the art out of the garbage and he said, "why are you keeping it?" and I answered, "because I'm sure there is somebody out there who still loves you, I will just give it to them if they want it." Then of course we started to laugh...

It is back up on the fridge...I made Chay a cheesy pre-school art project and Chay rubbed my sore neck for an hour this morning...

good trade.

lyrics of the year

While driving in my car, I heard a song that by far has the most romantic lyrics ever:

"I said shush girl
Shut your lips
Do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips" ~3oh!3

Have any of you heard this song yet?...oh my.

this was pretty funny to hear, I will admit...

and now it has somehow become a stupid joke in the family...

don't be so emotional

a quote I heard this week- not by a journalist, politician, not the words of Thomas Jefferson either (although this sounds exactly like something he would say)- The quote was given by this lady in Boise who teaches parenting classes. I am listening to her lectures on my Ipod in the morning...

"Teach your children to act on principle and not to react on emotion." ~Carleen Tanner

Isn't that good?

Why did I think about our country when I heard this quote? This neat cozy meaningful common sense quote doesn't just apply to parenting. Do you think the majority of decisions being made in congress lately are based on principle? or emotion?

bailouts are emotion, gun control is emotion, pro-choice is emotion, welfare is emotion, paying home mortgages with tax payer's money is emotion, cheating on taxes is emotion, progressivism is emotion- I mean don't you just want to cry and feel sorry for all these people??? ...Well I sort of do- but I'm not government, I'm a friend. Government will never be a friend. From God, from friend to friend, from church, from community, from private sector to private sector we can help each other out, because that is who we are- don't deny what we can do as an individual- to be charitable, loving, kind, employ-

immorality is based on emotion and morality is based on principle...

I react on emotion a lot. It is like I will forget everything important to me and just want to change my world upside down due to my crazy out of whack feelings I am feeling at the moment.

reacting to emotion can be fatal to relationships, the family budget, the waistline, trust, change, faith

reacting to emotion examples:

yelling at children because you're tired,
impulsive spending "Those pillows would look so good in my living room",
Forcing your idea on everyone around you
Stop going to church because someone offended you
saying yes to everything- in hopes to get approval
enabling others instead of teaching others,
"I had a hard day, I deserve to eat this",
"I can always pay it back later",
Doing favors to only those who will praise and support you
finish blog post before changing your child's poopy diapers. oops.

acting on principle: answers to the "reacting to emotions" statement above: oh and this isn't me answering these examples- oh no no no- I only wish I could be so rooted in principles like this...I'm trying.

"I'm tired, don't take it out on the kids"
"These pillows are not in my budget. I will survive without them for now. But they are awesome pillows."
"Everyone has the choice to make their own decisions. No matter how strongly I believe in something, it is still wrong to force and control one's belief's."
"God is perfect, people aren't."
"I can't go to the reception tonight, I really need to go home and watch The Office with Chay"
"Mama ain't making your bed for you no more- who's gonna make it when you're 40?"
"Cookies only make me feel good for a minute, and then the guilt sets in... it's not worth eating just to numb out temporary feelings...but they do look dang good."
"Debt is not good. Prophet said so. Makes sense to me. Everything bought with credit, isn't really mine right?"
"I will serve my fellow men so that I might serve God. Period"
"There is more to life than blogging...(and facebook)."

What is principle? Truth. Deeper meaning. Can't be altered. Is not influenced by cultural trends or evolving ideas.

So when George Bush implemented "No child left behind" he was reacting to emotion "oh my gosh our education system is in trouble, I think I will just take power away from the states and do my own thing and spend lots of money on education" If he had acted on principle he would have said, "Education was not intended to be under the federal jurisdiction, but that of the states. The more local the government that oversees education, the more education will improve. Give the power back to the states."

Bush also bailed out the banks...which was emotional thinking "oh my gosh, the country will collapse! We can't go through a depression again. I have to be in control to save bad business. We can't let bad business fail. We can't let people get kicked out of their homes when they can't afford it anymore, I will just butcher the free markets to save the free markets" Principle thinking: "We need to be strong as a nation, hold our breath, and let these companies fall. Capitalism, like anything else, has its bad moments, but it will re-sprout, we will survive, businesses will learn, we will not interfere- for it is not our place to do so. We are a free country. As a government we will allow the system to play itself out." Can you imagine such a president? Sounds like Reagan. We would definitely see some hard times, but it wouldn't be prolonged like it will be now.

Um...so you can only imagine what I have to say about Obama...who claims everything is Bush's fault, which it may be, but why is he doing everything Bush did only steroid style...and yet he supports abortion, embryonic stem cell research,... I won't even go there- I'm too tired.

ffffff

beautiful to Him

reclaiming...

So this song speaks right to ME. Joette introduced me to this song when she came up for a visit. We sat down at the piano to sing it and I couldn't hold back the tears. "Where in the heck did you get this song Joette?"

It was like the composer/writer of the song sat down one day and said, "the other night I had a dream about a girl named April Clark and in the dream I was able to read her heart and mind- and understand what strength she needs right now in her life...and, so I think I will write a song for April- for a reminder, for strength."

I play and sing it several times a day. My fingers are a little clumsy as I attempt sight reading- but I just feel the spirit so much when I sing the song. I might be really daring and ask Brandy, our young women's president, if I can sing and teach this song to the young women- Joette said the girls at girl's camp last year sang this every night- and talked about how powerful it was...oh and the lyrics are wonderful of course but just imagine a gorgeous melody...oh I just love this song. I will sing it for you if you'd like...

Beautiful to Him

So much noise
So much peace destroyed
I can hardly hear the voice
leading me through the void

So much noise
The world's little lies

Destruction in disguise
opportunities to compromise
to make me beautiful in their eyes
but I'm not going to buy
the world's little lies

Cause I define myself
and find my beauty
in the light He gives
I'm refined by His divine intentions
everyday day I live.

It doesn't matter what the world believes
or what they say that beauty means
It comes from within
I want to be beautiful to Him.

He's given me His trust
So I'll be strong enough
To run from a dangerous touch
I don't need that kind of love
I don't need that crutch
He's given me His trust.

I define myself
and find my beauty
in the light He gives.
I'm refined by His divine
intentions every day I live.

It doesn't matter what the world believes
Or what they say that beauty means
it comes from within
I want to be beautiful to Him.

I know how to shine
My life's not really mine
It's not about the worldly climb
It's all about His design

So in His eyes
I want to shine.

Cause I define myself
and find my beauty
in the light He gives.
I'm refined by His divine intentions
every day I live.

It doesn't matter what the world believes
or what they say that beauty means.
It comes from within
I want to be beautiful to Him.

I want to live to have His peace
and feel the holiness He sees.
It comes from within
I want to beautiful to Him.

~Tyler Castle and Staci Peters