Thursday, January 31, 2008

sleeping


My eyes froze to the TV when I heard on the news the church was going to have a public viewing for the prophet. My heart started to pound and my eyes filled up with tears. "I'm going". I knew it would be a healing moment for me.

Before today I had never seen a dead person. For some reason I have this fear of death. Not so much dying and going home to Heavenly Father but more of how the spirit leaves the body behind here on earth. So I think my uneasiness about death is the body- I don't like the concept of the body being empty without the spirit, without breath- maybe it's a lonely feeling I feel or maybe the great "unknown" death brings- As much as I was completely fascinated with my Anatomy and Physiology classes in college, I always chickened out at the last minute before we entered the rooms where the cadavers were kept. It is hard for me to look at a body and know at one time someone beautiful, talented, funny, with lots of expression, with trials, hopes and dreams lived inside this body and now- they are gone- everything people loved about them is gone and all you have left is this body that looks just like them- but they are gone. It is kind of scary to me. Am I making sense at all? I can't really explain what I feel-

I knew seeing President Hinckley's body would be an answer to prayer. Heavenly Father wanted me to go. I could feel the adversary working against me yesterday and this morning. I talked to a lady in the stake who told me the lines to get into the conference center would be long and we would spend half the morning in the freezing cold. I started to question going knowing how horrible it would be to stand out in the cold with 2 little kids and have Chay miss a lot of work. I just told myself "I'm going, I don't care, I'm going." Julia was up all night last night with horrible gas. Chay pushed snooze on the alarm clock in his sleep so we woke up an hour later than we were supposed to. I prayed the night before for everything to run smoothly and it seemed to be going only the contrary. This morning I was about to just call it quits when Kenzie woke up in a bad mood and tried to resist putting on a dress and then of course Julia continued to grunt and fuss- but I was adamant on going and the spirit drove me past the discouragement.

Traffic was near perfect and ever flowing so nicely. We arrived at the conference center and found a close parking spot within minutes. Kenzie lifted our spirits even more as she pointed to the temple and said "tomple, tomple" The lines were small. The conference center was breath taking. As we entered the building we could hear a recording of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and well...that did it for me- tears...and tears... Everyone was so kind and quiet. The line stretched through the building but moved quickly. I was very emotional. The spirit was so incredibly strong. I could feel everyone's love for President Hinckley. Mckenzie was so reverent as she clung on to my hand. It was just a priceless moment. We finally arrived to the room where our past prophet laid so peacefully in his casket. He was surrounded by huge bouquets of roses and other flowers. I walked slowly as I tried to take it all in.

He was gone. Before my eyes was only the body of President Hinckley- He looked peaceful, soft, warm, and lifeless. "He isn't there" I thought to myself. "His hands, his chest, his face- nothing is moving." He had a nice color and he had almost a slight smile it seemed. Seeing him dressed in his temple clothes, hearing the choir in the background, flowers everywhere you looked, Chay teary eyed- it all came together for me and I felt an enormous healing within me. It was beautiful.

I held up Mckenzie so she could see. I told her that man was our dear prophet. She looked a little confused and said, "sleeping... pofet...sleeping"

It was a perfect morning and I thank Heavenly Father for making it so special for my family.

6 comments:

Tami said...

That is so neat that you could go to the viewing!! It sounds like it was amazing and I got teary eyed just reading and imagining it all through what you wrote. Wow!! Thanks for sharing.

Marne said...

What special story April! That is really neat you were able to attend his viewing. Something you will remember always.

joette said...

April of all the things I witnessed while living in Salt Lake ... none of them beat that. Kenz is right.. he is sleeping for a time...

EDK said...

That was so beautiful...I could feel the spirit as you described your feelings. I remember feeling those same feelings when my dad and mom died. They were no longer there and yet I knew they were close by. Thanks for sharing, I almost felt like I got to be there.

Charity said...

Oh April...you have such a gift for expressing yourself in writing. Thank you for allowing us to learn, and feel, and heal through your experiences. Not many people can put their feelings to words as wonderfully and openly as you do. Thank you for sharing that gift with us. On those days when things are crazy around the house and the sleep deprivation makes me cranky and estranged from the spirit all I have to do is go to your blog and the spirit fills me through your words. I am amazed you can do that so well despite all that you are going through. The Lord will bless you so much for that. My heart aches for you and your family hearing about all the difficult things your mom is facing right now. But oh, you are all such stalwart saints and I hope your family knows how much you are touching our lives through your HEROIC ability to hold to the faith even through hardly bearable circumstances. Thank you for sharing your mom's beautiful entry about how your dad has grown into a beautiful loving spirit through your mother battling cancer. Your mother is SO noble saying it is worth it all just so that he can have the opportunity to become spiritually self-reliant. I wish we could all be so spiritually submissive. I pray that the Lord will give your family much peace and comfort due to your valiant response to this trial. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH and I cannot thank you enough for allowing us to walk along with you in this experience.

Taylor said...

Wow, I wish i could go!

:)

love ya ♥