Thursday, July 29, 2010

weigh in wednesdays

Yesterday (wednesday) was busy and full... 179 lbs???

Well that sucks.

off to a better week.

I'm actually not really trying to lose weight- more just trying to survive each day with a newborn.

But I am so happy with my little baby boy. I will post pictures soon. I have a crazy weekend. Janna is visiting, Joette, Dad and Kay are coming to town- Chay's family blessing this weekend- lesson to teach...tired. But all exiting events that bring much happiness- I just need to take a deep breath and get on with it.

Thursday, July 22, 2010


I have been so touched lately by all the wonderful people in my life who have been willing to help me.

I have great friends.

Thank you for the fun stuff that has arrived in the mail from far away best friends and family, phone calls that have meant the world to me, visits here and there that have helped big time with the long exhausting days.

Thank you for the AMAZING dinners. We are talking GOOD food. Stuff I love to eat.

Thank you for the quick runs to the store- Hollie and Cami. I knew I could ask you and not feel dumb for doing so.

Thank you to those who have taken or who have offered to watch the girls.

I am so touched. Now I want to be better at serving...I don't think I'm that good at it yet- but I've had great teachers these past two weeks.

I am surrounded by beautiful people. The beautiful people in my life. (I swear Marilyn Manson's song did not come into my mind at first when I wrote that)

I love where I live. I am so grateful to have so many close friends from church live in my neighborhood. What a blessing.

I love how the elderly women from church have stopped by to give gifts and share with me endless stories from their child-bearing years...oh how I love these ladies. Mckenzie and Julia have like 5 grandma's who love them- right here on our street alone. oh these precious old ladies- talk about lives well lived...beautiful souls- their eyes sparkle- prepared and ready to meet their Maker.

It is so easy to be grateful when I'm surrounded by gracious people.

Gratitude- more effective and attainable as a group effort...kind of rubs off on everyone...addictive, contagious

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

weigh-in wednesday week 2 I don't intend on this being a weight loss blog- BORING.

but it is "weigh-in Wednesday"...

ok so last week's weight: 188.5 (digital scale)
Today's weight: 177.5 -11 lbs exactly...even down to the ounce- weird.

The only explanation I have for this 11 lb drop- is well...I have ankles now and my wedding ring fits again. I was pretty swollen for awhile- my puffy feet were really starting to bug me.

But I woke up in the middle of the night several times this week dripping in sweat...and yes it was disturbing...

I'm just dripping from everywhere it seems...oh the wonderful post-partum days.

So the 11 lbs??? Water. Just water. I'm still really fun to hug and cuddle with. Squishy and soft. Anybody need a hug?

Here's to another week...

oh and I'm just enjoying little Xander so much...oh my. I'm whipped.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

weigh-in wednesdays

I can hear Rafiki on The Lion King....(this is for you Joette)

"It is time."

I tipped the scale going into labor weighing 201 lbs.

Granted I am 5'9...and my baby was a good size...

Ok, ok, ok, there is no "GRANTED" allowed here- that's a lot of weight to gain. A lot of love...a lot of squishy comfy hugs...a lot of "I love those big brown eyes...and the way you shake those thighs"- anyone remember that song? A lot of "Baby Got Back" from Sir Mix-A-lot comes to mind there anyone who DOESN'T know all the lyrics to that song??? I mean honestly, it's just an early 90's classic. What is middle school without "I like big butts and I cannot lie, you other rappers can't deny..."?


Current weight: 188.5. I somehow lost 13 and half pounds- 8 lbs was Xander...and 5 lbs must have been the placenta and my amniotic midwife couldn't believe how much water I was carrying. When my water broke it made the biggest popping splash sound ever- like a huge water balloon popping on concrete. Chay was actually video taping me as I lay on the bed when all of the sudden "SPLASH"- so the sound of the "SPLASH" is recorded for family history sake. Then when Xander was coming out, he moved a little bit and amniotic fluid seriously went flying in the air and squirted the nurse in the face and chest (I know, disgusting). Chay later thanked the nurse for being in the perfect spot when I squirted everywhere, she supposedly saved the laptop from getting wet...

anyway- so Weigh-in Wednesdays. I have never in my life weighed this much- I am just big and beautiful, what can I say? I look at myself and I am reminded of the pictures of the women, the great great aunts and great great grandmas on my Dad's side of the family...they were mostly tall thick overweight hard-working big-boned women. So it looks like I have some good and not so good genes working against me.

Anyway- I just want to feel good...and fit back into my pre-pregnancy clothes- because I'm about to break the bank at TJ Maxx if I don't.

I have no clue why I am blogging about this. I seriously think it's some made up psychological motivation that inspires me more to accomplish a goal. And no, I'm not embarrassed about posting my step mother in law already posted a horrific picture of me on facebook for all to see- even those gorgeous past boyfriends got a glimpse of my reality at the moment- oh well...big and beautiful, what can I say?

Current weight: July 14, 2010 188.5 lbs.

I want 'em real thick and juicy so find that juicy double
Mix-a-Lot's in trouble
Beggin' for a piece of that bubble.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

5 days

My little Xander is 5 days old.

Wow only 5 days? well, 5 very long days then.

Breastfeeding is absolutely controlling the greater portion of my life right now. It scares me to death. It hurts. I cringe. I bleed. I crack. Engorgement is finally on the downswing and just the little bit of relief convinces me I can run a marathon now...or accomplish some impossible feat. (not really on the marathon thing)

But nursing with 2 little excited girls is sort of a challenge...Julia super glued her fingers together tonight while I was nursing Xander. Her fingers were seriously "super glued" -it was pretty traumatic for her. Luckily Dad had some special spray of the sorts to help her get un-super glued.

Jaundice. Jaundice. Jaundice. 3 for 3. All three of my babies have pictures of them "all aglow" with the bilirubin lights.

I feel so many emotions lately. One thing hit me for sure- I am all mommy. I have three little people to take care of. My heart is so full of love for my little ones. Tonight Julia and Kenzie left for Grandma's house for 3 1/2 days. They have been gone maybe an hour and I already miss them. They drive me up the wall most days- but they are my girls...they give me so much joy. I feel bad the baby is taking so much of their mommy time away from them. Hopefully everything will re-adjust soon. I am so so so grateful Kenzie has another year until Kindergarten...oh I can't even face that right now. ok let's not think about that April.

Anyway I didn't mean to write so much... I really just wanted to post pictures for family and friends who live far far away. Xander is seriously so adorable to me. My crappy camera just doesn't do him any justice- he is just so fun to hold and look at.

So what do you think? Does Xander look like Chay? Me? I see a little Mckenzie in him, but I can't really tell...

Friday, July 09, 2010


His name is Xander. Xander Chay Clark.

But he still just looks like "my little guy" to me.

Here is the view from my room. I can't really complain.

Watching Peter Pan...they love my hospital room as much as I do...

The cheeks...

oh blessed sleep


I am sitting here at the hospital...looking at my new little baby boy. So peaceful.

But I am getting really sick of this small room...

and why does my bed digitally reveal to me how much I weigh when I lay down in it? Is that really necessary? Especially with the beds in the post partum wing...

on the upside or the downside (however you look at it) the food here is surprisingly good.

Kenzie loves her new little brother- wants to hold him ALL THE TIME.

Ju Ju...not so much. Her words last night as I was feeding him, "I don't like baby, let's throw him in the garbage"

She needs a lot of extra love and attention right now. Oh my Ju Ju.

Still no name for the baby...getting there...

I just witnessed a circumcision. That was so interesting. Rubbed his head and gave him sugar water- Poor little guy. He did so well...considering the circumstances...circumcision I am wondering what the root meaning of "circum"

I feel very blessed.

My boobs hurt.

I'm tired.

But this little baby boy is something else I tell you. So beautiful. I can't believe he is ours. What a gift. What is he dreaming and thinking about all the time? He has already gained 2 oz.

I will post pictures when I get home.

Everything is going well...but I'm at the hospital still...and the baby goes to the nursery when I want to sleep...and I get room service with good meals- my sheets are changed I think life will really hit when I get home.

I can do this...I can do this.

Thursday, July 08, 2010

he is finally here

So I gave birth to a baby boy this morning. 2:56 a.m.

He is beautiful.

Went into labor unexpectedly...3 weeks too early. Good thing- because my nameless perfect little baby was 8 lbs 4 oz 20 inches long...imagine his size full term...

we are still deciding what to call him...

I felt Mom near during the birth...even imagined her standing in a certain spot in the delivery room...I could hear her voice telling me everything was going to be ok...and to get a grip and get an epidural.

I am really tired. I can hardly keep my eyes open.

Post pictures soon.

My little baby is so flawless to me.

Good night.

Thursday, July 01, 2010

9 months

So it is July...

I can actually say that I will probably be having a baby this month.

Have I ever mentioned that I hate being pregnant?

But you know, the summer weather has been nice. The girls are so fun...and Chay is the love of my life...

Ok I can hardly type that without giggling. We aren't a "you are the love of my life" type couple. We aren't a "terms of endearment" type couple either. He's not "baby" or "honey" or "sugar". He is "Chay". And I for one don't prefer to be called a food product by any means. "honey buns, sweet cheeks, honey, sweet cakes, muffin, or sugar" are a no go- especially now when "honey buns" would probably seem most appropriate with my nice back cushion I have acquired these past 9 months.

I actually really like to hear my name. "April". "April" just sounds nice.

One time Chay and I were joking around how couples seem to have these "nick names" for each other and the fact that we don't might be a bad sign. I told him we should do a test run on some terms of endearment for each other. So I looked at Chay and all I could call him was "Chay". Chay looked at me and called me his "cougar".

I couldn't stop laughing., too sexual. We both agreed everyone will get the wrong idea...or the right idea...

So we call each other by our first names. Chay is such a nice unique name- why hide it and ruin it with "honey bunny". Ok writing this is reminding me of the movie "How to lose a guy in 10 days" anyone seen this?...oh what a funny movie.

But I do love Chay the same regardless of our lack of nick names for each other. He is becoming my greatest friend. I can tell him really boring things and he listens. He will tell me what is wrong with his motorcycle engine...the timing, the carburetor, the valves...and I will listen. I love having him around.

Being too big to take care of my feet like I should, Chay scrubbed and "sanded down" my callused summer dry heels on Sunday. He wiped up the kitchen floor for me. He helps me get up off the floor after family prayer. He rubs my back and tells me I smell good in the middle of the night.

I don't think I could be 9 months pregnant with anyone else.

So despite the sciatic nerve in my butt, the achy hips, stiff joints, the sleepless nights of rolling from side to side, the mysterious varicose veins in my vulva that can't be seen but feel like knives cutting into me (yes, I said vulva- get over it) and despite the swelling calves, feet and ankles merging into one body part a.k.a. "cankles", and despite only having 3 shirts now that sort of hide my butt crack, cleavage and belly completely, and despite the ligament pains on the sides of my stomach that I swear are worse than labor, and despite feeling overwhelmed, hot, sweaty, puffy, massive...despite all this, I feel blessed...blessed to be a mommy of three soon, blessed to have a safe loving home for my children to be raised in, blessed to have good friends, and most especially to have Chay...I have really witnessed the hand of God and His mercy in my life lately...and so I keep trucking along. My mom used to always say that- "keep trucking along"

The weather has kept me trucking along.

Went camping. All 4 1/2 of us slept squished in a supposedly 3 man tent. Which we all know the tent is lying when it says how many "men" it can sleep. The girls slept fine. Chay, being 6'3 (which equals 2 men in "tent size") and beefy me (3 men)- did not all. Our air mattress was flat to the ground by 2 am. My body was on fire by the time it was morning. New pains I have never experienced before...and as I lay there focused on how in the world am I going to put on my shorts with this huge achy body in such limited space, Kenzie wakes up with her huge positive smile and says, "This is so fun! I love sleeping in a tent! Can we go see the swing at the water?" What? Are you for real? You can't be this happy...not now anyway. So...yes, she changed my mood real fast. She is such a light. I want to be more like Kenzie in so many ways.

We have been swimming almost daily...and doing all we can to get out and enjoy the sun with the girls. Zoo, splash pad, health club, parks, school lunch...sprinklers...

I can really testify to the idea of "just keep going" and don't let circumstances stop you- life is better when you're busy working, being with people, enjoying simple things. It has helped me cope with these last couple months. I remember my mom, who was a lot more sick than I have ever been, saying that every day she had a choice- a choice to either stay in bed all day or to get up and "just keep going". Those words ring super loud to me every morning...

now how in the heck am I going to give birth???? I know I have done it twice before...but honestly what a phenomenon. The pain scares me...women are amazing.