Wednesday, October 31, 2012

beautiful fall day

*This post is about a month old. In the beginning of October on a Sunday I wrote it. For awhile I wasn't publishing my entries but I think it will be easier to print them into a book if they are published and not a "draft." 

Xander can climb out of his crib now. Lovely. But he somehow knows not to get out when he wants to. He still cries and waits for me to come get him. Phew. Not sure how I feel about that. I am having a horrible pregnancy and so every day I go into survival mode. I let Xander have his binky whenever he wants it. I want him to stay in his crib forever and there are no plans in the future to move him into a big bed. I don't care to potty train him until later when I can somehow cope. Poor kid. But, I think he still knows he is deeply loved. We rock him to sleep every day for nap and night time. It is actually my favorite time of the day because I can relax in the big chair and hold my little boy. Very soothing for me and for him too I'm sure.

Xander wants to talk so badly and yet can barely form any words. He gets very frustrated when we don't know what he wants. I am taking him to a ENT doctor to see if he can hear right. He does have ear infections quite often. He is so simply adorable to me.

I am only 22 something weeks pregnant and I look like I am due any day. I am already really swollen. I am really fat and I am in a world of trouble....I don't even recognize myself in the mirror and wow- pregnancy is cruel. 

Kenzie lost one of her front teeth. Her other front tooth is loose but it now looks like she has just one tooth right in the middle of her funny. Her sweet little innocence of toddler years are officially over. She is 6 and growing up. She is really fun to be around and such a joy. Yes she cries easily and quite needy sometimes- but she is so charismatic and still very very sweet.

*this picture captures Kenzie quite well being happy, goofy, and loving. She is everyone's friend. Check out those teeth! 

Kenzie has a gift of nurturing and little children adore her. All the little kids in the ward adore her. Xander goes to her often for hugs and comfort. Kenzie still wants me to walk her to her classroom every day. It's a great way to start both of our days. I get a little embarrassed however when I drop her off and I look like I'm having a hangover from a rough night's sleep, while wearing decade old maternity clothes and hair that hasn't even been brushed for a day or so. Hopefully child bearing days will be over when Kenzie is old enough to realize how bad I really look. Right now, she could care less as long as I'm there to kiss her goodbye. Love little children.

I came by her school the other day to drop off her lunch. She was out at recess playing and I just watched her for a little bit and she was having the time of her life. She was giggling and playing chase with 6 other people. She was happy. I have sore memories of being unhappy and alone in Elementary school and walking around the playground all by myself. It made me rejoice to see her feel happy and safe at school. Once she noticed me she dropped what she was doing and ran over to me and gave me a big kiss and hug. She was so excited to see me. I gave her her lunch and off she went running around like crazy with her friends.  

Julia is my little buddy. She loves music and it's so funny to hear her memorize and sing songs from the radio. She always asks me to turn up the radio. She has a very kind heart and recognizes when others around her are sad. She loves hidden picture books and any book for that matter. I could read to her for 2 hours and she would be the happiest little girl wanting more. She loves to color. She has a sensitive little heart and when she admits to me her feelings have been hurt, it's the most sincere saddest thing to experience. She doesn't cry for attention- she cries when she is truly hurt and she will hide it for a long time until she gets the courage to come up to me and tell me. She loves her mommy- and when mommy spends time with her- she glows. I decided to keep her home from Kindergarten this year because she was barely 5 at the cut-off date. What a good choice. We do little pre-schooly stuff at home and she seems to be catching on fast. In fact, she can do some of Kenzie's 1st grade math and it makes Kenzie mad when Julia knows the answer to her math homework.

*Caught Julia posing!! Finally. I can't get her to smile or even look at the camera half the time. She is really hard to take pictures of and I need more of her to balance out camera hungry Kenzie. 

I'm not a big advocate of structured pre-school. We just have fun, learning as we go I guess. Love having her home with me. Ju Ju is my big question kid. She asks questions all day, and I love it. I seriously giggle all day with her by my side. She is also more enjoyable because he older sister by only 19 months is gone and so Julia gets all of her mommy all day and I don't have to referee petty little fights.  

Today was Sunday and it was a beautiful beautiful gorgeous fall day- perfect weather. The trees here in Utah are breathtaking. The mountains here are just beautiful. I will forever love the Utah mountains. Right now the trees are fire red and it has lasted longer than usual. Imagine huge mountains covered in red trees. Blows me away. Today Chay had the idea to get out of the house and enjoy the weather- we took a small hike in a canyon. The girls were so happy to be "in the mountains". They were collecting rocks, running up the trail, gathering leaves. I on the other hand was huffing and puffing up the trail. 

Oh I loved seeing them enjoy nature. They came alive and it was childhood at its best. The leaves on the trees were every color imaginable- even pink leaves. Orange and Yellow. It was amazing. The air was crisp. Perfect. We hiked next to a small stream and we crossed a man made bridge and the kids thought it was the most exciting thing. (who needs Disney Land?)

Eventually we made it to the tree with the bible in it. Yes, a woman used to hike up the trail every day and read her bible. She would wrap it in plastic and hide it in a big hole in a tree...we found the bible today and I was so happy to see that it was still in good shape. I opened the bible and read her words "Please leave the bible in the tree. I come up here everyday to be close to God and read His word." I am paraphrasing because I can't remember word for word what she wrote but underneath her words is a paragraph written by her husband- he mentions that she died in 2009- it was a sweet memorial for her- he expressed his love for her. Really neat. Kenzie found the bible and then we kept trying to guess where she would sit and read the bible when she used to come up to read...Julia was really intrigued. 

Chay was so kind today. It was his idea to take the family out on a hike. He helped me so much with my calllings at church. He ran home to get things I forgot for church. He watched our kids and some other kids while I had a meeting. He is a very very good man and I need to remember the sweet softhearted things he does all the time, especially at the moments I feel like killing him :)

beautiful day- don't want to forget it ever!  

Sunday, October 28, 2012

life at it's best

Get this. Or, imagine this. 

Huge rocky mountains covered in red trees and snow with clouds hovering and trees at the base that are orange, yellow, red, green, pink....That is what I experienced yesterday morning coming home from dropping Kenzie off at made me cry. It was beautiful. Thank you Heavenly Father for this beautiful world. This primary song from church came to my mind:

He gave me my life, my mind, my heart;
I thank Him reverently
For all his creations, of which I'm a part.
Yes, I know Heavenly Father loves me. 

I didn't take this picture but this is sort of what it looked liked yesterday morning--actually what I saw was even prettier. The mountains where I live are even taller and closer than this Wasatch mountain shot. 

This morning I was not ready for the snow. I was in denial that warm weather was not coming back. I was wearing summer shoes and treading Kenzie through a slushy parking lot at her school. I loved how she asked me to pick her up to carry into the school. Of course I will hold my big baby girl who is almost 7! After I kissed her and hugged her a million times at her request at her classroom door, I come outside to find the snowflakes were really big--HUGE! They were falling on my face and hair and I couldn't help smile. The snowflakes were just too big to be mad at the weather. 

Today Xander walked into his room where I was folding and putting away his mountain of clean laundry.  I came across some big boy undies and we talked about how exciting going poo poo in the toilet is. I put on the biggest drama act of the century about the wonders of the toilet. He was pretty convinced going poo poo in  the toilet was a good thing as he smiled and talked his gibberish pointing to his diaper and then to the bathroom. 

I kept busy folding and sorting his clothes into piles of too small, summer, long sleeve shirts, short sleeve shirts, pajamas, and pants. Xander isn't feeling 100%. He has a double ear infection along with the pukes and diarrhea. He just came right up next to me and laid down on the floor while I was in the middle of solving his clothes problem. I loved how he was cuddling with me and every now and then I would touch his soft cheeks and rub his head. I think I enjoyed it more than he did. I melt for soft baby skin and soft hair. 

My body was starting to feel extra achy and being on the floor that long was killing my knees plus I had a pile of girl clothes that needed to go into the other room. But I couldn't bear the thought of leaving the perfect moment of Xander laying next to me, feeling safe. So I stayed there and within minutes, he was asleep. What a special moment for me. I will admit however, kids are a lot cuter and sweeter when they're sick. :) 

I chuckled at myself last night as I stayed up late to glue seashells to a headband for Julia's mermaid costume. I was so excited for her to see it. I then glued plastic spiders all over a headband for Kenzie's spider woman costume. They both turned out so cute- and then it hit me- that I was staying up late to work on my girl's Halloween costumes- which is weird and a new chapter in life for me. I loved how I was actually enjoying it and thinking more about them than me at midnight with my tired overly swollen feet. Wow, I thought, that has got to be progress. 

Thank you Heavenly Father for these special moments I have experienced lately.  

Life at it's best. 

Saturday, October 27, 2012


I am downstairs studying my Gospel Doctrine lesson and I am suddenly very grateful for my old house because I can almost make out word for word the story Chay is reading to the girls in the room directly above our room.

I am so grateful for Chay tonight. He is an amazing father.

ok I must say one thing. Chay just walked downstairs from reading to the girls and the first thing he said was "that Nutcracker ballet book is so stupid." ...made me laugh.

a sure foundation

Heather Smith made this print for my family. Thank you Heather. I love you...and yet I haven't ever met you in person...who knew 15 years ago we would have internet best friends some day. I sometimes get weepy when I think about you and your amazing example. I love strong faithful people! 

Ok, this is the Clark scripture for the year. I introduce a family scripture at the beginning of the school year. So since Kenzie is only in 1st grade- this is only the 2nd year we've been doing this little neat tradition. We display it in the house where we can see it often. We have a huge 16X20 of this print staring at us by the piano. We tape a 5X7 of the scripture on everyone's headboard. They are falling off and pillows have bent them but oh well. We also memorize the scripture. Memorizing anything is a challenge for me. 

I have always been familiar with Helaman 5:12 but for some reason at this time in my life this scripture brings much peace and comfort and I knew our family needed to memorize it and look at it often this year. Among the chaos of watching conference with little kids, we were all pretty excited when Elder Neil A. Anderson quoted our scripture in his conference talk. Kenzie and Ju Ju's eyes got so big...and the best part is we were able to say it with him as Elder Anderson shared it. 

Kenzie surprised me the other day. I wasn't sure if my kids were even interested in memorizing such a long scripture. For awhile I was pretty convinced it was an impossible task for little ones but out of the blue one day when we were about to have family scripture time, Kenzie blurts out the whole scripture word for word by heart. I couldn't believe it! Her little brain, her little spirit, her little desire, her little was touching and strengthening to Chay and I to hear her quote the entire scripture. 

Now, if  I could only get her to memorize the stuff she is tested on at school...

I know that if we build our lives upon Christ, we will not fall. I love this promise.

There is power in the scriptures. How grateful we are to have direction in our lives when everything in the world seems to be "falling" apart around us. 

Have you seen the bible videos yet? Check out this powerful one of the sermon on the mount: 

Today I am grateful for scriptures. 

Thursday, October 25, 2012

this blog of mine

There are just some moments I do not want to forget. 

This blog is going to be different I think- more for my children- who I hope will read it one day and get a better understanding of who their mother was and also how they lived out their childhood days. 

Now if only Morgan Freeman could one day narrate my blog to my children...that would be even better.