Tuesday, December 22, 2009

this guy

I am thankful for this guy

he has been doing it all this past month

paper route
taking care of sick kids
sick wife

he's not always the most happy when his wife is sick...but he is willing...he is doing so much right now to just keep it all together. It has been sort of rough around here for awhile-

and yet Chay keeps plugging along...

I really appreciate you.

love you Chay.

pictures taken by JANNA

Sunday, December 20, 2009


Today in church I sang and played a song about Mary and her feelings for her son, Jesus.

I have been practicing the song for awhile, mainly the piano part...because I'm not a piano player...well I don't read notes very well.

The song touched me more and more every time I sang it...and I feel like I understand Mary better by singing it so many times.

I think about Mary a lot. Especially now that it's Christmas time and also that I am pregnant. Did Mary have morning sickness with Jesus? And how could she ever complain?...I'm sure she didn't.

I'm so glad I'm not Mary.

But I think I wish to emulate her. Although there are very few scriptures that talk about her, I honor her and I imagine her being simple, strong, faithful, obedient...

I want to meet her someday.

here are the lyrics to the song:

I Just Knew- by Cherie Call

He's the son of a King
But He came to us with nothing
No purple robe
no crust of bread

With his soft tiny hands
He reached out for me to hold him
There was no crown upon his head

So I guess that I should not have been surprised
When I saw the human tears in his holy infant eyes

And no one ever taught me how to sing
A lullabye to the Son of a mighty King
But when I held him in my arms and I rocked him just the way that mothers do.
I just knew.

Just as we knew he'd be
He lived so selflessly
He was a legend in the land

And people came from far and wide
And looked at Him with pleading eyes
Longing for the healing in his hands

and in those endless busy days
He still had time for me, He always found a way

And no one ever taught me how to love
A healer and a teacher sent from up above
But when he cared for me and helped me in the tender way that only He could do.
I just knew.

In sunlit moments I could see me in the traces of His smile.
I know he came from me
but he was better than this world would allow.

I could not save Him when he died.
And now it seems that he's the one who holds me when I cry.
And everybody asks me how I'm sure
the little boy I raised is our Redeemer

I could list the dreams and prophecies and miracles that prove his mission true
but in all honesty
every moment I was with him
I just knew.

Aren't those just simple personal real words?

Thursday, December 17, 2009

mckenzie jo

my sunshine girl is 4 today.

She wants to be 4.
I want her to be 3.
4 is too close to 5.

The birthday fairy made a visit to her room in the middle of the night and left 4 balloons.

Pancakes this morning with 4 candles on top to blow out.

A snowman and sledding with Julia and Gage- and of course 4 wheeling with Daddy...even though Daddy wasn't feeling well at all and has been drinking Thera-flu all day...I thought at least a ride in the snow on the little 4 wheeler would put a smile on his face...

A much needed nap.

Off to Chucky Cheese with Cake and Pizza! Big Day.

Thanks Tara and Niels for making the day so special!

tear tear I wish I could freeze littleness. I am really enjoying Kenzie right now in her life. Oh my little kind gentle girl. Always willing to help, so protective over Julia, you love to sing when you color...

- you were more excited than I was when Ju Ju went poo poo in the toilet tonight- your words, "oh my goodness Ju Ju I'm so excited...you get M&M's for doing such a great job!". I thought to myself, "wow, baby number three might not be so hard after all with this awesome big sister!"

I love love love you!

the really nice photos in this post were taken by JANNA

Tuesday, December 15, 2009


I hate being pregnant.

Sorry to those who love it. I promise I am not evil. And yes I will love my child. I always do.

Someone asked me today what I wanted for Christmas. That is easy: My first trimester wrapped up in a cute box with a bow and then thrown in the garbage.

When I am miserable I love to create unreal solutions to my problems.

I want to go to a First Trimester spa/resort getaway. At this resort I would be given all the latest alternative medicines that would take away all nausea. I would have this secluded bright room with a fireplace and the biggest bed with fluffy pillows and an electric blanket. My room would be overlooking a lake. I would have a professional massage twice a day. I could sleep whenever I wanted. I would be served hot soup, turkey, mashed potatoes and Popsicles...no poopy diapers to change, no dishes to wash, no laundry to do- just peaceful walks in nature, visits from friends and family all day long...oh how lovely that would be...even for a week.

since I don't have a first trimester spa to go to...

I survive. Like what most mother's who suffer from morning sickness do.

I am only 8/9 weeks pregnant...AHHHHH!! half there??? please tell me I am at least half way there!...

I know when I am feeling really wasted and sick- I wonder about that whole mind over matter thing and- is it really true that some kind of inner strength can make a horrible day a wonderful day?

Now I am jealous of girls who don't get morning sickness AND the girls who have inner strength.

My inner strength consists of "Come on Heavenly Father, lift me off this bed...I can get off this bed, I know I can"...30 minutes later "Come on April"... 30 minutes later "the girls are trying to make breakfast themselves....come on April" 30 minutes later "Kenzie, you can pour the milk yourself can't you?" and then suddenly the overwhelming urge to throw up gets me off the bed..."see I knew I could get up somehow"

I know I am supposed to be of service to others to help forget about my own trials. Until I get better at that, I would like to thank the small acts of service that have come my way. Tara and Tami thank you so very much for the frozen dinners. Oh what a blessing and for Tiffani's pregnancy package and for calling me all the time...I married into such a thoughtful family.

I am learning great lessons about service...

I am discovering however what helps me sort of...some things that actually keep my mind off of things...and the toilet.

People. When I am around people I feel better. Well some people- people I love.
Music. Playing the piano. Turning on Christmas music.
Coloring. I have been coloring pretty intensely with Kenzie lately- and it helps.
My bed. I almost giggle when it's nap time and I get to crawl into my bed.
Mashed potatoes, gravy, turkey/chicken, and milk. I must be having a boy.
Phone calls.

small tender mercies...

Sunday, December 13, 2009


happy birthday Emily. You are now 30...like me.

Emily is special to me. She is a great friend. She is so supportive when I call to talk about life. I trust her with my true true thoughts and feelings and that is big because... I can have really embarrassing thoughts and feelings.

I miss her. But I have been missing her for a long long time. In all the years we have been friends, we have only been in the same state twice for a small time maybe less than a year- we are always far apart- many miles apart- sometimes even countries and oceans apart.

But it proves to be ok.

Emily is very thoughtful, smart, kind, creative, intelligent, funny...I don't think she makes mistakes ever...she has a beautiful voice...and I miss her playing the guitar.

She is a great listener. I think I annoy her sometimes because she has sort of been a small outlet for me since Mom died. Sorry Emily...oh dear.

Well anyway happy birthday today. Your present is coming. Late but coming.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

doctor visit

Here are some pictures from Chay's phone of Kenzie at the doctor's yesterday.

Kenzie for some reason asked the doctor afterwards, "do you like my shoes?"

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events of yesterday

pictures taken by Janna Beecher. She does a lovely job doesn't she?

Yesterday Kenzie fell back on the kitchen table chair and split her chin open. It was interesting how quickly I forgot about how sick I was when I saw the blood gushing. The cut was very wide and sort of deep- little balls of fat were coming out of the wound. My little baby girl was so strong despite the tears...

Rushing to the Kids Care clinic, I decided to drop off Julia at the neighbors. Then the still small voice whispered to me, "take Julia to the doctor's too" I didn't want to haul them both with me- DRAMA, especially with Kenzie's condition.

Julia has had a cough and runny nose for about a month. I keep waiting for it to go away. It has never went away.

So with two co-pays I enter the doctor's office in hopes to find some relief for my girls and my life.

Kenzie got glued up after some series of painful washings and Julia has bronchitis and a double ear infection! What? You would think Julia would be a horrible nightmare- but nope...tough girl. Oh how I love my girls. They need me so much and it is wonderful...most of the time. I loved being there for them yesterday.

Although I don't really like anti-biotics, I do right now. Because I can't handle much of anything right now in my life and I am looking for any and all "cure-all's"

Have you seen the movie "Click"? Ok, not the most appropriate movie, but I wish I could have a remote control that could fast forward my life into the second trimester...

I am so thankful for my wonderful pediatrician. I love this genuine lady.

Although I am opposed to government run/public option health care, I still wish that insurance and medical costs could be affordable enough for every Mom to bring in their sick babies to the doctors. Everyone deserves that. But even with super good insurance, our little doctor visit yesterday will still not end up being cheap. 20%and co-pays add up! what to do what to do...

Monday, December 07, 2009

as of lately

look how excited and competitive they all are

but eventually only one takes all...

you lucky thing.

I'm due in July.

Yes I am only a month pregnant- but I have never understood the big secret.

So I could miscarry- been through that- it was those who knew all along that were able to help me the best...plus I can't keep it a secret anyway with me being green in the face all day.

my life is a living hell probably 75% of the day...my first trimesters are something else I tell you. I swear all women go to heaven every time I run to the toilet. Bearing children is quite the sacrifice isn't it? I am so tired. I don't even have the energy to wash my face most nights. It is a lonely time too. Frustrating to be a mom...having no patience...wanting relief...wishing I could control some aspect of my life...but it is basically all out of control...if I throw up only twice in a day I convince myself I am feeling better.

Last night I threw up my turkey dinner all over Chay's shoes. Sorry about the visual.

...miss my mom like crazy. She would be down here with me in heartbeat. She would cook and clean and play with my girls. She would stay as long as I needed her. Oh how I miss that Lady. Life can be so unfair.

and don't get me started on the girls who don't get morning sickness...I want to just yell at them and tell them all to go to...LOL. Ok. so I am a little jealous...

I am excited still despite how I feel. A little overwhelmed and scared but excited. I know I am doing Heavenly Father's will...I know there are still more spirits to come down and be in our family. I look forward to the day when I don't have that feeling anymore :)

so here's to sleepless nights and big thighs...

pregnant with #3- can't wait to hold you my little one...

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

you are what you read

I have been asked by at least 2 people to somehow share the list of blogs I read.

So I guess I will share with you my most favorite blogs. Friends and Family blogs are by far my favorite- I love to read what people are doing with their lives...but besides friends and families- I have a few blogs that I look forward to reading or looking at every day.

ok the first one is Life in The Fun Lane oh my gosh I LOVE THIS lady's HOUSE. It is a "white house" which is my number #1 ideal style of decorating...but I just can't ever imagine pulling it off like this girl can. maybe someday... Scroll down and look...her nursery is DREAMY.

She also has her own business of finding old furniture and painting it white. Here is her website. white berry reinvented

I also have a vintage love inside me Mint and this one is good too Down and Out Chic and this one is fun to look at Eddie Ross and this one is good too
Viva Full House

Vintage clothes with modern twist:

Shabby Apple I want almost every dress here...but I already know they are too short.

Oh so Beautiful Paper is a favorite...because I love stationary and paper.

home decor stuff

beware* don't subscribe unless you are ready for 20-30 posts a day. I love this blog...I just love to see all types of styles home sweet home

Pondering Principles is my favorite conservative blog...because he just shows funny cartoons and doesn't go off writing forever about politics. He is to the point and in my opinion "dead on".

Do it yourself and craft blogs. Some of these are hit and miss- but I have learned A LOT from these blogs and now have a bunch of ideas floating around in my head that I will probably never do. But it is fun to dream right?

Crafty fun stuff:
Centsational Girl
Crafty Nest
homemade by Jill
This one is a favorite Mod Podge Rocks
Creative Crate
DIY showoff

ok I am done. There are probably more on my reader list but I am too tired. I didn't share most of my funny blogs or interesting blogs that would probably bore most... Going to bed. Hopefully you will find some fun ideas.

What blogs do you read????