Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Happy birthday Mom. Let's see, 61. You would be 61 years old today.

Well on a lighter note, at least I don't have to worry about getting you a present.

I miss you.

You would just LOVE LOVE LOVE Xander. Oh my gosh. He is just so adorable Mom. He is starting to get super squishy. He has this "take-my-breath-away" smile. He coos and watches everything so intently. I know you wouldn't be able to get enough of him. He is so perfect. It makes me sad that I can't share him with you. You always seemed to love my babies as much as I do.

Kenzie still remembers your bald head and all your cute hats. She thinks you live inside the Temple. After teaching her one day about Christ being resurrected, she hopefully acknowledged that we will see you again 3 days after you died just like Jesus. It appears she has yet to understand the concept of time :)

Julia hasn't a clue who you are...but cherishes the pictures of you two together.

Xander...oh the feelings are so strong. I have the strongest feeling that he knows you quite well. A very strong impression comes to my heart that you two were side by side up there in heaven until his arrival here on earth. Xander is my little warrior. He will stand for truth and righteousness. Thank you Mom for preparing him...and warning him about how crazy I can be- Xander seems to be very tolerant to all the loud noises and chaos in our home.

The pain of missing you Mom has turned into gratitude more than anything. I just feel so grateful to have had you as a Mom. I completely trust God. I do not doubt that it was your time to go. I have faith. I feel grateful that I can take your death and see purpose and feel strength. I miss you, oh how I miss you...but it's ok, I truly see the bigger picture. Families are forever.

I'm thankful for the memories...sweet...wonderful memories. Well almost all sweet and wonderful- not so sweet when I got caught sneaking out of the house at 1 in the morning... and not so wonderful the time Joette and I walked in the house 8 hours pass curfew (the next morning)...but who needs to dwell on those moments?

Can't wait to see you again Mom...

happy birthday

Friday, September 24, 2010

Monday, September 20, 2010


"When your priorities are out of order, you lose power."

~Sister Julie Beck

Friday, September 17, 2010

2 months

ok let me try to post this again...accidentally clicked "publish post" a little too soon.

Xander is now 2 months and some.

He is this little bundle of babyness...perfect in every way.

I am really enjoying this "4th trimester" with him.

I call the first 3 months with my babies the 4th trimester.

So Janna did it again. Here are some amazing photos of Xander when he was about 3 weeks old. Thanks Janna for coming to visit me...and for making me dinner and for always wanting to go to thrift stores with me.

Friday, September 10, 2010


Each day the girls and I have a "calendar" moment. Quickly we determine what day of the week it is, the date, month, season, and current weather. Today we went outside to see what the weather was like and it was sun shining, beautiful and chilly. The driveway was still damp from the early early morning thunderstorm.

The girls started to talk about how scared they were when they heard the thunder and when they saw the lightening flash in their room. And then suddenly I got a flashback from childhood- I remember being a little apprehensive about thunderstorms too when I was little, but my mom loved to hear the rain and watch the lightening from our big bay windows in the house I grew up in. We would snuggle up to Mom and watch the lightening and she would always always always sing, "Rhythm of the Rain" by the Cascades. I was never afraid once she started to sing.

I told the girls that story and Kenzie wanted to hear the song. I started to sing the song and tears welled up in my eyes. I was instantly so grateful for those special moments with my mom.

Last night I attended a funeral. Despite the sad circumstances, it was a beautiful funeral. The young man that died was glorified by all his friends and family. Amazing memories were shared and there were countless stories about how remarkable of a person this young man was. Everyone left that funeral wanting to be a better person.

I love how funerals spotlight a person's wonderful qualities. Although we are flawed by nature and we tend to make silly mistakes, we are still God's children and we all have the light of Christ in us.

It's hard to say but it was easy for me to see my mom's flaws when she was living but now that she is gone, it's hard for me to even remember her flaws and so easy to remember everything wonderful about her. I think death of a loved one helps us see a person as God sees the person.

Side thought that came to me on my drive home last night: Have you ever wondered what people will say about you when you die? What will you be remembered for?

Wednesday, September 08, 2010


I love saying the word armoire. armoire. My spell checker is saying armoire isn't a word or that I'm misspelling it, but I'm not. Wiktionary agrees with me also.

The day I went into labor I wasn't planning on going into labor. I usually go the full 40 weeks with my babies. So on July 7th I hauled the two girls and my big belly to Home Depot to get another paint roller brush for the armoire I was currently painting. The girls insisted I push them around in the "car" cart-

well the wheel was broken on the cart- and so it felt like I was pushing 2 tons of bricks instead of 2 little girls who together barely weigh 70 lbs. By the time I came home from my trip to the home depot, I was contracting.

So the Armoire. Armoire. Armoire. The armoire's drawers and doors were all over the living room.- Despite my uncomfortableness of being in LABOR, I quickly finished painting the armoire before going to the hospital. Well before the hospital we also went to Texas Road House for a good meal- because I wasn't sure when I'd get real food again.

After Xander was nicely established into our lives, we finished the armoire's last touches a couple weeks after he was born. I love how it turned out.

Here is the before: The oak finish was already sanded in this picture. But for those who want to know, it was just that dated 80's oak color that anyone over age 50 just LOVES. I know it's practically a sin to paint oak...especially for my Dad...and again to anyone over 50- but what can I say- it's got to be white!!!!


Here is Chay (with his socks on) cutting out the middle section of the armoire's doors with the hand saw.

and here is the after:

we cut out the middle of the doors and put glass in- and then I looked forever and a day for the perfect fabric or paper to put in the glass- and then I just gave up and used wrapping paper I had in my basement- but we designed it so it's easy to replace. We put mirrors on the other side of the glass so I can do make-up and hair in the bedroom instead of doing it in the 2x4 bathroom we all happen to share at the moment. Ok our bathroom is probably bigger than 2X4- but you get my point. SMALL SPACE.

anyway- I love the armoire. Fun project...what next can I paint????

Friday, September 03, 2010

life today is good

The Pumpkin Smash is back at Jamba.

I'm sipping on one right now. And I am so happy. Chay came home long enough to surprise me with one...and off he goes to ride his dirt bike.

weigh in wednesday 173 lbs??? Well probably because I was blasted with another episode of MS and mastitis and then strep throat welcomed itself earlier this week- so eating was hardly on the agenda. My health has been troublesome lately...but today I feel good. So I will focus on today.

Today is good. Life is good.

Especially good since I am ever so often graced by my little happy fairies that remind me life's happiness is found in the little things...

not that all my troubles go away if I sit on the tire swing...but almost, almost....until I try to get off the dang swing and my butt gets stuck.

Julia was afraid to go outside today with her fairy wings...she was certain the wind would carry her away. I had to remind her that if she did get carried away she would at least have wings that would help her fly back home. That didn't help- made it worse. But eventually she found herself most kids do when Daddy is willing to push them on the tire swing.


Here are some pictures of my boy. I have a boy! I have such a little crush on Xander.

so handsome my little man

this is for Grandpa...both Grandpas because my Dad and Chay's Dad both bought Xander the same shirt...I hear red necks think alike....

see? Life is good.