Tuesday, May 22, 2007

my first

I kept a journal of Mckenzie's first year in her baby book but now I ran out of pages. I need to get this down for the record somewhere and I thought, "I will just blog it- family members will just love it!" So here you go.

charts: 33 inches tall, 32 lbs- 95% for height, 70% for weight

Every moment is blown out of proportion, every new skill is bragged about to grandparents, every night either Chay or I or the both of us take a peek at her sleeping- it is all apart of the first child syndrome I am sure. I just get so giggly inside when she wakes up in the morning with her hair all over the place. She takes me right back to childhood so many times during the day, I find myself being goofy just to make her laugh, drawing hearts and stars, and hide and go seek is ever so fun.

Kenzie is 17 months now. She can say "baby" "Da da" (daddy), "uh oh" "cheese" "ball" "hi" and wave -and many more words that only I can understand- She watches me make a bottle for her cousin Gage and I always count out loud the number of each scoop of formula. Yesterday I finished off a can of formula and gave her the can, lid and scoop to play with. She took the scoop and counted "rum, roo, ree" It was so adorable -but for the most part she just rambles and rambles all day. I better prove myself to be a good listener because I have a feeling she will be a talker.

You can say "Let's sing" to her and she will start to sing. She absolutely loves Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. She will fold her arms when we pray. She loves to say "amen" when the prayer is done although it doesn't sound like amen at all. She will put her finger up to her mouth and say "shhhhh" when I tell her it is time to be quiet. Whenever she sees our 4 wheeler or another one she always makes the sound "vrrrrrrrroom" She is a big tease. She loves to pretend to give you something only to fake you out and start running the other way giggling. She always wants to play "I'm going to get you" Oh my she giggles so much.

She is fascinated with screwdrivers and screws. Nothing keeps her busier. She takes a screwdriver all over the house and sticks it in every hole with a screw. She loves the computer or would love it- we don't let her touch it which almost always results in a tantrum.

She loves to eat. She likes lettuce? Weird. One of her and mine favorite foods is peas and salted sunflower seeds. She gobbles up avocados. She isn't a big fruit lover however. I can't get her to eat canned peaches or pears and she will only take a bight of a banana here and there. I can never fail at lunch if I make bean burritos with cheese in the microwave- easy easy- She loves soy milk and oatmeal. I gave her grape nuts for a week straight for breakfast and I will never do that again-she was pooping 3-4 times a day.

Mckenzie is so loving and cuddly. She is full of hugs and kisses. She took turns on Sunday during sacrament kissing Chay and I on the cheek. She loves touch. She loves to cuddle. She will look at me right in the eyes and start brushing my face. She rubs my arms and hair when I rock with her.

Ok- well sugar and spice and everything nice? Um...she is a nightmare too. Hence the video. She is demanding and when she doesn't get her way- she will throw herself on the floor and roll around. I just ignore her unless she starts being destructive to the house. For some reason she isn't adjusting to the new house very well and ever since the move she refuses to go to sleep on her own. She wakes up at 3 in the morning screaming bloody murder. We try to ignore it for awhile but since our walls are paper thin we give up and rescue her- caring more for the sleepless moment than the scary outcome of this bad habit. Once I get the strength both physically and emotionally I will probably let her cry it out...not fun. But all in all she wins our hearts over by morning time- especially Chay who only sees her an hour a day- he loves cuddling up to Kenzie in the early morning hours.

Capturing every moment...of our first- she will grow up so fast.

Sunday, May 20, 2007


Do you want a taste of how much my dad loves my mom? Visit Joette's blog entry "true love" http://www.whereverfinemusic.blogspot.com/

My dad is turning 64 this Tuesday. He is a man of many colors which always makes and made home life interesting. He has caused me a great deal of contemplating and discovery over the years as I have tried to understand him.

So we argue here and there but it is only because we are so very much alike.
Compassion for myself has led me to have compassion for him. I see a whole new person now in my dad. I can see his heart, his childhood, his love for his family, his aches and pains- and it has caused an unraveling of bitterness in me and now I just see how lovely of a person he is.

He is my hero. He takes care of his family like a father and husband should. I miss my dad.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007


ok nothing is worse when you tip the scale at 172 and you still have 2 1/2 months left of weight gain- oh good! This pregnancy has been so different from my first.

I am to say the least very squishy to the touch. Softness is a kinder way of putting it- ghetto booty, thunder thighs, relief society arms- you name it- I claim it. I am sure it is beautiful in some special mothery way but I just feel so...um...fat? It isn't the best feeling to feel when summer requires less clothing and plus it seems like this is the season to get in shape- everyone I know is on some kick to lose weight- hello? not fair? give me a twinkie please-

No honestly I eat fairly well and I feel that I am super busy with the new house, yard work, chasing Mckenzie, bike rides- but "mother" nature is taking its course on me and I just feel like complaining. I can't wait to have this little baby and to somehow get my body back. Does anyone know how I feel?

Pants are tight, shirts too small, ankles swollen, uncomfortable in bed- I need to start a business designing maternity clothes. It is so hard to find a shirt that is half way cute that doesn't have a v-neck all the way to your cleavage. Most summer maternity shirts are sleeveless or almost sleeveless- the pants never fit right- my butt always peeks when I bend over or get in the car- plus maternity clothes are never on sale. Oh the beauty of it all-

So I complain...in hopes it will make me feel better- which it doesn't- but then again nothing compares to feeling a little one inside kicking and reminding me of the precious life I am helping to create- so bittersweet this whole co-creator thing.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

i am a mother

I want to write my thoughts on motherhood today. Sometimes moms get a little discouraged on Mother's day-a little bit of inadequacy sneaks in between the flowers and cards. Today however was more of a peaceful day and another answer to prayer.

I am starting to really truly see and believe in the power of being a Mother in these last days. The Lord is really blessing me with wonderful insight on who I am. Each woman individually has to experience her own sense of belonging in the Kingdom of God before she can claim to be pro mom, pro staying home all day, pro diapers and sleepless nights- I think Heavenly Father is so merciful as He allows me to see precept upon precept my worth. We all hear endlessly how wonderful mothers are, our divine calling...but I tell you it is a personal journey to accept and believe what you hear.

I am a mother. I know in the end I will have chosen the greatest path. The world convinces us otherwise and it is so easy to believe there is something out there greater- more fulfilling- but what can it possibly be? What is greater than a soul? As mothers we are taking care of Heavenly Father's children- His work and His glory- Isn't that amazing? A little overwhelming- but still it really puts things into perspective.

You can pray for anything right? Well I discovered that my bitterness towards staying home while Chay lives a functioning social and intellectual life wasn't getting me anywhere. It made things worse. I was dwelling too much on how unfair I had it. I believed enough that God could help. Slowly things are starting to make sense and being a Mom isn't so bad once I started to believe how important I am in God's plan. Kenzie is so funny. I babysit little Gage and oh my...what a piece of heaven in our home. Babies are so innocent and perfect it takes my breath away sometimes. The baby inside me kicking like crazy will be so brand new and fresh from Heavenly Father's presence...it is just amazing how much Heavenly Father trusts us!

So my little testimony of motherhood is growing each day. I thank Heavenly Father for being patient and loving me regardless. There is so much joy to experience once we just let go of whatever prideful thing we are holding on to-

Happy Mother's Day.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

the moment

Well it happened... the moment I've been waiting for and even imagined before I was a mother.

Every night or almost every night Chay and I attempt to make bedtime somewhat special for little Kenzie. It is messy most of the time. Everyone is tired and cranky. We sing a song- usually a primary song and half the time we don't know all the words. Chay and I must have been both goof offs during singing time growing up because we are primary song illiterate. We manage "I am a Child of God" and "Families Can be together..." quite well. We then say a little prayer- which usually consists of asking Heavenly Father to help Kenzie sleep through the night.

So that is our little routine. Well tonight Kenzie warmed our hearts. After getting her pajama top on over her head, Chay mentioned it was time for song and prayer. Mckenzie folded her arms, bowed her head, and closed her eyes and started to pray in her jibberish. I am sure from the reaction she got from her parents probed her to keep doing it over and over again- but it was priceless.

Nothing is more important than teaching my children about Heavenly Father's perfect love for them. Sports, work ethic, reading...are all nice- but my wish is to have children with a burning testimony of the Savior first and before all. I was raised by a mother who freely expressed her faith daily. Growing up we were never ashamed to talk spiritually on a Wednesday afternoon. Our family doesn't have to be in a Family Home Evening setting to bring up a scripture or talk about God's hand in our life. Mom lives a Christ centered life instead of just having Christ apart of her life...He is her life... talk about an amazing example...yet so hard to follow her lead.

I am just grateful Kenzie is learning to talk to Heavenly Father. Chay and I couldn't stop smiling tonight. It was pure joy.