what we really yearn for

“Trials and tribulations tend to squeeze the artificiality out of us, leaving the essence of what we really are and clarifying what we really yearn for.” ~Elder Neal A. Maxwell

never been anywhere else

"The acceptance of the reality that we are in the Lord's loving hands is only a recognition that we have never really been anywhere else." — Elder Neal A. Maxwell

beautful to Him

This post is for Hollie my neighbor. When I first met her I had a feeling we had met before. I am taken away by how strong and real she is. She wrote this post on her blog today and it really made me think about my own life and how far I have come with the help of the Atonement and counseling. Yes, counseling. My greatest gift I have ever received was seeing a counselor at BYU-Idaho. It took about 2 years of seeing him and attending his classes for the self compassion light bulb to turn on. I never understood that it was self contempt that was prohibiting my relationship with self and God to flourish like it should. I am not even embarrassed to say that because this misunderstood trial I dealt with for so many years has become one of my greatest blessings. I treasure it like gold. This trial introduced me to Christ on a more personal level. Like gold I'm telling you...

written below was my comment on Hollie's blog...and then I realized that I was writing way too much- not that there are any "comment length rules" but I figured I would just blog it instead...

Hollie Hollie Hollie

first of all thank you for being honest...we all need to read posts like this once in a while to get us out of the fairy tale land we create so we don't dwell on how life can stink from time to time. But frankly it does sometimes...

I agree with your friends...you are a very beautiful person...and uneven skin tone? Are you kidding? You have beautiful skin. All olive wrinkle free...goodness.

and for the record I have several moles on my face...one in particular that is rather large on my chin...ju ju is always picking at it. I have another one on the side of my face that grows weekly I swear. oh what to do???

Beauty is an illusion. It's thousands and thousands of ideas people have created over the years through many cultures and eras of time. What is pretty now was considered malnutritioned in the dark ages- the plumpy girls were the attractive ones- Women used to paint their faces white- because fair skin was considered to be the most desired- now we all want to be tan...because right now in this time of history that is what the world tells us is beautiful. The outward beauty is man's interpretation, not God's. Do not trust in the arm of flesh, it will always let you down. Girls are getting plastic surgery left and right only because of an illusion of what the world thinks is attractive- a close friend of mine who just got a boob job and a tummy tuck told me her decision for the surgery kind of lies in our desire to seek perfection. I was really confused. Who said perfect boobs and a flat tummy is perfect? God? I don't think He cares at all. Hollywood maybe. I think if boobs are saggy and shriveled up from nursing babies and stomachs become stretched out from bearing children...than that might just be perfect in God's eyes for our time here on earth...although it's hard to see that...perfect boobs and a flat tummy would be nice...but perfect? We have convinced ourselves that is perfect...and I think we might have it all wrong.

It is all an illusion. People chase illusions to feel better about themselves. God is not an illusion. One of the only things that never change through time- only our idea of him, but He never changes.

Hollie, I have made some similar comments lately like what you have shared. I know on a deeper level that I am beautiful but it's hard to always feel so. I know certain people who glow with beauty but are maybe not "beautiful" in the world's standards...I always think of Marjorie Hinckley at the end of her life- If I end up looking like her but it meant I lived a life like her then it would be all worth it. I can't think of a more beautiful person than her.

"I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails.
I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp.
I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbors children.
I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden.
I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder.
I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived."
— Marjorie Pay Hinckley

oh to be like Marjorie...this quote teaches me what real beauty is...

But honestly this pregnancy has been something else. I have gained weight in all the wrong places. I feel so incredibly unattractive. I wish I could just hideaway for a year until I feel somewhat normal again....but I know Satan is working on me- He is telling me that I should hide and be ashamed of who I am...and how big my butt and thighs are getting...and the double chin...and the fly away arms- maybe in Heavenly Father's eyes I am beautiful just the way I am. I am carrying a baby for heaven's sakes. I have to be beautiful just for doing that.

I have dealt with self image problems in the past. I was lucky enough to go to an amazing counselor at BYU-Idaho and through a series of 2 hard years of figuring out what the atonement meant for me...I started to climb out of the self hatred state I was in. I finally truly felt that Heavenly Father loved me for all my faults, for all the things I never accomplished, for my evil side, for my laziness, for my bad decisions, and also for the good in me, my talents, my gifts,- he LOVED all of me. The whole April package. good and bad. I always thought I had to prove something or be someone important to the world to be accepted and loved by God and by those around me.

I thought I had to be a size 6, straight A student, super testimony girl, super talented, super duper everything. I knew I wasn't always super duper and that I came up short a lot and so I hated myself for it. I hated my weaknesses, I hated myself. I couldn't be happy unless I was proving something, being nice, being the best athlete- looking the best. I ended up having control issues and unhealthy addictions. Plus the world feeds us these feelings all the time- we are told by teachers, coaches, media, and sometimes parents that only those who are successful get the praise and honor in the world...which sadly we have learned to want and desire so we feel good about ourselves. I have some stories from my life, especially when I was a little girl, that prove me seeking praise and honor for acceptance. It starts when we are little ones...

But it was a break through moment for me when I finally felt what I always knew...I was a child of God, full of weakness, yet a child of God. I was beautiful to God. I believe it now. Still have issues every now and then- pregnancy is a battle...but all in all I am an entirely different person- Christ healed my thoughts.

So Hollie, you are loved. Even if you feel you haven't been the best wife and mother- who cares- you are loved perfectly by Heavenly Father. Who cares if you know you can do better- you are loved and beautiful right now in your life. We all can do better. But God's love never changes.

You will not like yourself more if you accomplish more. You will like yourself more when you begin to like yourself more, when you take your intellectual knowledge of being a child of God and turn it into a spiritual knowledge...you will truly love yourself, because God loves you.

We all want to identify with something to make us feel special. We want the perfect face, we want to play an instrument flawlessly, we want the perfect home, we want to have perfect finances, perfect bodies, perfect whatever, we want to be noticed for something...God just wants us to identify with Him.

Not saying wanting any of these things is bad- because it's not...but...

We are all searching for God and we just don't know it-. yet we go searching outside ourselves and far from God just to feel better about ourselves. In our search for fulfillment in life we do all we can to fill a hole only Christ can fill. Everyone on earth is a child of God, so we are all searching for Him whether we know it or not, whether we believe in God or not- everyone has a hole for Christ to fill, even those who don't believe in God, they are still His children. The desire to feel whole, no matter what it is we say we're searching for, is ultimately the search to know our divinity, to know the Father.

I truly believe God would rather have an imperfect fallen person seek after him than someone who fulfills their "God" need through something else...

I have learned to call upon God and trust His love...I have had many prayers where I have repented for being nasty to my family or nasty to myself- and instead of feeling down and miserable for my actions, I feel a sense of hope that tomorrow will be a better day. Prayer has been a key for me to break through the bad days.

I love you Hollie. I know more of us women are feeling this way. But honestly, who cares what you have and or haven't accomplished by 30. You have three beautiful children, you are active in the church, you are an amazing friend, great Young Women's leader, you are trying to improve yourself- God is happy with who you are...I don't think He has a check list up in Heaven that he is marking off when you do something good or bad- He just loves you. He knows your heart. Compassion for self is one the best ways we can show gratitude to God for all He has done for us. Compassion for self is liberating. Pray for it. It will come and with time you won't feel so much guilt, you will laugh at bad days, you will have more patience, you will feel more beautiful, you will have more compassion for others who are going through the same thing...and you will notice God's help more as you desire to better yourself.

I think far too often we try to better ourselves without God...it's like we think we have to be better then we are to be worthy in God's eyes. oh so not true. I used to think on a subconscious level God was upset with me and that he was disappointed in me...I didn't feel I was worthy of his love until I solved and figured things out in my life first. I then came to realize that Christ is the Physician, here to heal the sick, here for me- and if I wasn't "sick" or not going through a hard time in life, why would I ever need Him? I hope we all have several times if not many many times in our life when we really need Christ. I need him every day. How sad if we are too busy "doing good and accomplishing wonderful things" to never need Him.

Hang in there Hollie. I understand completely. It takes some shifts in thinking to truly understand what will make us happy. Again, I believe the world wants us to accomplish something great to feel of worth. And yet, God tells us we are of worth from the beginning...and with this knowledge and testimony of His love, we then accomplish whatever it is He has planned for us...not the other way around...and that will make us happy. The atonement can make us better wives and mothers or whatever righteous desire we wish to improve- but if we don't truly believe and love our own divinity, how can we fully have faith in the Atonement?- and how can we ever become more like Christ? How can we change?

It is all a process, a healing process...trust me, I know. Still in the process...I think I will be in it until I die...but I feel it to be a good thing, right?

the blogging world

The blogging world is a weird world isn't it? Entertaining to say the least.



There are different kind of bloggers out there.

There are the: family scrapbook blogs (my nickname for them): picture after picture with commentaries written here and there of all the wonderful amazing things happening in life...these blogs happen to be a favorite of mine to look at, especially if they are my family and my close friends. I love to see what people are doing with their lives.

There are the: opinion life sharing descriptive blogs where writers come to their blog for their few paragraphs of daily release. These blogs have fewer pictures than the scrapbook blogs, but it's nice to actually read feelings once in a while. Pictures just don't delve into a person like words do. These kind of blogs are a favorite of mine too, especially if they are from dear friends and family. These tend to be funny too sometimes...a plus for me.

My blog kind of lies in the middle of the two blogs mentioned above. I started to blog for family and friends since I lived so far far away from them- and writing is a release for me.



There are the: money making blogs where the side bars of the blog are chuck full of advertising. These blogs usually speak to a certain audience- crafters, cooks, couponers, home decorators, scrapbookers. I dejunked my Reader the other day and got rid of 15 or so of these blogs- they were just posting too often for my sanity. I love their ideas but I love more to have less insignificant blogs to read.

There are the: giveaway blogs where the blogger is giving something away free almost every day it seems. The blogger advertises a product for a company. The company in return sends 2 of the same product to the blogger. The blogger then gives away one in a contest on their blog and keeps the other. These blogs frustrate me and I have unsubscribed to most of them unless I know the blogger personally. I never win the contests- probably because I never do all I can to increase my chances of winning. I don't want to advertise "giveaway blogs" on my blog...or on facebook...or tweeting (I don't tweet)...all the different ways to get more entries. No thank you.

There are the: follow my life story blogs like Nie Nie where you can't help to want to know what that woman is doing every minute of her life due to her life events...I enjoy these blogs...I love how she complains and makes her situation more real. I have come across other tragic stories turned into successful blogs and they are just plain addicting. Reality blogging. addicting.

Blogging mistakes:

A while ago I shared on my blog my not so good Thanksgiving experience. I don't regret what I said because it was true and my feelings were hurt... and I was ready to share my feelings with this person...but I think this person read my blog first...and I think that is why this person hasn't talked to me since... maybe that was a blogging mistake??? I never mentioned the person's name on the blog... I was just shocked how we were treated...and I wanted to share my crazy Thanksgiving day with others...I care about my relationship with this person...so blogging gone bad??? oh probably.



Kind of weird how communication has changed for the better and worse as time goes by. We can just sit inside our house and talk to the world without really talking to anyone face to face. Sometimes it's nice and fast...sometimes it's lonely.



But all in all I like blogs...I have had the chance to really get to know people through their blogs...well those who are honest and true anyway...I have read some blogs and I have to question, "are they really this positive ALL the time?" But sometimes the only chance I get to see and talk to people from my church is on Sunday, so it's nice to read up on what those people have to say on their blogs.

I would say there are more women bloggers than men? What do you think? Women will go to all measures to communicate...LOL. Nothing will stop us. Since we don't talk over the fence to the neighbor as much as we used to in times gone by, we now blog. Whatever it takes.

I prefer the fence.
I prefer phone calls.

But one day my blog will be so fun to read...so it's sort of a public journal- weak journaling I would call it...but fun. At least I find it a great way to stay in touch with friends and family.

mommyhood

I like potty teaching.

A lot of moms do not. Emily from church said her Hell would be potty training for eternity.

I sort of like the challenge. It gets me kind of excited. I think I am good at it.

"Let's hear the poop plop Ju Ju! Let's hear the plop! Music to my ears! I love seeing your poop and pee in the toilet!"

But I am horrible at other "mother" things. I can't let a baby cry at night. My babies are not the best sleepers because of it. I can't seem to wing Ju-Ju from the Binki. She just loves that thing so much at night time...I don't have the heart yet to give it to the Binki Fairy just yet. I am weak...and lazy. I love how nicely she goes to sleep every night with it...

But potty teaching I have handled pretty well so far. I have some great techniques that I think work well. 2 for 2. I think it is all about the preparation and persistence that seems to make it a good experience. But I have heard boys can be a nightmare to potty teach. I may just hate potty training if I ever have a boy.

Julia has been diaper free for 2 weeks now. She is a little champ. She had to be pushed a little at first and then she decided all on her own one day she didn't want to wear diapers. That made it easy! Maybe I shouldn't take any credit for her...but again she was a horrible baby so maybe mercy is kicking in.

I've been practicing my song on the piano...slow moving but coming along. I can't seem to play the top hand and bottom hand together very well...that could be a problem- but it will come...oh what a beautiful song.



Julia was wide awake in her crib when I got home from the club last night. She heard me walk in and she yelled, "Mommy yrrrr home!" We stayed up until 11 just talking and singing every disney song. She always asks me to sing for her. She slept with us and when I woke up later, Kenzie was in bed with us too! LOL...oh dear. Including my abnormally premature big belly that is 5 on a queen bed. For some reason I wasn't all too bugged...because normally I would be. But it felt good to be together for about 10 minutes...and then I got bugged...the "togetherness" didn't last long but it was nice while it did.



...had an ultrasound the other day...I finally decided to go to the doctor. I have an amazing midwife who I already love. Mother of 7. She will be perfect for the birth...

so the ultrasound was amazing and made these past 3 months of hell so so worth it. There the baby was- swimming around alive big and healthy- the girls were with me and they sat so still and intrigued as they watched the TV screen. My midwife says that it is 95% BOY! ...she was pretty sure she saw "boyhood" but the umbilical cord was sitting close...Chay later said, "it was not an umbilical cord."



grateful to be a mommy today...

chay pretending to be me

So I sat down to blog something. I opened up my blogger to write a post but somehow got sidetracked with kids screaming or whatever- I don't know- but I didn't write more than one sentence...and then I got really sidetracked and never returned to the computer until late at night after everyone was asleep. And this is what I found "already" written on my post. One of the many reasons not to leave the post page open and unprotected. So I have to post it now...it is too funny not to...oh the sarcasm...just so you know- this post is FULL of sarcasm and satire...funny Chay...real funny:

I can't believe I am married to Chay. I am so so so lucky. Of course we are madly in love and he is such an incredible husband and father. He may seem like the nicest guy to everyone but he is 10 times that as a father and husband. Even though he's got millions of dollars in the bank from his "wheelin' and dealin'" he still makes it a priority to get up everyday at 4:45 and do the paper route. He says that even though we don't need the money that its a good reminder to all of us of the value of hard work.

His birthday is coming up in a couple months. Chay has tons of "man toys" but the one that he doesn't have yet is a Yamaha R6 motorbike. I think that will be the perfect surprise for him (don't you?). I can't wait to see the look on his face when he sees it in the driveway with a big birthday bow on it for him. I'm also planning a surprise dirt bike trip with him and his best friend John down in Moab. After that Chay and I will have his favvvvvorite sister Tara babysit our girls for 2 weeks while we fly to Europe and visit a bunch of sites.

Chay is devoted to be the best person he can possibly be. Whether it be fulfilling a church calling, as an employee, boss, dad, husband, citizen, President of Chaymerica, on the racetrack, closing deals, helping old Grandmas cross the street or even saving a family's cat from a burning house....he does it 110%. I honestly don't know how he does it all. I get so happy and twitterpated when he walks in the door and I'm honored to make him a 3 course meal each night. One thing that melts Chay's heart is when I scratch his back and rub his feet while we talk for hours about Gospel doctrine. I am sooooo blessed to have Chay as my husband...I'm just in awe right now thinking about it.

Exactly where is this Chaymerica?

thoughts

still alive...still pregnant...still sick...

I go in sick spurts. Being around adults seem to help me. Usually I try to fake that I'm not sick. Doesn't work all the time. If I have food in my stomach at all times it seems to help settle things- hence the butt is growing faster than the belly.- if I go too long without food or if I eat the wrong food, I get off track and I will throw up all day.

I am so entirely wasted. So tired. Like "I can't do anything" tired. I need the sun. I really miss sunshine. When I am sick like this I always think of the Indians and the Pioneers who had no choice but to keep working, keep moving, keep surviving despite horrid morning sickness...oh I would be the worst pioneer. Don't you love the pity party??? Don't worry, I am fully aware of it.

I need a trip to Hawaii. I need a maid too...oh that would be nice.

other thoughts:

Haiti is on my mind a lot these days. I really get sucked into stuff like this. CNN has the best coverage. I watch it whenever I can- I can't even imagine going through what these people are experiencing. I sit on my couch watching the news and when stories air where Haitian mother's are searching for their children in the rubble- I lose it every time. Tears of sadness.

If you want to donate money but are a little worried how much of your money will actually go to Haiti- donate here http://give.lds.org/emergencyresponse all your money will go directly towards helping Haiti. You can read what the church has done HERE for Haiti.

Christmas thoughts:



Joette knocked on my door a couple days before Christmas. She drove down to surprise me. I cried like a baby when I saw her. I needed family so bad. I actually felt more alive with her here. Being sick is so emotionally draining. It was a tender mercy to have my sister with the family this year. Christmas was magical. My girls loved having Joette around. The house was always clean when she was here.






Her Christmas gifts to me were my favorite gifts. She played my piano every day for a week straight and she bought me wash rags. I LOVE the wash rags Joette. I love the endless supply in my bottom drawer. Rags just keep coming and coming.

One of the songs Joette played for me on the piano is Comptine d´un autre été l´après midi. Joette played it so beautifully. I fell in love with the song. Oh how I wish I could play it. Music really draws out many feelings in me- it kind of takes me to another place if you know what I mean. Joette and I both agreed if we were professional musicians (which we are far from), our goal would not to only entertain our listeners but to allow our listeners to take the music and go to their own place with it, to make it a personal experience. That would be the goal. meaningful- we would shoot for meaningful.

Do you want to hear the song? oh and the video- I don't really think of trees when I hear this song but this is the best video I could find. Enjoy. oh the piano. Blessed piano.



since I haven't blogged for a month or so...a lot of things have happened. My dad got married a couple weeks ago. Kind of a bittersweet moment. I am just so grateful for my siblings. I feel like my brothers and sister are my stability right now in my immediate family. We are all kind of in this together. Although it seems I'm the only one who isn't handling all the changes that well...maybe it's because I'm the baby of the family...I might just still be in denial.- ...having a hard time letting go of the family structure I grew up with.

But I am happy for my Dad. I really love his new wife Kay. I just miss Mom. What can I say? I miss having a mother who always cared, always called, always listened, always gave me support, always reminded me how much I am loved. I miss that. I miss her.

All I know is our parents must have done something right, because us siblings are very close friends and would do anything for each other. We understand each other's quirks...and somehow the relationship foundation we have is more important than petty miscommunication silly stuff that some families deal with. Although I do remember when we were little Bryon locking me in dark rooms, giving me dead legs until my legs were blue, and pinning me down to either halk loogies or fart in my face. Joette and I had our fair share of fist fights and Keith was always beating up Bryon for beating up on his sisters...let's just say we have come a long way.

I looked this afternoon for a picture of us kids when we were younger to scan...no luck- got too tired. We were a cute bunch us Tomblin kids.

this guy

I am thankful for this guy



he has been doing it all this past month

paper route
work
school
family
dinner
taking care of sick kids
sick wife
calling
daddy

he's not always the most happy when his wife is sick...but he is willing...he is doing so much right now to just keep it all together. It has been sort of rough around here for awhile-

and yet Chay keeps plugging along...



I really appreciate you.

love you Chay.

pictures taken by JANNA

mary

Today in church I sang and played a song about Mary and her feelings for her son, Jesus.

I have been practicing the song for awhile, mainly the piano part...because I'm not a piano player...well I don't read notes very well.

The song touched me more and more every time I sang it...and I feel like I understand Mary better by singing it so many times.

I think about Mary a lot. Especially now that it's Christmas time and also that I am pregnant. Did Mary have morning sickness with Jesus? And how could she ever complain?...I'm sure she didn't.

I'm so glad I'm not Mary.

But I think I wish to emulate her. Although there are very few scriptures that talk about her, I honor her and I imagine her being simple, strong, faithful, obedient...

I want to meet her someday.

here are the lyrics to the song:

I Just Knew- by Cherie Call

He's the son of a King
But He came to us with nothing
No purple robe
no crust of bread

With his soft tiny hands
He reached out for me to hold him
There was no crown upon his head

So I guess that I should not have been surprised
When I saw the human tears in his holy infant eyes

And no one ever taught me how to sing
A lullabye to the Son of a mighty King
But when I held him in my arms and I rocked him just the way that mothers do.
I just knew.

Just as we knew he'd be
He lived so selflessly
He was a legend in the land

And people came from far and wide
And looked at Him with pleading eyes
Longing for the healing in his hands

and in those endless busy days
He still had time for me, He always found a way

And no one ever taught me how to love
A healer and a teacher sent from up above
But when he cared for me and helped me in the tender way that only He could do.
I just knew.

In sunlit moments I could see me in the traces of His smile.
I know he came from me
but he was better than this world would allow.

I could not save Him when he died.
And now it seems that he's the one who holds me when I cry.
And everybody asks me how I'm sure
the little boy I raised is our Redeemer

I could list the dreams and prophecies and miracles that prove his mission true
but in all honesty
every moment I was with him
I just knew.

Aren't those just simple personal real words?

mckenzie jo

my sunshine girl is 4 today.

She wants to be 4.
I want her to be 3.
4 is too close to 5.

The birthday fairy made a visit to her room in the middle of the night and left 4 balloons.

Pancakes this morning with 4 candles on top to blow out.



A snowman and sledding with Julia and Gage- and of course 4 wheeling with Daddy...even though Daddy wasn't feeling well at all and has been drinking Thera-flu all day...I thought at least a ride in the snow on the little 4 wheeler would put a smile on his face...

A much needed nap.

Off to Chucky Cheese with Cake and Pizza! Big Day.

Thanks Tara and Niels for making the day so special!

tear tear I wish I could freeze littleness. I am really enjoying Kenzie right now in her life. Oh my little kind gentle girl. Always willing to help, so protective over Julia, you love to sing when you color...

- you were more excited than I was when Ju Ju went poo poo in the toilet tonight- your words, "oh my goodness Ju Ju I'm so excited...you get M&M's for doing such a great job!". I thought to myself, "wow, baby number three might not be so hard after all with this awesome big sister!"

I love love love you!



the really nice photos in this post were taken by JANNA

service

I hate being pregnant.

Sorry to those who love it. I promise I am not evil. And yes I will love my child. I always do.

Someone asked me today what I wanted for Christmas. That is easy: My first trimester wrapped up in a cute box with a bow and then thrown in the garbage.

When I am miserable I love to create unreal solutions to my problems.

I want to go to a First Trimester spa/resort getaway. At this resort I would be given all the latest alternative medicines that would take away all nausea. I would have this secluded bright room with a fireplace and the biggest bed with fluffy pillows and an electric blanket. My room would be overlooking a lake. I would have a professional massage twice a day. I could sleep whenever I wanted. I would be served hot soup, turkey, mashed potatoes and Popsicles...no poopy diapers to change, no dishes to wash, no laundry to do- just peaceful walks in nature, visits from friends and family all day long...oh how lovely that would be...even for a week.

since I don't have a first trimester spa to go to...

I survive. Like what most mother's who suffer from morning sickness do.

I am only 8/9 weeks pregnant...AHHHHH!! half there??? please tell me I am at least half way there!...

I know when I am feeling really wasted and sick- I wonder about that whole mind over matter thing and- is it really true that some kind of inner strength can make a horrible day a wonderful day?

Now I am jealous of girls who don't get morning sickness AND the girls who have inner strength.

My inner strength consists of "Come on Heavenly Father, lift me off this bed...I can get off this bed, I know I can"...30 minutes later "Come on April"... 30 minutes later "the girls are trying to make breakfast themselves....come on April" 30 minutes later "Kenzie, you can pour the milk yourself can't you?" and then suddenly the overwhelming urge to throw up gets me off the bed..."see I knew I could get up somehow"

I know I am supposed to be of service to others to help forget about my own trials. Until I get better at that, I would like to thank the small acts of service that have come my way. Tara and Tami thank you so very much for the frozen dinners. Oh what a blessing and for Tiffani's pregnancy package and for calling me all the time...I married into such a thoughtful family.

I am learning great lessons about service...

I am discovering however what helps me sort of...some things that actually keep my mind off of things...and the toilet.

People. When I am around people I feel better. Well some people- people I love.
Music. Playing the piano. Turning on Christmas music.
Coloring. I have been coloring pretty intensely with Kenzie lately- and it helps.
My bed. I almost giggle when it's nap time and I get to crawl into my bed.
Mashed potatoes, gravy, turkey/chicken, and milk. I must be having a boy.
Phone calls.

small tender mercies...

emily

happy birthday Emily. You are now 30...like me.

Emily is special to me. She is a great friend. She is so supportive when I call to talk about life. I trust her with my true true thoughts and feelings and that is big because... I can have really embarrassing thoughts and feelings.

I miss her. But I have been missing her for a long long time. In all the years we have been friends, we have only been in the same state twice for a small time maybe less than a year- we are always far apart- many miles apart- sometimes even countries and oceans apart.

But it proves to be ok.

Emily is very thoughtful, smart, kind, creative, intelligent, funny...I don't think she makes mistakes ever...she has a beautiful voice...and I miss her playing the guitar.

She is a great listener. I think I annoy her sometimes because she has sort of been a small outlet for me since Mom died. Sorry Emily...oh dear.

Well anyway happy birthday today. Your present is coming. Late but coming.

doctor visit

Here are some pictures from Chay's phone of Kenzie at the doctor's yesterday.

Kenzie for some reason asked the doctor afterwards, "do you like my shoes?"

events of yesterday

pictures taken by Janna Beecher. She does a lovely job doesn't she?



Yesterday Kenzie fell back on the kitchen table chair and split her chin open. It was interesting how quickly I forgot about how sick I was when I saw the blood gushing. The cut was very wide and sort of deep- little balls of fat were coming out of the wound. My little baby girl was so strong despite the tears...

Rushing to the Kids Care clinic, I decided to drop off Julia at the neighbors. Then the still small voice whispered to me, "take Julia to the doctor's too" I didn't want to haul them both with me- DRAMA, especially with Kenzie's condition.

Julia has had a cough and runny nose for about a month. I keep waiting for it to go away. It has never went away.



So with two co-pays I enter the doctor's office in hopes to find some relief for my girls and my life.

Kenzie got glued up after some series of painful washings and Julia has bronchitis and a double ear infection! What? You would think Julia would be a horrible nightmare- but nope...tough girl. Oh how I love my girls. They need me so much and it is wonderful...most of the time. I loved being there for them yesterday.



Although I don't really like anti-biotics, I do right now. Because I can't handle much of anything right now in my life and I am looking for any and all "cure-all's"

Have you seen the movie "Click"? Ok, not the most appropriate movie, but I wish I could have a remote control that could fast forward my life into the second trimester...

I am so thankful for my wonderful pediatrician. I love this genuine lady.

Although I am opposed to government run/public option health care, I still wish that insurance and medical costs could be affordable enough for every Mom to bring in their sick babies to the doctors. Everyone deserves that. But even with super good insurance, our little doctor visit yesterday will still not end up being cheap. 20%and co-pays add up! what to do what to do...

as of lately

look how excited and competitive they all are

but eventually only one takes all...

you lucky thing.



I'm due in July.

Yes I am only a month pregnant- but I have never understood the big secret.

So I could miscarry- been through that- it was those who knew all along that were able to help me the best...plus I can't keep it a secret anyway with me being green in the face all day.

my life is a living hell probably 75% of the day...my first trimesters are something else I tell you. I swear all women go to heaven every time I run to the toilet. Bearing children is quite the sacrifice isn't it? I am so tired. I don't even have the energy to wash my face most nights. It is a lonely time too. Frustrating to be a mom...having no patience...wanting relief...wishing I could control some aspect of my life...but it is basically all out of control...if I throw up only twice in a day I convince myself I am feeling better.

Last night I threw up my turkey dinner all over Chay's shoes. Sorry about the visual.

...miss my mom like crazy. She would be down here with me in heartbeat. She would cook and clean and play with my girls. She would stay as long as I needed her. Oh how I miss that Lady. Life can be so unfair.

and don't get me started on the girls who don't get morning sickness...I want to just yell at them and tell them all to go to...LOL. Ok. so I am a little jealous...

I am excited still despite how I feel. A little overwhelmed and scared but excited. I know I am doing Heavenly Father's will...I know there are still more spirits to come down and be in our family. I look forward to the day when I don't have that feeling anymore :)

so here's to sleepless nights and big thighs...

pregnant with #3- can't wait to hold you my little one...

you are what you read

I have been asked by at least 2 people to somehow share the list of blogs I read.

So I guess I will share with you my most favorite blogs. Friends and Family blogs are by far my favorite- I love to read what people are doing with their lives...but besides friends and families- I have a few blogs that I look forward to reading or looking at every day.

ok the first one is Life in The Fun Lane oh my gosh I LOVE THIS lady's HOUSE. It is a "white house" which is my number #1 ideal style of decorating...but I just can't ever imagine pulling it off like this girl can. maybe someday... Scroll down and look...her nursery is DREAMY.

She also has her own business of finding old furniture and painting it white. Here is her website. white berry reinvented
amazing

I also have a vintage love inside me Mint and this one is good too Down and Out Chic and this one is fun to look at Eddie Ross and this one is good too
Viva Full House

Vintage clothes with modern twist:

Grosgrain
Shabby Apple I want almost every dress here...but I already know they are too short.

Oh so Beautiful Paper is a favorite...because I love stationary and paper.

home decor stuff

beware* don't subscribe unless you are ready for 20-30 posts a day. I love this blog...I just love to see all types of styles home sweet home

Pondering Principles is my favorite conservative blog...because he just shows funny cartoons and doesn't go off writing forever about politics. He is to the point and in my opinion "dead on".

Do it yourself and craft blogs. Some of these are hit and miss- but I have learned A LOT from these blogs and now have a bunch of ideas floating around in my head that I will probably never do. But it is fun to dream right?

Crafty fun stuff:
Centsational Girl
Crafty Nest
homemade by Jill
purlbee
zakkalife
This one is a favorite Mod Podge Rocks
Creative Crate
DIY showoff

ok I am done. There are probably more on my reader list but I am too tired. I didn't share most of my funny blogs or interesting blogs that would probably bore most... Going to bed. Hopefully you will find some fun ideas.

What blogs do you read????

thanksgiving thankful re-cap

I am grateful for plug-in outlets...because my 1949 home doesn't have any! We have extension cords going everywhere.

I am thankful for Kenzie's prayers "love for Mom, love for toys, love for Julia, love for Gage, love for food, love for primary" -so cute

I am thankful for my rice cooker.

I am thankful for Savers Thrift Store. Love that store

I am thankful for Costco. Again, love that store.

I am thankful for my calling because it makes me cry in despair every week. Humbling to the max. I just want to run and hide when I have to teach...why can't I just be the activities coordinator or the music coordinator or the ward canning specialist???

I am thankful for my siblings. Such great normal fun people. so so lucky to have an awesome family.

I am thankful for calculators, on-line bill pay, e-mail, and Google.

Thanksgiving day I get a call from a family member who will be feeding us dinner. She is complaining because she just got the turkey and it was going to take another 8hours before the Turkey will be finished. I kindly suggested the fast and moist way my mom used to cook the turkey- her response, "oh I would never ruin a turkey like that. That is an awful way to cook a turkey- it would dry it right up- turn it harder than a rock." oh. ok. That's weird because my Mom's turkey was perfect every year.... missing my mom like crazy, tears in my eyes...man I am thankful for humble kind people...and don't mess with my mom's turkeys right now, I'm sensitive.

I am thankful for sunshine

I am thankful for friends who stay true no matter what. They even like me when I can be difficult.

Thankful for the temple.

I am thankful for truth.

Thankful for the scriptures.

I am thankful the family we ate Thanksgiving dinner with started dinner without us and was almost finished when we walked in the door. I was still holding my warm green bean casserole. I was starting to get emotional...but it got worse when no one wanted my green bean casserole...and then it got even more worse when someone took more than 3/4 of my casserole and put it in a tupperware and put it in the fridge and sent me home with an empty dish. I am thankful because never in a million years would I ever do that.

Thankful for Chay's back rub this morning.

Thankful for freedom of speech.

I am thankful for Kenzie's way of articulating her thoughts. "Mom, we are sick. We have a sick bug inside us. But not a Box Elder bug." -so adorable. (Box Elder bugs are a very popular bug down here- invade the house when warm weather comes after it being cold for awhile)

Thankful for Christmas music.

Thankful for hoodies and wool socks.

Thankful I have a jeep and not a handcart.

Thankful for Red Box.

Thankful for middle of the night priesthood blessings.

Thankful for SD cards and digital cameras.

Thankful for Chay's sense of humor.

Around the table on Thanksgiving, the heated topic of Health care reform popped up somehow. It was not me this time. I was not in the mood and plus it was Thanksgiving? Do we really have to bring this up? Plus everyone in the room already knows my "controversial" stand on this issue...so finally a lady in the family said, "Nursing homes are full of elderly who just lay there all day...and especially those who deal with dementia- they lay there like a vegetable and yet our tax dollars pay $6000 a month to take care of them?" I then asked her what she suggested the government should do with these patients if they end up running health care. "They need to be euthanized. It would solve a lot of problems." Happy Thanksgiving to you too. I am thankful for those sweet visits I had with my grandma when she was sick with dementia. I am thankful that I value life. I am thankful God is the One who has laid the foundation for my reasonings.

Thankful for Julia's love for sleep.

Thankful I am a Mormon.

Thankful for water heaters.

I am thankful to be a Tomblin.

I am thankful Mom had cancer, so I can be motivated to be healthier.

I am thankful for Kenzie's reminder yesterday, "Thanksgiving is over, so is tomorrow Christmas-giving?

A lot to be grateful for...there always is.

not your mamma's green bean casserole

ok so I have never understood the Green Bean Casserole...



I think I had heard about it before I moved down south to Southern Idaho and Utah... and I think Calie (Keith's wife) found a recipe for it once and made the casserole when I was like 18 or something...I remember it was a new experiment for all of us- like eating foreign food for the first time...

but when I finally became a permanent resident of the Wasatch Front and a permanent member of Chay's family, I soon learned the importance of the Green Bean Casserole. This dish is um...well...let's just say you can't have holiday dinners without it. -Not necessarily sacred, but almost equally as important as the Turkey at Thanksgiving...it's a big deal. Ok maybe not as important as the turkey...but probably the mashed potatoes. If a holiday dinner didn't happen to have it (which it never would), someone would most definitely say, "where's the Green Bean Casserole?"

Maybe it's like me and cranberry sauce...In my world, turkey dinners always have to have cranberry sauce...and one time it was missing at Chay's house for Thanksgiving and I said out loud, "Where's the cranberry sauce?" I learned quickly cranberry sauce wasn't as important as I thought it was! But it's so delicious...oh my- especially on turkey sandwiches the next day with miracle whip....

back to the Green Bean Casserole...It is so weird with its string beans, fried french onion things, and cream of mushroom soup concoction. I was never exactly too sure what was so fascinating about this dish...and where was the flavor? It was like a heap of mushy mush...but since I will eat almost anything, I will keep eating and eating it thinking it will eventually get better...and it never does. So confusing why everyone eats it every year. Is it really that good to other people? Or is it just that whole tradition thing?

Well then it happened, I was asked by my dear Mother in Law to make it for the family Thanksgiving dinner last year. I freaked out. I can't claim Green Bean Casserole as my contribution to Thanksgiving Dinner. That is like buying your best friend a gift on clearance only because it was cheap and not because it was meaningful... Or wearing jeans and flip flops to church...can't do it.

So I desperately called Emily. And she saved me- she always does... She had a Green Bean Casserole Recipe believe it or not- with no cream of mushroom soup anywhere to be found. This is the Green Bean Casserole taken to a whole new level...and last night Emily and I decided to re-name it "Not Your Mamma's Green Bean Casserole"

anyway- so this recipe is amazing- to die for!!!! Very good, full of flavor, full of fat, full of love.

Not Your Mamma's Green Bean Casserole

5 cans Fancy cut/ French cut beans
8oz cream cheese
8oz sour cream
1 Pkg Uncle Dans Southern Ranch mix
1 lb shredded Swiss cheese
corn flakes

Mix 5 cans green beans (drained) with ranch mix, sour cream, cream cheese, and half of shredded cheese until smooth. Spread in glass 9X13 baking pan, top with rest of shredded cheese, and then top with crushed corn flakes.

I put the cream cheese, sour cream, ranch pack, half swiss cheese in blender first and then poured and mixed into the green beans. A lot easier to work with!

Bake 350 until bubbly and corn flakes start to brown. (Approximately 30-40 min.)

I am posting this so maybe it's not too late to revolutionize your Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow night!!!

6 years

pictures again done by Mrs. Janna Beecher herself.



Today 6 years ago on a very very cold day, I married Chay.

Can you believe it?

Chay. Chay. Chay. What a cool name my husband has.

Chay and I are too much alike in some areas...and so it can be detrimental sometimes...and yet very very fun. Best Friend fun.

We are both a little too carefree or scatter-brained about certain things...which isn't always the best...but we are so great together despite our little la la land moments...We are a cute couple I think.

I am the youngest of my siblings and Chay is the 6th of 8...so before marriage we only had ourselves to worry about pretty much...which makes us now deal with "what about me?" a lot. We are working on it. In hindsight, I love working on it with Chay. I want to work out all life's problems with Chay.



I can't believe I landed him.

I always know at the end of the day when we are laying in bed together talking in the dark, that the person next to me is exactly who I was supposed to marry. And it makes me giddy just thinking about it...



I really really like Chay. I love how easy he is to read...his sense of humor...his obedience...his commitment to his family- His loyalty- his smile.

I didn't see much of Chay this week. He had a big final to study for and so he would come home and eat and then off to the library...wow that was hard for us...I'm a wimp. I like Chay around as much as possible.



Love you Chay...so so much.

what are you thankful for?

this has put me in the Thanksgiving mood more than anything...love it!

the julia invite

The photography seen on this post is done by the lovely Janna Beecher. She is my forever friend who also happens to be an amazing photographer.

so I am noticing on a lot of blogs people are writing what they are grateful for this month...don't you love Thanksgiving...so...

I am grateful to be this little girl's mommy...



because she is doing weird things to my normal life...she is stretching me and inviting me to change...when I don't want to. I have been thinking a lot about this girl. She knows exactly how to pull at my weak points and she won't let me get away with anything! If I am on the phone or the computer she will do everything rebellious imaginable. She is my mortal guardian angel who is annoyingly trying to protect me from messing up motherhood and to change so that her life and mine can be more directed toward Christ. I know if I take the Julia invite, I could be such a better person. Julia who are you??? Sometimes I don't want to change. Why can't you just sit and play and obey everything I say??? Why do you throw fits like me? Why do you demand attention like me? Why do you whine and pout about every little thing...like me?

Kenzie kind of floats around like a pure bliss child, helping me clean and singing primary songs. Julia will look at me right in the eyes and spill her milk all over the counter on purpose. After telling her 100 times she is not allowed to play with my make-up, she will go into my room and throw it all over the floor. She spends a lot of time in "time-out" I have resorted to spanking but that is always a bad choice because she will swing right back at me-smacking me in the face out of anger.

Morning times are always interesting. NEVER wake up Julia before she wants to get wake up...because if you do, she will thrash her body against the crib and scream for 20 minutes. If you leave her alone she will get even more mad. If you try to comfort her, again, she will get just as mad. After the tantrum is over...she is actually up for a hug and a kiss- but she just needs that 20 minutes of "why in the heck did you wake me up?" moment before she can handle the day. Is she my daughter??? Oh yes, in every way she is mine.



Don't get me wrong- her lows are equated with beautiful kind cute highs. Julia is very sensitive to others and their feelings. She always gives Kenzie a hug when Kenzie is sad or hurt. She will even cry when Kenzie cries because she wants everyone to be "ok". She is also fun and super playful. I can't wait to see what entertainment she will bring us each day.

In fact she is a puppy. Yes, a puppy. Mostly throughout the day she will bark and pant like a dog on all fours. The other day at the library, Julia walked and barked on all fours down the long corridor entry way of the library. People stared...but what can you do? She wants to be a puppy.



Despite some of the frustrations I feel, I have felt deeply inspired that Julia is here for me. She is here to teach me so much about real love, real heart felt motivation, real letting go of the natural man...

and it is not going to be fun all the time- mostly challenging...because there can't be a moment of complacency with her. It's either a 100% tuned-in mom or its a disaster of a day.

I feel impressed, for Julia's sake, to never skip a beat of daily family scripture study and prayer- to never pass up Family Home Evening for something else of less importance.

and that is going to be hard because I am not perfect in these areas...but I feel like we have a bold yet fragile spirit on our hands whose strength needs to be used for the good...

Oh Julia...I love you so much. I just do. You are taking my heart to new levels and I am willing to deal with it because I am your mommy and Heavenly Father trusted me with you. Just remember please remember when I fail you at times, your Heavenly Father never will.



You are one remarkable special little girl.

It is morning and you are still sleeping. I will not wake you up, but I can't wait for your morning hugs.

go albert

outside play

bubbles...a dollar miracle.






wow what happened to the garden???


I am Gage.

allo een

so I got a random card from Joette on Halloween. It was perfect.



opens up to:



many of the reasons why I miss Joette...



so Halloween....hmmmm.



Some things I have learned about Halloween...

I think I have decided on my most favorite candy bars. It takes me a while to make decisions...but I think these are final decisions in my life:




and of course



I try to limit sugar from my diet...ahem...but um...not this last week...

now my entire body is achy- swollen fingers, my joints are stiff...water retention- depressed...weight gain...I feel like I am 80 when I get out of bed...oh the joys of MS.

So Mounds, Almond joy, Nut roll, and mint chocolate wonders...you are proof that all that appears lovely isn't so...and self discipline is more of an act of compassion than control.

So anyways...The girls were fairies for halloween. Although no one could really understand that..."Oh look two precious Angels!" or "Oh the cutest little princesses ever!"

Kenzie's rude reply "NO, WE ARE NOT ANGELS, I'M A FAIRY!"





My dear aunt Linda offered to sew their costumes this year. At first I kind of wanted to attempt sewing my girls costumes because that is what a super mommy does...but once I agreed to have my aunt make costumes for them, it really felt nice. I love family...I love family who have time for each other.

This picture makes me laugh...because it was FREEZING at the trunk and treat...and where Kenzie finally said, "I don't need candy. I just need a coat" ...and is Julia flipping some gangster peace sign?



so there was our adventurous halloween...so glad it is OVER. Fun fun...but you know...weird.

I loved Trick or Treating though because Julia would scream and yell at all the old people who came to the door to give her candy...she was afraid of them...oh it was sort of entertaining- probably not for the old people.

our costume...US. Chay and April...oh with a wig. We had fun with this wig...

Love you Chay.

joette

Today is joette's birthday.

I learn so much from Joette each day.

She is kind of different from me in a lot of ways.

She doesn't like confrontation. She likes to cook. She likes to take pictures of train graffiti. She can play the piano perfectly. She doesn't like to debate. Every person she meets she will trust until they hurt her. She is always kind to people no matter how hard her day is. It is usually her family who really knows how hard of a day she is having :)



My greatest memories of Joette are probably our long car rides together. Everything in a healthy sisterhood gets accomplished on our car rides. We talk about life, God, trials, and family. We listen to really really good music and snack on almonds.

We grew up sharing a room off and on...and sometimes the same bed. We were either fighting or laughing. Typical. Joette was a neat freak. I was a slob. But we have always laughed about the same thing. Joette and I get each other's humor and so...it is so entertaining to be with her. Being with Joette is the best "home" feeling there is.



Joette is so dynamic. She has so many twists and turns to her that she must be confusing to some. She is overly talented in so many areas that sometimes people label her too quickly and never get the chance to really enter into the real Joette- and see who she really is.



On her facebook page Joette posted this video. It really reflects her testimony. And it really just reflects Joette - a person who is full of hope and is full of love for her Savior Jesus Christ. I love this video. I love you Joette. Happy Birthday my best friend.

food is love

ok ya'll.

Do you want some easy good delicious recipes? I never do. Ok sometimes I do. I really don't like to cook. I do sort of. I don't know. It depends. Sometimes I really enjoy it. I really like to eat what other people cook. My cooking spurts come and go.

anyway when I do cook, it usually turns out really good and tasty (probably because the majority of my recipes are my mom's)...and when my sister-n-laws cook- WATCH OUT! AMAZING.

Here is a recipe blog we (me and the sister-n-laws I inherited marrying Chay)have been keeping for a long time. If you like simple good tasting recipes that aren't too fancy or have funky ingredients than...well here you GO. LET'S GATHER IN THE KITCHEN DANG IT!



I am really trying to meal plan to save time and money...so this blog is a great place to start.

freegan finds fence

A freegan so I am.

So a while back ago I said to Chay, "I want a fence...a big tall one with lots of privacy. I want a 6 foot tall wood fence...for free."

Chay, "ok...good luck"

I am so grateful to be living in a formica neighborhood. Dave Ramsey calls neighborhoods like mine, "Formica neighborhoods" because you can upgrade your formica counter top with a new formica counter top without ever feeling it should be replaced with granite. Granite counter tops would look silly in a house like mine- plus they would cost more to install than to replace the roof.

This is not a picture of my kitchen...although close, very close.

My formica house doesn't live too far from some "granite" houses. Granite houses also like to upgrade from wood fences to nice shiny vinyl fences.

I thankfully live in a "wood fence" neighborhood too.

My thoughts one day to Chay, "there must be a lot of granite homes around here who are wanting to get rid of their wood fence for a vinyl fence...I am going to get a wood fence for free."

I posted an add on KSL. 2 weeks later a granite house lady called and was very appreciative that we would take down and haul away her wood fence.

Chay did an amazing job taking down the fence and putting it back up. We both did an amazing job stripping off the old paint- and I did an amazing job staining the whole thing on Saturday.

This whole fence business has taken us about a year to get it finally finished and done...but now I can finally say it..."It is done"! I love it! So worth the work. Right Chay???



Also, being that it is Sunday. I need to share some words that came at the perfect time for me. I spent the afternoon listening and reading conference talks. This TALK which is called "The Love of God", by Elder Uchtdorf was an answer to my prayers...I needed these words so much today. I've been sort of bummed lately and so these words were comforting to say the least. I know Elder Uchtdorf is an apostle of the Lord.

"Think of the purest, most all-consuming love you can imagine. Now multiply that love by an infinite amount—that is the measure of God’s love for you.

God does not look on the outward appearance. I believe that He doesn’t care one bit if we live in a castle or a cottage, if we are handsome or homely, if we are famous or forgotten. Though we are incomplete, God loves us completely. Though we are imperfect, He loves us perfectly. Though we may feel lost and without compass, God’s love encompasses us completely.

He loves us because He is filled with an infinite measure of holy, pure, and indescribable love. We are important to God not because of our résumé but because we are His children. He loves every one of us, even those who are flawed, rejected, awkward, sorrowful, or broken. God’s love is so great that He loves even the proud, the selfish, the arrogant, and the wicked.

What this means is that, regardless of our current state, there is hope for us. No matter our distress, no matter our sorrow, no matter our mistakes, our infinitely compassionate Heavenly Father desires that we draw near to Him so that He can draw near to us." ~Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf, conference report Oct. 2009

war on religion

Fight For Freedom Friday...on Saturday. I started to write this yesterday...oh and by the way, you know, I am so glad I am writing about this stuff. It is history as I am seeing it. I want the generations that follow me to know this about me: I was concerned, I saw detrimental steps in American History unfold before my eyes and that I fought for the founding principles of this country the best way I could.

I want your feedback and your thoughts...and tell me what you thought of Elder Oaks Devotional talk, "Religious Freedom". (link provided below)

....ok, Although I am quick to debate politics, I still believe the majority of us are missing the point- including me most of the time. Our fight for freedom in this country needs to start with GOD. Start with THE FAMILY. Start with teaching the FAMILY about GOD and about our precious freedom of RELIGION.

The real war that is destroying our country and it's freedoms is the Adversary's influence on us to subtly forget about God and subtly annihilate the family unit.

We can't solve the world's problems without God.

So maybe the 'fight for freedom' should be over God, morals, religion, and virtue rather than policies and politicians.

But when a politician stands firm on God-less policies, we must speak up and armour up.

Now the real question we must ask? What are God-less policies?

A couple weeks ago President Obama spoke at a Human Rights Campaign Dinner. His speech at this event is found HERE at the White House website. I really fear the words of this speech, although they sounded nice and comforting to the gay and lesbian community, they were ultimately wrong and God-less.

President Obama said,

"You will see a time in which we as a nation finally recognize relationships between two men or two women as just as real and admirable as relationships between a man and a woman. (Applause.) You will see a nation that's valuing and cherishing these families as we build a more perfect union -- a union in which gay Americans are an important part. I am committed to these goals. And my administration will continue fighting to achieve them.

There are still fellow citizens, perhaps neighbors, even loved ones -- good and decent people -- who hold fast to outworn arguments and old attitudes; who fail to see your families like their families; who would deny you the rights most Americans take for granted. And that's painful and it's heartbreaking. (Applause.) And yet you continue, leading by the force of the arguments you make, and by the power of the example that you set in your own lives -- as parents and friends, as PTA members and church members, as advocates and leaders in your communities. And you're making a difference.
Are we a nation that can transcend old attitudes and worn divides?
I've required all agencies in the federal government to extend as many federal benefits as possible to LGBT (Lesbian Gay Bi-sexual Transgender) families as the current law allows. And I've called on Congress to repeal the so-called Defense of Marriage Act and to pass the Domestic Partners Benefits and Obligations Act.

That's the promise we're called to fulfill. (Applause.) Day by day, law by law, changing mind by mind, that is the promise we are fulfilling."

"law by law"?

I believe gay couples should have the same tax benefits as anyone else. They should have the same rights as me and you- But I don't think they should get married only because the word "marriage" means a religious and/or legal union between a man and a woman. That is the definition. So it's like holding up a gallon of milk and calling it peanut butter.

What does President Obama's speech have anything to do with religious freedom?

Three days after the Human Rights Campaign Dinner, Elder Oaks, an apostle of the Lord, spoke to the world about religious freedoms and how they are in jeopardy. Read the talk HERE.

Elder Oaks said,

"The greatest infringements of religious freedom occur when the exercise of religion collides with other powerful forces in society. Among the most threatening collisions in the United States today are (1) the rising strength of those who seek to silence religious voices in public debates, and (2) perceived conflicts between religious freedom and the popular appeal of newly alleged civil rights... I invite your careful attention to what I say on these subjects, because I am describing conditions you will face and challenges you must confront.

During my lifetime I have seen a significant deterioration in the respect accorded to religion in our public life, and I believe that the vitality of religious freedom is in danger of being weakened accordingly.

Religious belief is obviously protected against government action. The practice of that belief must have some limits, as I suggested earlier. But unless the guarantee of free exercise of religion gives a religious actor greater protection against government prohibitions than are already guaranteed to all actors by other provisions of the constitution (like freedom of speech), what is the special value of religious freedom? "

When President Obama pushes for gay rights laws we must pay attention to the bigger picture. (everything progressives push, we need to pay attention to- always the bigger picture, the long term outcome.)

Elder Oaks continues with this:

"Religious freedom needs defending against the claims of newly asserted human rights. The so-called “Yogyakarta Principles,” published by an international human rights group, call for governments to assure that all persons have the right to practice their religious beliefs regardless of sexual orientation or identity.[xiv] This apparently proposes that governments require church practices and their doctrines to ignore gender differences. Any such effort to have governments invade religion to override religious doctrines or practices should be resisted by all believers. At the same time, all who conduct such resistance should frame their advocacy and their personal relations so that they are never seen as being doctrinaire opponents of the very real civil rights (such as free speech) of their adversaries or any other disadvantaged group."

Can you imagine the day when Government decides to override the Freedom of Religion by interpreting our sacred doctrines and forcing religions to accept homosexuality as a way to protect so called "civil rights"? If any right is being violated during the whole Prop 8 ordeal, it was the first Right, the First Amendment: Freedom of Religion.

President Hinckley wrote in his book "Standing for Something":

"In too many ways, we have substituted human sophistry for the wisdom of the Almighty."

skate or die

So what first comes to your mind when you think of a skate park?

pretty cool... great place for all those skater dudes to hone in on their skills...

Do you imagine in your mind a skate park to look like this?



Or a place like this???



So I have a cool picture of a skate park in my head...it's the one in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho- it is downtown on a busy street next to the huge Coeur d'Alene park. When I drive past it I always think, "oh that is cool" or I mean "that's wicked" or I mean "that's so sick". I can understand 'wicked' -but 'sick'?...really?...'sick'???

The city/town I live in has plans on building a skate park...about 150-200 yards from my house...and suddenly I wasn't all too fond of wicked cool sick skate parks...

I can picture myself going for walks with my two little toddler girls (who happen to like dolls and dandelions). And as I near the skate park, I see too many cars parked along the street, I see kids with pants down to their knees, I see some bad habits in the young skater dudes, I see my quiet street not being so quiet anymore...I see myself getting really really mad...

I am a mommy. I am a concerned citizen....oh great here April goes again.

So I called City Hall. I told them to build the skate park next to the City Hall building and not in my neighborhood. I was a little upset. I told them it was silly to put a skate park in a residential neighborhood.

I then called the mayor. I asked him how he would feel if there was a skate park going up next to his house? I told him nicely, "Do you even know the demographics of our neighborhood? We are all either young first time home buyers with little children or older folks passed retirement age. Not too many families with skaters live here, but the park will bring more kids, cars, traffic, and punks from outside the city boundaries than within."

Election time is nearing. I told the mayor I wouldn't vote for him unless he promised he wouldn't build a skate park next to my house. I reassured him I could easily get 1000 signatures to protest the park.

2 weeks later I get a call from the mayor. He told me he is deciding to go against the skate park!!!!!! He said it would be expensive to build and not a good environment for a residential area despite what other members of the city council believe. Hello? My words exactly. He then said, "Why don't you come to the next town hall meeting with some ideas of what the city should do with the property instead?"

"What?"

What did I get myself into now?

ok so if you live near me- please don't laugh at the campaign sign in my front yard...but I am voting for our current mayor this coming election...because he really does listen to the city members...and if you don't want a skate park either you might want to vote for him too...

I wonder if the mayor even has a clue that I am the dorky girl who delivers his paper every morning. oh that makes me laugh...shhhhh

it's that time again

it's that time again to rake up those wretched leaves from our wretched tree...

shhhhh don't let the girls know that we actually don't like to rake leaves until our backs break....shhhhhhh...leaves are cool....leaves are so fun to play in and take great pictures with...oohhhh how I love leaves...falling leaves.....

ok- since it is only once a year I guess I sort of do look forward to raking leaves- it is a nice change up to the outside chores...and the girls really do love it...so we do too. Don't we Chay?

It really is a great time of the year...