Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Did you know my mom's favorite flower is the syringa?
ok so how do you handle bad news...over and over again? Would you kind of get a little numb to it all? Like a little annoyed maybe?
So my mom's cancer is back...again. She found out this week that she has 30+ cancer lesions in her brain. It is affecting her eyesight and so who knows what's in store for her. The doctor told her...again... that she only has 3 months or so left. Sometimes I just want to tell her doctor to "shove it". If I was ever an oncologist I would never give a number of months left to live- it is just so negative and so specific. There's got to be a better way of telling a patient that time looks short.
Mom's health is really confusing to me. I believe we have witnessed miracles in the past but they all seem so short lived. Praying for her and believing with her through all this has seriously been one long roller coaster of faith...and it's making me nauseous...can I get off this thing please? When is this ride going to end?
I have decided to not process anything at the moment. I don't even want to get sad. I have cried about this so much for the past 4 years that I just don't have it in me right now. I just keep focusing on the positive which is easy to do when I live so far away...but still- I just don't want to dwell on death or the fact that I might not have my mother around someday soon... anybody out there lose a mother before? How did you handle it? I'm just like...whatever.
We have been told now for 2 years that my mom only has 3-6 months to live and then she somehow gets over the hump and things actually look uphill for awhile. It is so exhausting.
Ok so there are several wards and tons of family who will be fasting for my mom this Sunday. So you can mention her in your prayers and fast this Sunday if you'd like. I sometimes feel that my mother's life is so much in the Lord's hands that I don't really fast for a healing necessary although I know a healing can happen...but I now just fast for peace and acceptance to whatever happens to her... a miraculous healing would be nice of course but I don't know how much of it is up to us anymore...
oh and don't call me...I am seriously so sick of talking about this to people.
Posted by April at 1:25 PM