Sunday, November 15, 2009

the julia invite

The photography seen on this post is done by the lovely Janna Beecher. She is my forever friend who also happens to be an amazing photographer.

so I am noticing on a lot of blogs people are writing what they are grateful for this month...don't you love

I am grateful to be this little girl's mommy...

because she is doing weird things to my normal life...she is stretching me and inviting me to change...when I don't want to. I have been thinking a lot about this girl. She knows exactly how to pull at my weak points and she won't let me get away with anything! If I am on the phone or the computer she will do everything rebellious imaginable. She is my mortal guardian angel who is annoyingly trying to protect me from messing up motherhood and to change so that her life and mine can be more directed toward Christ. I know if I take the Julia invite, I could be such a better person. Julia who are you??? Sometimes I don't want to change. Why can't you just sit and play and obey everything I say??? Why do you throw fits like me? Why do you demand attention like me? Why do you whine and pout about every little me?

Kenzie kind of floats around like a pure bliss child, helping me clean and singing primary songs. Julia will look at me right in the eyes and spill her milk all over the counter on purpose. After telling her 100 times she is not allowed to play with my make-up, she will go into my room and throw it all over the floor. She spends a lot of time in "time-out" I have resorted to spanking but that is always a bad choice because she will swing right back at me-smacking me in the face out of anger.

Morning times are always interesting. NEVER wake up Julia before she wants to get wake up...because if you do, she will thrash her body against the crib and scream for 20 minutes. If you leave her alone she will get even more mad. If you try to comfort her, again, she will get just as mad. After the tantrum is over...she is actually up for a hug and a kiss- but she just needs that 20 minutes of "why in the heck did you wake me up?" moment before she can handle the day. Is she my daughter??? Oh yes, in every way she is mine.

Don't get me wrong- her lows are equated with beautiful kind cute highs. Julia is very sensitive to others and their feelings. She always gives Kenzie a hug when Kenzie is sad or hurt. She will even cry when Kenzie cries because she wants everyone to be "ok". She is also fun and super playful. I can't wait to see what entertainment she will bring us each day.

In fact she is a puppy. Yes, a puppy. Mostly throughout the day she will bark and pant like a dog on all fours. The other day at the library, Julia walked and barked on all fours down the long corridor entry way of the library. People stared...but what can you do? She wants to be a puppy.

Despite some of the frustrations I feel, I have felt deeply inspired that Julia is here for me. She is here to teach me so much about real love, real heart felt motivation, real letting go of the natural man...

and it is not going to be fun all the time- mostly challenging...because there can't be a moment of complacency with her. It's either a 100% tuned-in mom or its a disaster of a day.

I feel impressed, for Julia's sake, to never skip a beat of daily family scripture study and prayer- to never pass up Family Home Evening for something else of less importance.

and that is going to be hard because I am not perfect in these areas...but I feel like we have a bold yet fragile spirit on our hands whose strength needs to be used for the good...

Oh Julia...I love you so much. I just do. You are taking my heart to new levels and I am willing to deal with it because I am your mommy and Heavenly Father trusted me with you. Just remember please remember when I fail you at times, your Heavenly Father never will.

You are one remarkable special little girl.

It is morning and you are still sleeping. I will not wake you up, but I can't wait for your morning hugs.


Chay said...

Ohh how I love my Ju Ju!!!

Tara said...

Such wonderful pictures! Precious - Julia is such a cutie.

Calie said...

Oh April I love this post. What a beautiful family you have. Julia is just priceless.

Tiffani said...

ya know she has my heart, too!

Cami said...

Thank you for this post - I need to have a better attitude about the challenges I have with my own kids (ahem, one in particular), and this really made me think. Thanks!