The goofyness was out of control on Sunday and everyone was just giggly. I don't know if it's because we feel sort of trapped inside because it's winter and we really have no place to go or what- but the house was full of laughter and sillyness and I loved it. I can't believe how lucky I am to be surrounded by all these certain people- especially children. It is a great time of my life.
I panic sometimes when I think of life passing too quickly, especially my kids- but I know I won't have any major regrets, I know I am spending time with them, I know I have treasured many many moments- I am living right in the thick of it and loving most of it.
I really do hate however how these sweet sincere older ladies will come up to me at the store and say things like, "They grow up so fast" or "I would do anything to have them little again" or "I don't know where life has gone" or "just wait until they're teenagers and you'll miss them being little".
First of all it gives me a little bit of anxiety when older people say stuff like this because all of the sudden I feel my kids will be 20 years old when I wake up the next day and I will somehow wonder where the last 15 years went. Second of all, those kind of remarks put this artificial doubt in my mind that I am somehow not loving being a mother to these adorable kids. I then realize it must be the older mothers who have some sort of regret who always say those kind of things to young moms. I feel like their words are their own sorrowful thoughts of their past or something. It's like they feel this need to warn young moms that their future happiness is in danger. (I'm laughing while I write this because I know this isn't always the case and that I'm being dramatic, but I like to play it out in my mind for moment that it is the case, so I'll go with it)
The other day this sweet bent old lady with good intentions noticed me at the store with my kids. She came up to me with certainty she was going to say something so prophetic and wise. I am now prepared for these encounters but on this particular day I wasn't in the mood. "Try to enjoy it my dear." She said, "They're only small once. You will miss it one day and would do anything to have them small again." Ahhh okay, never heard that before! I just smiled and said out of frustration, "I do enjoy it. I enjoy every single moment of it (white lie) and I will never have any regrets (white lie again). Each age of my children's life will be exciting to me and I don't worry about if I am spending enough time with them or not, because I am." She kind of didn't know what to say or she thought I was weird because she just slightly smiled and said, "ok, dear". I started to laugh at how I acted and I couldn't wait to go home and tell Chay. Life.
The other day I got my guitar off the wall. Lately it has become nothing more than just decoration in our front room. The kids quickly flocked around Mom and all wanted to play it and Xander kept strumming the strings while I played and it was getting a little annoying. So we decided to play a game where I play a tune and make up the words of a song and then I stop singing and the next person has to make up lyrics. Oh my gosh it was funny. We laughed to hard. Kenzie was impressive and she could hear her own melody with the chords I was playing. Her words consisted of rainbows and unicorns and how much she loves her siblings. Xander sang about chopping off heads and poop, Julia started to sing with her sweet voice but something sucked the confidence out of her and she started to whine about how she hates singing in front of people. (I have heard Julia sing in her own time and place- usually when she thinks no one is listening and she has a beautiful voice for a 6 year old). Daddy was on his phone in the corner chair just laughing at the situation.
Maybe this is why I was supposed to love music and learn to play piano and guitar- maybe it was for my family and that's it. The memories and love I share through music for my family are not performing for audiences obviously but more for bedtime, singing babies to sleep, playing songs on the guitar about chopping off heads and poop, singing around a fire, playing Christmas music on the piano, helping Kenzie figure out a hard song at the piano, trying to teach Kenzie and Julia how to harmonize the song Kumbaya while I curl their hair in the morning, singing "I love to see the Temple" a million times at Xander's request before he falls asleep. I'm pretty sure all these memories will put a greater worth on my love for music more than anything when I look back on life. Music brings people together!...even if the quality of it is questionable. :)
Dates with my kids. Yesterday just Xander and I went to the ENT to get his wedged-in-with-wax tubes removed from his ears. It was just the two of us. We had fun until he screamed bloody murder when they poked his ear drum. And the fun is officially over- I wished I understood him more. I know it is building a wall that I so desperately want to take down. He gets so so so frustrated with his speech. He is learning more and more every day- but I only get about 60% of what he says but I find him alientating himself and doing his own thing. He will try to explain something to us but after the second try he does this anger groan and walks off. Oh my heart. It will come, it will come. When we do understand what he says, he gets the most adorable grin across his face and we finally both connect with each other- it's the best feeling!
Samson. I can't get over how fun this baby is! He loves touch. I pick him up and he immediately swings his arms around my neck and holds on tight. He holds on so passionately. He grabs my face and pulls his face towards mine and nuzzles. He loves to hold on to hair when someone holds him. He will softly touch my mouth, cheeks and nose. He weighed the most out of all my babies when he was born but he is the smallest baby growth wise. He will be a year next month and it feels like I still have a 6 month old. He is only 18 pounds. Kenzie and Julia weighed that at 3 months. He doesn't want to crawl. He just sits there and plays with toys. THANK YOU!!!! I am not ready for a mover yet. Sammy we love you. Cute cute baby. Especially at night when all the kids are asleep and Daddy and I get to spend some quality time together with you- Sam comes out of his shell once he realizes that he has no one to compete with for attention and he gets so animated and loud! He giggles and screams- most of our video footage of Sam is late at night when everyone is asleep. It's too adorable. I love babies. I love having babies in the home- their sweet sweet spirit seems to calm down many situations that would normally play out different- when everyone is bickering and raising their voices, there's Sam just smiling sucking on his fist- it kind of puts things at ease real fast.
ok, well I am thankful that I woke up at 6:30 to write this. I have a hard time figuring out a good time to write in a journal or to blog. But I somehow moseyed my way into the room with the computer and just started writing- which is a miracle that I didn't get sucked into Facebook or Pinterest. ok, I hear the kids starting to make noises upstairs. Another day begins.