Sunday, March 15, 2009

daddy's visit

Dad came to visit for 9 days.

It was kind of weird having Dad around for so long with no sign of Mom being anywhere. She really is dead isn't she? It is definitely a whole new chapter of life. With Mom gone, everything is taken and lived through a whole new perspective.

I miss you Mom. I miss you even more when Dad is around.

It is easy for me to just sort of shut off that whole home+mom+dad part of my life- being that I live so far away. But when I sit and talk to Dad and we discuss the world's problems, or talk about recipes (yes recipes), or go on a drive somewhere, or go for a walk,- everything always comes back to Mom. Neither of us would be in each other's lives if it wasn't for her obviously- She was the creator that tied my life together to the people I call family. Tied us in the obvious ways like marriage and birth and tied us in ways like being the peacemaker, the spiritual guide, the listener, the gatherer, the nurturer, the cook, the reason-

The reason why we are an eternal family.

I love you Mom. I seriously can't wait to see you again. Heaven has suddenly become more real to me. I think of it often and what if must be like. I know you're there Mom...and our whole purpose here on earth makes more sense now- me being here, you being there- the plan, happiness, sorrow, covenants, death, birth- this is the real deal. This is the real why I am wasting so much time?

Losing you has been so hard. I miss our friendship, the talks, the comfortable silent car rides, your teaching skills, your craft, your laugh. But somehow I find strength to be a better person. Well, actually I am kind of depressed at times and feel completely out of whack since you died, but still, I feel an underlining strength somewhere inside- and I will figure it out somehow. I trust this is just a part of the growing and shaping I need to experience here on earth. Listen to what I am saying- oh my, I am starting to sound like you...well, this might all be worth it then.

Ok well, I didn't write about Daddy's visit at all did I? oops. I will tomorrow.

1 comment:

Tara said...

Look at those handsome parents! It is hard for me to remember that even our parents were young.

I'm glad your dad was able to come visit. I'm sure it was more difficult though than normal days when you are far away from the family.

I'm sure your mom is keeping her eye on you guys, for sure! It is awesome to think about eternal families but then also to think our loved ones and other angels surround us and give us strength.

I hope we can see you guys soon! It has been a long time (at least for me, you see the rest of my family every day)!