Monday, March 09, 2009

I prefer living room performances

I really don't know what I was thinking when I said yes to do a musical number for ward conference. I really don't know what I was thinking when I got the idea that I would sing while playing the piano. I have never done that in my life before...well not publicly. I have done many live concerts my living room that is...and I'm the only one listening. Or I sneak down to the church and play on the grand piano- during college I would often go the music building at night and find open doors to concert halls...oh it was just lovely. Tall rooms with stadium seating to the ceiling it seemed and a grand piano that was 100 ft long...ok it wasn't 100 feet long but you get the picture...anyway

the point I am making is that I really love to myself that is. I am my greatest audience.

Growing up Joette and I would place the vacuum in the middle of the living room and we would pretend it was a microphone. Of course we imagined to be on a stage singing to a crowd of 50,000 plus but realistically we were just staring at an empty sofa.

So...yesterday was just nerve racking. I create all this confidence when I practice by myself. I play extraordinarily well and sing exactly how I want to sound...but the minute I am under pressure from a huge congregation with the whole stake presidency 2 feet away from my face...oh brother. My hands start to shake and I hear the little voice in my head, "What on earth are you doing April?"

From the compliments afterwards I guess I did better than I thought. They seemed sincere for the most part. Our neighbor came up to me and said the song I sang reminds her of the baby girl she lost to SIDS many years ago. With tears in her eyes, I knew deep inside I could have royally screwed up the song and it wouldn't have mattered because regardless, she would have felt the closeness of her little baby. That made it all worth it. A very close friend of mine said, "when you sing, you sing with the spirit-I just want to cry when you sing"- so again- maybe it's not that important to have a flawless performance...maybe there is something bigger and better...yes there is.

I sang a rendition with my own twist added here and there of "Nearer my God to Thee"...and I pray the first thought to pop into your head when you think of that song is not Leonardo DeCaprio and Kate Winslet in Titanic. "Jack!"

I still don't know why Rose couldn't move over and share that huge floating door with Jack.

Anyway- music is my friend. I'm not trained...nor professional by any any any means...but creating music or playing certain types of music- it somehow knows how to dig out all the feelings I don't know how to express verbally. It is really quite unexplainable. And I somehow feel this connection with something...not of this world-maybe heavenly?... a glimpse of our real home?...a reunion?...see, I can't explain it very well...hence; unexplainable.


Tami said...

I'm glad it went well. Chay said you did an excellent job. Too bad we couldn't be there to hear it! You need to write your song and other songs down on paper - whether you publish them someday or not - you should do it! You are so talented. I wish I could put a spin on a song...but I just don't have that knack. So write them down...your girls would love to have those songs when they are older - that would be something neat to give to them!

Marne said...

Good job April! You are talented, brave, gutsy....what a great thing to do. I'm sure it was wonderful!

Chay said...

April did amazing. God surely has blessed my wife with a very special gift of music. Not only does it sound great, but you can feel the tesimony shared within it.

You and Joette need to get together and make a cd. I would definitely buy it.

Great job honey.

Tara said...

Wow, April! Congratulations! Next time you definitely have to tell us about it BEFORE it happens so we can witness it.

Tiffani said...

April - I wish I could have been there, also. I could put on my invisible cloak so I don't make you more nervous. Okay - maybe you could just set up a hidden camera in your living room and then share it with all of us! Way to share yourself with others.

The Pyper Fam said...

I bet you did great, you have a beautiful voice and are very talented!!! I miss your impromptu concerts! :)