Sunday, June 28, 2009

shall guard his children well

Today I called my parents house knowing no one would answer. I do this from time to time so I can hear the message on the answering machine- it's Mom's voice. She sounds happy and bubbly.- she had a very distinct voice- a caring voice.

Today I did something really scary and daring...and I just wish I could call Mom up and tell her about my day, my life. No one listens like a mom.

Remember this painting Joette painted for me?

One day not too long ago Joette went downstairs into Mom's paint/craft room and sat down with Mom's paints and painted a picture. This picture. Nothing like Mom's style of painting of course- but it was Joette's little moment to connect with Mom and the gifts she had while on earth. At the end of painting this picture she felt inspired to paint the words, "cast your burdens"

Joette then felt she should give the painting to me. She also told me that when she was finished with the picture she cried and cried.

Joette wrapped the painting in a towel to protect it and drove down to my house and gave it to me. She handed it to me with such reverence. The painting is priceless to me. Whenever I look at it I think of the creative miraculous ways Mom is still uniting her family together.

Mom's paints, Joette's hand, words of a hymn, my wall.

When I first got the painting I said, "Cast your that a scripture?? (I have hymn lyric problems...can't remember the words ever!)

Joette, "Those are words from the song 'How Gentle God's Commands' I really feel like you need that song in your life right now."

About a month later I opened the hymn book and played and sang the song. I had been going through a really hard time with Mom being gone and dealing with health stuff...I felt alone and inadequate to deal with life. Playing this song was one of the most spiritual moments of my life. That is why I need to write it down. I felt the spirit fill my body. I felt connected to the heavens. I knew God loved me and His children. I cried through each verse. It was direct communication from my Father in Heaven. I felt Mom's love for me...and her presence. She is still being Mom. Taking care of us. Listening to us and doing all she can to help fulfil our needs. I really feel like she is doing all she can in her afterlife state to keep reminding us of Heavenly Father's love for us. I am just bawling like a baby while I write this- because I know it is true...I know it is true.

I would play this song 2-3 times a day for a 'pick a me up'. I would always lose it on the 3rd verse and 4th.

I sang and played this song in church today. I changed it up just enough to make it my own. This song is a personal gift from God to me. I was so nervous. I felt like I was going to puke. I am not a performer. Music is to be felt more than heard...and so I always end up having an emotional performance instead of a good performance. But my prayer today was to maybe touch a heart, give someone strength, inspire others to believe how gentle and kind God really is.

How gentle God's commands.
How kind His precepts are.
Come cast your burdens on the Lord.
And trust His constant care.

Beneath His watchful eye,
His Saints securely dwell;
That hand which bears all nature up
Shall guard his children well .

Why should this anxious load
Press down your weary mind?
Haste to your Heavenly Father's throne
And sweet refreshment find.

His goodness stands approved
Unchanged from day to day;
I'll drop my burden at his feet
And bear a song away.
I am now glad the day is over. The 'queasy'ness in my stomach is gone now.


Whitnie said...

You are an amazing person. Thank you for sharing something so sweet and personal. I can't imagine some of the trials you have had to go through, and your strength through it all is very admirable.

JT said...

So glad to hear you are able to heal through music. Your mother would be proud to see you today, you have become such a strong woman, and good mother.. My prayers and thoughts are with you April.

Shari said...

Your song in church was amazing. I am glad I was there to hear it. You are awesome!

Tiffani said...

Beautiful April - the song, the painting, the comfort of having your mom nearby - thanks for sharing.