my last post was evidence that my Xander is purely adorable in every way...
except for night time. Night time...the part I fear most of the day. I think about those night time hours and I start to get anxious...because I know I won't sleep.
Xander initially falls asleep on his own...well he's awake when I put him down- with a binky.
We usually put him to sleep for the night around 8. His wonderfully exhausting night schedule causes me to roll out of bed at 11, 3, and 5 am. For the first 4 months he slept with us- I loved it. He is warm and cuddly and would just nurse whenever he wanted to. Although I loved it and respected that much needed 4th trimester of love and cuddles, it was time to put him in his own crib and time for Mom to sleep better.
Not happening.
And I just don't have the strength to do it anymore. I'm a walking zombie all day with a short fuse. Chay waits for me to return to the paper route but I just can't hack it when I've been up 2-3 times a night feeding a baby. I really want to sign up for a class at the health club at 6am. That isn't going to happen until Xander is sleeping through the night.
I made up my mind and decided tonight was the night Xander would learn to sleep through the night. He cried bursts of tears for an hour and half. I went in every 10 minutes and rubbed his head...didn't matter. His sheets were wet from tears.
I caved after an hour and half. My heart was broken. I was so excited to pick him up, nurse him and cuddle. But then started to cry myself because I knew the situation was never going to improve. What am I supposed to do? I am so torn. I want to do what is right...And I want to take care of myself too...
Are moms supposed to not sleep? I mean, is it all apart of what we signed up for? Is this just a time in life to lose sleep and to just buck up and serve our kiddos the best we can? My mom always reminded me of the scripture Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go" and kept insisting that I need to train my children how to sleep and nursing them all night is not "training" them how to sleep. I would always argue with her how it seems so wrong to just let a sweet-learning-to-trust baby cry it out. And then of course Mom would shoot right back "
well you turned out alright and I let you cry"
of course, they always use that one. Plus, did I really turn out alright? That can be debatable.
But I'm at a breaking point in my life where letting Xander cry might be the only thing I can do to stay sane. I need advice!!! Help!!! Encouragement. anything.
I'm tired. I've never been able to figure it out with any of my babies. Julia was my best sleeping baby and she still woke up at night until she was 15 months old.
advice? I know a ton of mothers read this blog. Please help me...I'm looking for an answer to prayer here.
How do you or how did you get your babies to sleep through the night??? I want opinions too. I love opinions...I like to know the "why's" to people's choices. Please share.
