Wednesday, June 02, 2010

the Ross breakdown

I am seriously going through the hardest time right now. oh and please don't bring me cookies to make feel better- that will only make it worse.

I think I'm going to have an emotional breakdown...oh wait already had 4 in the last month.

everything is starting to pile up...I'm sick with a nasty cold, so is Julia- pregnancy, health, endless tasks, MS crap, kids, no energy, unfinished goals, sciatic nerve pain, relationships, expectations, stress, life- I have never felt this way for so long. It is so foreign to me. Everything seems to be taking a toll on me.

I have cried alligator tears for a week straight. We are talking the BIG tears...

Today Julia threw her 6th tantrum in 6 days the store Ross. Her tantrums have become increasingly worse lately and usually last up to 55 minutes or so (I have timed them). I try to figure out why- probably some psychological disorder due to an insane mom. I took a toy away from her at the store as we were entering the dressing rooms... and she went absolutely ballistic. I have outgrown all my maternity clothes- gaining already 55 lbs and depressed as ever with my appearance, I attempt with a screaming toddler and a 4 year old to try on some shirts that will actually cover my belly and my boobs. I look in the mirror and I don't even recognize myself. I'm a big white puffy marshmallow! Julia won't stop screaming and snot from her nose is going everywhere. She is kicking and rolling around on the floor. I'm trying to take deep breaths when all of the sudden I hear this lady scream, "Shut that kid up!"

I was taken off guard and so I responded, "excuse me?"

"You heard me, shut that kid up or take her home!"

"um...I'm trying...I can't really help it..."

I have no idea what this lady looks like because she is yelling at me from her dressing room and I'm in my dressing room obviously. I start to get pretty shaken up.

she screams "You need to learn how to control your kids"

I responded, "Ever had a toddler before?"

"Yes I did and they never acted like that- you need to learn to control them or don't bring them shopping!" and she walked out of the dressing room and out into the store.

It was seriously a tipping point for me. My eyes filled up with tears and I started to blubber like a baby- Poor Kenzie just sat and stared at her emotional sister and mother go to town with the tears. She then asked, "why was that lady mean to you Mommy?"

A worker must have heard the whole ordeal and she went and found the toy I took away from Julia and slipped it under the dressing room door. Julia of course stopped crying when she saw it but I sure didn't. Then a few moments later the same worker slid a box of tissue under the door for me. I seriously had no control over my emotions. I was spent.

I was then determined not to ever leave that dressing room out of pure embarrassment. I eventually got myself together enough to leave. The nice worker apologized for the rude customer.

Not a good day in April's life. Hopefully I will someday laugh about it all. Right now I am barely holding it together.

I think about God's plan for me often and I seek the Lord through prayer that I may learn and grow from this time in my life...but it can really suck sometimes regardless.

Please tell me I am somewhat normal??? anybody lose it in a dressing room before???


Momza said...

Ohhh dear. I'm so sorry you had a rotten experience today. That lady was a coward to shout those things to you behind a door, and not ask if there was something she could do to help you. Aren't you glad you don't live with her?? Think about the poor people who do!
Pregnancy makes us feel vulnerable, add toddlers into the hormonal mix and it's easy to feel overwhelmed.
I hope you have a better day tomorrow. (many hugs)

Mothership said...

Oh, honey. I am so sorry she did that to you. Of all the ways to get the kid to "shut-up", that was the least effective route. Thank goodness for the Ross lady.

I was seven months pregnant with my fourth child and in the middle of a difficult move. My husband helped me unload the truck and then had to leave me with a filthy house, three very small children and virtually everything in boxes to go back to Spokane for work. I sat in my row at church, overwhelmed, trying to control all of my people and also trying to hold back my tears. I was so proud at the end of the meeting when I realized the meeting was over and we were all still sane.

A woman came rushing over (I thought to welcome me to the ward), pushed past me and began cleaning up my row. (I was going to get the kids to primary, then pick up when it would actually stay picked up.) "Now, dear. If you're going to bring crackers to church, you had better bring a vacuum! Here (as she shoved a colored on program into my hands), go throw this away!"

I was so dumbfounded, I had no idea how to react. I held myself together long enough to get the kids to class, then went into the bathroom and CRIED. It was the most painful, thoughtless moment I have ever experienced.

I've been here for nearly five years and know this woman well. She really is crazy (bi-polar/schizophrenia) and she had been off her meds when we met.

In other words, I know exactly how you feel. It was not your fault. She chose her rediculous reaction.

I wish I had some great advice. I have none except what you already know: Heavenly Father would never give you more than you could handle. Sometimes it feels like it and those are times when you need to ASK FOR FREAKING HELP. From your friends, your spouse, your sister, but especially, from the Savior.

You CAN do it, April. Take a deep breath, wash your face, and go drink one of those grody drinks you're always touting as "healthy". (:

Lindsay Heiser said...

Seriously??! I hate people like that... I'm pretty sure all toddlers have tantrums. I see it whenever I go out shopping. So that lady is the one that needs to stay home if she can't handle the noise of a screaming child. Sorry you've had a hard week April... hopefully things will start looking up for you.

I LOVE the bunkbeds and the dresser. They look so awesome!

Heather said...

I can never understand why perfect strangers are so rude sometimes. One time when I was pregnant (like pukey nauseous pregnant) waiting at the pediatricians for like an hour in the waiting room.... I had my 4 year old and 3 year old (who looked like a 4 or 5 year old because he's so tall). I was so tired and so annoyed that we had to wait so long. And I thought my Abe was being pretty good.... considering the long wait and his age. As we finally were able to take our turn, this lady waiting with her ONE 10 year old son, whispered loudly under her breath but obviously to me, "some people need to learn to control their children". And I was about in tears the rest of the day/week/month about it. Even the nurse heard her and thought it was rude. I still feel sad about that day. But try to remember that I am just trying my best as a mother. That experience just taught me that I need to assume everyone is doing their best under their circumstances. Really - how do people know what we're dealing with. What if my husband had just died. What if I just found out i had 6 months to live. What if my child had autism or some other thing. We need encouragement no matter what! And it also helped me realize that when I'm 40, 50, 60, 70, I don't want to forget how HARD it is so mother young children. Anyhoo... I'm babbling...

I'm so sorry that happened to you. You are definitely not alone with tantrums and toddlers. Hang in there with the rest of your pregnancy! You can do it!

Heather said...

oh - and i also wanted to say that I love the dresser and bunkbeds you refinished. That is great work! I have a freebie dresser that I've always wanted to refinish. I think I might paint it black. Any tips on what supplies/stuff to use for it? You are doing so many good things!!! Remember that! :)

Heather said...

oh - and i also wanted to say that I love the dresser and bunkbeds you refinished. That is great work! I have a freebie dresser that I've always wanted to refinish. I think I might paint it black. Any tips on what supplies/stuff to use for it? You are doing so many good things!!! Remember that! :)

DaNae said...

I want to drop kick that lady for you. Seriously, how rude is that. EVERY toddler acts like that and you are a totally normal pregnant woman. BTW I am DaNae (used to be a Davenport.) I love reading your blog and your bunk beds rock. Hang in there.

Tara said...

April, so sorry that your day was so horrible to top off a tough week. I think kids go through cycles when they just have tantrums for no apparent reason... and then a dry spell. At least that is what I've witnessed here. Juju doesn't have an insane mom... but she does have an insane auntie. When I see you next, remind me to lend you my pregnancy clothes. Love ya.

P.S. I lose it all the time - no matter what I'm doing or where I'm at.

Me~Kelly said...

my 2nd reaction is maybe she was having a horrible day too and maybe she copes by bringing out her inner witch. maybe we should all say a little prayer for her and hope she finds some peace. my 1st thought was you should have told her where to shove it.
this is where we non pregnant non mormon girls have an advantage. we go home and sit on our back porch with a phone to our ear and a cosmo in hand, complaining to a girlfriend and take the edge off :)

it has been awhile, how about i have one for you :)

in all seriousness, one of these tomorrows will be better and in the meantime trust in the Lord and lean on loved ones.

romans 8:28 in ALL things - even encounters with rude cranky Ross customers.

Calie said...

I think anyone with children understands your delima in the store. That lady can't say her children never acted up. Thats a big lie. Most children will have a tantrum or two in their lifetime... they are kids...only natural. I have had a few of these same expieriences. In fact almost that exact one. I know its hard right now but one day you will look back on all this and laugh about me...I have so many with Isaac...daily accurances and now I look back on those times and they just make me so much more endeared to Isaac. You remember how he was... sometimes still is. And by the way what a beautiful person that Ross worker is! What a thoughtful way to show you that someone cares. I know it feels like this time in your life will last forever and that there is no end in sight but I assure you April "this too shall pass". Just wait untill they become teenagers... whole new set of will be wishing for these days back. Hang in there. I love you and your beautiful girls too.

April said...

Thanks you guys for all your comments of support- I sort of feel understood for once despite my over reaction yesterday. I have such great friends- even if some of you are considered "onine" friends- I bet we would be great friends if we were neighbors or something.

Kelly I had to google "cosmo" because I had no idea what it was...that made me laugh.

The Pyper Fam said...

April, I am so sorry! I can't believe that lady! I have never understood why people feel the need to be so rude to perfect strangers (or to anyone for that matter) I would have done the exact same thing. Just sat down and cried for a while. I am still nervous about taking 2 kids out in public, for fear that I won't be able to handle both of them. I couldn't even imagine being pregnant while having to do it! You are a good mom. And when that lady said that her toddlers never acted like that-she lied! EVERY toddler acts like that at some point! :) Just remember that it will only get better from here! :)

Levi and Cynthia Wilde said...

Oh my word April! I was dumbfounded when I read your post! That lady is completely out of place! I'm not even a mom and I totally understand that little kids have tantrums and it's just a part of life. I am so sorry! I don't even know what I would do if that had happened to me!
Well April...I think your an awesome person, a good mom and I just love your little girls!

Collette said...

April: I cried for you, when I read your post! This, too, shall pass; really it will. Hold your head up high and remember that you are a daughter, chosen by your Heavenly Father to raise that precious Julia. He knows you can do it, and I know it too!

Rachel said...

A couple things to make you feel better:
1-That lady was a complete jerk and I would have fought her for you. She probably never really had kids. Totally uncalled for. Every toddler had those moments. Mine have them regularly. Now when I see moms having those moments, I don't act rude, I see if they need some help.
2-I gained 75lbs and 76lbs when I was pregnant, so if you want me to email you a pictures of me pregnant to make you feel better about your pregnancy, I would be more than happy to. :)
3-Just so you don't feel bad about losing it in the store. I started balling once in Macey's because the box of Cheerios I was buying wasn't the right size that was on sale. I had had a terrible day and that was the last straw. I was balling and the cashier handled me a free sample snickers and told me he hoped I had a better day. I felt SO dumb. Point is, I think everyone has been there. Hang in there. :)

Hollie said...

Cami told me about this tonight at the gym. I couldn't stop thinking about it all night. I am so mad at that lady and so sad for you. I seriously can't believe this happened to you. I am SO SORRY! I would have been a complete wreck even if I wasn't pregnant.

Urban pretty much throws a tantrum everywhere we go (I'm sure you've witnessed it a time or 2 at church). I've gotten many dirty looks and have heard several comments made under people's breath, but never experienced something like this. What a miserable woman she must be.

I had several breakdowns when I was pregnant, and they were over much sillier (is that a word?) things than this. Ask Brandy...I had a complete meltdown in front of her over our stupid shirts for girls camp last year. Not my finest moment, but just one of my many wonderful, psychotic pregnancy episodes.

Stephanie said...

One thing that I think was overlooked here was how SWEET and KIND the Ross Employee was! She was very thoughtful to bring over the toy to Julia. And I for one would have been MORE THAN HAPPY to tell that other vocal woman off!! It's amazing what other people think they can get away with when they're not looking at you face to face. If she would have seen that you were pregnant, and not think that you were one of those snots who don't know how to discipline your kids, I'm sure she would have kept those opinions to herself. If you want to go shopping for clothes sometime, let me know! I'm up in Logan and would be more than happy to help take care of your kids so you can go out in peace and find some sanity that you claim to not have. I know you're more sane than I am, and I don't have any kids yet!!