I am seriously going through the hardest time right now. oh and please don't bring me cookies to make feel better- that will only make it worse.
I think I'm going to have an emotional breakdown...oh wait already had 4 in the last month.
everything is starting to pile up...I'm sick with a nasty cold, so is Julia- pregnancy, health, endless tasks, MS crap, kids, no energy, unfinished goals, sciatic nerve pain, relationships, expectations, stress, life- I have never felt this way for so long. It is so foreign to me. Everything seems to be taking a toll on me.
I have cried alligator tears for a week straight. We are talking the BIG tears...
Today Julia threw her 6th tantrum in 6 days ...at the store Ross. Her tantrums have become increasingly worse lately and usually last up to 55 minutes or so (I have timed them). I try to figure out why- probably some psychological disorder due to an insane mom. I took a toy away from her at the store as we were entering the dressing rooms... and she went absolutely ballistic. I have outgrown all my maternity clothes- gaining already 55 lbs and depressed as ever with my appearance, I attempt with a screaming toddler and a 4 year old to try on some shirts that will actually cover my belly and my boobs. I look in the mirror and I don't even recognize myself. I'm a big white puffy marshmallow! Julia won't stop screaming and snot from her nose is going everywhere. She is kicking and rolling around on the floor. I'm trying to take deep breaths when all of the sudden I hear this lady scream, "Shut that kid up!"
I was taken off guard and so I responded, "excuse me?"
"You heard me, shut that kid up or take her home!"
"um...I'm trying...I can't really help it..."
I have no idea what this lady looks like because she is yelling at me from her dressing room and I'm in my dressing room obviously. I start to get pretty shaken up.
she screams "You need to learn how to control your kids"
I responded, "Ever had a toddler before?"
"Yes I did and they never acted like that- you need to learn to control them or don't bring them shopping!" and she walked out of the dressing room and out into the store.
It was seriously a tipping point for me. My eyes filled up with tears and I started to blubber like a baby- Poor Kenzie just sat and stared at her emotional sister and mother go to town with the tears. She then asked, "why was that lady mean to you Mommy?"
A worker must have heard the whole ordeal and she went and found the toy I took away from Julia and slipped it under the dressing room door. Julia of course stopped crying when she saw it but I sure didn't. Then a few moments later the same worker slid a box of tissue under the door for me. I seriously had no control over my emotions. I was spent.
I was then determined not to ever leave that dressing room out of pure embarrassment. I eventually got myself together enough to leave. The nice worker apologized for the rude customer.
Not a good day in April's life. Hopefully I will someday laugh about it all. Right now I am barely holding it together.
I think about God's plan for me often and I seek the Lord through prayer that I may learn and grow from this time in my life...but it can really suck sometimes regardless.
Please tell me I am somewhat normal??? anybody lose it in a dressing room before???