Samson fell asleep on my lap today during church. His mouth was open and he sort of snored with his deep breaths. I cherished it to be honest. Right now in his life he loves his pirate ship Bucky. He also holds a little stuffed cat named Leona.
I know these days will pass before I know it. I want my children to know, that even though there have been hard days, I never wanted it to go fast. I never wished away their childhood so I could do something for myself. I know right now that I am doing the most important most fulfilling thing I could possibly do with my life. I am not perfect at it and I wish I could enjoy keeping the house clean but I love my children and I love spending time with them.
Xander and I went for a walk one snowy morning when everyone was asleep. It was really quiet outside. We had a heavy bag of clothes to give to our neighbor friend, Maria. It was just one of those moments that I don't want to forget. That is why I am writing it down. Hand in hand we walked as we talked.
Whenever I drop Xander off at Bravo for Kindergarten he says goodbye and I love you over and over again. We keep saying it to each other until I am no longer in his eyesight. It makes my heart skip a beat every single day. "I love you Mommy! I love you. Goodbye. Bye Mom. I love you Mommy." "I love you too Xander. I will see you real soon. Bye. I love you." Oh my sweet Xander. His Kindergarten teacher Mrs. Hansen adores him too. Xander is mild tempered and quiet. He likes to help out and clean the classroom so he quickly caught the love of his teacher. He is coming home almost daily with prizes for good choices. Helping clean up when no one else was listening, for being kind and respectful. He has a huge heart for a 5 year old. He makes me so proud.
What I want to write about: Julia's baptism, Christmas
Julia turned 8 this year right after Alice was born. She is spunky, witty, smart. She is brutally honest at times and I'm trying to teach her some tact but she is seriously so fun to be around. I love the way she thinks. Her birthday was sort of a blur because I was trying to recuperate after Alice's birth. Her baptism was special and simple. She was so excited. What I remember the most was how Kenzie kept her arm around her when they sat in the chapel before the baptism. Kenzie was her cheerleader. I remember how organized Julia was and how she made sure she packed everything she needed without my help. She was beaming all over the place. She knew in her heart that she was doing the right thing. I remember Chay getting emotional when he was blessing her and giving her the gift of the Holy Ghost. After the baptism we blessed Alice. It was a memorable mom day to see her children basked in so much goodness, righteousness, and light. I live such a beautiful meaningful life. I love you Julia Kaye. You're so observative. Your soft ivory skin and thick dark dark hair.
Julia loves the snow! We want to get her into snowboarding. She will come home from school and we will all run into the home to get warm and she will stay outside and walk through the front and backyard playing around in the snow. Julia loves to play. She is eight but still loves toys 3 and 4 year olds play with. She has a wild imagination and can play by herself with her legos or with for hours with Xander.
The other day the 3 of them Kenzie, Julia, and Xander were making up some story and they just talked about this story and what was happening and what each character did. They wouldn't stop talking about it and they were laughing when someone changed the story line or came up with a problem that needed to be solved. They were so invested in this type of imaginary play that Chay and I couldn't get them to be quiet. They talked the entire time during dinner. Chay and I said to each other that we could leave the house for an hour and they wouldn't even notice.
We have now lived in our little home for 9 years. We call it the Clark Cottage sometimes. We thought we wouldn't live here long when we first bought it but it quickly became home. Chay only made $14 dollars an hour when we first moved here and I didn't work because I was a mother. We now love our neighborhood and our little house payment. I know we could afford a bigger home but we are at a weird crossroad in our lives. Chay's next step in his career could take us anywhere and so we don't want to buy yet because we don't know where we're going! We thought we were going to Idaho Falls last year but as a final candidate, the hospital decided to go with someone else for the director position. The guy was 20 years older than Chay. Then again another opportunity in Bountiful. Chay had all the powerful references, the experience, the know-how, the great interview- and they decided not to hire Chay. It was a slap in the face but we somehow knew that if something that should have been 100% his but he still didn't get it, it must mean we weren't supposed to be at that hospital. Where do we belong?? Where is the Clark Family supposed to settle? Where is that perfect job for Chay?? Is it here in Utah?? We question yet we trust God is and will always take care of us. I really wish I could live closer to my family. And this cute little house really drives me crazy some days. It is small and we are getting tight. It still needs a lot of work. I'm not too excited about the area and Kenzie and Julia growing up in a ward that doesn't have a strong youth program. I also want my kids to have best friends and a strong church unity and my kids don't have any close friends yet. Where are we supposed to go?? I will tell you, I love love my neighbor and friend, Cynthia. She will be the hardest to leave. I thank Heavenly Father often for her. I came to this place to meet her.
With God anything is possible. He takes any situation and circumstance and makes it meaningful and purposeful- we just have to have enough faith to see what He has planned for us.
Alice was blessed on the same day as Julia's baptism. Grateful Chay was able to administer to them both. Oh the love I have for my dear family- my children. Thank you Heavenly Father for giving me this life and for trusting me with these beautiful souls.
( Shortly after this post was written Chay was asked by our Stake President to be the bishop of our ward. This is why Chay couldn't get the jobs he was qualified for and why we couldn't figure out if we should move or not. After 6 months of being Bishop, Chay was offered the HR director job at Ogden Regional- the hospital only 3 minutes from our house. The Lord is knew exactly what He was doing with us. )