being grateful in November

I'm not kidding.

Starting November 1st our life was seriously um..."blessed"...for the entire month. I was all in the "gratitude" mood for Thanksgiving and all-- and then the real test began...and to be honest I wasn't always a 100% grateful like I wish I could have been...I've cried many tears... feeling pretty sorry for myself. But I decided to see the lemonade, silver lining, or whatever and do all I can to be grateful for this month...so here is my attempt:

I am thankful for the flat tire on the way to school. We walked home just Kenzie and I. Despite the fact of a flat tire, I got to spend some one on one time with Kenzie. We walked passed the Bishop's house and he said we could pick all the tomatoes we could hold. Chay was home that day sick but it still made the day run more smooth.

I am grateful I got a ticket for having the wrong plates on my car. I was dropping off Kenzie at school and I hurried out the door without my license and proof of insurance. The cop was considerate at least and only got me for the plates. Luckily we found the lost title that night and were able to finally get the car registered. Silly mistake.

I am thankful I backed up into a 2011 Hummer at Kenzie's school. I crunched the driver's door. The lady of the Hummer was one the nicest people I have ever met. She quickly apologized for being parked illegally. She gave me a hug and said "the next time we see each let's wave at each other, we are now friends." She taught me so much about love and forgiveness...and I was the one who smashed in her car???

I am grateful the library called me and told me a book I returned was "colored" on and that I now have to buy the book for $17.99! It happened to be the stupidest book ever. I am grateful Xander loves books and loves to color. (I had a hard time being grateful for this one)

I am grateful Xander puked and pooped all over his crib and face. Yes his face. At least I know his body fights hard to get rid of ickies. At least there wasn't diarrhea on the walls. I think I cried when I walked into his room to find the mess. I kind of just froze for a second.

I am grateful Kenzie puked into the toilet. Yes, I am really grateful for that. She was my number #1 puker! She insisted she sleep in the bathroom so she could be close to the toilet.

I am grateful Chay didn't actually die from an entire night of throwing up and diarrhea. He sounded absolutely horrible. Second time this month being sick.

I am grateful Chay lost his voice for 3 or so days. Wow what a difference whispering can make in a home. Disciplining with a whisper proves to be so much more effective :) It was hard to be grateful for his horrific cough. But we did happen to find the best cough drops ever. Fisherman's Friend extra strength cough drops.

I am grateful I lost a huge sale with Shelf Reliance. My heart kind of sunk at the time and it was just "one more thing" to deal with but I realized quickly that "life can blow" and I should just get on with living. There's a reason for everything I suppose.

I am grateful Julia puked all over our car. She could have puked somewhere worse like on my breakfast. She remembered the next car ride to grab a towel. I was so proud that her second round of puking went right into the towel. Way to go champ! I am so grateful my car smelled like throw up. It gave me a chance to disinfect the car and find lost toys under the seat.

I am grateful my nephew Taylor made it to State Championships in Boise. I really hoped he would make it just so I could go to his game and SUPPORT him...because I love him so so so much. We went to Boise and he won. It was the best game ever. I was starting to feel a little sick at the game but I told the sickies to "get lost" and they listened.

I am grateful the next day in Boise I totaled Chay's car because it taught me to be more careful. I rear ended my BROTHER of all people going sort of fast. I am grateful I hit Keith and not someone malicious. I am grateful I was wearing a seat belt. Joette wasn't. She got hurt. But I am grateful she wasn't hurt horribly. I am grateful for car seats. Xander was fine. I am grateful for airbags, for a calm brother, kind cops, Calie's hugs, and strangers who care for others.

I am grateful for my big hefty misdemeanor ticket. Um...let's see. This could be a hard one...well it could be worse- like negligent...

I am grateful for Chad and Marne (Chay's brother and wife) for teaching me how to be the most kind most comfortable most loving hosts in the world. It was home away from home.

I am grateful we had to rent a one way rental that cost an arm and a leg to get back home. The car ride was quiet and comfortable and had a great sound system. I found Solveig's "The Ultimate Break-up" CD she made for me after my heart was broken a long long time ago. It was so fun to listen to. It was a good way to shut out reality and completely ignore all our problems for 5 hours.

(I am kind of stretching this one) I am grateful we have to buy a new car now....hmmmm....ok no, this really sucks...weren't planning for this one at all. Ummmm. maybe there is a reason- that we will find out later in life...or something.

I am grateful my insurance premiums will go through the roof. I will now be the best driver in the world for the next 3-5 years.

I am grateful that we woke up to a dead battery and flat tire again on our Suburban. At least it happened at home and not somewhere far away.

I am grateful that Kenzie failed her eye exam at school. At least we can catch something early.

I am grateful that Chay is driving 100 miles a day to work and back in our Suburban until we find a new car for him. Grateful he is driving a safe car. Not grateful so much for how much it costs to drive that beast but at least we have an extra car to rely on during this whole fiasco.

I am grateful for kind friends who have been willing to take and pick up Kenzie from school until we find a car. I am surrounded by angels. I have the best friends near me. They would do anything for me and I them. I am so lucky.

My trials show me how blessed I truly am. Isn't that weird? I am so lucky to be going through them with a husband by my side. I am grateful that my trials make me appreciate service and charity towards others. I love how my trials teach me to work harder, be more responsible, to buck-up and to find a path of solutions. I love how my trials make me adore people more. I am also grateful to know that I will be able to help and address other people's needs who go through similar poopy things like we have gone through.

Wow. I can do hard things. With God, I can do hard things.

But um, hey December. Don't even think about it ok? Give me a break will ya?

 



  

anniversary dinner

Tonight at the restaurant I began to tell Chay about my day. We were alone for once. The food was good.

I started to tell Chay about how I was helping Maria make pumpkin pies today and how she didn't have any ground cloves and that I was supposed to use pumpkin pie spice instead but the ginger and cinnamon were already added by mistake so I had to walk over to Cami's house and borrow some ground cloves...

and then I stopped in the middle of my story and looked at Chay...he was sort of just staring at me...kind of lost in my story but really trying to listen and I just started to laugh so hard...I was wheezing I was laughing so hard. I could hardly speak but I managed to get the words out in my uncontrollable laughter "I'm telling you the most boring story in the world and you're trying so hard to listen."

Chay started to laugh with me. He admitted my story was pretty lame.

We then ate some pie. He got Lemon, I got Coconut Cream. He let me have a bite of his, I forgot to share any of mine with him.

We then started to giggle about the man in the booth kitty-corner to us who was trying to clear his throat or politely hock up stuff. The man's efforts weren't successful. The embarrassing sounds were every 5-10 seconds. We were timing them.

I was then so excited to tell Chay that I read the other day on UrbanDictionary.com that the word "loogie" is actually slang for slang- originating from the slang saying "lung cookie" I knew that would make Chay laugh...and it did. 

But then I started to get kind of grossed out. 

We of course talked about the storm of trials that have come upon us this last month...and we sort of chuckled about our life. 

I told Chay: "Faith precedes the miracle and Heavenly Father will help us get through this." 

Chay told me: "I think the waitress just winked at me"

I told Chay: "She didn't wink at you, she has fake eyelashes and they're starting to droop"

We talked about pie, cars, and getting older. I jokingly talked about selling cheese balls for money. 

We left the restaurant not saying much more. The car ride was mostly quiet until we got home. 

Safe. Content. Peace. Comfortable. Interesting. Fun. Love. Commitment. Forever.   

I love you Chay. Happy 8 years.  

still so much good

I get super anxious reading the headlines...so much crap going on everywhere. BUT THERE IS STILL SO MUCH GOOD everywhere as well...

oh my...LOVE THIS!!! This is just great. You have to watch the whole thing. Flash mob singing at its best. I started crying too when the guy proposed.

paint me please

This cute little thing of a table was practically talking to me when I stumbled upon it at a yard sale. It said kindly, "Please take me home and paint me, please?" 

The table was $10. All wood, heavy, and wobbly.


hmmmmm


I decided to respond, "ok, ok little table...I mean at one time you were pretty awesome with your cool circle design thingy on top, but time and probably children have really taken a toll on you. Your legs are a little wobbly and trust me, I know how it feels to want nice legs again...but then again, those casters are pretty hot...don't see those every day...alright, I'll take you home."

so with a little love...I tightened some screws, sanded, primed, sanded, primed, sanded again (especially the top) and then painted that little table with several light coats of bright white. Then funny enough, I distressed it. That table must have been so confused. "What on earth is she doing to me?" After a perfect paint job I then rough it up with sandpaper??? Oh the things we do sometimes. 


Then my friend POLY came into the final scene. Several light coats of polyurethane with of course more sanding here and there...and finally the little table is happy and complete... 

with nice legs and all.


I loved how this table turned out. 

  

32 things of April

Yesterday I turned 32. So, why not update the personal life history...let the posterity know a little more of what that great great great grandma April was all about anyway- mostly irrelevant facts about me but was sort of fun for me to write...

32 things of April

1. If I could live life over I would be a dancer. A Contemporary Dance Theatre dancer is probably the direction I would go because any type of music goes and FEELING is involved. Only Chay and my close friends know how much I love to dance. I go crazy with a good beat. But I can't live life over again so Kenzie, Ju-Ju, and I will just have to continue our mid-day kitchen dance parties for now.

2. I love to improve things. Anything- I like to take something and see how it could be better- this could be a gift or a vice.

3. Too much planning of anything stresses me out. Not a fan of being busy. I am the most happy when I'm surrounded by people I know and love in a place that I know and love. Sitting on a dock with my feet in the water and laughing and telling stories with a bunch of friends or family for a couple hours sounds 100 times better than some exotic trip to a foreign country.

4. I hate being misunderstood. I don't take certain criticism very well. You tell me to "work harder" I feel not good enough. You tell me "You are doing great" I accomplish more than I originally imagined and feel on top of the world.

5. I can't fake "having a good time" any longer than 30 minutes. Past that, I get a headache.

6. Mom never let me grow my hair out as a little girl. So basically I looked like a little boy. I was mistaken for a boy several times when I was little. I would come home every day and put a t-shirt on my head and pretend I had long beautiful hair. So childhood scars??? I think so, because I have no intention of EVER cutting my hair super short until it is gray, straggly, and falling out of my head.

7. I am passionate about health and proper nutrition. I have learned a lot about my body and the personal journey has been rewarding.

8. On that note, my favorite candy is Almond Joy and Louck's Sesame Snaps.

9. Best decision ever: GIVING UP COUPONING. I ended up spending money on things my family DOES NOT need. An occasional coupon for something necessary like soap, yes,....but I hated the time it took and how I could never catch on to a system without getting stressed out. Scratch. NO GUILT. FREEDOM!

10. I lied in an eye exam in the 6th grade so I could get glasses. That didn't work out too well. 32 years old and still 20/20. What a blessing.

11. I am so so so grateful I was raised in a home with a Mom who believed and taught me all about Jesus Christ. Who knows where I'd be without that knowledge in my life.

12. Least favorite Holiday: HALLOWEEN. I'm sure I just lost more than half of my friends. I still love you.

13. I love passionate people. They are by far the easiest to become best friends with. It's a breath of fresh air when I hear someone say "oh I just love...." Or "I am so happy because...." or "I just feel that..." or "man, that makes me so mad" or jumps up and down with excitement or belts out a big hearty laugh...love the passion- ok maybe not all the time 24/7 but you know what I mean.

14. scored 22 points in a HS basketball game and the coach still didn't set up the last play for me to score- she picked someone else with 30 seconds left in the game. She doubted me. The girl she picked missed the shot. We lost by one point. I would have won that game. I still have dreams about that game 12 years ago.

15. Super Pheromones. Every guy I have dated says I have a distinct smell-- a smell I guess that is irresistible. I was a wallflower at dances and didn't have guys falling at my feet, but once the few I dated got a whiff, they were hooked :)

16. I love color...but green will always be my favorite.

17. I think I have a lot of really good ideas.

18. I go into a deep depression before I start my period. I've noticed that diet helps a ton.

19. The books piled up by my bedside: Total Money Makeover, the Scriptures, The Parenting Breakthrough, Have A New Kid by Friday, pH miracle Food for Health, Teach Ye Diligently, Mere Christianity and Eliminate Chaos In Your Home. You can learn a lot about a person by the stacks of books on their nightstand. As you can see, I've got to improve in almost every area of my life :)

20. I have been without a cell phone for about a year and a half. I love it and hate it. I love it because I am present in my kids lives. The park, the store, driving to school-- my kids have all of me. I watched a huge eye opener experience at the park one day involving a little girl, a mother, and a cell phone and I vowed to stay off the phone as much as possible when I'm with my kids after seeing what I saw. But again, I miss having a phone terribly...we will see how long this lasts.

21. We do not have TV either. BLESSING! Our nights are not spent watching TV but spent doing other useless things :) No, we have found other things to do as a family and it has been wonderful not to feel glued to a favorite show- but again, there is always late night Hulu.

22. I always always wear a bra. I hate going bra-less. Even at night, I can't fall asleep until my girls are tucked in and protected :)

23. I love the elderly. They inspire me. Well the nice cute ones that is- 

24. I have several songs I have composed on the piano and guitar but can never come up with any words...well some words but I can never finish a whole song. I have a silly wish to publish songs I have written. I love to sing. I really do. Just a weird part of my life that I don't know what to do with.

25. Late at night while trying to fall asleep I lay in bed and almost always think of my children.

26. I have about 5 unfinished children's books I have started to write...

27. Growing up I had a horse named Charlie, a lamb named Dr. Pepper, and another horse named Sharm. We had pigs, cows, and chickens also. I remember learning to change irrigation pipes at a very young age. Butcher day would scare me to death. I would hear the gunshot and I would run and hide in my bedroom. 1 hour later there was a 5 gallon bucket sitting next to the back door with a huge cow tongue and liver buried in ice. I would look out toward the barn and there was one of the heifers I had just fed the night before, hanging upside down and gutted.

28. I need 100% organization and function or I'm completely lost and I don't even know where to start. If I walk into the laundry room and it looks like a tornado went through there, I will walk out, shut the door, and try again another day.

29. I paint furniture. I have painted almost a dozen pieces so I can officially say "I paint furniture".

30. Chay says he sort of likes it when I get mad or excited because my eyes get huge.

31. Growing up I had a wild imagination. Mom said I was the easiest child because I could entertain myself for hours. I was a lost indian living off the land, I won the Olympics on my trampoline, I had 20 sisters and we all had to share a room, I was an Eskimo who was crossing the great Antarctica in my saucer sled--at least I had that team of dogs to help. I also crossed the ocean on my brother's waterbed. I remember the day I stopped pretending. I was 13. Yes, 13. I was home sick and Mom was gone. I pretended to be a nurse who was helping a wounded soldier during WW2...and suddenly I felt really really stupid and embarrassed and I started to laugh and I stopped. Just like that. Stopped. Never went back. Kind of sad I'd say...especially now that I have children.

32. and one of my favorite quotes by Elder James. E. Faust:

"Each of us needs to reach down into the innermost recesses of our souls to find the divinity that is deep within us and to earnestly petition the Lord for an endowment of special wisdom and inspiration. Only when we so profoundly reach the depths of our beings we can discover our true identity, our self worth, and our purpose in life...Only as we seek to be purged of selfishness and of concern for recognition and wealth can we find some sweet relief from anxieties, hurts, pains, miseries, and concerns of this world...God can not only help us find a sublime and everlasting joy and contentment, but he will change us so that we can become heirs of the kingdom of God. This is really the recovery of the sacred within us." April 1995


and well, there you go.

a boy

Having a boy is an entirely new experience.
I Love it.
I think it's funny.
I hate going to the store now.

Xander's heightened sense of curiosity makes for "a bad mommy" scene at places that require children to stay still for long periods of time. He either screams his head off or he is knocking 20 bottles of ketchup off the shelf.

My girls would never leave my side no matter how mobile they had become.

I love the "warned about" energy that comes with the boy package...
But the messes in the house have escalated to a whole new level.

This boy is into EVERYTHING!

He is fascinated with large quantaties of small items hidden in secret places--like feminine products for instance. I'm still finding random tampons in the weirdest places all over the house...lovely.



However, Xander is by far my easiest baby when it comes to understanding his specific needs. He knows what he wants and does whatever it takes to get it--like his Daddy!...or is that a male specie generality? If so? Love it.



But I wouldn't be quick to say boys are less emotional than girls...not at this age anyway. That boy stereotype does NOT align well with Xander. He loves to express every emotion besides happiness with screaming and tears...and sometimes it drives me up the wall. But then he looks at me and my heart melts..."why are you so out-of-control adorable?"

As soon as he started to recognize other objects in the world besides my face and boobs, Xander was instantly drawn to cars, balls, trucks, guns and motorcycles. Really? I thought on some level that maybe all that boy stuff was a learned behavior. It IS NOT. He is already humming and shifting gears when he pushes his toy truck around the floor. Fascinating.

So what about in the olden days? Before cars and anything motorized? Did little boys make gun shot and horse whinny sounds? Cowboys and Indians? Well it sure isn't PC to play that anymore :)

Although Daddy might be really cool...

Mommy is the most sought after special thing in the world to Xander. It's like he can't get enough of me. I'm his number one girl--what can I say? I've had mommies with little boys inform me of this obsession...



and I'm more than willing to deal with it. 
Love my boy.

spinach for the soul

ok, some of you have read my blog for awhile and have heard me talk about or write about eating alkaline.

What is eating alkaline you might ask? I really don't want to explain it all. But there is a link at the bottom of this post if you're interested. But basically it's a really weird way of eating...especially in our American culture. You know, like eating kale and collard greens for breakfast. Really weird.

But what I do know is that eating this way works wonders on this precious body of mine. It is a theory that I feel is the correct way for me to eat. Whenever I eat this way I feel on top of the world. I have tons of energy, bounce in my step, clear mind, lose weight, and I'm less irritable. :)

Ok, so yesterday I decided to do something really weird. My b-day is in 9 days. 100% alkaline foods besides oily fish (neutral) and cut out all acidic foods until I am the lovely age of 32.

Can I do it??? Yes I can. Yesterday I woke up with this new crazy idea.

It will be my gift to myself. It will be hard.

Yesterday I was craving sugar and bread all day. I ate mostly almonds, cucumbers, peas, green beans, salmon (neutral), tomatoes, celery, almond butter. I even felt a little sick from changing my diet suddenly. I peed a lot from the green drink.

 But this morning I woke up feeling great. I still want to eat those yummy granola bars in the pantry...but day 2 is almost gone. I even made homemade rolls and didn't eat one! I love the challenge. In about a week the cravings should be gone.

HERE is an awesome reference of what and what NOT to eat while following an alkaline regimen.

and HERE is a great explanation of what this whole shin dig crazy diet is all about.

spiritually fed

This weekend I was spiritually fed. I was reminded of God's love for me and for my dear almost always sweet family. We watched General Conference as a family.

I feel peaceful. Calm. Comfort. Assurance. Loved. Safe.

We were directed to keep believing, keep trusting, and keep relying on God despite the trials, the heartaches, the evil in the world, and the loneliness that find us too often in this life journey.

The great feelings I felt during the conference were that of truth.

I belong to something great.
I know God will take care of His people.
The Savior LIVES. He is present in our lives.
God the Father lives.
Satan wants to destroy families
The heavens are not CLOSED.
God talks to man. Just like he talked to Moses, Noah, Samuel, Peter, Paul. He still calls prophets to lead and direct his people. Why wouldn't he in these last days before Christ's second coming? Why would he close the heavens and let us feign for ourselves? He never did in biblical times. He wouldn't today. He wouldn't. He doesn't.

This I know.



Mom always loved conference. She loved the choir. When the choir sang this song at conference I couldn't help but tear up knowing Mom would have teared up if she were still here and knowing Joette, 800 miles away, probably was tearing up at the same time. Families are FOREVER.



So besides the challenge of watching 8 hours of conference with a 5, 4, and 1 year old, we still did pretty awesome as a family. My girls could sense the importance of the weekend and they listened better than I thought. Xander? Thank goodness for NAP TIME.

I really like Mrs. Freeman

just minding my own business and "BAAAAM!!!"

I needed to watch this clip this morning...now I will be giggling all day thinking about this man. Enjoy:

He is describing a car wreck he was in that involved a telephone pole and some down electrical wire.

" Whether it is the best of times or the worst, He is with us."

Our Prophet Thomas S. Monson wrote the following article in the Washington Post regarding 9-11. I love this simple article. May we remember God always and not only during the trials and tragedies of our lives.


Posted at 11:38 AM ET, 09/08/2011
9/11 destruction allowed us to spiritually rebuild
By Thomas S. Monson

The calamity of September 11th, 2001 has cast a long shadow. Ten years later, many of us are still haunted by its terrible tragedy of lost lives and broken hearts. It is an episode of anguish that has become a defining moment in the history of the American nation and the world. This week, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, along with Tom Brokaw, will pay its own homage to the unforgettable events of September 11, 2001.


There was, as many have noted, a remarkable surge of faith following the tragedy. People across the United States rediscovered the need for God and turned to Him for solace and understanding. Comfortable times were shattered. We felt the great unsteadiness of life and reached for the great steadiness of our Father in Heaven. And, as ever, we found it. Americans of all faiths came together in a remarkable way.


Sadly, it seems that much of that renewal of faith has waned in the years that have followed. Healing has come with time, but so has indifference. We forget how vulnerable and sorrowful we felt. Our sorrow moved us to remember the deep purposes of our lives. The darkness of our despair brought us a moment of enlightenment. But we are forgetful. When the depth of grief has passed, its lessons often pass from our minds and hearts as well.


Our Father’s commitment to us, His children, is unwavering. Indeed He softens the winters of our lives, but He also brightens our summers. Whether it is the best of times or the worst, He is with us. He has promised us that this will never change.


But we are less faithful than He is. By nature we are vain, frail, and foolish. We sometimes neglect God. Sometimes we fail to keep the commandments that He gives us to make us happy. Sometimes we fail to commune with Him in prayer. Sometimes we forget to succor the poor and the downtrodden who are also His children. And our forgetfulness is very much to our detriment.


If there is a spiritual lesson to be learned from our experience of that fateful day, it may be that we owe to God the same faithfulness that He gives to us. We should strive for steadiness, and for a commitment to God that does not ebb and flow with the years or the crises of our lives. It should not require tragedy for us to remember Him, and we should not be compelled to humility before giving Him our faith and trust. We too should be with Him in every season.


The way to be with God in every season is to strive to be near Him every week and each day. We truly “need Him every hour,” not just in hours of devastation. We must speak to Him, listen to Him, and serve Him. If we wish to serve Him, we should serve our fellow men. We will mourn the lives we lose, but we should also fix the lives that can be mended and heal the hearts that may yet be healed.


It is constancy that God would have from us. Tragedies are not merely opportunities to give Him a fleeting thought, or for momentary insight to His plan for our happiness. Destruction allows us to rebuild our lives in the way He teaches us, and to become something different than we were. We can make Him the center of our thoughts and His Son, Jesus Christ, the pattern for our behavior. We may not only find faith in God in our sorrow. We may also become faithful to Him in times of calm.


Thomas S. Monson is president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

"safeties"

I kind of embarrassed myself...multiple times...in front of a bunch of people and it's seriously consuming my thoughts...nothing major- but I'm sure there are people in my life who had a late Sunday conversation where my name popped up "April's kind of weird isn't she?"

Yes, I am.

In embarrassing moments like these I find myself "again" praying that I will let go of replaying the silly moments in my head and just forget about it.

anyone relate?

Even though I am surrounded by people who are amazing and full of love...there are only a few that I feel 100% safe with.



You know those people, who no matter what, love you regardless. They hear you say something kind of weird and awkward and they just laugh because it was weird and awkward and not suddenly categorize me as a weird and awkward person forever.

Sometimes I will ramble on to Joette about the stupidest things...things that are seriously not that important but my sub conscience must need to fill space and time with verbal nothingness to give me a sense of security or something...example: I will talk to Joette about different types of wood...yes, wood and neither Joette and I really honestly care about the different types of wood but maybe I just want to feel smart for a second or something. Joette will just listen. She will just listen and yet love me the same...because pine is softer than oak...and even though that is weird, I can always feel safe with Joette.

I can call Emily and tell her how awkward I was that day and how I didn't feel like I was April that day. She will always shoot back some comforting words "Don't you just hate when that happens?" Yes, yes I do.

I always felt safe with Mom. Why are you dead Mom? I mean seriously. Talk about BAD TIMING. When all my friends are calling their mom's to ask them that daily question "How long do I bake the bread for?" "Did you cry for a week when you sent me off to Kindergarten?""How do you get hard water stains off the toilet?" "Did your periods get worse after each child?"....when everyone seems to be going to Mom for help....

I have Google. I went from having a Mother to relying on Google. PATHETIC.

The other day Kenzie and I were searching for her lost shoe. Logically she attempted to solve the problem: "I bet the computer knows where my shoe is" So we Googled, "Where is Kenzie's shoe?" No answer. I had to teach her a vital lesson. Google doesn't have all the answers. There isn't a little man living inside the computer who cares and knows about every little move we make. Although I think a lot of us like to pretend there is or at least act like there is.



So we prayed to Heavenly Father to help us find the lost shoe. 5 minutes later we felt impressed to lift up the couch. There it was...along with $3 in change. Double blessing.

I feel safe with Heavenly Father. I know He loves me regardless of my weird and awkward moments...and for my really bad moments as well. I didn't always feel that way. It wasn't until I started to understand the atonement of His Son, Jesus Christ that God's love was always available and never had to be earned. It was a liberating moment for me.

No matter what I do, I will always be hot and juicy to Chay. I could pick my nose and I'm still forever his girl. I am safe with Chay. Phew. Life would be a royal mess not feeling safe with him.





I have others "safeties" too. Close friends and even friends I have recently met that I just feel safe with. You know, the kind you can easily share the details of how you tried to cure a yeast infection with a garlic clove. (it works by the way)

Connection. I love connection. I can't wait to ask God or the angels about instant connection with certain people. Were we buddies in the life before earth? Or what?

And then the question arises "Do people feel safe with me?"

How can I be completely embarrassing one day and then turn around and judge someone else "they are so weird" or "they aren't very kind" or "they hoard money" or "she smells like cheese" Usually someone will have one cheese smelling moment and they smell like cheese forever. Judgments can be so cruel and they stick around for a long time it seems...probably because they turn into fun stories to tell others I suppose...and then the vicious cycle continues.

*side note: I just asked Julia if I smell like cheese...just so I can hear what funnies will come out of her mouth. She said, "nope, well yeah, but you smell more like Jesus than cheese." Oh how priceless she is... my little Ju Ju bean.



I pray she will always feel safe with her mommy.

Who do you feel safe with when life is bumpy?
You should tell them thank you.

big day

holding back the tears and being the "strong one" I reasurred Kenzie that everything was going to be ok...

she held my hand so tight I thought I was going to lose the circulation in my hand- together we stood and watched the kids on the playground waiting for the bell to ring...

Kenzie's first day of kindergarten was 10 days ago...the longest 10 days of my life.



Once the kindergarten teacher had all the little ones line up by the door on the first day, I desperately asked the teacher, "Is this where we say goodbye or can we come inside?" Mrs. Bever just smiled and nodded and kindly suggested that we say goodbye at the door. I gave Kenzie the biggest hug and told her how excited I was for her. I told her happily "I will be right back...in a few hours" and I walked away...she seemed ok but me? Tears oh the tears. "is that why all the kindergarten mom's are wearing sunglasses? Where are my sunglasses dang it?"

I cried all the way home.

Oh the growing pains. So hard...so weird. Thank GOODNESS it's only 3 hours.




Julia was sort of lost all morning but together we prayed over breakfast and instantly bitter went to sweet as I realized how much I will get to know Julia better this school year...just me and her...along with all her questions. Love the questions. "why does Xander like to eat?" "Where in my belly are my pancakes?" "Can I eat my pancakes with a spoon?" "Does Jesus like syrup on his pancakes?"







(Thanks Kenzie for the great photo shoot!)


I will post later about why I chose traditional school over homeschooling. It has been a process, trust me. All I can say is that I know God is aware of me and my children and I know He answers prayers. God also knows I can be a complete basketcase at times...and through prayer He has ever so gently reminded me of this. I love homeschooling...but I think I love more the idea of it than actually doing it- day in and day out. I would go nuts.

oh and me crying on the first day of school and on the second and the third....I am who I am...and what else can I say? Although I know a lot of moms are right there with me...some others kind of made me feel like weak sauce...for being sad to send my kid off to school...well I am super emotional about my first baby going to school. I am the type of person that feels every emotion I guess. Every new experience is a big deal- and personally I have learned to love that part of me...I don't feel silly or embarrassed anymore. I actually feel quite alive.



When I picked up Kenzie from school on her first day (I was there 20 minutes early) I anxiously awaited for my big girl to come out the big doors. There she was all aglow. She smiled from ear to ear and screamed my name "MOMMY!!!!" I picked her up and she just said so proudly "I love it Mom, I love kindergarten, I really do" from her words I could sense her worries about school were going sayonara real fast.
When she got home she put her backpack away and gave out this huge sigh of relief and said,

"I feel really good inside, I need to help you do chores Mom." so funny to hear

Julia was so happy to have her best friend back.




Xander pooped like 5 times that day.



It was a big day for all of us.

say cheese

Many of my blog readers are from the Spokane/Northern Idaho area...and don't even get me started on how jealous I am of you and where you reside ...oh how I long for HOME.

ok, so anyway this post is for YOU.

Lorena.

She is the greatest thing to ever happen to Bryon.

Bryon is my brother.

Lorena is my sister in law and is also a photographer. She is having a giveaway for all you Spokanites and Northern Idahoers. A free photo session! So click on the link below and read all about it.

Check out her work. AMAZING!






Click here and see how you can win!

Love you Lorena! I'm so so so happy you're apart of the family.

write it

You know, the legacy of a person's life is told by the written words of others.

When I sit down to write in my journal...I usually don't take the time to write about how great I am. :)

and either did my Mom...in fact her journal entries barely reveal the dynamic person she was while here on earth. Mom sometimes used the journal to sort out feelings and to vent...I'm sure like some, when writing in her journal, she had like this therapeutic process thing going on...

Letters. Thank you Letters.



The legacy of Mom is carried on to the generations because the people in her life were touched by her in some way and decided to write her and tell her.

As I gather photos and memorabilia for Mom's book (this is taking forever to do by the way) I MOST treasure the dear sweet letters my mom received over the years from friends and family. These letters seriously capture the real EDK.

Examples:

Thank you Edie Kaye for all your hard work on the back drops for the road show.

Thank you for your lesson in church on Sunday. You are an amazing teacher.

Thank you for listening to me talk about my life. You are a good listener.

Thank you for making rolls for the funeral.

You are my best friend.

Thank you for teaching me how to make bread.

Thank you for always laughing.

I always know when you are in the room. I love your laugh.

You are so creative and always willing to serve.

You are the best seminary teacher.

Thank you for your testimony of the Savior.

You make me want to be a better person.

I feel like I can tell you anything.

You have been the best visiting teaching partner.

You are my example.

See what I mean??

Mom has hundreds of letters she has kept over the years from friends, family, students, youth- and they are a GOLD MINE, especially as I attempt to glorify and honor her by making a book of her life...

How are you helping to carry out the legacy of others?

If someone in your life does something that touches you in some way- tell them. Write it. Give it. Do it. That person will probably be some child's grandma or grandpa someday and your kind words of gratitude to that person may be one of the few evidences of that person's good life. You are writing and contributing to that person's life history.

I decided to write a letter to a certain person and tell him thank you for all his love and service. I was so deeply impressed to write this letter. The Spirit kept pushing me to do it all day. As I was writing it, I started to cry a little. Chay thought I was losing it again. I then explained that I knew Heavenly Father wanted me to write this letter for this person's family history. It was clear as day why I felt so impressed to write the letter. Later that week, this person called me and told me the letter went directly in his journal. Now his posterity may know a little bit more about what kind of man he was.

I think I will contribute to my Mom's life history right now: Mom told me after I had my bridal shower and reception to make sure not to rush the Thank You cards to those who gave gifts. She challenged me to think about each person that gave me gifts and write something meaningful to them- it took FOREVER but it was an awesome experience- besides to those people I didn't know at all...that sucked. But I felt so BLESSED to have so many wonderful friends- good friends.

So next time you write a Thank You card- make it count. For the generations that follow- for that much needed smile on someone's face when they read it- make it count.

One of my most favorite hymns- click to read the lyrics

Each Life That Touches Ours For Good

Daddy

Dad, I'm thinking about you. Called you yesterday but no answer. I love you. As the years pass I become more and more amazed at how powerful of a man you are...especially in your simpleness and that BIG heart of yours.



Chay- The big Daddy in our house. I like it when you call me big papa



Chay is a great Daddy. He is an entirely different parent than me...and with much thought I have come to the conclusion that my children couldn't be more lucky. My kids will have a beautiful interesting life with a wide variety of love showed to them daily.

Here he is...in his own little world. I sneaked this picture...it really shows the real Chay. Sometimes I like to pretend I am meeting Chay for the first time...like the day I snapped this photo- oh yes, I would fall in love with him so fast...who wouldn't?



Chay- soft voice, loves the Lord, Mr. Fix-it, everyone's friend, breathtaking smile, has passion for his loves and hobbies, slightly sensitive, CRAVES the woman he loves, and wants the best for his children...Did I score or what?



ok so this post isn't about how much I love Chay...but how much we the family love him as the Daddy...



Chay is PRESENT. He is around, he cares, he likes to be involved. He is a family man.

He looks forward to being home...until he hears the girl's fighting or whining of course...but his girls are HIS GIRLS. So protective...so cautious about their well being.

Play.

Some facebook friend wrote some quote about how she was proud not to be her child's friend but to be her child's parent instead...and then all these other people "liked" her quote. So weird.

That is just weird.

Heavenly Father is the perfect parent and He is my friend. I am pretty sure He will allow and teach us how to be both to our children.

If at the end of the day the house is clean, dinner was made, and all the "to-do's" are all checked off (which is rare), I don't feel all that accomplished if I didn't take time to just play with the kids.

Chay plays with his children.

...warm afternoons with a bucket of sidewalk chalk.



building a feeder to their newly painted birdhouses...he put the girl's bird house experiment excitement to the next level.







I swear Chay owns more shirts than this green Brazil shirt

The lawn maze...see it in the background. The pathway to the Hidden treasure!



he worked on Mr. Snowman's hair for 10 minutes...



I might just be in trouble for posting these pictures. Cute hat Chay :) But seriously, Chay DOES not care what he looks like when it comes to play-





Thanks Chaylove for all you do for the family. Happy Father's Day.