to every thing there is a season

A time to be born, and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to paint furniture.

I just decided to quit painting furniture for money one day. 

Letting go of something you like to do can be hard. 

Saturday mornings I would drive around looking for perfect furniture at yard sales to paint. 

I would drag the kids to the thrift store every chance I would get. 

It was such a thrill to find unique pieces of furniture for a steal. 

I also loved how a coat of color made such a huge difference to a once tired boring dresser. 

Selling was fun- especially when I made quadruple the money I invested. 

before: (these are actually my mom and dad's bedside tables they used for years)

After: 

However, I started to evaluate my life and the time it took to find, prep, paint, sell...and I also factored in how I became super psycho mom every time I got the spray gun out. I  secretly wished I could cage up my kids for the 3 hours it took to paint and let my furniture dry. 

Before: Cami's hutch (see all the pile of unfinished furniture everywhere?)

After: 

Cami added the cute back to the bookshelf and I loved her choice of hardware. So fun.

I would read daily how to improve on painting furniture. I seemed to know a lot but knew there were more techniques to try and I knew I would eventually get really good if I kept at it. It was fun to learn a new skill. 

before: (Cami's dresser- which I decided was possessed by the devil by the time I finished it. This thing fought me to the end. It did not want to be painted yellow.) 

The picture quality isn't the greatest- bad camera and bad lighting. But BEAUTIFUL yellow. Right out of the 50's. Such a great color. 

And you have all seen the white table:

And then there was this huge random modern thing. I imagined it as a changing table for some boy's nursery. Sold quick. Before:

After:

And my blue desk- that I grew up with. I kept this. Christmas time 2010. 

I have other dressers and small projects I have painted but I can't find the pictures right now. 

My back porch and basement were cluttered with furniture waiting to be painted. You can see from some of the pictures that I had quite a few things to paint. I was always juggling time between being a mom to little ones and being a wife (Chay was not a fan of my Saturdays being eaten up by painting furniture). Most of the time it didn't feel like the right time to paint and so my collection of stuff became overwhelming. Chay was mostly patient with chairs in every corner and bed frames next to the BBQ grill.

Once I came to the decision to just let it all go- it seriously all went...fast. I sold every piece of furniture I had in 2 days on KSL. GONE. Space. Clean. Done. Over. 

 It just isn't the season in my life to do things that take me away from family. When I felt stressed, upset, confused, overwhelmed, cluttered, disorganized, moody and neglected family responsibilities too often over this certain hobby of mine despite how much I loved doing it- I knew that was the Lord telling me, "There will be another season for this April, just not now. "  

The hard part was listening. 

I finally did and I feel so FREE!

Now I have more time for the things most important in my life. Like these certain people for example: 

 Plus I hear it's not good to snort and sniff paint while pregnant. 

spaceship

Mckenzie and Julia built Xander a spaceship during his nap time. Supposedly it really flies. I wouldn't doubt it. I mean check out that advanced steering device. It has also flown on some very important missions...

"All planets are done." I am hoping they were positive missions. Not sure what "done" means. Let me stop typing and I will ask the girls real quick....ok, I'm back. Phew. Kenzie wrote that to indicate she was done drawing the places the spaceship had visited. So Earth isn't destroyed or "done" for. 

This made Chay laugh so hard. Yummy aliens. 

Aliens taste so good they "rock" and so do eyeballs apparently. 

I love Kenzie's awesome attempts at spelling. 

They worked on this spaceship for a long time and now I don't have the heart to get rid of it. If it happens to disappear from the living room, I will blame it on the revenge of the aliens. The alien's came and wanted to invade our house for eating them and so I offered the spaceship as a peace offering.

The girls won't buy the story. I am fully prepared.  

animal people

When we first met Chuka she was pregnant. Chuka is the cat I ran over last Wednesday. I was not in the business to be all loving and sensitive to the cat just yet. A couple weeks later she was skinny one day and had some blood on her. Wow. Chuka had kittens. We couldn't find them anywhere and then we had 2 major snow storms. We just figured the kittens didn't make it. 

Am I boring you yet with this pet story?

Anyway 4 days after Chuka was put to sleep we heard a choir of baby kittens meowing. Three homes down from ours we found the kittens in the backyard on a trailer under a tarp. 6 mini Chukas starving and motherless. The owners of the home were so happy to see me. They just gave me their dog carrier kennel thing and wanted the kittens gone and taken care of. 

I have no idea what to do with kittens only 4 weeks old. 

I didn't even like the idea honestly. 

Julia and Kenzie were ECSTATIC! Oh my, I just remembered Jafar from Aladdin. Ecstatic. 

Anyway- Chay was sort of happy sort of worried when I came home with 6 starving kittens. We all tried feeding them milk with a medicine dropper. I could tell I was getting stressed. I drive to Pet Smart hoping to find a home for the kittens. 

Pet Smart. Who knew people even went to that store. The store was packed. Who are these people? Animal people go to these types of stores. 

Well, I met one of those people. She was a 12 year old girl who overheard my conversation to a worker about my dilemma and she asked if she could have my kittens. Are you a kitty angel? Wow, animal people can be so convenient. Who wants to bottle feed 6 kittens who cry at night and don't know how to poop in the right place yet? Animal people do. 

This young girl and her mom followed me home. Chay and the kids fell in love with one of the kittens. We kept one. Oh my. What were we getting ourselves into?

    

These last couple days I have been potty training a kitten smaller than my hand. I have to mix formula even. His name is Chancho. Chay loves loves this little thing of cuteness. He even gets up with him at night to bottle feed him.

This is so weird. 

But kittens are really cute. Adorable- I am not an animal person. I mean, I used to love horses as a child and I grew up with the best dog in the world but my mom made it clear as day in my head that pets were supposed to be outside. I just get confused when it comes to caring for something that isn't, I don't know, a human? I just don't love love the idea of having a high maintenance pet right now in my life. But when the kids and husband are on cloud 9- you just have to give in once in a while.  

Well we can't put a 4 week old kitten outside anyway...not in the winter. Chay wouldn't allow it. I don't know what to do. 

So one more thing in my life- A kitten to take care of....hmmmmm. Tender mercy we found Chuka's kittens or a nightmare? 

Well, Chancho is cute and Chay likes to hold him while he watches TV at night. He hopes Chancho gets really fat. He has a thing for fat cats...and fat pregnant women so it appears. Lucky me. 

pregnancy...

...is a horrible experience for me. I wish I liked it more, but I don't. 

I am grateful however that I can get pregnant and that so far I deliver healthy big babies.

My dear daughters, I really hope you have better pregnancies than your mother. If you don't, I will be there for you. I promise.

I always chuckle when I read the lists in magazines of symptoms a pregnant lady might experience while carrying a child. I have 98% of the symptoms.

sick and nauseous- better than the first 4 months but still icky
heartburn
chronic yeast infection- my neighbor lady calls them the "yeasty beasties"
side stomach ligament pain- always in the middle of the night- EXCRUCIATING pain. Worse than labor.
Varicose veins in the vulva- ouch
sciatic nerve pain in butt- ouch
swollen feet and ankles
shortness of breath
hemorrhoids
TIRED, EXHAUSTED, ALMOST DEAD
weight gain- which Chay is actually enjoying- I feel so unattractive and he just loves the big boobs.
weakness- getting up the stairs is a killer for me.
Peeing my pants every time I sneeze
'Getting-up-out-of-the-bed-and-recliner-Syndrome'- I have to rock 3 times to get the momentum to get up. 
My back side and legs keep going numb but I'm sure that is the lovely MS.

Mckenzie and Julia, When you are pregnant I will come to your house and clean your microwave. I will make you healthy food to eat because I know you're not in the mood to spend time in the kitchen or to drive to the grocery store. I will cut up your vegetables for you.  I will take your kids and play with them and replace the MIA mother you've been because of your pregnancy.

This means we can't live far apart EVER.

EVER.

While I wished I looked like Heidi:

I know I look more like a Yo Mama, jumpsuit included.

And what is up with maternity clothes??? Am I the only pregnant lady that doesn't want my cleavage hanging out all over and my butt crack showing every time I bend over? And sleeves? Please.- most of us are not Heidi Klum- where are the 3/4 or 1/2 sleeves so we can hide the jiggle? I should design maternity clothes. Although I do love how Maxi dresses are easy to find these days.

For the most part, us women know when we look decent and when we do not. When we are reminded often by "oh my gosh you are so big" or "are you sure you're not having twins?" or "I just don't think you can get any bigger, how are ever going to make it to February?" It can be discouraging. This morning a mom I know well from Kenzie's school yelled across the parking lot "April, you look so beautiful...pregnancy is so beautiful!" It made me smile. Why can't more people say stuff like that? Or maybe not say anything at all?

I can't wait to get this little boy out of me. I love the feeling about 20 minutes after my babies are born--right after the nurses come in and massage my uterus and I feel like slugging them in the face as if labor wasn't painful enough. I realize the baby is really out of me and I can hold it in my arms- and I smile and say "I'm not pregnant anymore, I did it, and now it is finally over!!!!"

ok. done. I won't complain anymore- except to Chay- because honestly I sleep in the same bed as him and it is he who rolls me out of it every morning.

blam mmmooh caa shookie?

blam mmmooh caa shookie?

This is what Xander used to hear when we asked him, 

"Do you want a cookie?" 

Xander failed his hearing test a couple weeks back. The doctor said everything sounds underwater to him because of all the fluid in his ears.

I have fond memories of talking to my friends secretly underwater so no one above water could hear? Remember that? Oh the days of swimming the summer away. 

Xander had minor surgery on Monday and got the "tubes". He still talks like how we used to sound to him bloo shopie makkinmmmm. I am hopeful he will be able to recite the whole Pledge of Allegiance perfectly by next Monday. I want that boy to talk!!  

Then on Tuesday Julia dislocated Xander's elbow. I thought it was broken. He was a sad sad sight.We rushed him to the Doctor's. So much pain until the radiologist popped it back in place when they were doing X-rays. He went from being lethargic and teary eyed to running around again in a matter of minutes.

I FINALLY found an awesome doctor for the kids.

Yes, Julia and Xander were at each other again. If you're wondering what exactly happened. I actually didn't see what happened, but I can only imagine. Julia was marking her territory again and Xander kept breaking her rules. Siblings! 

Wednesday we said goodbye to Chuka our cat- spent $120 bucks to put her to sleep at some fancy veterinarian's office.  

Hopefully the rest of the week will be cheaper, uneventful and boring. 

a mother's day

*Here is another post from my archives. I wrote this about a month ago- in the middle of October sometime.  

I wake up in the morning and I do what needs to be done...uncomfortable with my big pregnant belly, I waddle up the stairs and talk myself into giving the day my best shot. I am already wasted and the day hasn't even begun. I wake up Kenzie and remind her how lovely it is to see her. I have to talk her into getting ready as she complains about the cold. I make her breakfast. Kenzie wants to stay in bed. I make her lunch as she struggles to get dressed. I am excited to sneak in a chocolate chip cookie into her lunch because she will be so surprised at lunch time. Kenzie makes it to the table and eats. We say morning prayer. I brush her hair and talk about the boys in her class who like to pull at her braids. She gets mad at me when I brush her tangled hair. I try to have patience but time is running out. We have to leave for school in 5 minutes.

Julia and Xander get pulled out of bed last minute and thrown into the car. They are cold and Julia let's the whole world know it. I run into the house and grab Julia's favorite blanket and a pair of socks. I snuggle her up warm in her car seat- she starts to calm down. I have about a 10 minute drive to school. We sing sometimes or we will talk about weird stuff like the clouds and the changing trees. Sometimes I will listen to talk radio and I am surprised how much the kids listen also. We talk about freedom, choices, consequences, hot dogs and princesses. 

I walk Kenzie to her door at school and my little heart pounds EVERY single day as we kiss each other goodbye. I wish I could homeschool Kenzie and keep her close but I know it's not right for her and I wish I could be that organized and motivated mom who could pull off homeschooling but I know I would be a disservice to them as their teacher in the long run. oh all the things I wish I could do and be...

Back at home Julia plays with her toys as I do the dishes. I love hearing her imaginative dialogue with her dolls. "Up in the mountains is a secret box full of bananas that glow in the dark." It makes me giggle. Xander tries to help me load the dishes and it sort of drives me crazy as he only reaches for the knives EVERY time. He then wonders off to start another mess. I then try to think about all that needs to be done and I get overwhelmed so I sit down at the piano to sing and play a song. Xander follows me and listens to me play as he holds a few toys in his lap. I somehow know Mom playing the piano is a secure thing for him. He loves it and wants to be close. 

I struggle getting motivated because I just don't feel 100% with my health. I am still nauseous believe it or not and my MS is bothering me...plus a whole list of other pregnancy issues that literally drag me down.

The dishes are always a struggle. I  don't think I have ever done the dishes without complaining just a little. Isn't Einstein's definition of insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results? Hello dishes and laundry- you're driving me insane. Laundry seems tiring. I manage to get Julia to do a puzzle and work out of her preschool workbook. She is mastering her letters and numbers. She loves to color and is actually a very easy going little girl when it is just her and I. I have learned that she thrives off of praise and so as long as I am there congratulating her with each of her little accomplishments, she feels on top of the world. "Make her feel on top of the world, April" What I tell myself when I am tired of seeing her 100th coloring page that day. Usually all I have to do is gaze into her dark eyes and that adorable face and my heart melts. I love being home with her all day, I really do. 

Today I went outside to sand some wood for a Relief Society project. Xander loved that I was outside and he ran around bare foot as did Julia. The weather was fall perfect and the kids knew it. Leaves are all over the backyard as they slowly but continuously fall from our beloved big tree. The kids played on the playground and it was a little bit of heaven you know. Perfect crisp air with colors all around. Children laughter...heaven.  

Xander randomly came up and tried to help me sand wood. He tries to communicate the best he can and I acknowledge his gibberish the best I can. We somehow understand each other enough. He would flash his big eyes my way and walk off to play with Julia. There were little fights between the two here and there and some frustrations here and there- as there always is, but overall it was a beautiful simple normal moment- treasured by me. I love Fall. 

I went downstairs and paid some bills and sent out emails to all the people on my church Halloween Party committee. I called about a late library book and set an appointment for my ultrasound. I also made an appointment at the Brigham City Temple for Saturday. Xander comes downstairs and he has dirt all over his face and hands. His feet are black. Julia was complaining about Xander throwing dirt. I go upstairs and wash him up. We clean up toy blocks in the living room- doing all I can to make it look fun so my kids will want to help pick-up. I get upset when Xander then dumps out all the blocks we just picked up. He knows mom is upset so he starts to cry and then I hold him for awhile and reassure him his mommy still loves him. We decide to make blueberry muffins to keep restless little hands busy and excited. Ju Ju and Xander help every step of the way and therefore 5 minute muffins out of the box turned into 30 minute muffins...especially when Xander grabs an egg and squishes it in his hand.

Julia wants help with her puzzle so we end up doing 4 puzzles. Xander went and grabbed his favorite puzzle and we all sat around the table and worked on puzzles until the muffins were done baking. I am starting to get a little anxious as my mind if filled with a hundred million things I need to do for Super Saturday, gospel doctrine class, and the Halloween Party and basically all I have accomplished all day is some little things here and there but mostly cleaning up messes, doing puzzles with a 5 year old and eating blueberry muffins. 

It is time to get Kenzie from school and we pile into the suburban. We get to the school and Xander takes off running. I am fat and pregnant and can barely move. He throws a tantrum while we wait for big sister to get out of school. I hug, talk, sooth, ignore, and kiss Xander until his heart is soft enough to quit the episode. I am tired.  I remember that I need to find some fallen down branches to paint black for the Halloween Party. I take the kids to a nearby park where there is a hillside of trees and forest. The kids are in heaven. It feels so complete to have Kenzie with us and her face is lit up with the excitement while walking through the woods and finding treasures. I was in search of some perfect big branches and all the kids, including Xander decided to be Indians and build a fire and T-pee. They gathered rocks and sticks and built a pretend fire on the grass. The weather was amazingly perfect and so were the circumstances. Kids playing in the woods...laughing and working together. Mom walking along trails, missing Newman Lake and North Idaho and "real forests" but ever so grateful to be out in nature- my true love.

 I am really fat and really out of shape and so I don't really even know what or who I am physically. FOREIGN and out of touch with my body. I can't think of anything more suffocating and out of control than pregnancy. My body does its own thing- cravings, weakness, tired, puky, bloated, weight gain...it is NOT fun. I hate it. Can't wait until February...to hold this baby boy in my arms and get on track to getting my body back. 

But with that all put aside, I was so joyfully fulfilled and happy today being with my children and walking through woods, looking for perfect branches to paint and decorate for the church Halloween Party. I felt like in that tiny moment, I was doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing. The kids continued to play until I noticed the keys in my pocket were missing. Oh no. They could be anywhere in that big grove of trees. Me and the kids gathered around the "fire" the kids, I mean the Indians built and we prayed to Heavenly Father to help us find the keys. I told everyone to put on their magic eyes and off we went. Surprisingly we found the keys in about 15 minutes. We stopped in the middle of the trees and prayed again to say Thank you to Heavenly Father. Little Xander with his arms folded and head bowed is priceless.

Kenzie and Julia then took off on some trail going upwards. Kenzie is super explorer lately and she wants to take every trail- every pathway. Xander stays pretty close to me as he is connecting the dark forest to one of his favorite books "Cowardly Clyde". He is pretty sure there is a big scary monster sleeping somewhere in the trees. We walk back to the park hand in hand and we talk about the book- he points to the sun over and over because it is the big bad sun that made the monster "explode" at the end of the book. I can't believe how much Xander and I can talk without him really saying any words.

I am with that boy all day long. I know what his favorite songs, books, and foods are. I am so thankful I get to squeeze those cheeks whenever I want to. Although I have hard days where I just can't take being a mother anymore and when nap time for Xander finally comes it almost feels like this euphoric feeling of freedom for 2 hours and the minute I hear him cry in his crib I'm like "nooooo, he's awake!" LOL-

But gratitude still finds its way back somehow and I am filled with thanks for my life...my simple normal life. 

It is time to go home from the park. We somehow get these huge branches I found on top of the suburban and we managed to do a horrible tie-down job. We drive super slow all the way home hoping the branches don't fall off. Dinner is in the crockpot and we patiently wait for Daddy to get home. I feed the kids tomatoes from the garden with salt- one of the their favorite treats- they are tired and hungry. I know a fall-out fight between the kids could happen at any minute, so I get out some dolls at the bottom of their toy basket and Kenzie and Ju Ju instantly start playing dolls. Phew! They get a little crazy with their play. Supposedly one of the dolls has a farting problem and Ju Ju and Kenzie are rolling in laughter as am I as I listen to them while cutting up Zucchini. Kenzie seems to be going through this "picky eating" stage but instead of getting overly frustrated, I try to focus on the few vegetables she still likes- tomatoes, zucchini, broccoli, avocados- 

We make cookies after dinner...Chay is more excited than the children for the cookies. Everyone is happy with their cookie and cup of milk. Kenzie and Xander take a bath together...those days are probably coming to an end so I made sure they had fun together. They played and giggled so hard in the bath tub. It was like music to hear them play together. Kenzie has a special gift with little babies and toddlers. Xander loves loves Kenzie but Julia and him seem to not have quite the same bond. :) After bath time, we rounded up the crew and got naked kids dressed. Julia prefers to sleep naked with only panties on. We usually let her but it is getting really cold at night...Julia has itchy dry skin- combine this with her free spirit, and well, she is hard to keep clothes on believe it or not.  

For scripture time read about what happened in the book of mormon when Christ was killed in Jerusalem and how dark it was for 3 days in the Americas. We talked about darkness and light. We talked about the light Christ brings to the world, even today, where there is so much darkness. We turned off all the lights and Chay turned on the flashlight on his phone and we talked about light in the darkness. It was really neat to see how still the kids were. When Julia said the family prayer she said "please help us keep the commandments so we can always have light" wow, I thought, she was actually paying attention even though she could barely sit still with all that energy. 

Kisses, prayers, hugs...I am tired...I was too tired to read a story or to help Kenzie with her homework. I was done. 8 o'clock and I am done. I really start to slack after 8 o'clock. That is when I pass over all responsibilities to Daddy. I take Xander into his room and fall asleep with him on the rocking recliner.  

I look back on the day where I feel nothing really got accomplished and yet I find that I felt a lot of joy and fulfillment with my simple life today. Sometimes I have not so great days and I feel it is a huge sacrifice and unfair to be a mom and other times I am reminded that I am doing EXACTLY what Father in Heaven wants me to be doing right now. I just can't believe how hard it can be. Hard on days when I really try to have patience and hard on days when I don't have patience because I feel guilty. Regardless, on most days I feel so incredibly lucky.

Going to bed.     

chuka

I ran over our cat today with my big suburban.



Her name was Chuka. I don't even like cats but I liked Chuka. She came to my backdoor one day starving. I fed her. I would pet her. I fed her some more. The kids were instantly in love with her. She came by everyday and  loved all the attention from the kids. She didn't mind being held or dragged across the lawn by little hands.

Eventually she made our place her home. The mom in me started to really care for her and I even bought the more expensive canned cat food for her to eat. That isn't like me at all. Chay would just smile at how much I liked this random cat.

I found Xander today laying down on the back porch with Chuka just petting her and loving every minute.



We all got in the suburban this afternoon and as I was backing out and I felt a bump. Chuka runs off with her back legs dragging. I panicked.

I rushed her to the vet. A vet. Can you believe that? I grew up with a Dad who would just put animals out of their misery with his 22 rifle. I cried all the way to the veterinarian's office. The vet told me Chuka's tale needed to be amputated and her pelvis was obviously crushed and the X rays would tell what kind of surgery she would need. $$$$$$ I told them to put her to sleep instead and I just started bawling. Ju Ju and Xander kissed her goodbye and we walked out the door.

I cried and cried and then Julia cried and cried. Xander kept saying bye bye. I did the whole "heaven talk" to give them hope. I break parenting rules often when it comes to "being strong". I simply don't agree that Mom's and Dad's shouldn't show emotion in front of their children. Where did that rule come from? We all mourned together and now it's time for bed and we feel somewhat better. Well not really.

Kenzie is still numb to it all and she is reacting out of anger towards everyone. Hopefully she just starts crying soon and lets it all go. She was at school when it all happened.

Stupid cat. I really liked you. Chay is equally as sad which breaks my heart because Chay has a real love for animals.

I cried so much today- over this animal we wouldn't even let inside the house. I just loved how much the kids enjoyed her and how she always purred and loved to be pet.

At least we got to say goodbye to Chuka. It seemed when I was little our family had super bad luck keeping cats alive. A man was using a swather on our alfalfa fields and well let's just say our cat didn't have a chance once the blades got her. We had another cat's head get smashed in the garage door. Another cat used to sleep inside the lawnmower catch bag...Bryon started up the lawn mower one day and well...yeah, not good.

oh stinky life. I miss you Chuka. Thank you for making my kids smile every time they walked out the backdoor.

feeling understood

Ann Romney was interviewed this summer by Oprah. Oprah asked Ann about Multiple Sclerosis. I felt like I knew Ann on a more personal level because of her response. I felt understood. 

Oprah: What does MS do to you?

Ann Romney: For me, my whole right side was numb. I was having difficulty walking. But beyond that it was the fatigue. No one understands, unless they have MS, what fatigue is.

Oprah: It's a weariness in your spirit, your bones, everything.

Ann Romney: In your bones, deep to your bones. Your brain doesn't work, your mouth doesn't work, your tongue doesn't work. Everything is an effort. I mean, to stand up is an effort, to talk is an effort.

Oprah: It's like your body is physically depressed.

Ann Romney: I think a lot of women have autoimmune diseases. O think what happens is, women have five balls up in the air all the time, and they can do it for a while. And then all of a sudden the body just says, Sorry.

Oprah: That's it.

Ann Romney: Done. It gives you a few warnings, and then your body goes, I', gonna make you crash to the ground where you can't even pick your head up. Women try to push through so many things, and our bodies physically can't do that.   


The rest of the interview with Ann and Mitt is a great interview. This is my favorite part:

Oprah: Do you have a personal mantra?

Mitt Romney: Not really.[To Ann] Do you think?

Ann Romney: Yes, you do. 

Mitt Romney: What's that?

Ann Romney: Pray, always be believing.

Mitt Romney: Oh, yes. It's in a book of scripture in my faith, and it says, "Search diligently, pray always, and be believing, and all things shall work together for your good."

Oprah: "What I know for sure it..." (letting Mitt finish the sentence)

Mitt Romney: God lives, my wife loves me, and my family is the most important thing in my life.

Oprah: Perfect. Thank you. 

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/world/Oprah-Interviews-Mitt-and-Ann-Romney-in-O/7#ixzz2B2xk1avL

beautiful fall day

*This post is about a month old. In the beginning of October on a Sunday I wrote it. For awhile I wasn't publishing my entries but I think it will be easier to print them into a book if they are published and not a "draft." 

Xander can climb out of his crib now. Lovely. But he somehow knows not to get out when he wants to. He still cries and waits for me to come get him. Phew. Not sure how I feel about that. I am having a horrible pregnancy and so every day I go into survival mode. I let Xander have his binky whenever he wants it. I want him to stay in his crib forever and there are no plans in the future to move him into a big bed. I don't care to potty train him until later when I can somehow cope. Poor kid. But, I think he still knows he is deeply loved. We rock him to sleep every day for nap and night time. It is actually my favorite time of the day because I can relax in the big chair and hold my little boy. Very soothing for me and for him too I'm sure.

Xander wants to talk so badly and yet can barely form any words. He gets very frustrated when we don't know what he wants. I am taking him to a ENT doctor to see if he can hear right. He does have ear infections quite often. He is so simply adorable to me.

I am only 22 something weeks pregnant and I look like I am due any day. I am already really swollen. I am really fat and I am in a world of trouble....I don't even recognize myself in the mirror and wow- pregnancy is cruel. 

Kenzie lost one of her front teeth. Her other front tooth is loose but it now looks like she has just one tooth right in the middle of her mouth...so funny. Her sweet little innocence of toddler years are officially over. She is 6 and growing up. She is really fun to be around and such a joy. Yes she cries easily and quite needy sometimes- but she is so charismatic and still very very sweet.



*this picture captures Kenzie quite well being happy, goofy, and loving. She is everyone's friend. Check out those teeth! 

Kenzie has a gift of nurturing and little children adore her. All the little kids in the ward adore her. Xander goes to her often for hugs and comfort. Kenzie still wants me to walk her to her classroom every day. It's a great way to start both of our days. I get a little embarrassed however when I drop her off and I look like I'm having a hangover from a rough night's sleep, while wearing decade old maternity clothes and hair that hasn't even been brushed for a day or so. Hopefully child bearing days will be over when Kenzie is old enough to realize how bad I really look. Right now, she could care less as long as I'm there to kiss her goodbye. Love little children.

I came by her school the other day to drop off her lunch. She was out at recess playing and I just watched her for a little bit and she was having the time of her life. She was giggling and playing chase with 6 other people. She was happy. I have sore memories of being unhappy and alone in Elementary school and walking around the playground all by myself. It made me rejoice to see her feel happy and safe at school. Once she noticed me she dropped what she was doing and ran over to me and gave me a big kiss and hug. She was so excited to see me. I gave her her lunch and off she went running around like crazy with her friends.  

Julia is my little buddy. She loves music and it's so funny to hear her memorize and sing songs from the radio. She always asks me to turn up the radio. She has a very kind heart and recognizes when others around her are sad. She loves hidden picture books and any book for that matter. I could read to her for 2 hours and she would be the happiest little girl wanting more. She loves to color. She has a sensitive little heart and when she admits to me her feelings have been hurt, it's the most sincere saddest thing to experience. She doesn't cry for attention- she cries when she is truly hurt and she will hide it for a long time until she gets the courage to come up to me and tell me. She loves her mommy- and when mommy spends time with her- she glows. I decided to keep her home from Kindergarten this year because she was barely 5 at the cut-off date. What a good choice. We do little pre-schooly stuff at home and she seems to be catching on fast. In fact, she can do some of Kenzie's 1st grade math and it makes Kenzie mad when Julia knows the answer to her math homework.

*Caught Julia posing!! Finally. I can't get her to smile or even look at the camera half the time. She is really hard to take pictures of and I need more of her to balance out camera hungry Kenzie. 

I'm not a big advocate of structured pre-school. We just have fun, learning as we go I guess. Love having her home with me. Ju Ju is my big question kid. She asks questions all day, and I love it. I seriously giggle all day with her by my side. She is also more enjoyable because he older sister by only 19 months is gone and so Julia gets all of her mommy all day and I don't have to referee petty little fights.  

Today was Sunday and it was a beautiful beautiful gorgeous fall day- perfect weather. The trees here in Utah are breathtaking. The mountains here are just beautiful. I will forever love the Utah mountains. Right now the trees are fire red and it has lasted longer than usual. Imagine huge mountains covered in red trees. Blows me away. Today Chay had the idea to get out of the house and enjoy the weather- we took a small hike in a canyon. The girls were so happy to be "in the mountains". They were collecting rocks, running up the trail, gathering leaves. I on the other hand was huffing and puffing up the trail. 

Oh I loved seeing them enjoy nature. They came alive and it was childhood at its best. The leaves on the trees were every color imaginable- even pink leaves. Orange and Yellow. It was amazing. The air was crisp. Perfect. We hiked next to a small stream and we crossed a man made bridge and the kids thought it was the most exciting thing. (who needs Disney Land?)



Eventually we made it to the tree with the bible in it. Yes, a woman used to hike up the trail every day and read her bible. She would wrap it in plastic and hide it in a big hole in a tree...we found the bible today and I was so happy to see that it was still in good shape. I opened the bible and read her words "Please leave the bible in the tree. I come up here everyday to be close to God and read His word." I am paraphrasing because I can't remember word for word what she wrote but underneath her words is a paragraph written by her husband- he mentions that she died in 2009- it was a sweet memorial for her- he expressed his love for her. Really neat. Kenzie found the bible and then we kept trying to guess where she would sit and read the bible when she used to come up to read...Julia was really intrigued. 

Chay was so kind today. It was his idea to take the family out on a hike. He helped me so much with my calllings at church. He ran home to get things I forgot for church. He watched our kids and some other kids while I had a meeting. He is a very very good man and I need to remember the sweet softhearted things he does all the time, especially at the moments I feel like killing him :)

beautiful day- don't want to forget it ever!  

life at it's best

Get this. Or, imagine this. 

Huge rocky mountains covered in red trees and snow with clouds hovering and trees at the base that are orange, yellow, red, green, pink....That is what I experienced yesterday morning coming home from dropping Kenzie off at school...it made me cry. It was beautiful. Thank you Heavenly Father for this beautiful world. This primary song from church came to my mind:

He gave me my life, my mind, my heart;

I thank Him reverently

For all his creations, of which I'm a part.

Yes, I know Heavenly Father loves me. 

I didn't take this picture but this is sort of what it looked liked yesterday morning--actually what I saw was even prettier. The mountains where I live are even taller and closer than this Wasatch mountain shot. 

This morning I was not ready for the snow. I was in denial that warm weather was not coming back. I was wearing summer shoes and treading Kenzie through a slushy parking lot at her school. I loved how she asked me to pick her up to carry into the school. Of course I will hold my big baby girl who is almost 7! After I kissed her and hugged her a million times at her request at her classroom door, I come outside to find the snowflakes were really big--HUGE! They were falling on my face and hair and I couldn't help smile. The snowflakes were just too big to be mad at the weather. 

Today Xander walked into his room where I was folding and putting away his mountain of clean laundry.  I came across some big boy undies and we talked about how exciting going poo poo in the toilet is. I put on the biggest drama act of the century about the wonders of the toilet. He was pretty convinced going poo poo in  the toilet was a good thing as he smiled and talked his gibberish pointing to his diaper and then to the bathroom. 

I kept busy folding and sorting his clothes into piles of too small, summer, long sleeve shirts, short sleeve shirts, pajamas, and pants. Xander isn't feeling 100%. He has a double ear infection along with the pukes and diarrhea. He just came right up next to me and laid down on the floor while I was in the middle of solving his clothes problem. I loved how he was cuddling with me and every now and then I would touch his soft cheeks and rub his head. I think I enjoyed it more than he did. I melt for soft baby skin and soft hair. 

My body was starting to feel extra achy and being on the floor that long was killing my knees plus I had a pile of girl clothes that needed to go into the other room. But I couldn't bear the thought of leaving the perfect moment of Xander laying next to me, feeling safe. So I stayed there and within minutes, he was asleep. What a special moment for me. I will admit however, kids are a lot cuter and sweeter when they're sick. :) 

I chuckled at myself last night as I stayed up late to glue seashells to a headband for Julia's mermaid costume. I was so excited for her to see it. I then glued plastic spiders all over a headband for Kenzie's spider woman costume. They both turned out so cute- and then it hit me- that I was staying up late to work on my girl's Halloween costumes- which is weird and a new chapter in life for me. I loved how I was actually enjoying it and thinking more about them than me at midnight with my tired overly swollen feet. Wow, I thought, that has got to be progress. 

Thank you Heavenly Father for these special moments I have experienced lately.  

Life at it's best. 

Daddy

I am downstairs studying my Gospel Doctrine lesson and I am suddenly very grateful for my old house because I can almost make out word for word the story Chay is reading to the girls in the room directly above our room.

I am so grateful for Chay tonight. He is an amazing father.

ok I must say one thing. Chay just walked downstairs from reading to the girls and the first thing he said was "that Nutcracker ballet book is so stupid." ...made me laugh.

a sure foundation

Heather Smith made this print for my family. Thank you Heather. I love you...and yet I haven't ever met you in person...who knew 15 years ago we would have internet best friends some day. I sometimes get weepy when I think about you and your amazing example. I love strong faithful people! 

Ok, this is the Clark scripture for the year. I introduce a family scripture at the beginning of the school year. So since Kenzie is only in 1st grade- this is only the 2nd year we've been doing this little neat tradition. We display it in the house where we can see it often. We have a huge 16X20 of this print staring at us by the piano. We tape a 5X7 of the scripture on everyone's headboard. They are falling off and pillows have bent them but oh well. We also memorize the scripture. Memorizing anything is a challenge for me. 

I have always been familiar with Helaman 5:12 but for some reason at this time in my life this scripture brings much peace and comfort and I knew our family needed to memorize it and look at it often this year. Among the chaos of watching conference with little kids, we were all pretty excited when Elder Neil A. Anderson quoted our scripture in his conference talk. Kenzie and Ju Ju's eyes got so big...and the best part is we were able to say it with him as Elder Anderson shared it. 

Kenzie surprised me the other day. I wasn't sure if my kids were even interested in memorizing such a long scripture. For awhile I was pretty convinced it was an impossible task for little ones but out of the blue one day when we were about to have family scripture time, Kenzie blurts out the whole scripture word for word by heart. I couldn't believe it! Her little brain, her little spirit, her little desire, her little heart...it was touching and strengthening to Chay and I to hear her quote the entire scripture. 

Now, if  I could only get her to memorize the stuff she is tested on at school...

I know that if we build our lives upon Christ, we will not fall. I love this promise.

There is power in the scriptures. How grateful we are to have direction in our lives when everything in the world seems to be "falling" apart around us. 

Have you seen the bible videos yet? Check out this powerful one of the sermon on the mount: 




Today I am grateful for scriptures. 

this blog of mine

There are just some moments I do not want to forget. 

This blog is going to be different I think- more for my children- who I hope will read it one day and get a better understanding of who their mother was and also how they lived out their childhood days. 

Now if only Morgan Freeman could one day narrate my blog to my children...that would be even better. 

the boat.

A man drove away with our boat today. I am still crying.

A question most pregnant ladies ask themselves, "would I be crying this much if I wasn't pregnant?"

Probably.

Although, I know crying over Captain America because he stands for everything good...was a total pregnant thing.

I haven't blogged FOREVER and a day.

But today here I am.

I am one of those bloggers who do not feel obligated to update and talk about all things that have happened since I last blogged. That would totally stress me out if I felt that way about blogging.

Ok, so we sold our boat today.

Chay knows how to "wheel and deal" very well. I honestly don't like it very much and so I haven't been the most supportive wife on the planet when it comes to Chay wanting money to buy something so he can trade it or sell it for more. Especially when the food budget gets cut in half... But it seems to always pays off in the end...I just get all worked up about it and have little patience.

So Chay buys a broken motorcycle. He fixes the motorcycle. A guy wants to trade him a snowmobile for the  motorcycle. It is almost winter at the time and so another guy wants to trade Chay a boat for the snowmobile. It happens to be a nice ski boat in perfect condition and well taken care of.  So one day I look outside and we have a big boat in the driveway and it's ours. I roll my eyes and get all anxious with hopes to sell it fast in the spring.

We take the boat out on the water for the first time.

I can't stop smiling. My children can't stop smiling. Chay is smiling.

I am taken back to my childhood when we would spend the summers on the lake and be lucky enough to go out on friend's boats.

Warm weather hits and we find ourselves taking out the boat almost every weekend. We invite friends and we all go tubing and...you know, everyone is laughing. I love when people laugh. Don't you?

I made up my mind that we would never sell the boat. If we do, we will never have one again and this might be the one thing that our family can always do together.

So, Chay's student loan kicked in this month. We refinanced our home and got a killer rate but had to put our small second mortgage on a credit card. (The details are boring). Then there is still my ugly student loan and other debt we are dealing with. Chay is ready to move up in his field but has kind of plateaued within his specific department he's at right now. Plus he drives about 100 miles a day. He has applied other places but things haven't panned out. Our children are getting older, I'm having another baby in February...

So as a couple we start praying to Heavenly Father for Chay to find his niche or just a better paying job closer to home. Remember we have already decided not to sell the boat regardless. But the more we prayed  the more we realized that God had something else in store for us...because there was something we needed to learn first...Instead of God helping us land the perfect job we were reminded over and over to GET OUT OF DEBT first.

We then sadly had to look at our favorite asset. The boat.

Family members and great friends had tricky remarks that confused us for a moment. "Whatever you do, don't sell the boat. I have heard so many parents say it was the one thing that their family always did together no matter the age of the children." or " you own the boat, why would you ever sell it, just enjoy it" or "it is one toy you will never regret owning, great family activity."


trust me, it was tricky tricky...we tried several times to talk ourselves out of it- knowing we could get out of debt just a little slower if we just budget better... but once we decided to listen to the Spirit, there was no looking back...it had to be done- we knew selling the boat would prove we were serious and together we came to the conclusion that we had to sacrifice a lot to make this work. We trust Heavenly Father enough to know He will bless us even though things will be tough for while.

We have a cork board in our bedroom with our financial goals and plan pinned to it. There is also an American Flag pinned next to our goals--represents FREEDOM.

So the journey begins...and right now it totally sucks.

and no, I still won't coupon.





   

the blessings that come when life is poopy

                                                                         

The car we bought to replace the one I wrecked broke down a week after we bought it.

Being without a car for awhile, Chay was lucky enough to find a man to carpool with to work. Chay mentioned to me that he feels that his car was supposed to break down so he could have certain conversations with this man he carpooled with. It made me smile to hear that, I just really hope these conversations he was having with Mr. Carpool man were worth $1500 and then some.

My vacuum broke and so did my camera. How do I live without a vacuum and a camera????

The Suburban decided to join in the fun and it broke down on a cold slushy morning. Thankfully the car broke down in walking distance of good neighbors. Of course 2 out of 3 children weren't wearing coats or shoes because I was in such a hurry to get out the door and get Kenzie to school. Worried about Kenzie missing school, I attempted to carry the 2 shoeless and coatless kids and walk to the closest neighbor (Maria, the kindest most loving person I know) and see if she could take Kenzie to school for me. En route to her house I lose my footing and all 4 of us plummet into a big slush puddle. Everyone is crying and wet. I show up to Maria's with wet pants while holding wet, messy, shoeless, coatless and hungry children. I was ready to cry at any moment.

Of course angel Maria came to the rescue again.

The next day I was driving home from Kenzie's school after picking her up and right when I was feeling a little overwhelmed at how much the suburban cost to be fixed the day before, the car starts to jerk and clank...I barely make it to the Pep Boys parking lot. Pep Boys told me the car wouldn't be done for another 5-6 hours. So we decided to walk home.

Tender mercy: My kids were excited to walk home & the sun decided to shine for the hour it took us to get home. Of course when we were almost home, behind me pulls up Maria. She looking for me and hoping to drive us home from Pep Boys. It was then I realized my house key was on the key ring that was left at Pep Boys. Lovely. My words to Maria, "Do you know that I hate needing people like this? It is so hard for me to be in such a bind and to depend on everyone just to make it through a simple day."

She just smiled and said, "I know how it is, we've been there before...anything I can do to help."

Did you know her middle name is Mi Amor? Duh. It is only obvious. Maria Mi Amor. She is a red head by the way.


Cynthia. She lives across the street. She is another angel I have to mention. She is obsessed with the color pink. I knock on her door at least once a day asking for help on something. Watches and entertains the girls for me, lends me almond extract all the time, picks up Kenzie from school when I'm stuck with a broken car, let's us borrow every movie she owns. What an answer to prayer  her little family moved in across the street from us. My girls LOVE you Cynthia.


The day after we broke down at PepBoys, I decided to cash a check and drop junk off at the D.I (goodwill). My Suburban suddenly won't start at the bank drive-thru. I almost swore and screamed nasty things at the world but I just turned up my radio really loud. The kids eyes were huge- they knew Mom was UPSET. I got out of the car and pushed that huge beast out of the drive-thru. It started to rain hard- yes, just like the movies. I sat in my car listening to Rhianna's "Found Love in a Hopeless Place" really loud in the pouring rain and cried like a baby until Chaylove arrived to save us all.

Yesterday on Valentines Day our Suburban broke down again- first it was the fuel pump, then the distributor cap, 4 flat tires, and yesterday it was the steering pump. We had a babysitter lined up for V-day but Chay came home to screaming sick kids and a car that barely drove. We went to the doctors instead of going out- Ju Ju and Xander both had double ear infections? What in the heck??? Chay stayed up until 3 am trying to fix the suburban so I can take Kenzie to school the next day. I stayed up until 3 am holding a screaming toddler. Chay comes into the house at 3 am and tells me to go to sleep. He figures out real quick that Xander's pain isn't as bad if he sits up to sleep. Chay holds Xander in the chair until 6:30 this morning. On my way to the bedroom to sleep, I notice on the kitchen table 3 beautiful white Callas flowers in a homemade Arrowhead water bottle vase, 2 mini sparkling cider bottles, and a box of chocolates. What is Chay smoking? Him letting me sleep for 3 hours and sacrificing his whole night for me and the family- and the Valentines Day gift??? Wow. He really taught me a lot about LOVE last night. He really is quite amazing. Chay has this HUGE heart thing going on. Lucky me to have him..

(for the record, we are a normal couple with normal problems and I hope no illusion was created by sharing this story about Chay- because I swear the blog world really can do that sometimes, for history's sake I really wanted to share it- and as sweet as it may sound, Chay's words pretty much sum up the night "this has got to be the worst Valentines Day of my life"...and that it was.) 

anyway so TRIALS. Not fun. But Thank you Heavenly Father for this opportunity because I have learned so much...still learning...I am not doing well right now in so many areas of my life... but I am learning incredibly fast in a humbling way that much of what I think is important, really isn't...most especially in God's eyes.                                                                

I have also learned what true service is- because of our out-of-control life we have been reminded of the gift of true friendship. So many friends and neighbors have offered to help in someway... and now I ask myself when I go to sleep at night and while my mind is wrapped around how life can totally blow at times..."How can I be more of service? Is this why I am going through all this?" So interesting how trials can create better friendships, more reflection of God's plan, purpose of life, what is truly important, faith-

but trials still suck and I anxiously await for this weird season of life to pass.

Bright side: My dear friend Emily had a baby boy!!! AND Chay FINISHED HIS MBA this month!!!!! (more on that later)

sugar, budgeting, meal planning, organizing

Today I had a pile of things to put away. My arms were full of random stuff and....guess what? I knew exactly where to put every single thing I was carrying. This has NEVER happened to me before. oh it's a New Year miracle. 

Another gift to the Savior this year: get it together April. Get rid of it. Get with it. Get on it. Get organized. The last 2 weeks I have been slowly going through all of my stuff and de-junking and finding a place for everything else left. 

Wow things really function better when everything has a place. who knew?

It's a fascination of mine to be organized- I have never been able to figure it out- but that can't be my lame excuse.

 LAME. 

I hate it when people already make up their minds about themselves. "Oh, I'm not a runner" "I can't cook" or "I can't stand on my head".

what a way to rob an opportunity- just say "yes" ( I love that song by Snow Patrol) 

I am not giving up...and to those of who have seen my house, know I always have a pile of something... somewhere- NO MORE PILES.

Another resolution this year: Budget and meal planning. 

oh this picture makes me laugh...love the satire. Do you ever feel like this sometimes??? AHHHHH

One thing I learned this month: Just because I don't like to do it, doesn't mean I shouldn't. 

It is more important that I budget so we can get out of debt quicker and teach my kids about money than to choose not to do it. Even though I'm not the best at it and it kind of gets me in a bad mood sometimes, I will do it. It's that important. Even though I am not a huge fan of cooking dinner every night, it is more important that my children help me and learn to cook in the kitchen and that we gather around the table as a family. So yes, even though I feel strongly that some homemaker duties drive me insane at times, I do them anyway. For the greater good...for my family. But "be patient" oh family of mine- remember your Mom is trying her best and she will lose her cool from time to time, alright? 

The so-far outcome? AMAZING.

I have disciplined myself to make a meal plan to last a whole pay period. We have a new rule: NO EATING OUT!!! We have saved a lot of money. I use my food storage more and we are eating very well! Extremely well. The only downside is how messy my kitchen gets now...oh how I hate doing the dishes. 

Budgeting: Right now in my life I have the little goal to NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE on crazy impulses. I live in a perfect little area...quiet and residential yet 5 minutes away is Costco and a huge thrift store...oh and TJ Maxx and Ross. Oh dear me. I am interesting- to where I will literally talk myself into getting something I don't need. My mind will flirt with the idea of how I need something right away at that very moment and then I will get in the car and go shopping for that one thing I really don't need. Then I end up buying things I don't need. Sound familiar anyone? Plus, my house is usually overwhelming to me so escaping and leaving the house is usually fun and a breath of fresh air....

Well, I am starting to like my house... since I've been organizing and it's funny- with a house of order and peace, I feel less inclined to leave the house and get something I really don't need. (because I probably found 5 of that one thing when I started cleaning and organizing :)   

look what I just designed. I am so proud of myself.  Hmmm. I should put this in my KITCHEN. 

Sugar: 

Have you ever had the chocolate dipped roasted almond ice cream bars at Costco? I had one tonight. 

That's alright. I'm still special. 

The goal was to just keep trying and not get discouraged and go crazy wild with poop food. 

Back on tomorrow. I decided to be gentle with myself and have one serving of dinner each night chucked with huge vegetables on the side- but to continue to eat alkalined throughout the day until dinner. 

I have a hard time slaving over a meal and not being able to eat it. Someday I may get that strength...someday. 

I am truly blessed. I am surrounded by the good life. 

temple

The sugar thing is going just as planned. I feel alive. Still have a headache but I feel clear in the head and I like to play with my kids again...a huge indicator the yucky stuff is leaving my system.

The weather has been like May around here. What the heck??? BEAUTIFUL. Thank you Thank you Thank you!!! I will take this sunshine on any WINTER day. Riding bikes and going to the park in January?? Um, yes. Lovely in every way. I love SUN. 

I love Chay too. 

The Temple. I also love the Temple. I can't explain it. I walk in the doors and I feel instantly at peace. Heaven and earth are joined together and it is truly an escape from the world. I can not deny the blessings that come from doing temple work and...everything makes sense in the temple.- oh and those sweet old men and lady workers who greet you at the door? LOVE THEM. They are half the reason why I want to go.   

Another one of my Gifts to the Savior this year: Attend the temple monthly! Sounds so easy but it's actually not.  We seem to have a really hard time finding time to go. We always came up with excuses for not having babysitters or being too busy doing other non-important things. 

Yesterday I set up a plan. Figured out a way to share babysitting with other couples who want to go...and just like that- it's on the calendar. Now why that took me 5 years to figure out don't ask me- 

I've decided that nothing will get in the way of this monthly goal. NOTHING. Well, ok, maybe some things... like a child losing a leg the day we're supposed to go, that would be a somewhat acceptable excuse I suppose :)  

Ju Ju wearing the Clark wig. 

Day 3

Much much better.

Went to bed around 7:30-8 last night. I was miserable.

Today I woke up with more energy and motivated.

I want to wear a shirt that says "I don't eat sugar so I can be a better mom."

Now that I am on the upswing (hopefully) I will start to concentrate on my other gifts to the Savior.

"I can do all things through Christ which strengthened me." Philippians 4:13

Isn't it interesting that God is all-giving...and when we try to serve Him he turns around and gives us strength to serve Him better. He fortifies our efforts to be more like Him. Amazing.

"And now, in the first place, he hath created you, and granted unto you your lives, for which ye are indebted unto him. And secondly, he doth require that you should do as he hath commanded you; for which if ye do, he doth immediately bless you; and therefore he hath paid you. And ye are still indebted unto him, and are, and will be, forever and ever." Mosiah 2:23.24

withdrawal

Day 2: massive headache, nauseous, extreme fatigue, a little moody, achy, strong hunger even though I've been eating all day- this is called "Sugar Withdrawal". I crave bread and anything sweet. I think I will be kind to myself today and take an Ibuprofen.

upside: feel like yeast infection is clearing up already.

Focus on the positive...this should only last a couple days if that...

this is hard...really hard.

Celery, sprouted tortilla shells, almond butter, sunflower seeds, green drink, kale, onions, olive oil, sprouts

No dairy, meat, sugar, wheat (flour), white rice, fruit...on we go.     

The road less traveled

Saturday morning I could hardly get out of bed. Once I finally did every joint in my body was on fire. My eyes were swollen and I couldn't get my wedding ring on my finger. I was slow moving. I was experiencing my 5th yeast infection in the last 4 months. My head pounded. I knew I had to get out of bed and get on with the day. Luckily we were visiting Chay's mom's house and I could relax a little with being a Mom. I didn't get out of bed until 10:30. I could have slept another 4 hours easily.

About 2 months ago my joint pain returned with a vengeance. My left and right jugular veins have started to hurt and I can feel blood pumping through them. I have also had quite a few dizzy spells.

I do all I can to just ignore it. I think my veins might be closing up again??? I don't know. I still feel stronger and more energetic than I used to feel...and like always, I go forward with HOPE.

Funny thing, about 2 months ago before MS symptoms started sneaking back into my life, I wrote a big blog post titled "I'm a walking miracle". In this post I went off about how great I feel and how I feel "healed" from MS and feel like a whole new person. I am glad I didn't click "publish".

Well what do you know...

Day one: Today I ate broccoli, some almonds, red bell peppers, celery and my green drink and some supplements...and I have sworn off sugar. Sugar, man what a swear word. Get the "sugar" out of here.

As hard as it is and I'm sure I will fail at some point, but I will just try again...I have to take the road less traveled when it comes to what I put in my body and in the end, it will have made all the difference. :)

just listen April! Keep listening. Listen to what the Spirit has told you. Don't get upset if you fail but just keep trying April!!!

It is late, but just one day and I feel already optimistic about my health...and yes I still hurt, but it's all uphill from here on out and...that's a good thing. Nothing in life worth having comes easy.

But trust me, I do feel like this quite often:

 **write tomorrow about other gifts to the Savior.