operation home- the desk

Just breathe Dad...just be prepared that's all I'm saying.

Do you see this desk? This is our computer desk. Our million pound roll top desk... that was designed for paper and not computers. But luckily the laptop fits and it's great for hiding messes when the Mother in Law decides to make a drop-in visit. "Quick! Roll the desk down!!!"



Yes, this classic oak desk from the lovely 80's belonged to my mom and dad. Mom gave it to me when Chay and I moved into our home. I remember pretending to play "office" and "bank" on it when I was little girl. I even pretended there was a drive-up window in the wall next to where the desk stood.

My mom would pay her bills on this desk and she had one of those big calculators with a receipt paper roll attached to the top. The calculator would turn and print out your itemized numbers and calculations. I can still hear the sound of the paper rolling and the numbers printing. ch ch ch ch ch ch

oh my gosh, I just found the exact calculator on google images!!! Oh the memories.



So anyway- back to the desk. The big desk.

thank you Dad. It's serving its purpose perfectly-

but um well...as much as you and I like the desk, the color had to go. Dad, just breathe. I know I am blatantly disobeying you. You clearly told me NOT to paint over the beautiful oak...but if I may add, you can't really give something to someone and then tell them what they can and can't do with it, right? The desk is technically mine. In facts it's all mine- no need for "technically".

I don't think I have changed much Dad.

Oh dear. I feel so rebellious. But for the record, I know Mom would absolutely LOVE the desk transformation. She has already given me the heavenly thumbs up.







Sorry about the angle- my kitchen counter is in the way.

I love it!!!! It's a little more turquoise than the picture- so fun. Love it.



I love the new hardware but I'm having knob issues and have made several trips to Hobby Lobby- too big, too small- but for now I'm just going to surrender to that problem and just love the desk until I find the perfect knobs.

So Dad, do you approve? Or am I grounded?

joy in this journey

So I am 31 now. Pretty exciting I tell you. It kind of feels like 30 and probably a lot like 32 I'm guessing.

Getting older is kind of lame-o. Not quite the thrill that came with turning 16. But it's interesting how little milestones in life make cause for personal reflection.

My six day birthday journey was a week of reflection. I observed myself and my actions. This is what I discovered: I have weaknesses. I am a child of God. I am nothing without God. I need to make life changing decisions that will face nothing but opposition for the first little while. I also learned that all my choices each day need to be prioritized into three categories 1. The Essentials 2. The Necessaries 3. The Funs (thank you Sister Beck) and obviously making sure "The Essentials" are always first so The Necessaries and The Funs find their place beautifully in life without a lot of stress.

Essentials: prayer, scripture study, Family Home Evenings on Monday, family prayer, church on Sunday, Keeping the Sabbath day Holy, going to the Temple as often as life and babysitting permits, family scriptures at night, visiting teaching, calling- you know, the essentials- the choices in life that build our foundation and our relationship with God. I am a covenanted person therefore I try try try to do The Essentials dang it!

Necessaries: A house of order- (oh sigh, I suck at this), exercise, eating healthy, story time with my children, dinner with the family, education, date night with Chay, one on one time with my kids

The Funs: everything else fun that we all enjoy- which is great and important- but should never come before The Essentials that's for sure. And we all know The Funs come before The Necessaries often...which is ok I think from time to time- But when nutrition is out the door, the house is messy and cluttered, too much money being spent... because of too much play- well even The Essentials get easily jeopardized when The Necessaries are out of whack. The Funs in my life are redecorating and renovating something in the house, blogging, reading blogs, internet, reading books, thrift store shopping, watching movies, talking with my dear friends and Joette on the phone-

This is my personal categorization of priorities that I feel inspired to follow. I will obviously get my priorities messed up every now and then...but I just want to try and at least remind myself every day what is the most important in my life...

Like take this little guy for example...




joy in the journey

I want this bike

Don't you want it too??? This picture is actually a link to the place that sells these lovelies. Not exactly in the budget. I better buy a couch before a bike...I could probably buy two couches for the price of this bike and maybe even a nice lamp too. But it's always nice and fun to dream, right?

post-it love

How about a little post-it love for my birthday.



isn't that great?

6 day birthday journey

I love babies. Xander is by far my favorite newborn. With Kenzie I was in denial of motherhood. Then came Julia- still in denial and she also cried and cried and cried for 3 months- and then of course I couldn't handle it very well...so I would then cry and cry and cry with her. I was a mess.

Xander however calms me. He is a good baby. He is a piece of heaven in our home...and he is so dang cute- oh my.

I am trying to deal with life the best I can.

This is a hard time for me. I feel I am at a crossroad in my life. You know, like decisions made right now will determine the greater portion of the rest of my life. Ever get those life crossroad feelings?

My brain is so mushy right now. I have a hard time concentrating. Tired mostly. Anyone else get mushy brain?

other thoughts:

I think I use MS as an excuse. I feel sometimes it has already defeated me, falling back on it when I attempt and fail at a goal because my body isn't responding the way it used to. I wish I was never diagnosed. I am strong you know. I really am. I used to be a good basketball player back in the day. I loved to run. Cross country and track were my thing- Mountain biking and snowboarding found me in college...a triathlon after the mission. I was competitive and I loved pushing my body to its limits. I use to live for being active and working hard. Now I have this weird fear thing going on. I feel trapped. Lost.

I hate it when people see me lifting something heavy or doing something strenuous and they run over to me like I'm 90 years old and insist they help me because you know, I have MS, I must be completely incapable. That is the worse thing you could do to me. Mom always told me that once she was diagnosed with cancer, people suddenly stopped needing her. It broke her spirit. Mom loved to be needed. She had so many talents to still share.

So how long am I going to let MS defeat me? When will I let it stop labeling and defining who I am? How long am I going to have lame excuses? When will I stop feeling sorry for myself and get on with life? When will I stop surviving each day and start living? When will I start treasuring this body like it needs to be treasured? One of God's greatest gifts to man is the body- which houses our precious spirit. When will I take that truth and make it apart of who I am? Why do I ignore the promptings?

Fear is interesting. Fear mixed with brownies and ice cream?...a destructive combination I'm telling you.

Fear is selfish.

That over sung over used song by Michael Mclean pops into my head "I've got to find out who I am."

Just for 6 days. Experiment upon the word, upon my impressions, upon the Still Small Voice, upon answers to prayer. Experiment. Trust in the Lord. Give it all to Him. Trust.

6 days.

Day one starts tomorrow. Time for bed.

big sister

ok, so sometimes she kisses him a little too much. And she tries to carry him a little too often...sadly he is getting heavier quicker than she is getting stronger- each day he seems to get harder to hold- but she still tries. Only dropped him once...and accidentally landed on him today- ouch!

and sometimes she wakes him up from sleeping so she can talk and sing to him, and sometimes she tries to feed him things he isn't supposed to eat...

the other day she whacked him in the head with the book she was "reading" to him

and sometimes I get really annoyed with her over abundance of love for him...only because it usually causes tears and an overwhelmed baby...




But when it comes right down to it, how can I ever really discourage that "in training" divine mommy-ness gift she naturally possesses.

ediekaye@theheavenlyplace.com

Happy birthday Mom. Let's see, 61. You would be 61 years old today.

Well on a lighter note, at least I don't have to worry about getting you a present.

I miss you.

You would just LOVE LOVE LOVE Xander. Oh my gosh. He is just so adorable Mom. He is starting to get super squishy. He has this "take-my-breath-away" smile. He coos and watches everything so intently. I know you wouldn't be able to get enough of him. He is so perfect. It makes me sad that I can't share him with you. You always seemed to love my babies as much as I do.

Kenzie still remembers your bald head and all your cute hats. She thinks you live inside the Temple. After teaching her one day about Christ being resurrected, she hopefully acknowledged that we will see you again 3 days after you died just like Jesus. It appears she has yet to understand the concept of time :)

Julia hasn't a clue who you are...but cherishes the pictures of you two together.

Xander...oh the feelings are so strong. I have the strongest feeling that he knows you quite well. A very strong impression comes to my heart that you two were side by side up there in heaven until his arrival here on earth. Xander is my little warrior. He will stand for truth and righteousness. Thank you Mom for preparing him...and warning him about how crazy I can be- Xander seems to be very tolerant to all the loud noises and chaos in our home.

The pain of missing you Mom has turned into gratitude more than anything. I just feel so grateful to have had you as a Mom. I completely trust God. I do not doubt that it was your time to go. I have faith. I feel grateful that I can take your death and see purpose and feel strength. I miss you, oh how I miss you...but it's ok, I truly see the bigger picture. Families are forever.

I'm thankful for the memories...sweet...wonderful memories. Well almost all sweet and wonderful- not so sweet when I got caught sneaking out of the house at 1 in the morning... and not so wonderful the time Joette and I walked in the house 8 hours pass curfew (the next morning)...but who needs to dwell on those moments?

Can't wait to see you again Mom...

happy birthday

faces of Christ

priorities

"When your priorities are out of order, you lose power."

~Sister Julie Beck

2 months

ok let me try to post this again...accidentally clicked "publish post" a little too soon.

Xander is now 2 months and some.

He is this little bundle of babyness...perfect in every way.

I am really enjoying this "4th trimester" with him.

I call the first 3 months with my babies the 4th trimester.

So Janna did it again. Here are some amazing photos of Xander when he was about 3 weeks old. Thanks Janna for coming to visit me...and for making me dinner and for always wanting to go to thrift stores with me.

death

Each day the girls and I have a "calendar" moment. Quickly we determine what day of the week it is, the date, month, season, and current weather. Today we went outside to see what the weather was like and it was sun shining, beautiful and chilly. The driveway was still damp from the early early morning thunderstorm.

The girls started to talk about how scared they were when they heard the thunder and when they saw the lightening flash in their room. And then suddenly I got a flashback from childhood- I remember being a little apprehensive about thunderstorms too when I was little, but my mom loved to hear the rain and watch the lightening from our big bay windows in the house I grew up in. We would snuggle up to Mom and watch the lightening and she would always always always sing, "Rhythm of the Rain" by the Cascades. I was never afraid once she started to sing.

I told the girls that story and Kenzie wanted to hear the song. I started to sing the song and tears welled up in my eyes. I was instantly so grateful for those special moments with my mom.

Last night I attended a funeral. Despite the sad circumstances, it was a beautiful funeral. The young man that died was glorified by all his friends and family. Amazing memories were shared and there were countless stories about how remarkable of a person this young man was. Everyone left that funeral wanting to be a better person.

I love how funerals spotlight a person's wonderful qualities. Although we are flawed by nature and we tend to make silly mistakes, we are still God's children and we all have the light of Christ in us.

It's hard to say but it was easy for me to see my mom's flaws when she was living but now that she is gone, it's hard for me to even remember her flaws and so easy to remember everything wonderful about her. I think death of a loved one helps us see a person as God sees the person.


Side thought that came to me on my drive home last night: Have you ever wondered what people will say about you when you die? What will you be remembered for?

armoire

I love saying the word armoire. armoire. My spell checker is saying armoire isn't a word or that I'm misspelling it, but I'm not. Wiktionary agrees with me also.

The day I went into labor I wasn't planning on going into labor. I usually go the full 40 weeks with my babies. So on July 7th I hauled the two girls and my big belly to Home Depot to get another paint roller brush for the armoire I was currently painting. The girls insisted I push them around in the "car" cart-



well the wheel was broken on the cart- and so it felt like I was pushing 2 tons of bricks instead of 2 little girls who together barely weigh 70 lbs. By the time I came home from my trip to the home depot, I was contracting.

So the Armoire. Armoire. Armoire. The armoire's drawers and doors were all over the living room.- Despite my uncomfortableness of being in LABOR, I quickly finished painting the armoire before going to the hospital. Well before the hospital we also went to Texas Road House for a good meal- because I wasn't sure when I'd get real food again.

After Xander was nicely established into our lives, we finished the armoire's last touches a couple weeks after he was born. I love how it turned out.

Here is the before: The oak finish was already sanded in this picture. But for those who want to know, it was just that dated 80's oak color that anyone over age 50 just LOVES. I know it's practically a sin to paint oak...especially for my Dad...and again to anyone over 50- but what can I say- it's got to be white!!!!

Before:



Here is Chay (with his socks on) cutting out the middle section of the armoire's doors with the hand saw.



and here is the after:





we cut out the middle of the doors and put glass in- and then I looked forever and a day for the perfect fabric or paper to put in the glass- and then I just gave up and used wrapping paper I had in my basement- but we designed it so it's easy to replace. We put mirrors on the other side of the glass so I can do make-up and hair in the bedroom instead of doing it in the 2x4 bathroom we all happen to share at the moment. Ok our bathroom is probably bigger than 2X4- but you get my point. SMALL SPACE.

anyway- I love the armoire. Fun project...what next can I paint????

life today is good

The Pumpkin Smash is back at Jamba.



I'm sipping on one right now. And I am so happy. Chay came home long enough to surprise me with one...and off he goes to ride his dirt bike.

weigh in wednesday 173 lbs??? Well probably because I was blasted with another episode of MS and mastitis and then strep throat welcomed itself earlier this week- so eating was hardly on the agenda. My health has been troublesome lately...but today I feel good. So I will focus on today.

Today is good. Life is good.

Especially good since I am ever so often graced by my little happy fairies that remind me life's happiness is found in the little things...



not that all my troubles go away if I sit on the tire swing...but almost, almost....until I try to get off the dang swing and my butt gets stuck.

Julia was afraid to go outside today with her fairy wings...she was certain the wind would carry her away. I had to remind her that if she did get carried away she would at least have wings that would help her fly back home. That didn't help- made it worse. But eventually she found herself outside...like most kids do when Daddy is willing to push them on the tire swing.



Xander.

Here are some pictures of my boy. I have a boy! I have such a little crush on Xander.








so handsome my little man



this is for Grandpa...both Grandpas because my Dad and Chay's Dad both bought Xander the same shirt...I hear red necks think alike....






see? Life is good.

my planner

This is the longest time in the history of April that I have kept a planner. We are going on 3 months now...I found my planner at Savers for $1 and I love it. Luckily when the year is up I can buy another one HERE - won't get it for a dollar...but still.

This planner almost looks like mine- love the set up. Love the style. Love that it's big. Big is always better.



I have planner issues. I've never been able to keep one longer than 2 weeks- and funny enough, I usually end up misplacing my planners and finding them when the year has expired. Aren't they supposed to keep me organized?

But for some mystical reason, this time around, I am loving my planner and using it, and relying on it. I even cross off and put check marks on things I have done. I circle what needs to be done. I even have phone numbers and grocery lists in my planner. It is great.

but the favorite part of my planner? the quotes on the bottom of each page.

Like this one:

"I have learned that to be with those I like is enough." ~ Walt Whitman

and

"There shall be an eternal summer in a grateful heart." ~ Celia Thaxter

and

"Whatever you are, be a good one." ~ Abraham Lincoln.

anyway- so how's your planner?

Weigh in Wednesday: Last Wednesday 180-. Today- 177. I'm just sort of bouncing around the same weight by 3 pounds or so- time to kick things up a notch I suppose. I have to get out of maternity clothes eventually right?

ju ju kaye

happy birthday Julia.

Ok so your birthday was really on Sunday. But you're only 3. And three year olds luckily don't have a clue about how dates and calendars really work. The first 3 or 4 years of a child's life gives parents time to learn and make mistakes- and not be condemned for doing so. Because when they're 5 or 6, it's all over. "My birthday is in exactly 2 weeks, 3 days, 15 hours and 25 minutes." There's no way of forgetting birthdays then.

I didn't space Ju-Ju's birthday- well not entirely. I just didn't have the energy to celebrate it on her birthday- and either did she. She wasn't feeling too hot. Well actually she was feeling hot- a fever.

But today we celebrate. Just us...and Joette. A cake we all decorate together- a couple presents- Duck Duck Goose and Hide-and-Go-Seek with Daddy. (he makes it scary!)









Love you Julia. You are so interesting to me. I can't think of anyone more unpredictable than you. I so wish you came with an instruction book. I know the front page would read, "handle with care" and "warning: explosive"

but I love you...so so so much. You make me smile. I love your little words and the way you pronounce your "S's". I love how you ask me to scratch your back before bed. What 3 year old wants their back scratched? I love how you are concerned about everyone's happiness.

Stop growing please. Oh just stay little forever.

liquidificador

liquidificador- that is the word "blender" in Portuguese. Isn't that the longest word ever for something so simple like "blender"?

It's so hard to worry, or have a bad bad, or be angry if the song "Sweet Disposition" by the Temper Traps is playing...try it. The song just makes you feel like everything is going to be ok. It's like driving in the canyons with the windows down in perfect weather...beautiful scenery- it's like children laughing and running through the sprinklers. Just a feel good song.

I believe in music therapy.

Listen to the song- it's the first song on my playlist. I am listening to it right now and suddenly now I just want to hug someone...run and jump off a dock into a lake at midnight. (with a swimsuit on this time- for those few who are wondering)

Isn't it funny what music can do?

weigh in wednesday- 177 lbs...2 lbs up 2 lbs down- whatever.

Joette is in town and so we are going to the gym, drinking almond milk and chopping vegetables daily. We decided to make August our makeover month.

I love little Xander. He was starting to cry and grunt all day so I took him to the chiropractor. Worked wonders. I am sold.

I am thankful for air conditioning. Not thankful for my power bill. HOLY SMOKES.

I love how the health club has huge sunflowers planted in their flowerbeds. Someone happy planted those flowers. Totally unexpected- love it.

I saw a bumper sticker that said, "I love jet noise." I love jet noise too! I love living close to an air force base. Every now and then the big booming jets flying by will get my heart all pumping and I just want to start singing "Oh say can you see!!!"

two spouts of mastitis- I felt like I was poisoned or something. It actually reminded me of when I got Dengue on my mission. I couldn't even get out of bed without Chay's help. But I just drank a gallon plus of water each time and nursed and pumped like crazy and I beat it!- symptoms gone in 12 hours. Phew.

Is there anything more sweet and precious than a newborn?

My sister is amazing. She has such a HUGE purpose in this life. My girls love her more than me right now. She truly is a Mother in Zion.

Pictures of the little guy:

weigh in wednesdays

Yesterday (wednesday) was busy and full...

so..um 179 lbs???

Well that sucks.

off to a better week.

I'm actually not really trying to lose weight- more just trying to survive each day with a newborn.

But I am so happy with my little baby boy. I will post pictures soon. I have a crazy weekend. Janna is visiting, Joette, Dad and Kay are coming to town- Chay's family reunion...baby blessing this weekend- lesson to teach...tired. But all exiting events that bring much happiness- I just need to take a deep breath and get on with it.

service

I have been so touched lately by all the wonderful people in my life who have been willing to help me.

I have great friends.

Thank you for the fun stuff that has arrived in the mail from far away best friends and family, phone calls that have meant the world to me, visits here and there that have helped big time with the long exhausting days.

Thank you for the AMAZING dinners. We are talking GOOD food. Stuff I love to eat.

Thank you for the quick runs to the store- Hollie and Cami. I knew I could ask you and not feel dumb for doing so.

Thank you to those who have taken or who have offered to watch the girls.

I am so touched. Now I want to be better at serving...I don't think I'm that good at it yet- but I've had great teachers these past two weeks.

I am surrounded by beautiful people. The beautiful people in my life. (I swear Marilyn Manson's song did not come into my mind at first when I wrote that)

I love where I live. I am so grateful to have so many close friends from church live in my neighborhood. What a blessing.

I love how the elderly women from church have stopped by to give gifts and share with me endless stories from their child-bearing years...oh how I love these ladies. Mckenzie and Julia have like 5 grandma's who love them- right here on our street alone. oh these precious old ladies- talk about lives well lived...beautiful souls- their eyes sparkle- prepared and ready to meet their Maker.

It is so easy to be grateful when I'm surrounded by gracious people.

Gratitude- more effective and attainable as a group effort...kind of rubs off on everyone...addictive, contagious

weigh-in wednesday week 2

um...no I don't intend on this being a weight loss blog- BORING.

but it is "weigh-in Wednesday"...

ok so last week's weight: 188.5 (digital scale)
Today's weight: 177.5 -11 lbs exactly...even down to the ounce- weird.

The only explanation I have for this 11 lb drop- is well...I have ankles now and my wedding ring fits again. I was pretty swollen for awhile- my puffy feet were really starting to bug me.

But I woke up in the middle of the night several times this week dripping in sweat...and yes it was disturbing...

I'm just dripping from everywhere it seems...oh the wonderful post-partum days.

So the 11 lbs??? Water. Just water. I'm still really fun to hug and cuddle with. Squishy and soft. Anybody need a hug?

Here's to another week...

oh and I'm just enjoying little Xander so much...oh my. I'm whipped.

weigh-in wednesdays

I can hear Rafiki on The Lion King....(this is for you Joette)

"It is time."

I tipped the scale going into labor weighing 201 lbs.

Granted I am 5'9...and my baby was a good size...

Ok, ok, ok, there is no "GRANTED" allowed here- that's a lot of weight to gain. A lot of love...a lot of squishy comfy hugs...a lot of "I love those big brown eyes...and the way you shake those thighs"- anyone remember that song? A lot of "Baby Got Back" from Sir Mix-A-lot comes to mind also...is there anyone who DOESN'T know all the lyrics to that song??? I mean honestly, it's just an early 90's classic. What is middle school without "I like big butts and I cannot lie, you other rappers can't deny..."?

anyway

Current weight: 188.5. I somehow lost 13 and half pounds- 8 lbs was Xander...and 5 lbs must have been the placenta and my amniotic fluid...my midwife couldn't believe how much water I was carrying. When my water broke it made the biggest popping splash sound ever- like a huge water balloon popping on concrete. Chay was actually video taping me as I lay on the bed when all of the sudden "SPLASH"- so the sound of the "SPLASH" is recorded for family history sake. Then when Xander was coming out, he moved a little bit and amniotic fluid seriously went flying in the air and squirted the nurse in the face and chest (I know, disgusting). Chay later thanked the nurse for being in the perfect spot when I squirted everywhere, she supposedly saved the laptop from getting wet...

anyway- so Weigh-in Wednesdays. I have never in my life weighed this much- I am just big and beautiful, what can I say? I look at myself and I am reminded of the pictures of the women, the great great aunts and great great grandmas on my Dad's side of the family...they were mostly tall thick overweight hard-working big-boned women. So it looks like I have some good and not so good genes working against me.

Anyway- I just want to feel good...and fit back into my pre-pregnancy clothes- because I'm about to break the bank at TJ Maxx if I don't.

I have no clue why I am blogging about this. I seriously think it's some made up psychological motivation that inspires me more to accomplish a goal. And no, I'm not embarrassed about posting my weight...my step mother in law already posted a horrific picture of me on facebook for all to see- even those gorgeous past boyfriends got a glimpse of my reality at the moment- oh well...big and beautiful, what can I say?

Current weight: July 14, 2010 188.5 lbs.

I want 'em real thick and juicy so find that juicy double
Mix-a-Lot's in trouble
Beggin' for a piece of that bubble.

5 days

My little Xander is 5 days old.

Wow only 5 days? well, 5 very long days then.

Breastfeeding is absolutely controlling the greater portion of my life right now. It scares me to death. It hurts. I cringe. I bleed. I crack. Engorgement is finally on the downswing and just the little bit of relief convinces me I can run a marathon now...or accomplish some impossible feat. (not really on the marathon thing)

But nursing with 2 little excited girls is sort of a challenge...Julia super glued her fingers together tonight while I was nursing Xander. Her fingers were seriously "super glued" -it was pretty traumatic for her. Luckily Dad had some special spray of the sorts to help her get un-super glued.

Jaundice. Jaundice. Jaundice. 3 for 3. All three of my babies have pictures of them "all aglow" with the bilirubin lights.



I feel so many emotions lately. One thing hit me for sure- I am all mommy. I have three little people to take care of. My heart is so full of love for my little ones. Tonight Julia and Kenzie left for Grandma's house for 3 1/2 days. They have been gone maybe an hour and I already miss them. They drive me up the wall most days- but they are my girls...they give me so much joy. I feel bad the baby is taking so much of their mommy time away from them. Hopefully everything will re-adjust soon. I am so so so grateful Kenzie has another year until Kindergarten...oh I can't even face that right now. ok let's not think about that April.



Anyway I didn't mean to write so much... I really just wanted to post pictures for family and friends who live far far away. Xander is seriously so adorable to me. My crappy camera just doesn't do him any justice- he is just so fun to hold and look at.





So what do you think? Does Xander look like Chay? Me? I see a little Mckenzie in him, but I can't really tell...

Xander

His name is Xander. Xander Chay Clark.

But he still just looks like "my little guy" to me.

Here is the view from my room. I can't really complain.






Watching Peter Pan...they love my hospital room as much as I do...

The cheeks...




oh blessed sleep